Chapter Two

Portuguese Chickens and German Dogs

Brian and Jasper headed up to the bathroom to clean themselves up. As Brian was shaving, Jasper was in the shower and vice versa. Stewie meanwhile was playing with Rupert. Chris and Peter were watching Tom Tucker, again and Meg and Lois were in the kitchen preparing dinner.

Dinner that night was meatloaf, mashed potatoes, green beans and corn. Lois already had the meatloaf in the oven Meg was busy stirring the mashed potatoes in a shiny bowl.

"So what's the deal with these guys?" Lois asked curiously, "Are they friends of yours?"

Meg nodded, "Something like that" she answered, "They came into the shop this morning, stayed awhile. We talked, got to know a few things about each other."

Lois rolled her eyes, "One conversation does not make a friendship Meg. For all you know they could be serial killers."

Meg laughed at the impossibility, "They're dogs Mom. They're not going to hurt anything, besides its just dinner what harm could come of it?"

Lois laughed; it was louder than Meg's, "What harm? Are you serious Meg? With this family I'd be surprised if something didn't go wrong. It's almost a requirement here."

Meg nodded, for she knew just as much as Lois that the family was dysfunctional and that Peter was the cause of it 98% of the time.

"Maybe they'll be good for us" Meg suggested, "It'd be a nice balance from Dad, get some sanity around here."

Lois huffed, "They're strays Meg, they don't settle down."

A knock at the door, Lois and Meg ignored it and went back to cooking. It happened again. Lois turned towards Peter

"Peter!" she yelled, "Get the door!"

Peter groaned and stood up from the couch, walking towards the door.

Standing at the door was Ernie the Giant Chicken; he was holding a new coupon book, a tie and fifty dollar bill in his wings. Peter, upon seeing him punched him in the face without question and began beating him without so much as giving Ernie time to speak.

"Basta por favor!" Ernie screamed, "Vim aqui para pedir desculpas."

Peter stopped and stared at the chicken confusingly, "Are you speaking Spanish?"

Ernie shrugged; it was close enough, "Língua Portuguesa"

Peter didn't understand and so simply hit him again; Ernie pecked Peter on the head as hard as he could to get him to stop. He wouldn't do anymore, for he wasn't looking for a fight.

"What do you want?" Peter asked annoyingly

Ernie handed him the coupon book, the tie and the fifty

"Por favor perdoe-me" Ernie said as he lowered his head apologetically," Foi tudo um mal-entendido."

Peter had absolutely no idea as to what Ernie was saying. Stewie was standing at the door.

"He asking you to forgive him Fat-Man" Stewie replied, "He said it was a misunderstanding, he never meant to give you a bad coupon. The fifty is the leftover change from a hundred dollar tie that he thought you would like. The coupons are good for a year."

Peter looked through the coupon book and saw that they were good for a year. Peter turned towards his son, "How did you know?" he asked

Stewie huffed, "Mom has a ton of those things lying around, but they're all used up and old. Just like her vagina."

Peter didn't care that Stewie made a reference to Lois' vagina, what interested him more was that Lois had random coupon books lying around the house. Ernie smiled at Stewie and gave happy squawk, thankful that the issue was resolved.

"Gracas Stewie" Ernie exclaimed, "Amigos para a vida no?"

"Si" Stewie answered, "Amigos para a vida, Buenos noite Senor, Que Deus vele sobre vós e os vossos filhos."

Ernie bowed again and smiled, "The same to you Stewie. Give the family my love."

Peter huffed, as Ernie walked away, "Stupid Portuguese chicken."

"I like him" Stewie said, "He's funny."

Just another thing for Peter to hate about Ernie, for he was supposed to be the funny one in Stewie's life, the one who made the difference in Stewie's life, now it looked as if that chance was slipping away. Ernie was not to blame for this for Peter was in all respects, a terrible father, but at the very least it was explained because of several medical diagnosis's that claimed that Peter was mentally retarded.

Meanwhile in the bathroom, Brian and Jasper were busy cleaning themselves.

Brian was checking himself in the mirror, he wanted to look presentable, just because he came from the streets does not mean that had to look like he had come from the streets. Jasper was humming a tune to himself; Brian rolled his eyes, for he figured that if Jasper was going to hum he might as well sing.

