CHAPTER FIFTEEN
"Bella."
"Bella."
There it was again. A shake that ran through my body and my name being called. I groan as my eyes were assaulted by the early morning light.
"Looks like a tornado ran through here. You didn't go to bed last night did you?" Edward asked.
I feel the barrier of his body next to mine blocking me from leaving my bed which is just fine by me. I did have a late night. First the cleaning out of my closet that would have even impressed Eminem and then I laid in bed staring at the ceiling for hours still trying to unravel the mystery of my house guest.
"What are you doing on my bed?" I grumbled.
"What's….so wrong with me being on your bed? I'm not under the sheets or feeling you up…I have been upon your bed before so…"
"That's when I thought you were gay. Now that your straight again, I'd rather you stay off St. Agnes."
"I was never gay…but I did bring a burnt offering if it pleases your saintliness. Coffee?"
I finally open an eye and see a big mug in his hands.
"Two sugars and a splash of half and half, right?" he smiled and even though I want to pepper him with questions on his secret, I decide to not. I sit up in bed and take the coffee from him.
"It's almost nine but I'll stall your grandfather if you want to take some shower time this morning."
I yawn and stare back over to the mound of my designer clothes.
"So…what's with the closet demolition?" Edward asked uneasy.
"I…" I shook my head. "There for you."
"Uh…thanks? I…know I don't have anything high-end to wear but…I don't think I'll fit into anything in that pile."
"No, stupid. I'm going to sell them and you can have the money…for your food truck endeavor. I think I can get a pretty penny for them. Many of them were only worn once or have been taken good care of. Especially the handbags and shoes, they should go for a lot of money."
"Oh Bella…I can't accept this." Edward marveled at the pile, "Thank you but…as much as I would like to see you get a whole new wardrobe, preferably one in favor of more fabric…I can't accept this." He rubbed the back of his neck and I felt like I had embarrassed him. I didn't mean to embarrass him.
"Please…come on. You and my grandfather…you both don't think I do anything…I want you to have them. If you take them and use the money for your truck then…at least I did something good in my life."
He was already shaking his head, "No, of course I don't think that. Bella, you have done quite a bit in the past couple of weeks. Your grandfather and I just want to see you reach out and see people for what they truly are. Not for…how much money is in their wallets or what clothes they're wearing. The people I want you to meet; people who live where I have been, I want you to see them as equals and realize that it doesn't matter who you are or where you come from. We all deserve happiness and love."
"But I don't need these things. I want you to have them. You need the money a lot more than I do. I know today's social experiment is most likely going to end horribly wrong. I don't do well with interfacing. I'm not the social butterfly you're trying to make me. Hell, I don't even get along with anyone in my own social circle…which is probably why I don't have very many friends…"
"Hey..." Edward shook his head at me, "This is going to sound incredibly corny but you have to stop stressing about how to talk to people and just be yourself. I'm your friend and…you never worried about talking to me even when we were getting to know one another."
"True, but do you really think going around to your friends today and calling them "homeless dudes" is going to earn favor? You're a masochist. You like it when I call you names and challenge you."
"I like you a lot more when you just speak to me like I'm Edward…not some guy from off the streets. You treat me like I'm just a normal person, something that I haven't experienced in so long. That's what I like."
He was so genuine with his words that it made me think he was talking about something else. I was about to ask him a question. One that would lead to more discoveries but the doorbell rang cutting our time short.
"I'll go and make us all some breakfast and entertain your grandfather." He got up from the bed and started to leave.
"Hey Edward." He turned back to me, "Do you think…I mean…today…do you think I'll screw up?"
I bit my lip waiting for a reply.
"I think today…you will be astonished at how amazing you are, Isabella Swan."
I took a deep breath after he left. I didn't know why I was so on edge. I mean it wasn't like I was going down to meet these people on my own. I would have Edward and I would have my grandfather but I was scared. I sat there probably longer then I should have thinking of why I was so scared. Sure, I have never really interacted with homeless people before. Funny since I had been working at a food kitchen for the past couple of weeks.
It wasn't until my shower when I could finally be honest with myself. I was scared because I was about to see the true harsh conditions of what Edward had to survive in. Where Edward had to sleep when he wasn't able to get a cot in the shelter. What Edward had to eat when he wasn't at Horizons. The smells Edward would have to endure and the lack of showers and plumbing that I took for granted every single day. How would I handle seeing all that?
