A/N: I'm really sorry about such long chapters, they will be much shorter after this one. There was just so much to explain. And thanks again for all the follows/favs and reviews in the second chapter! I smiled like an idiot reading them. And I totally forgot to put a warning on this, so DOMESTIC VIOLENCE WARNING!
Chapter 3 - Still Yours
Beca was awoken the following morning by her phone ringing. She reached around for her buzzing phone and saw it was Chloe. Reluctantly, she picked up. She knew her outburst last night wasn't as acceptable as she wanted it to be.
"I'm sorry for getting mad." Beca blurted sleepily as she sat up and answered the phone. "It was basically five years of frustration built up."
Chloe laughed lightly. "I understand. Uh, can you meet me by the bridge in Central Park in thirty minutes?"
"Sure. Ok." Beca said. "You gonna be there this time?" Beca half joked.
"Yes. I want to explain everything. From the day I left and to why I took so long to contact you. Just everything." Chloe said.
Beca tried to not smile. "I'll be there." She said and hung up.
It was cold. Colder than normal. Beca had a huge coat on and some warm boots. She was leaning on the railing looking into the water. Chloe told her thirty minutes which would have been one in the afternoon. Beca got there early, not wanting to be late. Being a hypocrite is never fun.
Beca was engrossed in her thoughts. Her insides were erupting with butterflies. She didn't notice Chloe slowly walking up, until she was about ten feet away. Beca turned her head and for a split second she didn't recognize the girl was Chloe. She stepped away from the railing, turned her body towards her and she furrowed her eyebrows and her mouth parted as she saw Chloe walk up to her with a small smile. Chloe stopped in front of her and swallowed some spit.
"Hi." She quietly said.
"Hi." Beca said back."Your hair isn't red anymore." Beca stated. "And you have a scar on your forehead." Beca said as she touched it. "And-"
Chloe didn't say anything, she pulled Beca into her and hugged her. It was a Chloe hug. She grabs you and hugs you so tightly you can't breath, she nestles her head into your neck and you can feel her breath against your skin. Beca was surprised at first. She hasn't had contact like this since Chloe left. Sure, she has a girlfriend, but they hardly even see each other, more or less hug. Beca reciprocated the hug a few seconds later. She wrapped her small arms around Chloe's waist and pulled her in tighter. Beca then pulled back, but Chloe didn't let her. "Not yet." Chloe whispered. Beca closed her eyes and relished the moment. Chloe eventually pulled back and looked down.
"You want to walk?" Chloe quietly asked.
Beca thought it was strange how quiet Chloe was speaking. The red head, well now brunette, used to be so bubbly and her voice was so happy. Now she sounded like she was afraid of even speaking.
"We can walk." Beca said.
Beca took a few steps, so Chloe joined her. Chloe continued to look down and hadn't said anything. Beca bobbed her head for a moment, and then she noticed that Chloe only had a small jacket.
"Aren't you cold?" Beca asked amused.
"I don't have coats anymore. You don't really need those in Arizona." Chloe said.
"Oh, what about your old ones?" Beca asked.
"I don't have them anymore." Chloe said.
Beca nodded. She didn't want to push the information out of Chloe, but the girl didn't seem like she was going to say anything. They continued to walk for a few minutes in silence.
"Are you going to tell me anything or are we just going to walk in silence?" Beca asked as she looked up at Chloe.
Chloe closed her eyes momentarily and then nodded. "Well, I guess I'll start with Tom." Chloe said.
Beca nodded. "Why don't we sit down?" Beca said as she saw a bench come into view.
Chloe nodded and they walked over to it and sat down.
Chloe sat at a distance, which was weird. Since Chloe was always very close to Beca when they sat. Chloe would rest her hand on Beca's knee, or try and hold her hand, just any type of physical contact. Beca guessed it was because of the time gap, but Chloe still wasn't being Chloe.
Once again Chloe was quiet. They sat for a another moment before Beca spoke up again. "Chloe?"
Chloe looked up from a moment, they locked eyes, but then Chloe looked down again.
"Are you ok?" Beca asked softly.
