I am sorry for the long wait! I hope you enjoy this chapter.
Thank you for ruffruffren for betaing this chapter. This fic is dedicated for you 3
Now that he thought about it, he actually had experienced the warmth of humans once. It was a very long time ago, so much so he had almost erased it completely from his memories.
He remembered the time he was still 'human'.
He remembered he was trying to run away from something.
What was it that he ran away from?
...He couldn't remember. He couldn't remember anything.
The very first thing from his life that he could remember was... That he had ended up on a beach.
A couple of travelers had found him on the beach near church there. They had asked him his name.
...He couldn't remember.
So they named him.
'Ren'.
It was his new name. His new life. His new identity.
They had said something about wanting to bring him home, but couldn't because they were in a rush. So they brought him to the nearest village, asking someone to take care of him. They agreed, so after staying with him for a few days, the travelers said their fairwells to him.
They had taught him many things in those few days. They had taught him how to speak. They had taught him how to socialize with other people.
They had taught him how to be a 'person'.
They embraced him before they continued their journey. They had kissed him.
'It's a form of affection,' One of the travelers had said.
It felt warm. It felt good. It felt nice.
He thought, 'this is what happiness feels like.'
...But then something happened.
Not long after the couple of travelers left him in the village, out of nowhere... His body grew fur. It grew on his arms, on his legs. The slits of his eyes shrinked, that it looked like animal's eyes rather than that of a human's. His teeth also looked bigger than what a normal child his age should have, taking on the appearance of fangs.
That was when the villager's attitudes changed drastically. The once warm smiles in his eyes had turned into fierce glowers of anger. The once kindness and love he was given had turned into hatred and hostility.
'Monster!' They jeered at him.
'Beast!' They snarled at him.
'Go away from here!' They said as they threw stones at him, chasing him out until he was gone from the village.
It hurt.
Not only physically, but also mentally.
It was the first time he remembered that he cried. He was taught that droppings of water from the eyes were called 'tears', but he had no idea why it felt really painful to shed those hot, salty droplets. He wondered for the first time, what this emotion was called—what this emotion meant for humans.
He ran and ran, trying to find that warmth-that form of affection he once had. He tried to survive on his own, even though he was a mere child in the middle of world's cruelty.
He ran from a village to village, from one town to another. No one had yet to accept him. He hadn't given up, though. He kept on running, he kept on searching.
He ran until he found a forest. He continued to run still, trying to find another human.
'They will understand', he thought. 'They will try to understand.'
He was wrong. He couldn't have been more wrong.
It was worse than what the last village did to him. They had not only called him names, they had not only thrown stones. They had also tried to kill him. He ran back to the forest, and there they made a cage for him; the tall, twisting trees would become his cage to shelter the outside world from him.
There is a beast living in the forest, they began to chant.
He hates humans more than anything, and he is not afraid to show his hatred, howling every single night.
Then they made a story of him. A story of a beast that fed on humans. A story of a beast that hated humans.
He couldn't believe it. They caged him and made a line between him and them, as if he was different...
... As if he was a dangerous animal.
All he wanted was their understanding and yet they didn't even give him the chance to explain.
He had been angry. He had cried himself dry.
It was then when he started to despise humans.
He hated them. He hated them who locked him in to strangeness.
If 'beast' was what they wanted to call him, then let him become the 'beast'.
He would mirror their hatred, like for like, and despise them the same way they despised him. It was the only thing he could do as a form of revenge.
But it didn't feel good at all.
He felt devastated. He felt anguish, sorrow and pain.
Why? He had asked. Even though he was rejected by them, why did it not feel good to hurt them back? They had tried to kill him, so why could he not shake off these emotions? Why didn't he want to?
...No. He knew exactly why.
Because I still have hope.
I still have hope that one day... They will understand.
I still have hope that one day... They will come for me. They will apologize. They will wrap their arms around me . They will kiss me.
I still have hope that one day... A person will once again give me that form of affection.
So I will wait. I will wait and wait and wait and wait.
That person is running to me. He is trying to reach me as fast as he can.
That's why... I will wait.
Until that time comes... I will wait.
Until I can give that person my form of affection back...
I will keep on waiting.
"...Ren..."