Brian began drumming the beat on the vanity while Jasper, who was in the shower, increasing his humming to allow Brian to take the lead, he never did for Brian always sang; Jasper waited a few seconds and then took up the song.

I was a little too tall

Could've used a few pounds

Tight pants points hardly renown

She was a black haired beauty with big dark eyes

And points all her own sitting way up high

Brian took out a comb and began brushing his fur; Jasper came out of the shower and dried himself off. When this was done, he stepped towards the sink, Brian moving towards the tub to give him room. Brian took the next verse.

Out past the cornfields where the woods got heavy

Out in the back seat of my '60 Chevy

Workin' on mysteries without any clues

Jasper took the razor and shaved his goat beard, he then slapped on some aftershave, all the while continuing the beat using the comb as a makeshift drum stick. Both of them took the verse, harmonizing due to the acoustic and natural ability.

Workin on our night moves

Tryin to make some front page drive-in news

Workin on our night moves

In the summertime

In the sweet summertime

Brian got on top of the toilet for no reason whatsoever, both of them completely forgetting that they were guests in a house and that this would most likely ruin their chances of staying the night. At the moment, all that mattered was the song and getting themselves looking presentable. Jasper pulled out a toothbrush from his pack that laid at the door and what little toothpaste he had and began brushing his teeth letting Brian take the song, Jasper compensated by thumping his tail left and right against the door.

We weren't in love, oh no, far from it

We weren't searchin' for some pie in the sky summit

We were just young and restless and bored

Livin' by the sword

Jasper spat and cleaned his toothbrush; he then took Brian's place as they switched places, Jasper leaning on the tub and continued with the song the best that he could for his voice was starting to waver.

And we'd steal away every chance we could

To the backroom, to the alley or the trusty woods

I used her, she used me but neither one cared

We were gettin our share.

Brian was done brushing his teeth and joined Jasper in the chorus.

Workin on the night moves

Tryin to lose those awkward teenage blues

Workin on the night moves

And it was summertime

Sweet, summertime, summertime.

Brian gave himself one last look over and opened the bathroom door to the hallway, Jasper followed him. They made their way down the stairs all the while they continued singing as if they were the only ones in the house.

And oh, the wonder

Felt the lightning

And we waited on the thunder

Waited on the thunder

This was as far as they got for at that moment Lois had called them to the table, cutting the song a minute and thirty seconds short. Brian and Jasper were a little bit annoyed that they were cut when the song was basically over, but they digressed and made their way over to the kitchen.

Walking in the kitchen, Brian and Jasper noticed that there were two extra seats set out for them, they remained unfazed on the outside, but on the inside they were crying for they never got to sit at the table in a formal kitchen area before. They were so taken by the gesture that they refused to accept it, both of them taking spots on the floor, Brian next to Peter and Jasper next to Lois.

"You've got to be kidding me" Peter said in disbelief, "Get off the damn floor and sit in those chairs!"

Brian and Jasper shook their heads saying nothing

Stewie looked down at Brian and cautiously gave him some of his food, Brian took it without question. Stewie waited for a Thank You, but Brian would not give one, keeping his gaze at the floor and letting his nose know when food was coming his way. Jasper similarly, had food given to him discreetly by Meg; he moved his head to take it and otherwise kept his eyes locked on the tile square in front of him. Neither of them said a single word, the music that was inside of them had silenced as well.

Peter and Lois, who noticed the underhand food deliveries of Stewie and Meg but said nothing, were now getting extremely uncomfortable with the situation. Peter gave a quick nod to Lois who nodded back.

"You know that you could sit at the table" Lois said to the both of them, "It's not like it's a crime."

Brian and Jasper said nothing, refusing to answer; they did however look in Lois' general direction.

Stewie rolled his eyes and sighed, for there was only one way that he knew of that would get Brian and Jasper to comply.

"Sitzen in den Sesseln bitte!"

Brian and Jasper raised their heads towards Stewie and cocked their ears slightly as if they were confused. Brian turned to Jasper and spoke in the way that Stewie had spoken to them, in German.

"Was hat er gesagt?"

Jasper shrugged and gave his best answer, "Er sagte uns, dass wir uns setzen Sie sich auf den Stühlen"

Peter was confused as to what they were saying; they all were save Stewie, who gave a rough translation.

