A/N: Scratch the no more long chapters thing...

Chapter 4 - Irrational Anger

Beca and Chloe were contently walking back through Central Park. After their huge conversation they decided they wanted to spend some of the day together before Beca had work. Neither of them wanted to part ways, but didn't know how to say it.

"So, you want to get some coffee or something?" Beca asked.

"I would, but I'm supposed to take my pills soon and if I don't it can mess my head up, I guess." Chloe said. "And I need to use my burn cream on my neck. If I don't they won't go away eventually."

"Oh, it's cool. You gotta get better." Beca started. "Can I walk you home, at least?"

"Sure." Chloe said with a smile tugging at her lips. "You can meet my room mate. She's really nice and funny... Kind of, off, but she's great." Chloe reassured. "And we can have coffee there, if you want?"

Beca nodded happily. "I can't wait."

"This place is not much, but I like it." Chloe said as they walked up to her door. She was unlocking her apartment door, when it flung open, revealing a heavy set blonde girl.

"Hey, shadow." The rugged blonde said. She looked to Beca. "Whose ya friend?"

Beca stifled a laugh. Shadow?

"Amy, this is Beca. Beca, this is Amy." Chloe said as she motioned between the two.

"That's Fat Amy to you, short stack." Amy said.

Beca cocked an eyebrow. "You call yourself Fat Amy?"

"Yeah, so twig bitches like you don't do it behind my back." Amy stated.

Beca nodded and smirked. "Noted."

Chloe giggled, and Amy looked up at her. "Whoa, haven't heard you laugh like that before." Amy said. "She's one of the shyest people I've ever met."

Beca laughed, shyest? Chloe?

Chloe sort of ducked her head. "Why don't we go inside?" Chloe said.

Beca nodded and Amy stepped to the side, letting the pair pass. Beca walked in after Chloe and sat down on the couch.

"I'm just going to take my medicine and take care of my neck and then I'll make us some coffee." Chloe said.

"Sounds good." Beca said.

Chloe half smiled and walked into her room. Beca watched her as she walked off. Amy walked over and sat down next to her, making an 'oomph' sound.

"Sooo, you are Beca." Amy said with a suspicious tone. "I've heard lots and lots about you from the shadow."

Beca nodded. "Yep. Beca. And why do you keep calling Chloe shadow?"

"She's quiet. And she never really talks to people. So, she's a shadow. Ya know? By the way, I have loads of boyfriends." Amy stated.

Beca laughed and placed her hand on her face as she placed her elbow on her knee.

"And in the past year we have known each other she hasn't once gone to a club with me. She always turns my offer down. And believe me, I love the clubs. I can let my sexy ass free and all the boys come to me." Amy stated. "Gives me a break from all the boys who are usually all over me. I get a whole new set."

"I totally get it." Beca sarcastically said with a head nod. "We all need a break every once in a while."

"Damn straight!" Amy said.

Changing the subject Amy said, "You know what Chloe's been through, right?"

"I do." Beca stated. "I assume you do, too?"

"Right. So, you know that if you hurt her, I'll kick yo small ass." She said. "That girl has been through hell and back."

Beca nodded, making sure she got the words, and letting Amy know, as well. "I agree. And believe me, I would never want to hurt Chloe. That's the last thing on my mind."

"Good. She talks about you all the time. She said how close you two were before she left. The shadow really likes you."

"Chloe talks about me?" Truth be told as soon as Beca heard the words her stomach fluttered and she couldn't help but blush. "What else has she said about me?" Beca asked eagerly.

Amy shrugged. "She said you were short. And you are. How tall are you anyway, five foot?"

Beca scoffed. "I am not that short."

"You definitely are, Becs." Chloe said.

Beca turned around and was met with Chloe's eyes looking into her own. They looked slightly brighter, not as dull. Definitely not back to normal, but getting there. Beca was about to say a witty comeback, but looking into Chloe's orbs stopped her, and she knew if she spoke, it would be nothing but word vomit.

Amy cleared her throat, sensing the weird (almost sexual?) tension, making them break eye contact. "See, the shadow agrees." She said. "I'm always right." Amy declared as she stood up. "Back in Australia, that's where I'm from, they used to call me the best physic in all of Tasmania."

Beca nodded skeptically and Chloe laughed since she already knew the story. "Maybe save that story for another day, Amy?" Chloe said.

"Ah, ok." Amy said. "Anyway, I have got to get to work." Don't wait up for me shadow, I'm going to the club again, and I don't want you to worry like last night." Amy made her way out the door with her words.