What a dumb question. Beca thought.
"Oh, yeah. Fine. Kind of nervous to be with you again." Chloe said. She turned so she was facing Beca. "So, I'll start with Tom." She said.
Beca only nodded. "Wait, why couldn't you come last night?"
"I just got really caught up with everything, like I said I'm sorry." Chloe said.
Beca nodded, letting Chloe continue. Beca wasn't trying to pry information, but she had a feeling Chloe didn't just get caught up.
"First off. Tom and I, um- well, we never dated. We were never official. We didn't get married." Chloe said. "Do you remember the last time we saw each other?" She asked.
"We went ice skating." Beca stated. She decided to leave the other details out.
"Right." Chloe said with a tiny smile. "Well, I met Tom about one month before that at work." Chloe said.
"Oh." Beca said.
"And he, he wanted to take me to dinner, but I said I wasn't interested. And he wouldn't let it go. He asked me everyday why he wasn't good enough for me." Chloe said.
She looked down for a moment, but then looked back to Beca. She was sitting up straight and staring at Chloe intently. Beca had waited for five years to hear this story and she wasn't going to interrupt Chloe.
"That went on for about a month. The day after we went ice skating I gave in and said we could go to dinner. I wasn't interested in him at all. I didn't have a good time. And I really just dreaded work after that." Chloe explained. "The following Monday he asked me on a second date, and I said no, and that I wasn't interested just like the first time. But, that didn't stop him."
Beca wanted to ask why Chloe hadn't ever told her this, but decided to just listen.
"After work that day, he wouldn't let me leave. I walked out of the restaurant and he just followed me." Chloe said quietly. She started to breath slightly heavy and Beca got scared.
"I didn't want to go to my apartment because I was scared something bad might happen. He offered to take me back to his, but I said no. But he insisted. He wanted to show me that we would be a great couple and we were meant for each other."
Beca's eyes widened and Chloe started to shake her right leg.
"I wouldn't let him take me. I called Stacie and she picked me up." Chloe said. "I would've called you, but I didn't want to bother you and I know how you hate cars."
Beca let out a small, breathy laugh and Chloe continued to shake her leg.
"But the next day, he was really different. He was sweet, and I decided to give him a real chance. We went out that Friday night and I actually enjoyed it. We went back to his apartment, and um-" Chloe let out a breath. "He started to kiss me and it felt so wrong, and then he just started to touch me, and he wouldn't stop, and he held me down." Chloe said with a shaky breath.
Beca shook her head. "You didn't tell him to stop?" She asked.
"I did! But he said it was my fault that he got turned on. He said I shouldn't have worn the clothes I did and that he couldn't help himself. And that he wanted to show me that we were supposed to be together."
Beca shook he head again and ran her hand through her hair. "Chloe, he raped you... And you just left with him?"
"It wasn't really rape. I let it happen. I only said stop once. I was scared. I had never had sex before. I knew what was happening, but I didn't stop it." Chloe explained.
Then it hit her. "Chlo, you left cause you got pregnant?" Beca asked.
Chloe started to cry. She nodded and then wiped some tears. "I thought I was. I was so scared after what happened. I was freaking out. I didn't want anyone to know. I took a test, I took like thirty tests. I was pregnant. And when I told him, he said he had it all worked out. He said that we could move to Arizona where his father has a company. He said he had work out west and everything would be fine." She said with tears pouring.
"We left a few days later. I didn't let anyone know. I told my parents the day we got settled. Uh, I just told them I met someone and we moved together. I told them what I told you. I didn't tell you obviously until a week later, but I told them I was pregnant a month later."
Beca gulped. "Why didn't you tell me?"
Chloe took several shaky breaths before she answered. "I thought you hated me. After you hung up on me I knew you did. I knew you never wanted to talk to me again. And I knew our friendship was over."
It was a good thing they were in a somewhat secluded area, Chloe was basically sobbing as Beca was trying to grasp the new information.
"Chlo, I told you I would've been there for you. You didn't have to go across the country. We all would've helped you." Beca softly said.
