"How so?"
"With Grace, I just wasn't prepared. I wasn't ready to be a mother."
"And Fiona?"
"I knew that I wanted Fiona. I mean, she wasn't exactly unplanned. I never doubted my capacity to love her. I just wasn't sure that I had what it took to be a mother to the both of them. I didn't know if I could handle two kids. I already felt so overwhelmed with Grace. I was afraid that Fiona would be a difficult baby, too."
"It is funny how different they are."
She looks at the sweet little boy in her arms, "And even now, looking at him, I still have doubts."
Zoey furrows her brow, "What kind of doubts?"
"Whether I am doing this because it is the right thing, or if I am doing it because I am being selfish. How do I know that he wouldn't be better off with someone else. Maybe I could give him to someone with a normal family, and he would have a normal life."
Zoey scoffs, "Normal is overrated."
"My entire life I just wanted to be normal."
"I spent most of my life feeling the same. One day I woke up, and I realized I was never going to be normal. And I decided I would rather just be myself," Zoey admits.
"Myself is a drug addict."
"Jackie I will support whatever you want to do."
She kisses the forehead of her newborn baby, "Right now I just want to take a nap. The girls will be here after school."
"Do you want me to take him?"
Jackie looks at her, but remains silent.
"Yes or no?"
"No."
"You know maybe he is the man that you've been looking for."
"Hairy, chubby, and silent?"
"Someone who reminds you there is still good in the world."
Hours later she wakes up, and finds that Zoey is standing over her, with a determined look.
"Zoey why are you standing over me like that?"
"I was trying to figure out the best way to get him out of your arms without you punching me."
"You could have attempted to wake me up," she suggests.
"I didn't think of that."
"Why are you trying to take him?" Jackie questions.
"The pediatrician wants to see him."
"You could have just said that."
"I figured that you wouldn't want to let go of him, even then."
"I don't, really, but unfortunately seeing the pediatrician is a necessity."
"Ok."
Jackie hestiantly slips the sleeping baby into Zoey's arms. Zoey carefully carries him over to the basinet, and places him inside.
"I'll stay with him until they finish."
"Ok," Jackie agrees.
"And while I'm gone maybe you should come up with a name," Zoey adds.
"I will try."
Zoey wheels the baby out of the room, down the hall towards the nursery. Jackie groans, as she looks at the book that is lying in bed with her. She opens the book, dreading going through it. In a book of thousands of names, she has managed to comb through the first five pages. It's like being in nursing school again, staring at a book you are never going to finish reading, but are responsible for knowing all the material between the covers. Except instead of a test, she is dealing with a child's entire life. Choosing a name that will define his entire life.
She shakes her head, having a mother who is a drug addict, that will define his entire life. Growing up without a father, that will define his entire life. Being named Benjamin, or Beau, that is something that he can choose to change. She flips through the pages hoping to randomly encounter a name that sticks out. After a couple of minutes of looking through the book she glances up at the clock. He's been gone all of six minutes, and already she is starting to worry. She sets the book aside, and pushes her covers back. She sits up, and dangles her legs over the edge of the bed.
She sits there for a moment before she attempts to get up. She scoots forward, and her feet touch the ground. She quickly pulls them back, realizing that she is barefoot. She reaches onto the bedside stand, into her overnight bag. She pulls out a pair of socks, and some slippers. She quickly puts them on, and then attempts to stand up. She stands up, but her legs feel like jello. She takes a couple of steps, and grabs the clean gown that is lying on Zoey's recently vacated seat. She slips it on backwards, like a robe. She ties the strings in the front, and continues towards the door. She pulls the door open, and finds Dr. Cooper standing outside. He shakes his head, in disbelief, as he stands there with a wheelchair.
"What?" Jackie questions.
"She told me that you would try to escape. I saw her waiting in the nursery with the baby. She told me I should grab a wheelchair, and come down here, because you would try to escape."
"I am not trying to escape."
"You're trying to go to the nursery, I get it."
"When did I become so predictable?"
"When you had a baby this morning."
She doesn't respond.
"Are you going to sit down, or what?" he questions.
"I'm fine. I can walk."
"Jackie I have no doubt that you can walk, but the nursery is way down the hallway. I would feel safer if you would ride."
"I don't want to."
He nods, "Then at least let me follow behind you, in case you might get tired."
"Fine," she folds her arms across her chest.
Coop back up, and allows her to lead the way. He follows her down the hallway towards the nursery.
"Why are you so stubborn?"
"What do you mean?" she questions as she continues walking.
"You barely let him out of your sight for two minutes. You insist on walking, when you really shouldn't be. Why?"
"I am all he has."
"Jackie you are not alone."