CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Even though my bedroom was a giant soul sucker, my couch was a back breaker. I woke up the next morning completely stiff from my night spent upon it. I looked around to see where Edward was but there was no sign of him. The previous day's activities flipped around in my head like a cartoon coming to life. I felt marginally better but I wondered if that was due to the fact that I had stopped my flip book evening on the small memory I had right before I went to sleep. Edward rubbing my back in circles while some stupid rom com played in the background.

And then those words popped up in my head.

Bella, there is something I need to tell you. Something you may hate me for.

What could he have possibly wanted to tell me? What would I hate him for? He looked nervous and his voice shook slightly when he spoke. Something that he could be ashamed of? Something that he has never shared with anyone before?

My jaw dropped open as it all started to make sense. Maybe Edward was…gay!

I sat there still staring off into space as I tried to put my detective skills to the test and go back on thinking of every moment we shared. Some things made sense all the sudden. His obsession with sexy-ass Carlisle Cullen. He spent way too much time in my closet trying to find me the perfect outfit. Also his ability to always be really hands on…picking me up and throwing me into the pool. How open he seems with me.

Maybe that is why he was homeless. Maybe his parents didn't agree with his lifestyle so they cut him off before they died, leaving him with nothing. He did say they were dead when we first met.

I shook my head as I felt horrible for Edward's life. Here I had been sitting on the couch only thinking about myself and this man wanted to finally open up and share with me something that he may have not shared before. I was going on about my pathetic troubles but Edward was in pain.

I wouldn't care if he was gay so why would he think I would hate him? I would never hate another human being based on their sexual orientation. Did he really think I was that shallow? Was I that awful of a human being that he would think I would run him out of this house because he preferred men?

It was still early in the morning and cold so I wrapped myself in my blanket and got up, searching him out. I would make sure that Edward understood that this was a safe place. I would never judge him or not accept his choices.

Edward was asleep in the guest bedroom atop the comforter. His dirty sneakers set nicely on the floor beside the chair and his dirty shirt folded on the chair beside the jeans I had bought him. He laid in bed with only boxers and a white shirt and I couldn't stop myself from walking closer. I stood beside the bed and looked him over as he laid sprawled out on his back.

I gulped when I saw the end of his…dick peeking out of the bottom of his boxers. I quickly looked up at his eyes afraid that my gasp may have stirred him awake but he was still softly snoring. It had been so…so…so…long since I had any action and I tried to remind myself of my renewed outlook on men and celibacy since the STD scare when I couldn't even remember sleeping with Jimmy. Plus I doubt Edward would throw me a pity fuck since I wasn't his brand of wine. Maybe Edward being gay is exactly what the doctor ordered. No way in hell could I or he be tempted.

However…I could look but not…touch, right? My blanket dropped a little when I moved down for a closer inspection. You could tell a lot about a man from his dick. I unknowingly held my breath the closer I came. I started to grip my blanket, wiping my sweaty palms upon it. There was movement and it was like watching a Chia Pet grow right before your eyes. There was a definite tent pitching.

"Bella."

Hearing my name and knowing that I had been caught, I threw my blanket at the tent and screamed running from the room. I didn't stop running until I reached my trusty old bedroom and dove under the sheets like the one-eyed monster was really going to come and attack me.

What the hell was the matter with me? Dicks never scared me off before. Penis. Dicks. Cocks. Fuck sticks. I knew how to work them all. Well I had never tried to work a gay dick before so that could be problematic. Normally you put me in the room with one and you'd have one very satisfied costumer. Great, now I sounded like a hooker. But what was it about seeing Edward's dick that would have me hiding under the sheets?

Maybe I was just really trying to stick to this whole celibacy thing that fueled the fire of my feet and subconsciously I ran from the room because I didn't want to be tempted. I gulped thinking of my problem.

"I have a dick in my house." I gasped.

A dick that I couldn't ride or get me through a long winter. I had a….mildly….larger dick that was unable to be fucked.

"Bella?" A knock on the door scared my wits once more.

"Can I come in?"

Say no! SAY NO!

"No…" I trembled like a tiny baby kitten.

The door opened up and my voice went one decibel higher, "Hey, I said no!"

"I couldn't hear you…what's wrong? Why are you looking at me like that?" Edward narrowed his eyes at me.