"Well, she certainly is something else." Beca said with an amused tone. "Is she why you ditched me?" Beca asked, jokingly.

Chloe ducked her head. "Yeah, she was supposed to be back at six and she wasn't, so I got worried. I waited up for her and then when she finally got home, I called you."

"I see. Well, it's fine." Beca said, brushing it off.

Chloe sat next to Beca, a little closer than at the park. Beca smiled slightly and could smell Chloe. She smelt like mint. Really minty. Then she realized it was the burn cream.

"You still up for that coffee?" Chloe asked.

Beca nodded. "That be great. It's already two-thirty and I haven't even had any coffee. I think I'm about to die." Beca said a little over dramatically.

Chloe stood up and walked into the kitchen, "Well, we certainly can't have little Beca run out of steam."

Beca laughed. "I'm not little." She stated.

Chloe only giggled and Beca swooned at the noise. Chloe's laugh was literal music to her ears. She sat patiently as Chloe made their coffee. Chloe then walked back out and sat down.

"It takes a while for it to brew." Chloe said.

Beca nodded and smiled at Chloe. "I figured."

Chloe leaned back into the couch. "So, you still making those amazing mixes?" Chloe asked.

Beca laughed softly and leaned back as well. "Not really."

"What!?" Chloe said and sat up. "Why not?"

Beca shrugged and stayed slouching against the couch.

"There has to be a reason." Chloe said.

"I don't know." Beca said as she twisted her jacket hem between her fingers. "Once you left I just- I guess I had no inspiration." She said quietly.

Chloe blushed and took her bottom lip under her teeth and then half smiled. "Oh."

Beca nodded sheepishly. "Jesse and I own a club and we sometimes play my old mixes. Everyone seems to love them."

"That's because they're amazing." Chloe said with straight face.

Beca laughed. "I wouldn't say that, but thanks, Chlo." Beca said as she glanced up at the brunette.

"I still listen to all the ones you made me. I have so many, I can't even count. But you know which ones my favorite?" Chloe asked with a beaming smile.

Beca smirked. "I think I can take a guess."

"What then?" Chloe asked eagerly.

"Well, if I remember correctly... I made you one with your so called lady jam on it, and some other songs. I'm pretty sure you wore that CD out in the first week."

Chloe blushed profusely.

Beca smirked again. "Is that still your lady jam, Chlo?" She asked sarcastically.

Chloe laughed. "Not so much. I haven't done that in quite awhile. But yes, that is my favorite one you made me."

Chloe leaned back into the couch again and Beca turned her head to face Chloe. "You still want to be a doctor?" Beca asked.

Chloe shrugged. "I think it's a little too late."

"What? No. If you really want to be one, go for it." Beca said.

"I've thought about it. But I don't want to re-enroll all over again, it took me forever to get into NYU. And I was actually thinking about acting." Chloe said shyly. "And I'm looking for a job at the moment, so there's no use in spending all my time in trying to get into a prestige college."

"Yeah, but you know, if you're looking for a job you could work at the club. I've got a few position to fill."

Chloe shook her head. "I don't think so. That kind of environment makes me even more nervous than I already am." She started to bounce her leg up and down. Beca saw the action, and set her hand on Chloe's knee, halting the movements. "It's ok." Beca softly said. "You don't have to be nervous around me. It's just me. Just Beca."

Chloe nodded slowly. "I can't help it." She barely said.

"I get it. But I don't want you to feel uncomfortable around me." Beca said. "I want to be here for you."

Chloe set her hand on top of Beca's and ran her thumb over the other girls, not knowing how much of an effect she had on the other brunettes now rapid beating heart. "I do feel comfortable around you." Chloe said. "Even after all this time, it's like nothing happened when I'm with you. The knee shaking is just a bad habit. You make me feel... I don't know. Safe. All my worries wash away and I feel like Chloe again."

Beca turned her head so they were facing each other. "Yeah. Yeah, I know what you mean. I feel like the old Beca."

They looked at each other for another moment before Chloe heard the coffee pot beep, signaling it was ready. She swallowed some spit and broke the burning eye contact and walked into the kitchen.

Beca looked at her the whole time she walked away. God, she is so beautiful.

Chloe walked back out with two cups, one with cream and sugar, and one black.

"Here you go." Chloe said as she handed one to Beca and sat back down.

"You remembered." Beca stated.

"Of course. I couldn't forget." Chloe said as she took a sip.

Beca smiled and drank some. "Ahhh." She let out. "So damn good."

Chloe giggled. "You really love coffee, huh?"

