Sorry everyone I've been distracted and have been running after school. I'm trying to get as much of this story and Old memories are the best done as fast as I possibly can before my Christmas break hits and I will have no time for anything when it does hit. I should update this one more when I have the outline completely finished. I don't own Hetalia Thanks for reading!

Matthew lifted Alfred quickly and dragged him to his room, that was just across the hall, and set him in his bed softly covering him with his Captain America covers. He softly stroked Alfred's hair back with a sigh.

"Matvey?...I was meaning to ask...Why do you have cuts on your arms?" Ivan leaned against the door way looking at Matthew, who had paled and was staring at the floor . "It will stay between us, but I'm concerned for your safety..."

"It's nothing Ivan...I was trying something and I wont do it again. I was just...stressed and angry at something, no biggy." Matthew said quickly with a weak smile and waved Ivan off some. "You should probably leave before he wakes up and decides to get into a fight and make things worse..." Ivan nodded nonchalantly.

"I'll see you at school tomorrow Matvey." He walked out going past Francis who was still cooking, but paused to wave Ivan goodbye then went back to finishing dinner before Arthur got home. Matthew sat by Alfred making sure he was okay and was waiting for him to wake up. It didn't take long, about twenty minutes.

"Matthew! What the hell is wrong with you!? Dating the commie! Really, really, you could do way better than that!" Alfred snapped sitting up and immediately was yelling at Matthew about his choice.

"He is the only one that seems to notice me, Alfred, how could I not?"

"He is only using you for sex! When did you even become gay anyway!?"

"Alfred, I've always been gay! You just never listen or remember when I tell you..."

"Whatever! I'm sure you could pick somebody better to date, anybody but him! You could go for somebody cool, like Gilbert or Antonio, or hell even one of the other guys like Kiku!" Alfred was gripping his hair, almost ripping it out in rage.

"If you paid attention to me ever you would know that Gilbert and Antonio bully me on a daily basis! You really think I'm just going to go around and ask random guys out?!" Matthew snapped, mad that Alfred was so clueless.

"Well, they wouldn't bully you if you didn't hang out with creeps like that!"

"Well, maybe I wouldn't have to worry about them if you weren't hanging out with jerks like that!"

"WELL, MAYBE I WOULDN'T HAVE TO HANG OUT WITH JERKS IF THE LOSERS YOU HUNG OUT WITH WERE COOLER!"

"GOD! WHY ARE YOU SUCK A FUCKING ASS ALL THE TIME!?"

"I DON'T KNOW! WHY ARE YOU SUCH A PATHETIC LOSER THAT EVERYBODY HATES, TAKES UP AIR, AND WAISTS TIME TO EVEN ACKNOWLEDGE!?" They both seemed to freeze. Matthew felt a sharp stab in his chest from Alfred's words. Alfred was wide-eyed not meaning to say what he did. Matthew's lip trembled.

"I'm glad that you think that way..." Matthew's voice was quiet but the pain was still clearly heard.

"Mattie...I didn't..." Alfred reached to him slightly, but it was too late, Matthew had run to his room and slammed his door. "mean it..." He dropped his hand and felt guilt start to take over. He sat on his bed and held his head in his hands.

Matthew stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom attached to his room and had tears dripping down his face as he slowly rolled up his sleeves.

"He's right..." He sniffled out letting more tears stream down his face as he put the cool blade to his skin and felt the first prick when it cut. "I am useless...and a waste of space..." He cut slowly and let out a choked sob, not from the pain on his arm, but the pain that was beating his heart down to his stomach. Blood drained down his arm sluggishly and Matthew watched it quietly. He went quiet for a while and slowly put the blade away, under the bathroom mat.

XOXOXOXOXO

Francis finished dinner with a smile, pasta with garlic bread and tomato sauce. He looked at the clock and was slightly confused. It was seven and nobody was down stairs for dinner. He remembered Ivan leaving with a slightly upset look plastered on his face and wondered if it had something to do with Alfred or Matthew.

"Boys! Dinner time!" He called and waited for a response, nothing. He went upstairs, worried for both boys, and went to Alfred's room first. "Alfred? dinner is done..." He noticed the tears going down Alfred's cheeks, even if he had his hands over his face. "Alfred...what's the matter..."