I stared back at him focusing on keeping my eyes above the waist.

"You…you…you really should cover that thing up! I…I…just was checking to see if you were awake and…and…I don't need to see…that." I started to accuse.

"What did you see?" Edward shook his head, "All I know is I woke up to you screaming and running out of my room."

"Your room?" I misdirected.

"Well…not my room but…the one you have let me use…and…" He stopped for a second, "what did you mean when you said I should cover that thing up?"

Fuck!

I wanted to dive bomb under my sheets especially when I felt my face rush with redness.

"What do you think I meant? I…I went into your room and wanted to see….about breakfast because I wanted to do something nice for you and then you...you…I should have brought a campfire and s'mores with me since you pitched a tent so big a family of five could fit under it? What is so wrong with sleeping under the covers? The sheets were washed." I snapped self-righteously.

"A family of five, huh?" Edward looked mighty proud of himself.

"Ew!" I made a face of disgust, "I wasn't giving you a compliment."

"Probably the best damn compliment I ever received." He replied smugly.

"Would you…go…away!"

He jumped and landed on my bed expertly. "So…what exactly were you going to make me for breakfast seeing how there is nothing edible in this house?"

He caught the lie but I was also an expert at going around any hidden accusations.

"I was going to go to the store first…obviously."

"You were going to go to the store in yoga pants and a stretched out shirt with no makeup?"

"Yes…" I hoped that didn't come out sounding like a question.

"That's funny because the last time you went, you wore three-inch heels and an outfit so expensive that I could eat for a year off the cost." He looked at me knowingly. "You know Bella, you can tell me the truth…I hear it sets you free."

"Get off my bed. Or the only thing I will be setting free, is you!"

"Come on…just admit it. You were turned on. You're not mad at me, you're mad you can't have me." Edward teased.

And there it was. Absolute confirmation that I could never have Edward Masen. His boat sailed in different waters.

"Have you? Please. I could have you for breakfast but then knowing you, you'd probably be shut down by the health department for violating several sanitation codes. Now if would get off my bed and for the love, go put on some pants. I don't want you soiling Agnes with your early morning woody juice."

Better to play along. I didn't want him uncomfortable until he was ready to come out to me.

He rolled his eyes and started to move off the bed. "Are you going to get ready?"

"Ready for what?" I huffed still annoyed.

"To rumble." He laughed, "For breakfast, what else?"

"You said we didn't have anything left for breakfast."

"Fine, then get ready to go shopping."

I started to whine. "I don't want to go. Can't you just take some cash and go for me?" I asked sweetly.

"No. I told you that we were going to go shopping. You need to learn how to do this. I'm not going to be around forever."

He was teasing but suddenly that frightened me. He wasn't going to be around forever and then what would happen to me? Who would I talk to? Would I go back to sleeping in bed all day and eating ice cream by the truckloads?

"It's not that bad…just wear comfortable shoes." Edward seeing my face sensed my reluctance for grocery shopping.

"Fine." I replied softly looking back down at my bed.

"Okay." Edward said slowly walking toward my door. "If you're not downstairs in a half an hour, I'm going to come back up here. You better not still be in bed."

I didn't answer. Suddenly my bed was drawing me back in and I wanted nothing more than to ride out my day in it. I snuggled down in it once more.

"I mean it Swan, I will not be happy if I have to come up here. I will pull you out of the house in whatever shape you're in, dressed or not, makeup or not."

I frowned and he finally left.

It was a hard morning to get my butt in gear. My sadness from the previous night had taken a back seat to Edward's struggles. It amazed me how in this day in age that people still struggled with acceptance with other's preferences. But then again I lived in liberal California so…

I had just landed at the bottom of my stairs when my doorbell rang. I wasn't expecting anyone else since Edward was here. I couldn't imagine who could be at my door. Michael popped into my head and that thought ran a shiver down my spine. I didn't want to have to explain to him why a homeless gay guy had taken up residence in my downstairs guest bedroom. Undoubtedly, he would think we were fucking but there was no chance for that in my near future.

"Who is it?" Edward came to the entrance and saw me idling on my bottom step.

I shrugged, "Not expecting anyone and it's too early for it to be one of my gentleman callers."

Edward rolled his eyes at my sarcasm and went to get the door. He paused for a second after he opened the door and sighed. "What is it, Alice?"