Beca nodded, and just as she was about to speak, her phone rang. She pulled it out and saw it was Jesse.

"Oh, seriously?" Beca groaned.

She loved Jesse, but hated when he called. He always wanted something. Whether it be to come to the club and set up, or meet with him and Aubrey. She was spending time with Chloe, and didn't want any interruptions.

"What's wrong?" Chloe asked.

Beca shook her head. "It's Jesse. I should answer." Beca said.

Chloe nodded and stood up. "I'll give you some privacy."

"Oh, no. You don't have to, really. It's just Jesse." Beca said.

"You sure?" Chloe asked.

Beca nodded with a reassuring smile, so Chloe sat down.

"What?" Beca snapped.

"Whoa, calm down. What's wrong with you?" Jesse asked.

"What do you want?" Beca asked.

"I was just wondering if you could work earlier tonight. Maybe around opening time?"

Beca groaned. "You're kidding?"

"Why would I kid?" Jesse asked. "And what's gotten into you?"

"Nothing." Beca spat.

"Are you still upset about Chloe?" He asked.

Beca looked to Chloe and saw her looking at her attentively.

"No, she apologized. And we talked today. She explained everything, so I know everything. I'm at her apartment right now."

Chloe looked slightly uncomfortable, so Beca placed her hand on Chloe's this time and gave it a quick squeeze.

"How you holding on to the information?" Jesse asked.

"Fine. I feel really bad for her." Beca said quietly. "She's been through a lot." Beca said as she looked Chloe in the eyes. Chloe half smiled. She looked almost grateful that she understood and that she wasn't harsh. Beca was giving her a second chance, basically.

"I don't know everything. All I know is that she left cause she was pregnant, then had a miscarriage, and she has some scars, and now she is back here cause she had an abusive girlfriend."

Beca's mouth dropped, she sat up and let go of Chloe's hand. "What!?" She spat. "Are you fucking with me, Jesse? You're joking!? Right?" She rambled out.

Chloe sat up a whispered, "What's wrong?"

"That's what I heard from Stacie." Jesse said.

Beca hung up and sat in silence with a scowl.

"Becs." Chloe said."You ok?"

Beca nodded. "Fine. Yeah, I'm fine." She said and stood up. "I just, I should probably get going. It's three and I have work at five." Beca said, slightly frazzled.

Chloe nodded and stood up so she could walk Beca to the door. "I'll call you and we can hang out again?" Chloe asked hopeful.

Beca couldn't resist. She put a smile on her face. "Of course. I'll text you later."

Beca walked into the club hastily to find Jesse. She was met with none other than Stacie. Stacie worked at the bar portion of the club and she was just getting ready for her shift.

"Stacie!" Beca yelled.

The brunette turned around. "Hey, what's gotten into you, midget?" Stacie said as she noticed the brunettes demeanor.

Beca stopped in front of her. "Chloe doesn't really have a girlfriend, right?" Beca uttered.

Stacie shrugged. "She used to, I guess. She called me the other day and she explained some things to me. Since I knew nothing like the rest of us. All she said was that she got pregnant, had a miscarriage, and she's moving back to the city with one of her friends, because she broke up with her girlfriend."

Beca started to breath heavily. Why am I freaking out?

"She had a girlfriend?" Beca voiced, slightly sad.

Stacie nodded. "It wasn't for long. The girl was abusive, so Chloe's friend Amy decided to take Chloe with her back to the city before she got into trouble like she had with Tom. You knew that she's bi, didn't you?"

Holy shit. "I need to sit down." Beca stated. She walked over to a bar stool and put her head on the counter. "I knew, but I didn't think she ever acted on it."

Stacie walked over and placed her hand on Beca's back. "I know that you still love her, but she's been through a lot. More than you can comprehend."

Beca looked up. "What? How do you know that I love her?"

Stacie laughed. "Midget, everyone knows that. And everyone knows she loves you too."

Beca shook her head. "She doesn't love me like I love her."

Stacie sighed. "Maybe your right. But, don't try and rush things with her. I noticed shes kind of, I don't know, off? She's a great girl despite her mistakes, but Beca, she has a knack for abusive relationships. They say once you've been in one it's easy to get into another. She's been through a lot of shit from other people. And you need to be there for her, now more than ever." She said and patted Beca's back one last time before she walked off.

Chloe doesn't love me. Chloe doesn't love me. Chloe doesn't love me. Not like I love her. Beca repeated in her head.

This is going to be a long night.

Later that night Beca was waiting in the elevator up to her apartment and checked her phone.