She knew it wouldn't take anything back, but she said it.
Chloe wiped her tears and set her face in her hands and kept crying. Beca scooted over and placed her hand on Chloe's bony back and rubbed it up and down softly.
"So, you have a kid." Beca stated. "I always knew you would be a great Mom." Beca cooed as she drew comforting circles in Chloe's back.
Chloe started crying even heavier if that was possible. She was quietly crying though, her body was shaking as she heard Beca's words.
"I had a miscarriage." She mumbled.
Beca barely heard. "Oh, Chlo... I, oh- you did?"
She sat up and didn't even bother wiping her tears. "About one month living in Arizona I started bleeding one night and we went to the hospital and they said I had a miscarriage."
Chloe let out a large breath. "It was terrible. I was so upset, I was just so angry. I moved across the country so everything would work out for the best and then that happened."
Beca hugged Chloe tightly. "I'm so sorry." She whispered.
Chloe rested her head on Beca's shoulder. "But it's just stupid, I was upset over something I never had. Why would I get so upset over an unborn child? I was distraught. And Tom wasn't any help. He made me feel worse. He said I ruined his plan. I ruined our life together. I was all alone."
"Why didn't you come back home?" Beca asked. She tried to pull back but Chloe wouldn't let go of her.
"He wouldn't let me. He said we would try and have a life together out there. I tried to convince him that I didn't want that. We were twenty, I mean- I- I had no clue what my life was." Chloe said.
Beca wondered if Chloe ended up with a kid or not. Why is Chloe's hair brown? And why does she have that scar now? What if Tom is here with her?
Beca pulled back and Chloe let go of her. Beca placed her hand on Chloe's that was on her thigh. Beca gave Chloe a small, reassuring smile.
"I'm not mad. I feel like I should be. I feel like we shouldn't be friends. But, I'm not mad." Beca said.
Chloe's crying calmed and she nodded.
Beca's mouth parted, but nothing came out. A moment later she looked into Chloe's eyes, "Do you have a child?"
Chloe shook her head. "I don't think I can have kids." She said softly.
"What? Why?" Beca asked.
A few stray tears slid down Chloe's face. "I'm infertile. Tom wanted to have kids and I just couldn't get pregnant. We went to the doctor and they told me I was infertile. It's weird. I guess I can get pregnant, but the baby will just die."
Beca looked down. She really didn't know what to say.
"Did you fall in love with him?" Beca quietly asked.
Chloe didn't answer, but it gave the answer.
Beca nodded. "So, why did it take you so long to call me?" Beca asked calmly.
"I was scared." Chloe said. "And believe me, I know that that's stupid. I know I could've called you and you would've been more than happy. But after the miscarriage I got diagnosed with depression. Really bad depression. And with Tom belittling me about the loss, it made it worse. I assumed you hated me, so I made no efforts to call you."
Chloe then ducked her head and sniffled. "Most of all I was just embarrassed. I was so embarrassed. I didn't love Tom at the time. I barely liked him as a person." Chloe looked into Beca's eyes. "And I hate myself to this day for losing you for five years. You were the best thing in my life and all of a sudden everything was gone and it was dark. My whole life was nothing. I did nothing. I had no life for almost three years." Chloe said.
"I stayed home everyday. Tom wouldn't let me leave the house half the time. The only time I would go out was if he let me. Which was maybe once a week if I was lucky. He thought that if I left the house unsupervised I would never come back. Which I mean, I really would not have."
"Why didn't you tell anyone? Couldn't you have told the cops or, or your parents? Anyone? Tom seems like he's a sociopath." Beca said.
"I couldn't." Chloe barely said. "And he is."
"Why, Chloe?" Beca asked. "You could've came back. You let yourself stay there for five years years!" Beca shouted.
Chloe snapped her head up. "No! No! I didn't want to be there. I was too scared to leave. Tom convinced me to stay, he told me it was what's best. He told me that no one else would love me like he loved me. He told me that if I went back to the city all my friends would hate me and they wouldn't even want me back. Beca, he-" Chloe started to shake. Both of her legs were bobbing up and down quickly as she played with her hands and shut her eyes. "After I got diagnosed, I stopped talking. I wouldn't talk to him. I stayed in bed. I slept for hours on end. If I didn't act like the "girlfriend" I was supposed to, he would uh, burn my neck."