The lack of clothes still hanging in my closet made it easier for me to find something to wear. The first time I had come up here knowing where I would be going, I took it with a grain of salt but now I knew how important this was and wanted to dress appropriately but there was nothing here to wear. I didn't want to show up looking pretentious. I had jeans and even though they cost a couple hundred dollars, I didn't have one top to go with them that would help me blend in.
I could feel my head start to pound and the lights in my closet bothered my eyes so I shut the light off and slid down the wall in the corner hoping for this headache to pass quickly.
"Bella?" Edward softly knocked on my bedroom door.
Maybe he would think I escaped off the balcony and just give up.
"Bella?" Edward pushed my closet door open and I shielded my eyes from the oncoming light.
No such luck on giving up.
"What's wrong?" He asked quietly.
"I don't have anything to wear. I know you think I'm being difficult like last time but do you really think that showing up in a designer outfit is best? I don't have anything appropriate for today." I explained.
"Oh…well…you could always wear what you wore yesterday. That's definitely not expensive or designer."
"I…I haven't washed it yet." I pointed out. My heart started to beat unevenly as I waited for Edward's next words to come out. I already knew where this argument was heading.
"You kept it clean and I'm sure it doesn't even smell."
I sat there staring at him.
"Bella, nobody's going to know and just think, the people we are going to meet probably have been wearing the same thing since last Tuesday so…"
I hated when he would guilt trip me into things.
"Can I at least have a change of underwear or is that too fancy as well?" I snapped sarcastically. I got up from the ground trying to keep my towel in place and pushed past Edward at the entrance of my closet to the pile of clothes that now lay on my floor for selling.
"What is your problem?" Edward chased after me.
I started flinging the clothes all around to find the green dress I had worn the previous day.
"Nothing. Found the dress. No problem here." I went over to my chest of drawers and pulled out some clean panties.
"What the fuck is going on?" Edward asked.
I guess my little mood change threw him for a loop. I don't know what exactly set me off…well I do but I didn't want to admit what it was. I knew that once again Edward was trying to come in and change me into his…little project. Making me do something I didn't want to do. He was trying desperately to make me a better person but sometimes I just wanted to be left alone.
Or maybe it was the fact that my period was coming.
"Bella, why are you so pissed off at me? Because I asked you to wear the same dress two days in a row? Yeah, I guess I'm the asshole."
I snatched up the white Chanel blouse with the black and gold buttons and threw it at him.
"Here, you might want to go and fuck this up so you can justify your lies to me."
I wasn't mad that he lied to me about the shirt. If he wanted to keep his secret, then fine keep your damn secret. Tell me that you're not ready to share and I will understand. Awe hell, I wasn't mad about the shirt or the secrets. I was mad that I had no way of getting out my planned afternoon. Getting my grandfather involved was a stroke of genius on Edward's behalf.
When I finally emerged from my bedroom dressed once again in the seventeen dollar and ninety-nine cent dress, there was no sign of Edward. My house was surprising silent as I made my way down the stairs. It wasn't until I was about to go into the kitchen that I heard Edward and my grandfather in hushed conversation.
"…she's pissed off and now I've added to my pile of lies."
"Let me handle Bella. Edward you don't understand. Bella is…the only hope I have for this family. She's the only hope for the future of Swan Enterprises. You've heard about my son, I'm sure."
"Yeah…he's just about as much as abandoned Bella. You can tell that it affects her so. But…sir…I really care about her. I mean…I haven't cared about anyone in so long the way I care about your granddaughter. I don't want to hurt her and not telling her…when she finds out…"
"It's not for her to know right now….and I can tell that she cares about you too. Even when you were just homeless dude to her, she talked about you with such fire that even though she was pissed off, she would never speak like that if you didn't affect her. I didn't know what I was going to get when you both showed up yesterday. I had heard mostly negative about this homeless dude and when you walked into the dining room I will admit that at first, I was upset. I was afraid of you taking advantage of her but…you've been there for her and been able to reach her far more than anyone else has."
I stood there listening and trying to understand just what the hell was going on. My grandfather knew Edward's great big secret and was advising him to not tell me? Why would he do that? Was it that horrible that he would think I couldn't handle it? Once again my grandfather put the future of the Swan family on me. ME of all people. I didn't even want to touch the subject of Edward's feelings. I couldn't process that too.