Aoba stared at the pale brunette in front of him, shock and sadness reflected in his honey colored eyes. Ren didn't say anything more, and the only thing that filled the silence was the sound of the fireplace in the cabin.
When he asked Ren to tell the story of his past, he had already expected it wouldn't be happy and all flowery, but still...
That was too harsh and too cruel.
Aoba didn't know what to say. There was nothing he could say.
What if he ended up hurting Ren more with his careless, clumsy words?
No actually, Ren must be feeling the pain of his past to even be telling Aoba all of this. Aoba cursed himself. Could he be more dense? He was the one who forced Ren to remember all of those painful things...
He peeked to see Ren's expression, and he quickly tore his gaze in embarrassment when he realized Ren had actually been staring at him.
"I... I am sorry," The blue haired man muttered slowly—sighing as he understood he should be the one who broke the silence. He felt guilty as hell, but knowing how long Ren had been deprived of human interaction, Aoba had no choice but to start the conversation himself. "I shouldn't have asked."
Ren—on the other hand—looked confused.
"Why?" The taller of the two furrowed his brows as he inclined his head slightly. The gesture was so innocent and cute that Aoba couldn't help but smile a bit.
"Well... It must be hurting right? Telling me all those painful experiences, reliving them all over again... I am sure it's not something you want to remember."
"It's nothing, really." Ren shook his head as he carefully—as if he was afraid to hurt him—touched Aoba's shoulder. When Aoba brought his gaze back to him, Ren gave him a warm smile. "After all, my wish did come true. It was proof that my waiting is not senseless after all."
Hearing him saying that with such a happy expression made Aoba's heart skip a beat. He couldn't help it; Ren was nothing like the beast he imagined. He was like a newbornbaby that didn't understand a thing—so innocent and kind of naïve. A glance to his face was enough to know he was sincerely and honestly happy from the bottom of his heart.
...Well Ren was kind of scary when they first encountered each other in the forest... But when Aoba remembered that Ren had been caged, all alone and suffering the hurtcaused by the villagers, it was not hard to figure Ren had acted out of self defense.
And moreso... Ren was the one who saved Aoba after all.
As Aoba remembered that and the condition he was in when he woke up, he felt his cheeks warm as embarrassment sunk into his head.
"Ah, Ren... Were you the one who undressed me when I was still unconscious?"
The brunette blinked his amber eyes before he nodded with a straight face. "Yes. Your body was freezing, and you were so pale, I had to quickly remove your clothes and warm you up with the only blanket I have."
"Ah... I-I see... Thank you." Aoba stuttered as his cheeks reddened even further with shame. What was he thinking? Of course Ren wouldn't understand the embarrassment of being nude in front of others—he had been living alone for years. Aoba bit his lips as he hung his head, knowing he had been foolishly worrying over nothing. Even if he was naked and Ren was staring at him, he knew Ren wouldn't feel uncomfortable with all those things.
Still, it was not so easy to get rid of his own embarrassment and to act normal, knowing he was totally naked with only a blanket covering him. Not to mention, someone kept staring at him with such piercing eyes...
Ren furrowed his brows and a guilty look was visible in his amber eyes.
"Aoba... Did I do something wrong?"
"Eh? No no no it's not like that!" Aoba quickly replied, cheeks red, obviously taken aback with Ren's response. "I mean, people aren't usually not comfortable being naked, so it's kinda embarrassing and all but... But you did it to save me so I really am grateful to you for that!"
"I see..." Ren seemed relieved at Aoba's flustered response. "My apologies. I didn't know about humans cultures and antics that much."
Figures, Aoba thought tiredly.
But now that he thought about it... Ren seemed to know things about human's condition more than he thought despite being alone in forest for so long.
"Did you know about it from experience? You know, the thing about undressing me and keeping my freezing body warm with blanket..." The man with royal blue hair asked again. Ren nodded.
"I have suffered storms like this few times." Ren moved his gaze toward the window, pointing at the storm that was still rampant, much to Aoba's dismay. He was so worried about Tae's condition, but he hid it behind a mask, not wanting to let Ren notice. "It was really hard at first and I didn't know what to do, but after several times I just follow what my physical needs tell me to survive."
