Chapter 5 - I Have a Knack

Chloe's body seemed to fit perfectly with Beca's small frame. Each time Chloe would shift in her sleep, she would either turn into Beca, or on her back. Beca could see Chloe's face become uneasy with nervousness and her body would tense. And each time Beca would wait for Chloe to calm in her sleep and just let Chloe ease back into her.

Her body was like a furnace, though, so after a few hours of just holding Chloe and trying to make her feel as comfortable and calm as possible, Beca made sure the girl was in a deep enough sleep that if she got out of bed Chloe would not wake. Chloe was never a light sleeper, but Beca was afraid things may have changed like so many others did.

Beca climbed out of bed at around four-thirty. Her body was weak, her eyes were burning, but her mind wouldn't let her sleep. She carefully walked out of her room, making a swift entrance into the living room grabbing her laptop, she sat down on the couch and turned it on. As she waited she thought about what she wanted to do about Noelle.

When she was holding Chloe earlier, she didn't think about Noelle once. So, she figured now was a good enough time.

Beca had no other real thoughts than wishing she was the one to hold Chloe every night, that she was the one to give Chloe good morning kisses, goodnight kisses, and in between kisses. She wished she could do the little things with Chloe. For example, be able to draw lazy patterns on Chloe's back like she had done earlier as she tried to ease Chloe to sleep, walk through Madison Park with Chloe hand in hand, and it actually meaning something. But Beca knew that job wasn't hers. And they were the things she tried doing with Noelle, but failed.

She wanted so badly to be happy with Noelle, she wanted to want to see her, she wanted to enjoy going out to dinner and watching movies with her, she wanted to feel comfortable cuddling. She wanted so badly to feel something for the girl. Not that being around her was painful, just clearly not what you're supposed to feel.

And then it hit her. She liked Noelle, but she loved Chloe. That was the big difference.

Obviously, Beca knew she loved Chloe, but she didn't put the two together just yet.

Beca wanted to feel the way she felt around Chloe with Noelle. She wanted to feel the same warmth, the same butterflies, the same happiness. The same ache in her heart when she left Chloe's apartment earlier as when she leaves Noelle. Beca wanted so badly to have her brain malfunction around Noelle as it did with Chloe. The pure joy she felt around Chloe, Beca wanted to feel around Noelle. But she didn't have those feelings, and she felt guilty about it.

Once her laptop turned on, she huffed, then went to her music selection as her eyes bugged around the titles. None that she thought would work for her current mood.

Acrid mixed with perplexed.

Beca surprised her self with the mature word choice, but nonetheless she felt it. The sourness invaded her heart and the confusion dipped into her brain. After searching for the perfect songs for what seemed like hours, and having no such luck, she closed her laptop and set her head in her hands.

Beca sat and sat trying to figure out if she should break off her relationship, or wade it out. After a forever of thinking, Beca heard a creak and a small voice say, "Becs?"

She looked up and saw a heavy breathing Chloe standing in her bedroom doorway. It was dark, but Beca could see her silhouette moving.

"What's wrong?" Beca asked.

Chloe shook her head, and her mouth parted. She looked like she was trying to speak, her mouth did move, but nothing would come out.

"Chlo, come here." Beca said gently.

Chloe walked over, and Beca patted the seat next to her. She sat and started playing with her fingers as she kept her eyes glued to the floor. Beca put her hand on Chloe's, stopping the nervous jitters.

After a moment of hesitation, Beca intertwined their hands. She was afraid it would scare Chloe, but luckily Chloe returned the gesture and gripped Beca's small hand.

Chloe's heart freaked out, she was surprised by the rapid rate it was now beating, she couldn't help but give a shy smile as her eyes were interested in anything but Beca's.

Beca tucked the stray cascading hairs behind Chloe's ear and placed her hand on her cheek, trying to get her to look at her, but she wouldn't.

Beca dropped her hand and placed it on her leg. She sat for a moment, wondering how she was about to approach this situation, not knowing what was wrong with her. Beca wasn't good with words, she knew she wasn't a good comforter, but when it came to Chloe, it was like she had a knack for compassion.

"Did you have a bad dream or something?" Beca asked.

"No." Chloe whispered, hoarsely. "I woke up and forgot where I was, I-" She cleared her throat. "started to remember, and then when you weren't there, I got scared." She said with a huff at the end. "God, I am pathetic." Chloe hissed as tears threatened her eyes.

"No, no, Chlo. You aren't at all." Beca cooed as she wiped a few stray tears. "You want to go back to sleep?"

Chloe nodded weakly. She went to stand up, but Beca stopped her.

"Let's just stay here," Beca said. Chloe sat down as Beca scooted her body over so she could lay on the couch. Beca smiled up at her, "I know you want to cuddle, so come here." Beca said.