My doorbell rang again and afraid I would be caught eavesdropping, I turned quickly and ran hitting my shoulder into a wall.
"FUCK!" I hollered grabbing onto my shoulder as I tried to make my way over to the door.
"Bella? What happened?" Edward ran out to catch me as I just made it to my front door.
"I hit my shoulder." I yelled incredibly pissed off.
"On what?" He asked looking around.
Instead of answering I quickly opened my front door.
"Alice? Jasper?"
What were they doing here?
"Good morning. Edward said that you were bringing food today to some of his friends and we wanted to help." She pushed her way in.
"Uh…don't you like help enough?" I inquired.
"You can never help too much. Plus it's good for us to get out and meet the community. We can tell them about Horizons and let them know that they are always welcomed."
"Looks like we've got a party going on." My grandfather approached.
"Oh…uh…Alice, Jasper…this is my grandfather. Apparently he wanted to come along today as well. With so many people going…I don't think I'll be needed." I smiled.
"Nonsense. You're always needed." Edward stepped forward. "I have everything in the kitchen if you guys want to help with the last of it."
Like the Ford assembly line we all walked to my kitchen and Edward had everything set up.
"When did you have time to get all this stuff?" I asked.
"I went early this morning to the market."
"Did you pick up more ice cream?" I hoped.
"No, Bella. We can go to the store later. I know how much you want to go shopping with me so I stuck to the basics for now."
I flopped down onto a bar stool and huffed while everyone else whistled while they worked. Alice and Jasper were putting together the last of the sandwiches while Edward was placing a bottle of water and sandwich into each brown lunch bag. My grandfather was folding the bag closed and placing them into a large brown box.
It wasn't until Alice and Jasper were taking the boxes of lunches out to the car that Edward approached me again.
"Look, about earlier…"
"What about it." I shook my head, "I don't need your confessions. I don't need to know your secrets but it would be nice if at the very least if you wouldn't lie to me. Is that too much to ask?"
"It's complicated, Bella. I…I want to tell you…"
"But my grandfather doesn't want me to know. Yeah, I heard you both and for the record it's nice that you're taking advice from a man who is obviously senile rather than coming and discussing it with me."
"Why would you think he's senile?" Edward asked.
"Not all the time but I can now tell that he's losing it. He…goes on and on about me being the only hope for this family and if that's true then the bloodline should die off with me. Secondly he suddenly wants to go and do charity work? I have never heard of Charles Swan the first, wanting to do charity work."
Edward thought for a moment before replying to me. "I think…that when you get to a certain age…you become enlightened. You start to think about what you did on this earth and realizing that it wasn't enough. I mean…you think it's never enough. I think your grandfather just wants to have an opportunity to do something right and you should be supportive of that. We only get once chance at this life, Bella…learn from him."
"I am officially ready to go. I have drained the weasel so let's move it." My grandfather walked out from my bathroom.
"Grandfather!" I cringed disgusted.
"What? It's just an expression."
We made it farther this time than Edward's and my previous attempt. We were quickly approaching a park with our boxes in tow.
"The kitchens don't open for a couple more hours so most people usually wait along here till that time." Edward explained.
"Edward, is this hard for you to come back down here?" My grandfather asked.
"No. I…just am happy to be able to share in my good fortune."
"Good fortune?" I derided, "It's not like you hit the lottery."
I hadn't said a word to him since my kitchen. The car ride was especially tense. I was still very unhappy with him and my grandfather feeling the need to stand against me.
Edward looked at me, "You're right. It's better then."
I furrowed my brow trying to understand what he meant. He didn't take the time to explain because someone called out to him.
"Hey Richard. Just brought some friends of mine down. They wanted to help give back." Edward explained as he shook this man's hand.
"Well, we always welcome it." Kevin smiled and took the box from out of Edward's hands. "What did you bring?"
"Sandwiches and water." Edward replied.
"Great, the kids will have lunch for tomorrow. I know Angela will be happy."
Edward introduced us all but Kevin already knew Alice and Jasper. There was a long table set up under a big shady tree. As we approached to put our things on the table, I could see people suddenly taking an interest and approaching slowly.
