The overwhelming sense of dread, and doom wash over her as she races towards the N.I.C.U. She feels her heart skip a beat as she draws near. She heads for the door, and a nurse steps in front of her. She shakes her head.
"I am sorry ma'am authorized personnel only."
"You don't understand. I work here, and..."
"I know. You still can't go in there."
"But my baby. He..." she can barely formulate a sentence.
The nurse softly touches her arm, and smile, "He's okay," she points through the glass to the back corner of the unit. Jackie's eyes automatically flock to the cluster of people gathered around an isolet in the middle of the room. She exhales, and turns her attention to the area the nurse is pointing. In the far corner she see's Cruz's face. She sighs in relief as she sees him sitting in a rocking chair holding their son.
"I can't let you in there right now. Why don't you go get a cup of coffee?"
"Okay," she nods in agreement. She slowly returns to the elevator. She finds herself a cup of coffee, but she's too amped up to drink it. She sits in the cafeteria for several moments, at a table, in silence, just staring out the window. She looks down at her watch, and all she wants is to return to her son. She takes a deep breath.
For the first time it hits her, she actually misses the place. She even sort of misses the smell. The smell of stale coffee, old urine, and rubbing alcohol. Her thoughts quickly circle back to her unconscious baby. She pushes her chair away from the table, and heads towards the exit. She tosses the untouched cup of coffee into the garbage.
As she exits the elevator, and paces the hallway back towards the NICU she thinks about another smell. The smell of baby wipes, and lotion. A freshly bathed baby wrapped up in a towel in her arms. She stops when she reaches the desk, and looks through the window. The charge nurse sits at the desk, charting. She looks up, momentarily to make eye contact with Jackie.
"You can go in now."
She musters a weak smile, and heads for the door. She doesn't stop to look at the tiny babies in incubators, or the preemies hooked up to tubes, and bili-lights. She makes a beeline for the far corner of the room. A pair of brown eyes greets her when she arrives. He smirks, and rises from the rocking chair. They dance around each other, as if this isn't their first dance. She lowers herself into the rocking chair. He places the baby in her arms. The baby snuggles against her chest, pressing his hand against her heart. She plants a warm, wet kiss on the top of his head.
"Caleb," she whispers, as she gently rubs his back. She shifts him forward, and situates him in her arms. She stares at his sleeping face. His face has filled out, and his cheeks grow chubbier with each day. She thinks about the dimples, and gummy smile he exposes when he smiles.
"Caleb, will you wake up for mommy? Huh? What do you say?"
He furrows his brow, in his sleep, as if he is contemplating the suggestion.
"Please," she whispers. She shifts her glance, for a moment to find that Cruz has walked away. She notices him outside the N.I.C.U, at the desk talking to the neonatologist. She swallows hard, and allows her eyes to fall on her son. She finds a pair of slate blue eyes staring up at her. She smiles from ear to ear.
"Hi my handsome boy. I am so happy you're awake."
He grins at her, and her heart melts.
"Hi, happy boy."
His fist quickly finds its way into his mouth.
"You're starting to get hungry, huh?"
She hears footsteps moving towards her. She finds Cruz, and the neonatalogist standing before her.
"Jackie why don't you let Doctor Simpson take a look at Caleb? You should go down and get checked out."
"I am fine," she argues.
"You should get your blood drawn, and make sure that you're okay. How are you going to take care of him if you have carbon monoxide poisoning?"
"I..."
"Everything will be fine. He will be here when you get finished."
"Okay," she agrees.
She returns to the E.R., and seeks out Zoey. Zoey ushers her into a private exam room. Dr. Cooper is suddenly in the room, without any warning. Jackie furrows her brow.
"Coop what are you doing in here? I think Zoey is perfectly capable of drawing my blood."
"I just wanted to remind her to put some oxygen on you."
"Coop, she knows what she's doing."
"And, it is standard protocol to be checked out by the doctor before you can be released."
"Can we make this quick?"
"I need five minutes of your time."
"I'll give you two."
He shines a bright light in her eyes. Zoey sticks her, and hooks up some IV fluids as a precaution.
"Zoey, can you do me a favor?" Dr. Cooper asks.
"Yes."
"Make sure the lab runs a tox panel as well?"
She nods, and disappears from the room. When she's gone Coop pulls a chair up, next to the bed. Jackie sits on the edge of the bed, with her feet dangling over the edge.
Jackie shakes her head, "That wasn't necessary."
"Really?" He cocks an eyebrow.
"I wouldn't..."
He cuts her off, "I didn't do because I don't believe you."
"It seems to me like every time something happens it always comes back to that."
"I know Cruz. He can be a vengeful guy. I just want to prove to him that you didn't do anything to put your son in harm's way."
"Oh."
"I need to ask you a personal question."
"Coop!"
"No, this is a serious question."
She rolls her eyes, "What?"
"Are you breastfeeding?"
"Why do you care?"
"I just thought that since it is very likely that you have carbon monoxide poisoning you might want to pump and dump before you go feed the kid."
"Can you do me a favor?"
"You want me to get you a breast pump? I can totally do that."
"Do you know where they are?"
"I will ask."
"I think that is a task better suited for Zoey."
"So what is the favor?"
"Can you go upstairs, and make sure that Cruz hasn't used his power to have my child discharged? I just want to make sure that he doesn't take off with him."
"You still don't trust him?"
"Only as far as I can see him?"
"On one condition."
"What's that?"
"I get to hold the little guy."
"If you can pry him out of Mike's arms you are certainly welcome to hold him."