Chapter 8 - Tainted

Beca took Chloe home that day, remembering she promised to spend the day with Noelle, she tried to leave once she got Chloe settled, but Chloe asked her to stay because she really didn't feel well, and needed her.

Beca tried to protest, she really did. But Chloe does have a spell over her. She doesn't even have to ask twice and Beca will do whatever she says.

It wasn't like Chloe knew of her plans, Beca figured, so she stayed the night, holding Chloe and trying her best to comfort her. Running lazy finger movements over the redheads back and up her shoulders until she was able to fall asleep, as well.

Chloe was still feeling pretty sick the next day, so Beca stayed until she had work that night, explaining to Noelle that Chloe's sick and needs someone to look out for her. She made sure Chloe took her medicine, even though the redhead was relentless about it, Beca was persistent and eventually got her to take it each time.

It's Wednesday now and Beca and Chloe were sitting in Chloe's living room on the couch watching an episode of Friends.

"I don't think Amy will be home tonight either," Chloe said sleepily as she laid her head in Beca's lap.

Beca shrugged, "I guess that doctor ended up liking her after all," Beca said as she ran her fingers through Chloe's hair.

Chloe softly laughed and sat up from the position she was currently in, "I'm sorry about making you stay last night... And today... It was your day off-"

"It's fine," Beca said, cutting her off, "part of me wanted to stay cause I was worried you wouldn't really take your medicine."

Chloe nodded, "Becs, can I ask you a question? A serious one?"

"Sure," Beca said.

Chloe shifted so she was sitting cross legged and facing Beca on the couch, she muted out the TV's background noise in her head and took a breath, she had been meaning to ask Beca this since she was at the hospital.

"Remember at the hospital how you were telling me all those sweet things about not killing myself? And it really hit me, like really made me think. And I think I realized something...," she said, "but I'm kind of worried about what you'll think,"

Beca nodded and half smiled, "What is it?"

Chloe closed her eyes, bit her lip and took a small breath, she opened her eyes and Beca saw nothing but love in her eyes. It was pure and something Beca hadn't seen in the broken redhead since she returned. Something Beca used to see on the daily long ago. Something Beca missed. It made her insides gush and her heart beat rapid, and she swore it was a real love, the mutual kind of love, but dismissed the thought as she saw Chloe begin to speak.

"Well, you know how you said you the thing about Ross and-"

Beca's phone started to ring, "Sorry," she looked at it and saw it was her girlfriend.

I haven't called her since yesterday afternoon... Crap.

Beca looked to Chloe, and Chloe said, "Don't worry about it, answer."

Beca nodded and stood up mouthing, 'thank you,' and walked into the kitchen, not noticing Chloe's hurt expression.

"Hey, I'm sorry about not calling you," Beca said.

"Yeah, well, I called Aubrey and Jesse to see if we could all get together, and they said it would be a good idea if you, Chloe, and I go to lunch with them tomorrow," she said, "And so do I, if my girlfriend is going to be spending so much time with someone, I'd like to get to know them."

Beca thought for a moment, is this a good idea? Chloe doesn't seem to do well with people anymore.

"Beca? Is it okay? Because I want to meet her and actually speak with her," she said, "instead of seeing her sleeping on your couch."

Beca cleared her throat, "Fine. Yeah, that- cool. Yeah, uh, tomorrow? What time?"

"Noon. At the Market Cafe."

Beca sighed quietly, "We will be there. See you tomorrow."

And with that, Noelle hung up.

I feel like this isn't going to go well.

She huffed and dialed Jesse, as soon as he picked up, she said, "If this was your idea I swear, Jesse!"

"Whoa, calm down! It was my idea, yeah, she asked if we could hang out, and I know that you've spent the past few days with Chloe, so I figured she might want to go," he explained.

"If anything goes wrong, or if you're rude to Chloe, you're going to regret it," Beca said and hung up.

She took a breath and walked back out, and was met with Chloe lying back down on the couch watching the episode.

"Hey, sorry about that," Beca said.

Chloe sat up, "It's okay," she said.

"Lay back down," Beca said.

Chloe quirked and eyebrow, "Why? You were sit-"

"Because were cuddling, duh," Beca said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Chloe softly laughed, "I should've known, badass Beca loves to cuddle."

Beca was surprised at the response, but said nothing, she probably would've made Chloe uncomfortable, so, she smiled widely and slipped behind Chloe, pulling her close to her.

"Only for you, Beale."

After the episode was done, which was only like five more minutes, Beca spoke up, "Hey, uh, so, tomorrow- Jesse, Aubrey, and uh, my girlfriend, Noelle- well, they uh, they want-"

Chloe sat up, "Breath," she said.

Beca nodded and sat up as well, "They want to have lunch,"

Chloe nodded, knowing there was more.

"With you there, too."

Chloe bit her lip and nodded slowly, "Okay," she said, dragging out the 'a'.

"I mean, you so don't have to go if you're not comfortable, or if you still don't feel well," Beca said.

Chloe shook her head, "No, I feel better. Uh, I, yeah. I should go. I should meet them. Even though I'm kind of scared that Jesse will hate me."

"He won't," Beca reassured, "Aubrey's nice, she's... protective. We got pretty close since she's stated dating Jesse. It takes time to learn to love her, though."

