Music Inspiration:You Tube vids.
Rating and Warning: M
Ownership: I don't own Glee, but this story I do.
Dedication: For those who can't decide who they're attracted to, those who lie to themselves. And those not brave enough to act on their impulses.
I don't have any association with anyone for music. I've purchased all that I listen to. But if you're going to buy anything, please don't go down the pirate road. Worst thing to do. I don't ship pirates.
Thank you: To my collection of supporters, I am truly, truly wonderfully encouraged and massively inspired by such nice words and belief in me. So read, enjoy, review.
*** This story should read as a blending of original Glee with this AU.
~ Converting Kurt E Hummel ~ Ch 19 Goodbye ~
Kurt Hummel is alive, he and Sugar have made the decision to move in together, and today Kurt picks up the rest of his things from his old home.
"Here you go son," Burt lifts a box in to the back of Kurt's four wheel drive, the weight of it making the car bounce. "This is the last, I'm pretty sure of it..."
"DAD!" Kurt rushes from where he was rearranging behind the drivers seat. "Your heart, honestly you need to take care…"
"I am taking care, " he raises his hands in surrender, steps back letting Kurt take over. "I get more stress from your reaction than I do from a box of your things."
"I just wish you'd take more care Dad," they stand an embrace apart, Kurt wiping his cheek from escaping tears, Burt defensive with hurt and anger slowly building.
"You know, ever since my first heart attack,…." He sucks in a hesitant breath. "All you ever do is tell me what I do wrong, you tell me of everything I do wrong. Not every thing is a crisis moment, that will kill me."
Burt turns away, "You need to have some faith in me Kurt." He doesn't see Kurt reach for him as he walks away. Kurt watches him walk to the house, put his hands on the railing and remove his shoes. He leans down to pick them up, walks inside and places them on the large shoe rack.
Burt looks at that shoe rack, that used to hold four by four by many more pairs of shoes. Now it holds a few pairs of Carole's and a few of his own. He looks up the stair case to their bedrooms, Kurt's on the right, a spare on the left and Finn's empty one. He feels like stumbling, but won't let Kurt see such a thing. This father loves the concern from his son, but the overwhelming need of support mixing with the sudden decision of Kurt moving out, is slowly cracking his strong wall of stamina.
Carole is at work, so Burt will have to deal with this 'empty nest' feeling on his own, once Kurt leaves.
He hears Kurt's footsteps approach behind, he looks down at the basement and the basement stairs, flashback memories of how they found Kurt hit him. This house feels violated to Burt, it feels raped, still after all these months, he pushes the thoughts away and walks down the long corridor to the kitchen.
"Did you want another coffee before you leave?" he asks as he puts the kettle on, grabs a single cup as he turns toward the kitchen island bench.
"Yes, that … that would be good. Yes please?" Kurt sits at the bench, an envelope in his hand that he taps on the counter, chewing his bottom lip.
"What's that?"
"It's my reply, from … from the art school."
Burt pulls up a seat alongside him, placing a solid grip on his shoulder blade. "Well, I'm here for you, no … matter … what … it says."
"You know things will change in a big way when I open this?"
"Yes that's true. I've had to learn what life will be like without you around, and you have too. Kurt …" he turns to face him, and turns Kurt to face him as well. "Your mother and I loved each other for the time we had together. We didn't have you so you could stay in one town and do one thing."
"But it'll mean moving far way."
"Exactly, that is part of life. You live and experience and grow big and strong. Whether you're in this town, on this continent or this earth, you have to take the opportunities that you want, and make something of yourself."
"But I'm not sure of how this will affect Sugar, if she'll come with me? I didn't tell her of the application."
"Why not?"
"I suppose I just wanted to do one thing that she wasn't privy to, I wanted one moment of independence from her." He starts to open the envelope. "I know it was deceitful but I needed to do just one thing."
"I'm certain she'll forgive you when you explain. What um, what do you want her to do?"
He looks his father in the eye, wondering also what he would have wanted Blaine to do, if they were still together. "I want her to come with me."
"Then you tell her that, let her know exactly how you feel. You had a big scare and she was there for you. She thought you could have died, she stayed with you through so many nights and days. She wouldn't have done that if you two weren't going to be together for some time."
Burt makes him a coffee and pours himself some juice, they walk to the dining table.
"Well, what does it say?"
Kurt carefully opens the envelope, and reads. Watching his sons expression as he reads is torture to Burt, eyes move from left to right and downward. Finally he folds it back up and puts it back in the envelope.