Aoba's eyes widened, clearly amazed. Ren's instincts were clearly stronger than that of what a normal human usually had.
Of course… Aoba thought bitterly. He had been forced to live like an animal for years, after all.
"And this cabin..." Aoba looked at his surroundings, pointing out the broken glass and cracks in the wall with his eyes."Have you been living in a place like this long?"
Again, Ren nodded.
"It was a miracle I found this place in the middle of the forest. It has been my shelter for some time from the upcoming storms." The dark haired man let out a little chuckle. "Of course, it's far worse than what the humans probably have. The condition is really bad compared to the hut I used to live in the village back then..." His lips tightening was visible for a moment when he said that, but before Aoba could say anything, the pain that flashed in his expression disappeared. "...but still, it's more than I need to keep living, so I am still grateful."
"I see..." Aoba felt the weight on his chest dissolving into a small tired sigh. "You really have gone through a lot, huh, Ren?"
The brunette only smiled sadly. Before Aoba realized it, he felt a furry arm creeping behind his back and gasped when once again Ren pulled him into an embrace. He flushed as he felt the warmth of his Ren's bare chest againts his own skin.
"...! R-Ren...!"
"I am sorry, Aoba." It felt ticklish when he breathed his deep voice againts Aoba's neck, and Aoba could have sworn his heart was stopped for a moment there. "But to be able to feel this warmth again... To be able to feel your warmth...I... I feel so happy."
"..."
Dear lord. What had he gotten himself into?
Aoba could feel his head spinning and hear his heartbeat speed up-embarrassment and awkwardness sinking into his body.
It was really strange. It felt too close—too weird, too intimate to do this with someone you just met. Not to mention they are pressing against each other's skin here! He could smell his warm, wild scent from being so close. A-and he could hear Ren's voice so close to his ear... And his warm breath in his neck...
His body shivered in a new sensation he had never felt. He felt strange... He felt... so weak in his embrace.
It wasn't like he had never thought of doing things like this, whether it would be with a guy or girl, but to think he would have gotten himself in this situation with the 'beast' of the urban legend he had only just met...
Of course Aoba knew Ren was not a normal person. He probably didn't understand how awfully intimate this act was.
But he looked so happy. He looked so honestly and sincerely happy that Aoba couldn't bear to stop him.
He had been all alone for almost 20 years or maybe even more... to finally be able to talk again with another person... To feel a person's warmth and acceptance after so long... It must feel like a miracle for Ren.
Still... I don't think my heart can take this...
"...Aoba..."
Not good. Not good not good not good. Why did he have to call him with such low, feverish voice? Ren was so close. Too close. Aoba could feel his face heat up in embarrassment as Ren's gaze pierced into him.
This was really awkward. He had to do something—or say something—anything will do!
"R-Ren..." Aoba shifted, and thank God Ren finally released him. "Do you know when probably the storm will end?"
"It should end in an hour or more. The rain is not as strong as before." The man with amber eyes answered, frowning a bit as he did so. "Are you going back soon?"
There was a hint of disappointment in his voice, Aoba realized much to his dismay.
"I have to go back soon," The blue haired man admitted regretfully. He had to go back for her. He had been unconscious for God knows how long, and he was also trapped because of the storm.
There was someone who was also waiting for him after all.
"My grandma is sick," Aoba continued. "I came here to search for herbs that's needed for her treatment."
This time, it was Ren who looked surprised.
"In such weather?" He asked with something akin amazement and surprise in his voice.
Aoba could feel embarrassment creeping up to his face once more. He could feel even Ren who had been living all alone without any other people's presence found his act to be quite outrageous.
"W-well, the doctor said they didn't dare to fetch the herbs in this kind of storm, but my grandma's life is at stake here! I can't just stay silent and do nothing, right?"
"That was really reckless of you."
Geh...!
Damn, his honest words hurt a lot more than Aoba thought. Especially because it came from the 'beast' that was depicted from the urban legend himself.
Ren was probably right though. Now that he thought about it, he felt much calmer than he was before, despite the worry for his grandmother that was still growing in his heart. The panic made it so that he couldn't really think with a cool head, and as a result he had made some stupid decisions; running blindly into a dangerous forest in the middle of storm, not thinking about the dangers...