Beca's mouth hung and she looked at Chloe's scar on her forehead. Then her brunette hair, and she saw that Chloe had burn scars on her neck.
She placed her index finger on the forehead scar and traced it. Then slid her fingers down Chloe's pale face and touched the ones on her neck.
"Is that what these are from?" Beca asked with a shaky voice.
Chloe nodded sheepishly.
"What did he do?"
Chloe sighed. "The one on my forehead- he pushed me down. We were outside in the backyard and I did something wrong and he pushed me. My head hit some bricks." Chloe said. She shifted so her right side of her face was facing Beca. She pulled her hair up and showed Beca her head. There was a patch with no hair and a large, white scar.
"Holy shit." Beca mumbled. "Chloe, I'm so sorry."
Chloe shrugged lightly. "The ones on my neck are burns. He smoked, and sometimes he would place the bud on my neck to get me to talk."
Beca furrowed her eyebrows. "Talk?"
"Like I said, my depression was so bad that I didn't talk. He wanted me to have conversations, but my mind didn't know how."
Beca nodded. "You're not still with him... Are you?"
Chloe shifted. "No. I haven't been for almost a year and a half."
Beca sat up straight. "A year!? And your just now telling me this? Chloe, what the fuck? Do you hate me or something?"
"Beca, about two years ago, he tried to kill me multiple times." Chloe rushed out. "He tried to choke me, but he just stopped in the middle of it. And one day he tried to set the house on fire. He tried to slit my throat once. He's done things to me that are sick. He apparently had a disorder that's really complicated to explain. It explained everything to me, though. It all makes sense."
Beca's mouth hung and she had a blank expression on her face.
"It didn't work, obviously. It took a while for everything to be processed, but now he's in jail for a long, long time."
Beca nodded. "So, who uh, who was the voice I heard yesterday?"
"Oh, just a friend. She and I met about a year ago in court and we hit if off well. She was moving here for a job and I missed the city and you, so I moved with her." Chloe nervously said.
"And Chlo, why is your hair brown?" Beca asked.
"Tom didn't like my red hair. He said brown suited me more." Chloe said.
Beca scoffed. "You're beautiful no matter what. I think you should go back to red, Red." Beca said. "Not that brown doesn't suit you, cause it does. But the red hair is Chloe." Beca rushed out.
She's making me nervous again.
Chloe blushed. "I will. I've been meaning to."
Beca smiled halfheartedly. "So, how's your depression?"
"It's better. It's..." Chloe looked Beca in the eyes and smiled at her. "It's getting there. I'm definitely not as bad. Now that Toms out of my life I'm not as jumpy and scared all the time. I don't know if I'm much different. If you haven't noticed I'm kind of pale. Not much sunlight was gotten over the years."
You look scared. You look disheveled. You're not bubbly, or beaming. You're not Chloe.
"I'm glad you're over with all that. You don't deserve any of the things that have happened to you. You're so amazing and strong, Chlo." Beca said as she grabbed Chloe's hand and squeezed it.
Chloe started to tear up. "I missed you so much." She barely said. "And I still want to he your best-friend. I want you back in my life and I want to be in yours. I'm trying so hard to get over this depression and I think you can help me. I want to make up for lost time." Chloe stated, a little more confidently.
Beca wondered why Chloe couldn't tell someone. Why she felt like she really couldn't. She understood Chloe was scared, but didn't quiet get how she stayed in that relationship for three years, and it was shocking to her that the only reason she's out of it was because Tom tried to kill her.
"I missed you too." Beca said as she touched Chloe's burned neck. She placed her hand behind Chloe's neck. "And I'm still here for you. I'm still your emergency contact." Beca said with a cheesy tone and grin. She pushed the hairs out of Chloe's face and tucked them behind her ear. "And I'm still yours, still your best-friend."