"I fucked everything up...I said something bad to Mattie and now he is mad at me...I didn't mean to say what I did." His voice cracked and was strained from him holding back a full melt down.

"Language..." he sat by him quietly "Alfred, what did you even say to make him so upset?"

"I...I told him he was a waste of space and everyone hated him because he was a loser...I didn't mean to...I was just so angry!" Francis sighed softly and rubbed Alfred's back listening to him cry. He was immediately worried about Matthew, knowing he had bully issues and this wasn't going to help. As soon as Alfred stopped crying he went toward Matthew's room.

Matthew was sitting dead silent having bandaged himself and pulled on his red hoodie. Francis knocked softly.

"Matthew?...It's Papa, can I come in?" Matthew sniffled

"Oui..." Francis stepped in

"Matthew...You know he didn't mean to say that...Are you okay?" Matthew nodded softly with a shaky breath and Francis sat by him and hugged him softly. Matthew broke down crying and holding Francis closer to him so he could cry on his shoulder.

Matthew eventually stopped crying and was almost dozed off on Francis's shoulder when the front door opened announcing Arthur was home. Francis persuaded Matthew and Alfred to both come to dinner and eat. The dinner was awkward and quiet, not much talking unless they were addressed. Everyone went to bed quietly for the rest of the night.

XOXOXOXO

Matthew woke early and walked to school instead of riding the bus with Alfred and the other bullies. He used the time to think over everything and would occasionally say hello to people he passed. He went through his classes quietly and wasn't bullied most the day since Gilbert had stayed home sick and Antonio was in ISS. He tried to avoid Alfred as much as he possibly could.

He stepped into 5th hour, gym, and went to the locker room. He dreaded this class because of Ricardo, who used this whole hour to either beat Matthew with the equipment or hurt his confidence. The locker room was empty, like usual since Matthew was always first there, and Matthew quickly grabbed his gym clothes and started changing. He got his shorts on and looked around before he took his shirt off. Ricardo loomed around the corner ready to throw a comment at the smaller boy but stopped right before he did and stared wide-eyed at Matthew.

Matthew had gauze on his lower wrists but his upper wrists were littered in straight cuts going up to his elbow. Matthew pulled the sweatshirt over his head and rolled the sleeves down and turned around bumping right into Ricardo's chest. Matthew froze looking wide-eyed at the taller man and immediately backed up into the lockers so when Ricardo went to slam him against them it wouldn't hurt as bad.

"Hey...what's with your arms..." Ricardo said quietly so none of the other boys heard him talking with Matthew. "Are they...from yourself..." Matthew looked down and suddenly started crying.

"P-please don't tell...please...Y-you can bully me all you want b-but please don't tell..." he said between sobs and shook covering his eyes. Ricardo bit his lip slightly, he knew what he did with Gilbert and Antonio was bad, but he didn't know it would start hurting somebody this bad.

"Hey...It's okay, I'm not going to bully you...I'm sorry for the shit I did...you don't need to hurt yourself though...I'm sorry...hey...how about during lunch I get you some candy...Will that make you feel better?..." Matthew looked confused and scared still and expected Ricardo to start making fun of him when he let his guard down but nodded quietly anyway.

Gym went on without anymore issues. Ricardo stuck to his word and gave him skittles, chocolate, and a cinnamon roll from the vending machine and sat with him making sure he was really okay. Ivan was missing during lunch and Matthew felt a little bad he couldn't talk to him but was fine after that.

XOXOXOXO

"Hey, I was wondering if you want to come over and hang out today?" Matthew sat on the phone with Ivan. "Papa is out at the bakery, dad is at work, and Alfred is at Gilbert's house cause he was sick..." His voice seemed to travel in the house when he was completely alone.

"I'm sorry Matvey, I have plans tonight already. Maybe we could hang out over the weekend?" Ivan's voice was rushed like he was rushing to do something.

"Oh...That's fine...Yea, that will be great." Matthew felt slightly put off and looked to the floor.

"Okay, Bye Matvey. I love you." Ivan said quickly and Matthew felt his heart flutter.

"Bye, I love you..." Ivan hung up and Matthew smiled gently hanging up the phone and spent the rest of the day sitting alone thinking over his day.