Three texts and five missed calls from Chloe

"I really need to check my phone more."

'Hey, Becs. Hope you have a good night at work. And whatever you're mad about, I really hope I didn't do anything to anger you.'

Yeah, cause you being amazingly sweet isn't going to help. Beca thought.

'I hate being alone, do you want to come back over?'

'Beca, please come back.'

She dialed Chloe and the girl picked up right away, but as soon as the doors opened, she saw Chloe standing in front of Beca's apartment door.

Beca hung up and half smiled at Chloe. She was mad, she knew it was irrational, she knew it wasn't fair. But when she saw Chloe smiling at her, a real, genuine smile, the anger went away and was replaced with warmth. And Beca knew that the warmth wouldn't go away any time soon if Chloe was around.

"What are you doing here? It's midnight." Beca said as she walked up to her door. "And what's with the texts? You kind of scared me, Chlo."

"I know." Chloe said. "I don't like being alone."

Beca nodded. "Isn't Amy home?"

"No, she's never home at night. I don't know how the girl does it. She works in the afternoon, goes out at night, and sleeps in the morning."

Beca chuckled. "She really is something else." Beca stated as she started to unlock her door, she let Chloe in first. They walked in and Chloe nodded her head as she walked through the place. "This is really nice, Becs."

"Oh, thanks." Beca said. "How did you know where I lived?" Beca asked as they sat down.

Chloe turned and pursed her lips. "I called Aubrey."

Beca laughed. "Is that how you find things out about me now?"

Chloe chucked. "I just- ok, don't think I'm crazy when I tell you this..."

Beca nodded, letting Chloe go on.

Chloe turned her body so she was sitting with her legs crossed on the couch and facing Beca, as Beca was leaning back on the couch with her feet up.

"I smelled cigarette smoke in my building, and whenever I smell it I get panic attacks. It depends on how strong it is, but thankfully it wasn't too bad. It makes me think of Tom and how whenever he lit one at home, he would you know, hold it to my neck. I just can't help it but freak out. My doctor said it is normal, but it always happens." Chloe confessed.

"Oh, Chlo, I'm sorry. Is that what happened?" Beca softly asked.

Chloe nodded. "I'm sorry for coming over so late. I would've gone to Stacie, but she's still working and the only other person I know here is Jesse, but I get the feeling he hates me. So, I went to you."

"Ah, so I'm a last resort." Beca said and stood up with a smirk.

Chloe's eyes widened as she saw a Beca walk away. "No, of course not! I just didn't want to bother you." Chloe said as she stood up and followed Beca. "You're the first person I thought of, but I didn't want be a burden since it's so late."

Beca stopped at her room and smiled. "Chlo, you're not a burden. You can come by anytime you want."

Chloe smiled. "Thanks."

Beca walked in her room and Chloe stood at the door.

"You can come in." Beca said.

This isn't like Chloe at all. Usually, she would just barge in. She wouldn't apologize for coming over cause she knows it's ok. I hope it's just the time gap and not Chloe.

Chloe walked in and sat down on the foot of Beca's bed.

"Did you want to stay the night it something?" Beca asked as she walked out of her bathroom.

"Oh, I can totally go-"

"Chlo. You can stay if you want. We used to do this all the time, remember?"

Chloe nodded and half smiled. Beca walked over to her closet, "Here," She said as she pulled out sleep shorts and a tank top. She handed them to Chloe. "I know how you get really hot at night." Beca said.

"You remember that?" Chloe asked.

"Well, yeah. You're like a furnace." Beca stated at walked back over to her closet. "Especially sense you always just had to cuddle right up next to me."

"Sorry." She weakly said.

"Oh, it's cool." Beca said. It's not like I minded it. She got out some pajamas pants and an old t-shirt and motioned to the bathroom. "You want to change in the bathroom?"

Chloe nodded and stood up. They each changed and when Beca was done she sat in bed, and saw she had a text from Noelle.

'Can I come over tomorrow morning? Haven't seen you in forever.'

Beca's eyes widened. Chloe was there, obviously they're friends, and nothing will go down, but it might look slightly suspicious.

Beca replied, 'How about twelve and we can get some lunch?'

Chloe then walked out and saw Beca engrossed in her phone. She giggled and went to set her clothes down. Beca noticed Chloe and how she leaned down to set her clothes by her purse, and she couldn't help but check her out. I'm so creepy. But, seriously she has the nicest body. Who can blame me?

Chloe turned around and Beca snapped her head up, making Chloe blush.