"They're talking it over" Stewie explained, "I asked them to sit in the chairs."

Meg and Chris nodded in partial understanding, trying to draw from what little German they learned in their basic German class. They could think of nothing.

"Sollten wir es tun?" Brian asked worried about the consequences on what the act would bring

Jasper nodded, "Wenn Sie sich sagen, dass wir uns es muss in Ordnung sein."

Brian nodded, but he still had a worried look on his face, for in his mind a dog to sit at the kitchen table meant that the dog considered itself human, which was a major taboo in the dog community. Jasper felt the same but kept his emotions in his stomach and not on his face, Jasper had the look of someone who was about to vomit and he almost did, had it not been for Stewie, now commanding them to sit in the chairs, he most certainly would have.

"What are they saying now?" Peter said, annoyed that he was hearing the conversation but couldn't understand a single word of it.

"They're still talking it over" Stewie explained again, "This one" Stewie pointed towards Brian, "Is wondering if they should do it. And that one" Stewie pointed towards Jasper, "Is saying that if we gave them permission then it must be okay."

Peter nodded in understanding, "Tell them that it's fine Stewie. We're not going to hurt them and nobody's going to say anything."

Stewie repeated this in German to the dogs; Brian shook his head in denial

"Nein, nein!" Brian exclaimed, "Du kannst nicht verstehen!"

Peter, who had enough of German for one day, dragged Brian out from underneath the table, picked him up and set him on the edge of the living room carpet just before the kitchen tile begins. Brian nodded and breathed a sigh of relief. He counted exactly five seconds in his head before speaking.

"It's an ethical thing. Extremely taboo for dogs to sit at the kitchen table. It's like...it's like...it's unexplainable."

Jasper moved out from underneath the kitchen table and moved next to Brian. He breathed, waited five seconds and gave his explanation.

"For a dog to sit at the kitchen table is to say that it is human. Humanity is something that we aren't gifted with. Sure we may seem human, for we walk on two legs and can speak, but those learned things, not all dogs do it. Hours upon hours of training, it takes us almost triple the time to learn how to walk bipedal than a human. Speech is even more difficult, especially English."

"But I saw you guys sitting at the table at the ice cream parlor" Meg retorted, "What's the difference?"

Brian and Jasper smiled and nodded in unison.

"It's a principle" Brian answered, "The kitchen is a place for family, very formal, very traditional. In every household with a dog, if the dog is even allowed in the kitchen it is always on the floor. Anywhere else is okay, because there it's at least semi acceptable, but the kitchen is off limits."

Silence

Brian and Jasper hung their heads and turned towards the door. Meg stood up and stopped them.

"Wait" she said, "Don't go. Not yet."

They turned around to face her; Meg was holding a plate of cookies that Lois had baked earlier that day.

"Have a cookie" Meg continued, a slow smile creeping on her face, one of hope and sincerity.

Brian shrugged and took a cookie, it was chocolate chip, something that he was impartial to, but he ate it anyway, if nothing else to be nice. Jasper declined for he was watching his figure. Meg nodded and set the plate of cookie on the floor, she then brought Brian and Jasper in for a hug which they took. Meg squeezed a bit, trying to signal to them that they didn't have to leave.

"You know you could stay" Meg replied softly, "It'd be good to have a dog around the house."

Meg said this mainly to Brian, who immediately declined.

"I don't go anywhere without him" Brian answered sternly gesturing to Jasper, who was beginning to zone out, "He's all I have Meg. If he goes, I go, it's as simple as that."

Meg smiled, "Maybe the best place for him is here" she replied, "Maybe you both need us just as much as we need you."

Brian shook his head in disbelief, for he had heard this too many times to count for this was not the first time that they had been offered a permanent residence. Every single time there was always one factor that sent them out, but here it was different, here it was their own principles that would send them walking not the Griffins themselves. Brian tried to forget them, but no matter how hard he tried nothing would make him move from his stance. Brian smiled, hugged Meg a second time and took Jasper's paw and led him out the door, not even bothering to get their packs from upstairs, simply deciding to leave them with the Griffins as a parting gift.

"They'll be back" Stewie said reassuringly from his chair, "It's only a matter of time."

Meg hoped that he was right.