If Tae was here, she would definitely have smacked him and yelled at him for being such an idiot.
How ironic and embarrassing, to be reminded about that from the beast itself…
"I don't want to hear that from someone who saved a person that might try to hurt him," Aoba pouted, trying to hide his embarrassment in a retort. "For someone who hates humans for so long, you took care of me quite well."
Ren let out a small chuckle when Aoba waved the blanket childishly to emphasize his words.
"I can't let you die," Ren muttered softly, and Aoba turned his gaze back to Ren when he realized his seriousness. "You were different from the other people that encountered me."
"Different?" The man with the blanket looked a bit confused. As far as he remembered, he was as scared as any other told the urban legend in his village when he encountered Ren.
A pang of guilt rose in his heart, thinking of how Ren felt when he saw him like that.
"How so?" Aoba's hazel eyes softened as he muttered that slowly.
The man with the beastly features furrowed his eyes a bit, as if he was thinking of something hard.
"...you are the first person that gets inside the perimeter. The other people that came to the forest already ran to their homes when night gets dark."
"That's just because they believe in the urban legend. I didn't believe in it, and I am quite a stubborn person," Aoba laughed half heartedly, feeling ashamed to honestly say his feelings. "... I was as scared as they were when I met you."
"...and yet you still came here, breaking inside the perimeter in the middle of a storm?"
"..." Aoba felt his eye twitch half in annoyance and half in embarrassment from Ren's judging tone.
He had a point.
"No one had done that, you know?" Ren smiled softly. "In the amount of time I've been caged here, no one had dared to fight their fear and break into this perimeter for the sake of saving someone's life."
Aoba felt some sort of embarrassment as well happiness swelling inside him. Ren shifted and gave Aoba some space, and the man with azure locks stood up, bringing the blanket with him to hide him in some decency as he made his way to the room where his clothes were drying, intending to wear them. They were dirty and still quite wet, but it's far better than before.
Faintly, Aoba heard Ren's voice behind the door of his room.
"... Do you believe in the urban legend now?"
Aoba stopped his movement, actually surprised that the man with the beastly features was asking him a sensitive topic that he had been trying to avoid for his sake. Letting out a little chuckle, Aoba told him his answer.
"… Still no. All I believe in is your presence, Ren."
Aoba didn't have to see Ren's expression behind the door to know how satisfied Ren was, just by hearing his grunt. The sounds of rain had ceased for some time and Aoba realized it then that it was finally the time for him to go home… to go back to Tae's side.
He put his hands in the dirty pockets of his pants, and let out a relieved sigh when his fingers found the tickling sensation of the herb's roots. They are still there, thank God, he silently whispered.
Finally fully clothed, Aoba opened the door and Ren was there, looking at him with a hurt expression. Aoba felt his pain; it was hard for him to leave Ren, too, but he had to go back for Tae. He needed to know Tae's condition. He needed…
Oh God, the headaches were coming back.
He needed to calm down, somehow.
"Aoba, are you okay?" Ren must have seen his pained expression, and Aoba had to force a smile to convince him he was fine. "It's okay… I can still move, see?"
Ren stayed silent and even if he didn't believe Aoba, Aoba was glad he didn't say anything. Aoba moved to the front door and opened it, and he could feel the instant coldness of the wind rushing over his skin.
It was still dark, but it was clear enough for his hazel eyes to adjust io his surroundings. Probably around 5 in the morning, Aoba deduced. He looked back one more time, and forced another smile.
"Thank you, Ren. I really appreciate what you did to me," Aoba said sincerely, and Ren's lips tightened. "I have to go back now, my grandma is waiting."
Ren seemed like he wanted to say something, but he furrowed his eyebrows before he smiled.
"It is I who is the one who is supposed to thank you. You gave me a chance to be a human once again."
Ren fidgeted a bit, and while Aoba was dying to come home, filled with worry and urgent need to see Tae, he felt like he had to hear what Ren wanted to say. And like what Aoba thought, Ren seemed to find his resolve and looked straight at Aoba's eyes with his amber ones—determination flaming inside.
"Will you," He licked his lips once, or twice. "Will you come back again?"
Aoba blinked. Once, then twice.
Then burst out laughing, to Ren's confusion.