Chloe lips formed into a sheepish smile as she laid between Beca and the couch. Beca draped her arm over Chloe's back, and Chloe rested her head on Beca's chest. Beca then grabbed a throw blanket and draped it over them. Neither one knew why this felt so right to be laying together, but at the same time they weren't about to question the intense feelings that were bubbling.

"Thank you." Chloe whispered.

Beca took a leap of faith, as she only pressed a kissed to Chloe's forehead and started to run her fingers through Chloe's locks to calm her, and soon enough they both fell into a quiet sleep.

A few hours later Chloe started to stir. Her eyes cracked open and she smiled when she saw that Beca was sleeping. Chloe was fully aware of her insomnia filled nights. She had her head rested on Beca's chest as it was rising up and down and Beca's arms were rested gently around Chloe's back as they were when they first fell asleep.

Chloe sat up slightly and admired the other girl. She watched as Beca's chest rose, then fell, she watched Beca's lips purse, and then become flat again. She admired her pale, yet radiant in a way, skin. How her brunette hair fell so gently around her shoulders as she slept. Beca looked simply a perfect to her.

She got a warm, new feeling in her chest that spread through her body as she watched Beca in her most vulnerable state. Chloe then stayed looking at Beca's lips. They looked soft. Plump. Smooth.

Maybe if I just lean in... Chloe thought and bent down. Just a little... Chloe started to get close to Beca's lips when a bell went off in her head and she laid back down. What the hell am I doing? She's sleeping... And were best-friends... All right, best-friends who have kissed a few times, initiated by me... And never her, since were just friends. Just friends like we always have been. Only friends. Just friends. And that's all we will ever be.

Chloe closed her eyes and tried to repress her confusion away for another time.

*knock*

One minute later.

*knock* *knock*

Another minute later.

"Beca!" A voice yelled. "It's me."

The knocks kept coming.

Beca and Chloe were sound asleep, but as the knocks became more violent Beca began to wake up. She opened her eyes and immediately smiled when she saw Chloe laying next to her. Even when she sleeps shes beautiful. And then she heard, "Beca!" And more hard knocks.

Her mouth dropped and she covered it. "Shit." Beca stood up. "It's already twelve!?" Beca whispered to herself. She ran a hand through her hair and ran up to the door, "Just a second!"

She ran back over to Chloe and pondered if she should wake her. She looked so calm and peaceful, and Beca sure as hell didn't want to wake her.

"Beca!?"

SHIT.

Beca was absolutely positive that Noelle would assume Beca was cheating on her. The girl revealed she had been cheated on in the past on their third date. Beca didn't want to upset her. At all. She may not love her, but she does care for her.

Beca walked over to the door and took a breath, she turned around and realized she couldn't even tell Chloe was on the couch because of the way it's facing. She figured she would just tell Noelle to meet her at a cafe or something. Yeah, that works.

She opened the door and put a smile on her face, "Hey-" but before she could get anything else out, Noelle barged in and hugged Beca.

"I've missed you!" She yelled and grabbed Beca. Beca tensed up and she didn't know what to say. Please don't wake Chloe. "Yeah, I've missed you, too." She said quietly as she reciprocated the hug.

Noelle let go and smiled widely, "So," she began to walk over to the couch, Beca panicked, grabbed her arms, turned her back around, and kissed her. Their lips moved together, but Beca couldn't help but feel nothing as they kissed. She pulled apart and they smiled at each other. Still nothing on Beca's part.

Beca's plan failed and she began to walk over to the couch again, Beca closed her eyes and waited for the turmoil.

"As I was-" Beca let out a breath as she heard her stop. "Whose this?" She said quietly.

Beca opened her eyes and could see confusion and slightly hurt laced through Noelles body.

"My friend." Beca stated.

She nodded and walked back over to Beca. "The friend who you stood me up for?" She asked.

Beca let out a breath. "Yes, but were just friends."

Noelle nodded and started to pace. "Just friends?" She said loudly.

Beca winced and looked over to see if Chloe stirred. Geez, she's still as heavy a sleeper as ever.

But no, Chloe woke, she noticed someone was here, but wasn't sure what she should do, so she stayed put.

"Beca!?" Noelle said. "How long have you two been "hanging out"?"

Who the hell is this? And why is she yelling? She's pretty, though. Her hair is brown like mine, and her body is killer. Wow. Chloe admired her body before Noelle stopped pacing and walked back over.

"Well, we've been friends forever," Beca said. "and she just moved back to the city so we were hanging out yesterday, and she came over, so I let her stay the night."

"Oh, so she can stay the night, but I can't? I never stay the night with you, you only come to my place."