Edward pulled the door open allowing Alice to skip right in. I immediately stiffened and backed up a step.

"I…I brought breakfast."

That was not what I was expecting. I had expected, "Damn you whore for ruining my charitable business. Macaroni and cheese, enough to feed a small country wasted on the backs of bitchy bitches.

I looked over to Edward for a clue on what I was supposed to say.

"Uh…why?" Edward asked.

"An apology…for last night. I wanted to come over last night but…I thought maybe I should let you have a night to cool down." She replied softly.

"I thought you were going to be upset with me…I ruined your soup kitchen…I mean not just me of course but…"

"No. I'm not mad at all. In fact, I am furious with Rosalie. She told me and Emmett what happened and I am so sorry, Bella. I'm sorry for my sister-in-law's…completely senseless presumptions."

"I never came to Horizons to…meet you. I didn't even know who your father was until Rosalie told me a couple of weeks ago. I swear. And even after that I still don't know much about him…other than…you know …he is like fucking hot which I'm sure you hear all the time." I rambled.

"Hot? You think my father is hot." She gave Edward a look. "He is pretty fucking hot, isn't he?"

"Totally fuckable, like I told Edward. In fact he got wildly crazy when we talked about it, didn't you?" I asked Edward who stood by irritated just like before.

"Oh…you and Edward discussed Carlisle Cullen did you? Edward must have had a lot to say on the subject." She smirked in his direction.

I knew it! Edward had a crush on Carlisle Cullen. That's why he acted weird that day and he probably tried to act disgusted so I wouldn't see what was so painfully obvious. Edward stuck around Horizons because he wanted to be close to object of his affection or the next best thing, Alice.

"You guys are being ridiculous." Edward huffed, "What did you bring for breakfast?" he asked changing the subject quickly.

Alice pulled out a bag of Bisquick, "I thought we could have pancakes."

"You're kidding me. I am not going to make pancakes from…that. Especially when I have an amazing recipe." Edward turned up his nose at the pan-fakes package.

"Get over yourself, Chef Ramsey. You're not going to make anything. I will make the damn pancakes." Alice pushed him aside and headed toward my kitchen.

"You know for being homeless, you sure do snub your nose up a lot at free food." I commented.

Alice started laughing, "I doubt he would be any better if he was say…the heir to a fortune."

"Shut it, Alice." Edward snapped. "And you, get your coat. We are going shopping." He directed me.

"If you really want to turn down this poor woman's charity and go shopping, you are more than free to do so." I said handing Edward my wallet, "But I am staying right here and watching her make me some pancakes."

"We don't even have eggs or bacon…or milk? We don't have anything to complete this meal." Edward complained.

"Well there's a store at the bottom of the street. Take the car and go buy your little heart out."

"Yeah, go! I want to…spend some time alone with Bella anyway. GO!" Alice came around the kitchen island and started to push Edward toward the door.

"Fine, I'll go and get the bare minimum and we can finish your shopping tutorial later, Bella."

I rolled my eyes and Alice continued to push him out the door. I could hear them furiously whispering at one another the whole way. Maybe Alice new about Edward's secret crush.

"Sorry about that. You know how men can be." Alice came in apologizing before going back to her Bisquick. She picked up the package and tossed into a cupboard.

"I thought you were going to make pancakes?" I pressed.

"What's the point? Edward's pancakes are the best, but he was never going to leave unless I threatened him with the Bis." She flounces over to my back breaker couch and kicked off her shoes to sit down.

It wasn't like Alice hadn't been here before but this still felt kind of foreign. Come on in and make yourself right at home, why don't you.

"You sure do know Edward…really well." I commented uneasy sitting down in the high back chair.

"Like I said, we've been in each other's lives for a long while."

"Do you…ever wonder why that is? I mean…he has so many opportunities to really go out there and make something of himself and yet he saddles himself with cooking for a soup kitchen, no offense."

"Well…I think he…likes the…environment. I admit, I too think that he has been doing this for far too long. I'd say about three weeks too long but what can I say?"

"Three weeks? What happened in the past three weeks that should have changed his…path?" I scrunched up my face confused.

"Uh…it's just he had an opportunity but he I guess…turned it down and decided to stay where he was." She said slowly like she was trying to find a way to put words together.

