Zoey sinks into the chair, next to her. She remains silent. She watches Jackie as she interacts with the newborn. Jackie stares at the little boy, in awe. She traces the outline of his lips. She marvels, to herself how perfect he is. How she ever deserved this second chance, she would never understand. He stares up at her, with sleepy eyes.
"Do you want me to leave you alone, a little while longer?"
"No," Jackie shakes her head.
"Are you ok?"
Jackie simply nods.
"Are you sure about this?"
"Why do you keep asking me that?"
"Because you kept saying it, but I wasn't convinced. I could tell that you weren't convinced either."
"I am not sure if I can do this, or even if I should, but I want to."
"Ok."
Hours later Zoey is asleep in the chair, near Jackie's bed. It's nearly noon, and everyone involved is completely exhausted. The baby has been bathed, and now smells of baby lotion. He rests peacefully on Jackie's chest. Jackie doesn't take her eyes off of him. His ear is pressed to her chest, as if it is listening to her heart. She carefully peels the hat off his head, and traces circles around it. She runs her fingers through his dark hair. As she looks at him, she is reminded of something she has long forgotten, innocence. She doesn't take her eyes off of him, even as she hears the door open. She listens to the familiar sound of footsteps. The footsteps next to her bed.
Gloria takes a seat on the edge of the bed. Jackie looks up at her. Without a word Jackie lifts the sleeping baby off her chest. She carefully places him in Gloria's arms. Gloria trades her gift bag for the little boy. She smiles widely at the sleeping baby.
"He's perfect, congratulations."
"Thank you."
"What time did you get in here last night?"
"Just after three."
"And he was born before I got here, at seven?"
"Yeah," Jackie confirms.
"How long were you in labor?"
"Not long at all."
Gloria studies the facial features of the baby. She shakes her head, "He pretty much looks nothing like you," she points out.
"I know."
"Are you sure that you can do this on your own?"
"Not entirely."
"You're scared?"
"Shitless," she admits.
"Does he have a name?"
Jackie shakes her head, "Not yet."
"Any thoughts?"
"Lots of them," she answers.
"On a name?" Gloria clarifies.
"Not really. I can't even believe that he is here. It is completely surreal. I can't believe that after everything I ended up here, with him. I never would have imagined having him."
"You're still in a state of shock?"
"Yeah."
"He's beautiful Jackie," Gloria returns him to Jackie's arms.
"Any suggestions?"
"I plea the fifth," she responds.
"Why?"
"I may have assisted Zoey in coming up with her name list."
"And?"
"Personally, I am partial to Cruz. I think that he looks like a Cruz."
"Gloria I am not going there."
"What is his last name going to be?"
Jackie furrows her brow, "What do you mean?"
"Peyton is Kevin's name," Gloria points out.
"It is still my name."
"But you aren't married to him, anymore, and this isn't his child."
"I am not going to give him my maiden name."
"So the father's last name is out of the question?"
Jackie nods, "Especially since I never told him."
"You never told him that you were pregnant?"
"No."
"Jackie you aren't the only one who has to live with that choice," she reminds her.
"I know."
Gloria soon leaves the room. As she latches the door Zoey opens her eyes. She looks over at Jackie. Jackie is mostly covered by a sheet. Her legs are stretched out, straight in front of her. Zoey catches her staring at the baby. He lies in her lap, with the blanket undone. In silence she does a mental tally, counting each finger and toe once again. Zoey clears her throat. Jackie looks over at her. She places the cap back on the baby boy, and swaddles him in his blanket.
"Jackie can I ask you something?"
"Yeah," she nods, transferring the baby into a spot in her arms.
"How can you go through labor, and delivery with no pain medication?"
"It was never physical pain that I had a difficult time dealing with. I actually have a very high threshold for physical pain."
"I know that I am probably not supposed to say anything, but with all of these changes I am just afraid that it will be too much to handle."
"I would be lying if I said that thought didn't cross my mind, too."
"How can you know that you won't?"
"I can't. All I know is that I want him to have a normal life. I want him to have a chance."
"You made bad decisions when the girls were young."
"Yeah," she nods, "I have made a lot of bad decisions. I am not even sure that this is the right one."
"What do you mean?"
"It is not secret that I never wanted this. Getting pregnant was the last thought that crossed my mind. I would never have considered having another child."
"He's here now."
"I wasn't entirely sure that I could feel anything for him."
"He's your son," Zoey points out.
"I was afraid that..." she trails off.
"That what?"
"I had mixed feelings when I had both of the girls."