They're dating. Chloe realized. That's the girlfriend.

Beca sighed. "It's different."

It is different. Chloe thought. She seems bitchy, why is Beca dating her?

Noelle raised her eyebrows.

Shit.

"It's different? How is it different!?" She yelled.

"Ok, please calm down. You're going to wake her up." Beca said gently.

Chloe smiled at how sweet Beca was being.

She scoffed. "Oh, right. Because she is just so important? I mean, duh. You stood me up for her. So, she must be something special to you." Noelle hissed.

Beca shook her head. "No, she's not special!"

Not special. Chloe repeated.

Beca groaned when she heard Noelle scoff. "She is, but-" Chloe smiled slightly.

Noelle shook her head again. "Do you like her?" She asked bitterly.

"No. I have no feelings for her. Whatsoever. We are just best-friends!"

See. Best-friends. Nothing more.

Chloe's got to be awake by now. Beca thought.

"And even if I did I wouldn't just let her stay in my house if I knew you would be coming over. That would just be stupid." So stupid. I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have told her it was okay to come.

Noelle nodded. She stepped forward and looked Beca in the eyes, "Do you still like me or are you lying?" She asked sternly.

Without thinking, Beca blurted, "Of course I like you. You're great." She started thinking about Chloe as she spoke. "You're pretty." So fucking beautiful. "You're smart." You could be a doctor, for Gods sake. "You're sweet."

Beca smiled sweetly, "Of course I like you, Chlo."

After a moment of realization, Noelles eyes got wide, and Beca's mouth dropped and she covered it once again.

Chloe's eyes shot open and she was frozen still. Beca likes me?

Noelle scrunched her nose and nodded. "Right. Cause that's my name." She said and walked out, slamming the door.

Beca continued to stand with her mouth covered. "Oh my God." She muttered. "I seriously said that?"

Chloe didn't know what to do. She stayed in her current position. What just happened?

Beca hesitantly walked over to Chloe and saw she had her eyes open and still laying down.

"Did you hear any of that?" Beca asked.

Chloe nodded absent mindedly as she processed what Beca had said.

Beca sat down by Chloe's legs. "How much?"

Chloe sat up and ran her hand through her hair. "All of it," She said. "But it's ok."

"I'm sorry, Chlo. I should've told you she would be coming over. I didn't think we would sleep this late in the first place."

Chloe smiled. "It's ok. I should be the one apologizing, I just caused a fight between you and your girlfriend." She said.

Beca was silent. Did she not hear what I just said?

"Can I ask you a question?" Beca blurted.

Chloe nodded.

"Why didn't you tell me you moved back only because you broke up with your girlfriend?"

Chloe closed her eyes. "How did you find that out?" She asked.

"Stacie and Jesse."

Chloe nodded. I'm going to kill them. "It's true." She said. "I'm sorry I'm stupid; I'm sorry I'm an idiot." Chloe hissed.

Beca furrowed her eyebrows, but before she could speak Chloe was.

"I had a girlfriend. For a month officially. We were friends for about a year. I didn't even have feelings for her, like she did for me. I've been told I don't know how to say no. I met her at the same time as Amy. And-" Chloe let out a shaky breath. "She hit me twice. I deserved it though."

Beca slumped. "Twice? Chloe, no one deserves to be hit.

Chloe huffed and squeezed her eyes shut. She could tell how serious Beca was by the use of her full name.

Beca scooted closer and tried to drape her arm over Chloe's back, but Chloe stopped her.

"No, please stop telling me it's not my fault. Or I don't deserve what's happened to me." Chloe shouted. "Everyone's told me that. My parents, my doctors, the cops, Stacie, Amy, and you. I deserve everything that's happened to me. And you know what!? Saying it isn't my fault, doesn't take anything back or make anything better."

"Well, fuck. You don't! You don't deserve to be hit, you don't deserve to be dehumanized, no one deserves that, Chloe! I mean, sure yeah, maybe a rapist or murder,"

Chloe let out a breathy laugh. "Yeah, well. I'm just an easy target," Chloe said. She stood abruptly, walked into Beca's room and got her clothes and bag, she walked back out and saw Beca just sitting on the couch. "I'm gonna go."

Beca nodded, Chloe started to walk to the door.

"Wait," Beca said. Chloe turned around, very hesitantly. "What I said about you, I was worried she woke you up, and your name just slipped-"

Chloe nodded, "I know. Were friends. Best-friends. Just friends. Right?"

"Right." Beca said. Why does she sound so unsure?

"Nothing more. No worries. You have a girl-friend and I have," Chloe paused. After a quick smile shot at Beca, Chloe turned, "I have a knack for the wrong people." She mumbled so Beca couldn't hear, and walked out the door.