"I hope you don't mind, I used an extra tooth brush." Chloe said as she stood by Beca's bed.

"Uh, ew." Beca said, jokingly. "I don't want Chloe germs in my house."

Chloe's face fell and she looked flustered. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't-"

Beca sat up and felt guilty. "No, I was joking. Of course you can use a tooth brush."

Oh God, she is really timid. I feel so bad.

Chloe nodded and continued to stand nervously.

"Do you not want to share the same bed?" Beca asked. "Cause if you don't I can sleep in the spare room."

"If that's ok, we can." Chloe said softly.

Beca chortled. This Chloe is so shy and cute. "Well, you always loved to share a bed, so if you still want to."

Chloe nodded and scooted in, she laid on one side as Beca laid on the other.

"So, uh, I'm sorry again for coming over so late. I was scared and-"

Beca sat up and pulled Chloe with her. They were now sat with their legs crossed, facing each other. Beca grabbed Chloe's hand in hers and looked into her scared blue eyes.

"Please stop apologizing. I don't care that you're here." Beca said.

Chloe's face fell once again.

Noticing it Beca said, "Wait, no. I mean, I care you're here! I'm glad you're here. I meant that you can come over whenever you want, anytime you want and I won't mind."

Chloe started to tear up.

Fuck, why am I so bad with words? This is why Chloe was my only friend in high school. I suck at talking.

"Why?" Chloe said.

Beca was surprised to say the least. Why? Well, I love you for one. More than anything.

"Why... Why? Why what?" Beca asked.

Chloe's mouth parted, but nothing came out, only a squeak. "I'm a bad person. I don't deserve to be here. I don't deserve your compassion. I don't deserve your love. I don't deserve you." Chloe voiced out.

"Chlo, I forgive you." Beca stated. "I want you here. And if you need to have someone with you to feel better, then it can be me. Even if you don't need me, I want to be there when you do. Because I still need you."

Chloe let out a shaky breath. "I need you, but I can't give anything back. I'm nothing. I'm like a shell of myself. I feel nothing half the time. And today-" Chloe stated to cry. "today was the first time in five years that I've felt something. My bones weren't hallow, and my heart was full. Spending time with you made me feel like a person again."

Beca thought for a moment. If I could I would just kiss you and hug you until you stopped crying. I would do anything to make you, you again.

"You don't have to give anything to me. Just let me give to you, that's the only thing I'm asking." Beca said gently. She placed her fingers on Chloe's chin and lifted it so they were looking into each other's eyes. "You can keep me in the dark with all your problems, hell, all I know is darkness, but when you have a panic attack because you smell smoke, or you're sad and lonely, we don't have to be apart, because I'll be there in an instant. I want to be there in an instant."

Chloe half smiled and wiped her tears. "Thank you."

Beca smiled and they each laid down as a deafening silence washed over.

"Are you tired? Cause I know you have sleep problems." Chloe suddenly voiced.

Beca turned her head and was met with Chloe's blue eyes once again. Damn. "No. I usually don't end up falling asleep until usually six or later. It's a good thing I don't work until night time."

Chloe covered her mouth to stifle a yawn.

How can she be so cute?

"You can sleep if you want." Beca said softly as she saw Chloe's eyes droop.

Chloe nodded and turned her back to Beca. "Goodnight." Chloe said softly.

"Night." Beca said softly back.

Beca plugged her phone in and turned her back to Chloe. I wonder why she doesn't want to cuddle.

"Beca?" Chloe barely said. She turned over and so Beca did too. They were face to face and Beca's breath hitched because of how close they were.

"Can we cuddle?" Chloe asked gently.

Beca smiled a wide smile which made Chloe smile, as well. She would never admit it to anyone, but Beca loved cuddling with Chloe more than anything.

"I just really miss that." Chloe said. "Cuddling with you." Chloe added.

Beca nodded, she pulled Chloe into her and Chloe turned so she was her little spoon. Beca put her arm around Chloe's waist, a little hesitantly, and then when she felt Chloe rest into her, so she did the same.

"I really missed this, too." Beca whispered as they were tangled into each other.

And in that moment as they were curled up for the first time in five years, on the same day they rekindled, Beca knew that she could never stay mad at Chloe. No matter what the situation was. Beca needed to be here for her broken friend. Holding Chloe in her arms felt so right and it made all her anger or frustrations subdue, and she knew that she was still definitely, indescribably still in love with her best-friend.

A/N: In the first chapter I mentioned Amy, but let's just pretend it was a different person and this Amy in this chapter is Fat Amy. Thanks for the reviews on the last chapter :)