"He didn't want to leave you." I stated.

"Me?" She questioned.

"Well…I have a theory but…I really shouldn't say anything." I paused. "I think I figured out what Edward's been trying to tell me. I mean there were pieces of the puzzle that didn't seem to fit together but after some reflection…I think I figured it out."

"You did." She asserted.

"Yea…it kind of all makes sense and if I wasn't so focused on myself and what Rosalie said to me last night, he would have told me. Alice, I ruined his chance to come out to me."

"Come out?" She asked confused.

"I think Edward is gay and I think…he has a thing for your father." I construed. I looked at her allowing for my words to sink in. Alice stared straight at me with no emotion. She blinked and blinked again.

"Would you excuse me for a moment." She got up and quickly rushed to the door letting herself out.

Oh dear. I done fucked up. She's probably puking in my plants and I never should have outed Edward like that. It wasn't my secret to tell. He'll never trust me again.

I could hear a faint noise come from outside and it wasn't something I could really describe. It sounded like an animal being strangled. I jumped up from the chair and rushed over to the door wanting to help put Alice's mind at ease. It was all speculation; she shouldn't have taken my words seriously.

I get over to the front door and she was coming in just as I got there.

"I'm sorry, I just needed some air…maybe I'm going through menopause or something." Alice said fanning her face as she came back in. I could see a light sheen beneath her eyes, she had been crying.

"You're not even forty." I mumbled. "Alice, I am so sorry. I never should have said that. I don't know what I'm talking about."

I stood there shaking my head fretting. She suddenly lunged at me and wrapped her arms around me.

"Are you kidding me? You have nothing to be sorry for. Oh, Bella…you're just the best thing to ever happen to us."

"I am?" I cringed thinking she had momentarily become unhinged.

"Yes. You are."

She let go of me and started to walk back to the living room.

"Uh…so…you won't tell Edward what I said right? I mean…like I said, I don't know what I'm talking about. I probably read the signs all wrong."

"Oh no Bella, I think you read the signs just fine. I cannot believe I didn't see it sooner. In fact…I think you should be the one to bring this up to Edward. He trusts you and it's something that I think he would feel…very uncomfortable hearing from me. It's okay to have a crush on my father. Please tell him that for me. I totally get it…and I don't blame him."

"I don't even know if he is ready to tell me that he's…you know."

"Gay? I think Edward would feel so relieved if he knew what you were thinking. I mean, you ripped the band-aid off without him knowing he even had an injury. You are that good."

"I'm back. It would be nice to get some help out here." Edward called from the garage.

I jumped up worried for a second that he had heard us. I rushed over to the garage and quickly took a bag from him, looking him in the face for any sign of acknowledgement.

"What is it?" Edward backed away from my prying eyes.

"Just…happy you're back. I am famished and Alice lied about making me breakfast so…I guess it's a good thing you're here. I hear you make some killer pancakes and I could eat a horse right about now." I rambled.

Edward looked over to Alice and back to me again.

"Are you okay?" he studied me waiting for an answer.

"Obviously not. I said I was hungry. You know how cranky I get when I don't eat." I took another bag from him and went to the counter.

"So…what did you…two…talk about when I was gone?" Edward asked nervously.

"You know, girl stuff." Alice waved her hand dismissively. "You would have loved it."

"Okay…well I'll have breakfast ready soon…maybe you can talk Bella into coming to Horizons later today." Edward mentioned.

"No offense but I don't really want to return to the scene of the crime. I think I would rather…stay in tonight. I have had enough excitement for one…lifetime." I grumbled.

"Nonsense. You have to come back. I mean you're getting so close to Jacob Black and you can't miss the Halloween party in two weeks." Alice protested my resignation.

"Halloween party? You never said anything about a Halloween party. Well, that changes everything." I replied sarcastically.

"I had your dress all picked out." Alice mumbled.

"Bella only likes to dress up as skanky classic movie characters." Edward jested.

"Hey!" I snapped, "I wasn't skanky…I was sexy Dorothy. There's a difference."

"I'm sure there isn't."

"Would you shut it for right now?" Alice snapped at Edward, "We have bigger problems. Bella, I know that last night must have been the last straw for you but please. Please don't give up on me."

"You? I'm…not giving up on you." I replied.

"If you quit, then you are…I thought we were friends." She said with her saddest face ever.