He lifts his chin, no smile no emotion, looks at Burt and winks. In that single wink of time, Burt's heart rate escalates and his blood pressure soars, "You got in?" His whole face smiles wide and he reaches over the table and claps his shoulder.
Tapping the back of Burt's hand, Kurt comes to a new realization. Burt is happy for him, and now he's sad for Burt.
They sit at the lower end, opposite one another, and each have a varying memory flash of a different table setting scenario. Thoughts and images of Finn and Rachel, Blaine and Kurt, Kurt and Sugar, Carol and Burt. Kurt's face drops as he looks over to his father and sees Chandler a few steps back over his shoulder.
Blaine had his hands clasped around Kurt's at the study table, at Dalton. "Kurt there is a time … " Chandler held him with his own scarf around Kurt's throat, "… when you say to yourself," alarm was freaking out in Kurt's mind.
Burt taps Kurt's cheek. "Are you with me Kurt?" Kurt startles, "What, what?" He's perspiring, hands are obviously clammy, heart racing, but when his eyes meet his father's they soften and he comes back to reality.
Kurt blinks and Sugar appears, "Oh there you are, I've been looking for you forever." She leans over their dinner table and holds his hands, he looks at them and wonders why he can't feel anything of them. "I…,"
He looks up and Burt reappears. "Dad, I need to leave."
"I know son, you should go, you should go now." Kurt gets up to leave, walks down the corridor and looks down at the basement. He sighs and continues to the front door, then walks into the lounge room.
He takes a final look around, feeling Finn's presence playing his Xbox, punching Puck in the shoulder. They fall over laughing, pizza boxes strewn in front, bottles of fizz on the side table with glasses alongside. Artie is sitting on the couch, a big cushion behind him, "I'd move my legs and let you sit Kurt, but you know."
Echoes of yesterdays, many happy ones and many mixed ones. He walks to the fireplace mantle and wishes the fire were lit, looking around to the kitchen, memories of Blaine walking in with hot popcorn and a happy smile that faded when he caught Kurt and Sugar smooching.
Kurt looked over Sugar's shoulder, Blaine had walked in and froze, Kurt froze at being caught by anyone and Sugar noted the interruption, they both stopped their little smooch. She turned to where Kurt was looking, shrugged her shoulders at Blaine, looked back to Kurt, "I'll get going, let you two talk." She gave Kurt a chaste kiss and said goodbye.
Kurt reached up, took Sugar's hand and squeezed it. "I'll see you later, I'll call you." He stood up, watched her leave the room and then turned to Blaine. "We, we need to talk."
The memory fading, Kurt turns and sees his dad watching and waiting. "I, I can't stand to be here anymore."
"That's fine Kurt, I understand." He walks him to his car, making sure the front door is shut behind them. "You're young, you have all the time in the world, you should be adventurous and take that leap of faith with Sugar."
Seat belt clipped on, car started, Kurt leans his hand out to his dad, "I'm not saying goodbye to you."
"I know, I know. Look, you two …" he steps a little back from the car. "When two people love as much as what you two do, after all you've been through, you two got each other out of it all. And I think that's something pretty amazing."
Kurt goes to put the car in gear, "Look Kurt, the older you get, the more you get to see that not everything lasts." He gestures wide to the house, "This, all of this, it will pass and become a faint memory."
"Kurt, you and I have been through a lot. Your Mum was the love of my life for so long, …" he wipes a tear and Kurt stops the engine, pulls the brake and gets out.
Wraps his arms around Burt, "We're going to be alright, …." Burt hugs him tighter, "You staying here, in Lima isn't good, it's killing you and that's what's hurting me more."
"Dad, …" Burt pushes him back, "Look you can always come back. Carole and I are selling this and moving to somewhere else, in the new estate. So it will be something new."
"I'm going to miss you Dad."
"I'm going to miss you too."
"But this town, is bad for me, and I know I'll get over it, I'm just not there yet."
"It's fine, I understand. You've got to hold the people you love the most close to you, and do what's right for you."
He pushes Kurt back into the car, seat belt on, engine started and Burt moves away again.
"Go now, I don't like these long goodbyes."
Kurt looks at Burt, sighs and turns to drive away. Burt taps the side of the car, steps back, puts his hands in his back pockets and steps again.
One last look to one another, "Bye Dad."
"Bye Son."
Kurt drives, down his old street, indicates and turns left. He doesn't look in the rear view mirrors, he doesn't look behind, when the car hits the main highway he puts the music on quietly.
He sings with the song, not paying attention, "Made a wrong turn, once or twice,…" merges into the traffic, "bad decisions, that's alright, welcome toooooo myyyyy silly life…"
As Kurt drove off, Burt turns back to the house …