"Aoba?"
"No… I am sorry, you're just so hopelessly straightforward and innocent… I…" Aoba wiped his eyes, and feeling a little bad to see Ren's pouting face. Damn, looking at him like that made the bubbles of laughter he had been holding threaten to escape again. Screw beast… he was just a little puppy trapped on a some kind of human body. Probably.
Aoba took a step closer to Ren, amused with the taller man's puzzlement. He knew he shouldn't laugh. Of course Ren who had been all alone for years would be scared of being left alone again. He brought his hand to stroke Ren's cheek, and then he grinned widely.
"I will visit you again later. Everyday, I promise."
It was an oath not only to Ren, but also to himself.
Ren looked surprised, but Aoba decided that the relieved, happy smile that slowly spread on his face worthed it.
"You promised." He pressed, as if he wanted to make sure—as if he wanted to confirm the promise to make it become a reality. To make his suffering and loneliness finally come to an end and to change into a warm happy life of a normal human, the one he was supposed to have all those years ago. "You promised."
The urge need in the man beast's voice made Aoba's heart tingled with excitement.
"Yeah," Aoba nodded, the smile on his face was full of resolution and confidence. "Yeah, I promise."
Ren looked so relieved and happy that it literally hurt Aoba to behold. He never saw someone look so… so joyous and blessed just by a chance to meet with him again. Knowing how sad and miserable his past was, it made Aoba want to make him smile even more.
He is not a beast.
There's no way a beast can smile as beautiful as that.
Aoba was too distracted with his own thought, that he didn't realize Ren's face was so close to his until he felt the looming shadow on his face. He turned his face in confusion as Ren nudged his nose to Aoba's. Then, Aoba felt a sudden warm wetness against his lips.
Wait, did he just lick—?
Aoba had yet to finish his thought when Ren leaned in to kiss him.
It was too short to be called a kiss, actually, but for Aoba, the shock and surprise that dawned over him from that innocent brush was more than enough to send shiver down his spine followed by emotional turmoil all over his body. If he had been thinking about something, it all turned into a blank sheet of shock as he stared at Ren—eyes wide and face red out of embarrassment and bewilderment. Ren took a step back—a wide grin plastered on his handsome face.
"W…" The man with azure locks tried to say something, but apparently his body was still in shock, the delay compared to what his head wanted it to move. "Wha—"
"It's a form of affection," Ren muttered with a soft voice—his voice was deep and his breath was warm against Aoba's skin—or was it his body temperature increasing against his knowing?
"You promised." The pale brunette pressed again, a warm smile forming in his pale face. "I'll see you again."
Ren grinned so happily that for the first time after all these years of loneliness, he was able to show his affection to another human being. For Ren, who had been all alone waiting for ages, meeting Aoba who had treated him like another human being must be some kind of miracle, that he would treasure him as a form of gratefulness.
Aoba knew that—of course he knew that Ren didn't mean anything bad with that, that he was some kind innocent puppy unknowing and clueless about the world and say, the things he did, and he should definitely say something back to Ren, but still…!
"What's wrong, Aoba?" Ren looked so innocently confused, and Aoba almost feel frustrated with the unfairness that it was only him to feel so flustered and embarrassment over all of this.
"I—I have to go back now!" was all he could sputter in embarrassment as he ran from the old cabin not-so-gracefully way, blushing furiously as he tried to find his way back to his home. Ren stared at Aoba's running back until the shorter man couldn't be seen anymore, before his amber eyes fluttered, lips curled in a warm smile.
His lonely years of waiting had not been a waste. He felt like the entire situation was just a dream, and he had to pinch himself several times to make sure that no, it wasn't a dream. It was a reality.
Aoba was real… along with the warmth of the contentment that blossomed in his heart.
"Aoba," He muttered again, feeling the name roll from his tongue once again. It felt weirdly exhilarating for him to be able to speak again, to use the human language he had thought he had forgotten, and to call another's name again after years of howling and growling in animal speech.
After so long…
He felt 'happiness'.
"Aoba… Aoba…"
Closing his eyes, the pale skinned brunette smiled.
"…Aoba."
Chapter 2: His Form of Affection. END.
Thank you for reading! Your comments and critiques are always welcomed.