It didn't take long for a line to form for the chance at accepting our handouts. Some people took the food and left straight away, others stood around or found a place on the grass to dig into the brown lunch bags. Suddenly I felt sadden that what we brought wasn't enough. We should have included fruit or a bag of chips at the very least. Or maybe we could have brought bigger bags because this sandwich and water would only be enough for a small meal.
"Bella. I want you to meet someone." Edward placed a hand on my back and prompted me out of my thoughts.
I turned to see the person whom Edward wanted me to meet and my breath caught in my throat.
"Bella, this is Angela."
This woman was the very same woman I had met a couple of weeks back on my first day at Horizons. She was the woman with the two kids that I had given an extra half of banana to, the one that Alice reamed me for.
"Hi." I said softly.
"Hi…I uh…I've seen you at the kitchen before." She stated.
"Yeah…I know." And that was it for me. What else could I say to her? It just didn't seem appropriate to ask how her day was going or to try to find some common ground to discuss.
"So…what do you do for a living Bella? I notice you around the kitchen often so you must have a great job that allows you free time."
No, I'm just a spoiled brat who doesn't have to work for a living.
"I…don't have a job so when I met Edward…he told me I should volunteer at Horizons."
"Bella, wants to go to school." Edward added.
"Want and can are two different things, Edward. I don't think I'll ever go back to school." I gave him the eye. He was trying to force a conversation that wasn't going to happen. I told him that I would fail at this. I wasn't good at just talking to people.
"Angela has two kids…Stephanie and Christopher. They're six and seven." Edward tried again.
"Where are they?" I asked looking around.
"Oh, well they go to school during the day." Angela explained.
"Really? They have schools…out here?" I didn't even know that homeless children went to school. Do they go to a special kind of school?
"A public school up the street." She replied.
I couldn't even imagine having to go to school when everyday was a struggle enough with finding a place to sleep or something to eat.
"That…must be very…difficult." I said awkwardly.
"It takes a while to get used to, that's for sure. Fortunately when they seized my husband's assets, they weren't able to take the van that my father had given us. So we at least don't have to sleep in shelters. It's really hard when you have kids to have to do that."
Fortunately? There was an upside to her life? A van wouldn't make me feel fortunate at all but I guess the alternative was worse.
"My god…the government did this to you?"
"Technically my shitty ex-husband did this to us. He…left the country after he found out that they were going to arrest him for embezzling so instead of going after the prick, they just decided to take it out on his wife and two children. They kicked us out of our house and took everything. I was a stay at home mom so I didn't have an income, now I'm lucky if I get thirty hours a week at the local McDonald's."
I couldn't find words. I wanted to cry for this woman and her children. How could this have happened? It just didn't seem right. "I'm…sorry…that's pretty shitty."
Eloquence was never my strong suit.
She sighed and smiled at me. She actually smiled. I think if I had to go through what she went though, I would never smile again. "I…still believe that everything happens for a reason. I have hope that it will all work out in the end."
"I hope it does." I replied sincerely.
I hadn't even noticed that Edward had left. I looked around for him.
"He's pretty great, isn't he?" Angela asked me.
"Who?"
"Edward…I mean…he's always thinking of others, always there to help you out. Christopher and Stephanie just adore him. It's really hard to find a good male role model and Edward always takes time to play soccer or help out with homework. You're really lucky; he's a good man, Bella."
"Oh…uh…" I could feel myself blushing, "we aren't together…I just am helping him out."
"Oh good, so you won't mind if I ask him out." She smiled assured.
"Why would you want to do that? He's…unavailable." I quickly stated. My heart started to beat quicker and for a split second I could see it. I could see Edward falling in love with this woman and being the father to her children. She should have Edward. She needed him more than I did so why was I lying by saying he was unavailable.
"I don't want to ask Edward out but at least you now know that you do." She smirked.
I shook my head befuddled. "No…I…" but I couldn't finish the sentence.
We both looked over to Edward who had a baby in his arms talking to my grandfather and another woman who I assumed was the baby's mother. I wanted to continue to deny it but seeing the man holding a baby in his arms; my poor ovaries never stood a chance.
"If I were you, I'd work fast…that's Tanya and she's been trying to sink her baby making claws into Edward since he showed up on the block. And by the way, that's like her fifth kid by her fifth baby daddy who also didn't stick around." Angela advised.