"You…you're my friend?"

"Of course I am. And as your friend…it would mean the world to me if you would help me out. Horizons is everything I want it to be. I am helping people and I feel good about what I do and I want you to be a part of that."

I sighed. "What kind of costume were you thinking of?"

She smiled widely. "You'll just have to wait and see."

We managed to get through an amazing breakfast, thanks to chef Edward and I agreed to come back to Horizons but I asked for the night off. I needed to take a few more days away before heading back. I told her I would come in Monday instead.

Edward had just finished up cleaning the dishes when I had come back from seeing Alice out.

"So…a whole day off. What are you going to do with yourself?" Edward asked.

"I have no idea." I replied awkwardly.

Now it was back to being just the two of us. Him wanting to desperately tell me something that he knows may change our friendship forever and me, standing here waiting for it. I give myself a pep talk while Edward stood there probably doing the same.

I tell myself to just shut my mouth and let him have the chance to get everything off his chest. I tell myself to be sure to maintain physical signs of approval like an open palm small rub of the shoulder. I should go and get a box of Kleenex before we get started. This could be painful for him.

"What?" He finally asked.

"What do you mean, what?"

"You're standing there staring at me in indecision." He noted.

I sighed and walk a little closer grabbing the box of Kleenex as I come.

"Look…I know you wanted to tell me something important last night…I uh…think I should have let you have your moment. I was being selfish Bella once again wanting to make it all about me and I have been thinking a lot about it this morning and I'm ready. I'm ready if…you think you can stomach it."

Edward sighed and ran his hand through his hair looking around before settling his focus on the ground.

"Are you sure?" He started, "Like I said, you may hate me."

"I won't hate you…this is a safe place and it doesn't matter to me what you prefer in life. It's not like I ever pictured you and me sailing off into the sunset together, this really doesn't affect me. This is all about you and I want you to know that I completely am an advocate for your rights."

"My rights…the bill of rights…" He swallowed waiting for conformation.

I nodded hoping that it would encourage him. "Life, Liberty and the pursuit of happiness."

"That's the Declaration of Independence." Edward corrected.

"Oh…that's right…it's been awhile and Government wasn't my strongest subject."

"Well there is a big difference." He stated to debate.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah, who gives a shit." I wave him on, "Let's get back to your…confession..er…what you wanted to tell me."

He thought for a moment and then looked to me again, "What did you mean that you never pictured us sailing off into the sunset together…I mean…was that ever a thought?"

"Well, I think it's a moot point now. I mean, really Edward?" I cringed, "I'm flattered that you would even consider changing yourself for me but I can't stand in the way of what the heart wants and I know that your heart doesn't want someone like me and that is totally cool. I am just here for you and I know you're probably going to kill me but so is Alice. I might have let it slip and she is completely supportive and wants you to know that it's okay."

"What's okay?" Edward seemed to be getting upset.

I couldn't understand his hostility but I was saved by the bell…or in this case my phone ringtone.

"Just give me…one second." I said picking up my phone.

I could see that it was my grandfather calling so I hit accept quickly.

"Hello."

"Bella. Where the hell have you been? I've been sitting here waiting for an update, not waiting to die." My grandfather scolded.

"I…I didn't know. I just have been doing what you asked. I have been working at the soup kitchen."

"Soup kitchen? You're still there? I don't believe it."

"No. Really I have worked so many days that a judge would let me go for time served at this point for any crime I could ever commit."

"And what about that homeless dude you were telling me about?"

"Uh…" I looked over to Edward who still looked mildly upset, "He's…still there. I mean…we've…kinda became…friends."

Edward mouthed, "Who is that?"

I shook my head and shrugged.

"Friends...really. Then you should bring him by. I would love to meet him."

"Oh grandfather, I don't know if that's a good idea…I mean, he doesn't have…proper attire." I cringed.

"Well, then be an angel and get him some proper attire."

"Look, I don't think this is going to happen…"

"ISABELLA SWAN! I am going to set an early dinner at the club and you and your dude better be there at five-thirty. If you don't come, I will consider it a personal knock against me."

He hung up just like that and I looked over to Edward and gulped. This was soo not a good time for this.

AN: Some important clues in this chapter for those still trying to figure it out. Thank you for reading and reviewing and I will see you on Sunday!