I stood there watching the scene unfold before me and I could feel something foreign bubbling beneath the surface. Angela left and I stood there not knowing what to do.
"Absolutely fascinating. Such an amazing experience, Belly." My grandfather walked over to me.
"Really? Having the time of your life?"
"Did you know Richard served over in Afghanistan?" he asked.
"How would I know that? I've never met him before." I mumbled.
"Yep, two tours and highly decorated. He was just sharing some stories with me. So sad…I can't imagine giving up everyone you love." Grandfather shook his head.
"Well, he didn't die. Why would he have to give up anything?"
"He suffers from PTSD. When he got back, it just got worse and worse so finally he left his wife and child behind because he didn't want to hurt them. I guess that Jasper fellow has been helping him cope. It's incredible…the stories that all these people have. Things that have gone wrong in their lives to put them here at this moment and yet not a person I spoke to doesn't have hope for the future. It's truly inspiring."
"Yeah? What about that…Tanya girl. What's her story?" I asked still staring at her cozying up to Edward and baby number five.
"Oh…I never found out but boy is that baby adorable." My grandfather praised, "I'm so happy that we had this opportunity today. Edward is a fine man…"
"A fine man." I scoffed. "I don't know what is going on between you and Edward but leave me out of it. If you want him, he's all yours. He can move to Calabasas and you two and go golfing everyday together."
"Isabella, you will show me some respect." Grandfather ordered.
"Why? You don't respect me. You asked him to lie to me. How is that being respectful? I heard you two this morning and I don't understand what it is that you two are so desperately trying to keep from me. I'm sick and tired of the bull shit."
I exhaled and held up my hands.
"Just…keep him. He's all yours."
I turned and started to walk out of the park. I know there was a lot expected of me but I just wasn't feeling up to being charitable.
"Isabella." My grandfather called after me. "Would you wait, Isabella?"
He continued to follow on after me and I didn't want the old man to have a stroke so I stopped.
My grandfather hobbled over to me, "This isn't something for me to tell. Should Edward tell you what secret he has? Yes. Probably but would you even listen? I don't think you will. I don't think you will ever give him a chance because you're too afraid."
"Afraid of what?" I snapped.
"Afraid of having more in this life then what you already have."
I laughed, "I have enough, grandfather. I mean isn't that what this is all about?" I asked waving my hand in the direction of park, "Showing me that I have everything in the world and there are people who have nothing. Be ashamed, Isabella. You were given a great life with an expense account and you never have to work a day in your life. Meanwhile there are people get fucked over by crazy ex-husbands and former soldiers who can't even see their own children. Be ashamed that you were blessed with everything."
"Everything? That's what this is all about. You don't have anything because what you think is everything is nothing."
"You're not even making any sense, grandfather."
"You think that having a house and clothes and a nice car is having everything in life? What about friends, Isabella? What about family? What about a boyfriend or a husband…children? What about the things that really matter."
"I'm…too young for those things." I replied uncomfortably.
"Bull shit. You've never had a boyfriend. You've never allowed anyone to get close enough to try. You think I don't know about you but I'm the only one who does."
"So what? You think that you won't preserve the Swan legacy if I don't marry and birth children? Hello? I'm not responsible for carrying on the bloodline. That's Michael. You should be pushing your hopes and dreams on him, not me."
"I don't care about preserving the bloodline; I just want you to be happy dammit!" he yelled.
We stood there staring at one another, equally pissed off and out of breath.
"My life is coming to an end…and I know now where I went wrong. I don't want you to have to wait until the end of your life to find out where you went wrong." My grandfather sighed and started to walk back down to the park.
I could feel my throat hurting from the massive lump I had in it from trying to understand my grandfather's words.
Where I went wrong? Where did I go wrong? What mistakes was my grandfather so desperately trying to keep me from making? I looked back down to the park and everyone seemed so happy. Besides Alice and Jasper, my grandfather and me; they were all homeless. How is it that they were so happy? They had nothing but they all stood around talking or goofing around eating the meager sandwiches we had come with and were happy.
I have everything and yet I have nothing.
I looked to Edward and I finally understood what my grandfather was trying to tell me.
AN: A bit less humor on this one I'm afraid. I hoped you enjoyed it just the same. Thank you for taking the time to read it and thank you for your reviews. I'm not sure if I'll be able to update this weekend. I've been really swamped this week so we shall see.