"And your girlfriend?" Girlfriend. I still can't wrap my head around Beca having a girlfriend...

Beca shifted and swallowed some spit, "She's nice. She knows that were best-friends, and that you're going though a rough patch. She gets it."

Chloe nodded, "I'm kind of nervous. I know that sounds stupid cause they're your friends-"

"No, I get it," Beca reassured with a smile, "do you not remember who I am? I'm terrible with new people, and making friends. That's basically why you were my only real friend through school. Thank God you sat next to the first day of preschool."

Chloe giggled, "You looked so mad that you were there, I couldn't resist."

"Ah, so even back then I was irresistible?" Beca said with a quirked eye brow and a smug smirk.

Beca saw her go back into the metaphorical shell again, and she cursed herself for it.

"No, no! I mean, you're not irresistible. You're just- special to me. I want you," Chloe scrunched her nose, not liking how that sounded, "I mean, I want you to be mine," she closed her eyes and huffed, "my friend."

Beca smirked and Chloe covered her face, "No, not like I want you sexually. I mean, yeah, you're not ugly- you're pretty attractive, now. I mean, you've always been! But- my God. I mean,"

Beca's mouth parted as Chloe's face sunk, "Cause I don't," she stated, "I don't want you for sex... I- I don't know what I'm saying. I shouldn't be aloud to talk."

Beca laughed, "You sound like me."

Chloe scrunched her nose and Beca swore it was the cutest thing ever.

Beca trying to change the subject said, "Am I staying the night again?"

Chloe shrugged, glad that train wreck was pushed aside, "Let's go back to your place? I'm sure you want a shower and some new clothing."

"Sure, yeah. Uh, you wanted to stay the night then?"

Chloe covered her mouth, "Oh, sorry, I- I totally just invited myself over," Chloe expressed with a red face.

Beca laughed, "Chlo, it's okay. Stop freaking out."

Chloe stayed red, nodded and stood up, "I'll just get some stuff and we can go?"

"I'll be waiting," Beca said.

Chloe walked off as Beca remained sitting.

I'm so stupid. I'm trying not to freak out and stay calm but it's impossible it seems. I'm going to end up making a fool out of myself if I don't just stay quiet. And I am so confused. I feel the feelings I had again for Beca and this is not okay... She has a girlfriend. Chloe thought as she packed her things.

Back on the couch Beca was thinking, yeah, maybe spending so much time together isn't a good way to stop being in love with her, but I can't help wanting to be around her. If she doesn't know I love her, it's not like I'm cheating. Plus, it's not like we kiss... Or have- yeah, no, I may want to. No, I don't... Who am I kidding? I do, but no, we don't. We just cuddle at night and during the day... And we hold hands while we walk... And whenever we sit together we always have some sort of grasp on each other's hands, but that doesn't mean cheating. That means best-friend affection.

"Right?"

"I never got to ask you that question," Chloe said timidly as they climbed into Beca's bed.

Beca sat against the head board as Chloe sat cross legged on their respected sides

"Ask away," Beca said.

Chloe gulped. She was nervous. She was scared to ask. She never even gave it a second thought until Beca said the words... Because Beca couldn't love her like Ross loved Rachel... That wasn't possible. No one could really love Chloe, according the her mind.

Chloe's face was tensed, Beca could see the clogs turn in her head so she sat up with her. She lifted Chloe's chin and gave her the smirk that recently has made Chloe internally swoon.

"Hey," Beca said softly, "you can ask me anything," she reassured.

Chloe nodded slowly, "at the hospital, uh- why," she cleared her throat and looked down, "you said something, uh, that I have been thinking about for the past two days,"

Beca knitted her eyebrows, and continued to look at Chloe.

"Uh, and I don't fully understand what you meant by it," Chloe quietly said.

Beca nodded, clearly not one hundred percent understanding, either.

Chloe swallowed some spit, continuing to avert her eyes from Beca's, "about loving me like Ross loved Rachel," she quietly said.

Beca laughed nervously and created a small silence that was weird and uncomfortable, until she said, "well, I do. I do love you a lot,"

Chloe shot her head up and Beca looked down, "but you don't mean that? Were friends... And you have a girlfriend... And I'm me, I'm not worth that,"

Beca looked up into Chloe's piercing blue eyes and nodded, "We are friends. And I have a girlfriend. BUT, I sincerely do love you," she said, "they dated, yes, but when they didn't date they were still great friends, and yeah, I know we haven't dated and we never will, I didn't mean it romantically. I just meant that I really love you and to see you want to kill yourself really hurt and I never want you to be in that position again," Beca rambled.

Chloe looked hurt. She looked as if someone just told her they didn't really love her... In a way, that happened.

Why am I so upset? We're friends for the tenth time. I don't even have those feelings for Beca, right? No.

"Okay," Chloe breathed out.

Beca noticed Chloe's sad eyes and slumped shoulders and wondered what it meant. Surely Chloe didn't expect Beca to actually love her.

"And you know, maybe one day we will go to Vegas and get drunk and get married, and I'll be crazy and not want to get a divorce because I have already had two failed marriages," Beca quipped, making Chloe go into a small giggle fit.

"So, that means I'm Rachel?" Chloe asked.

Beca shrugged, "You're certainly beautiful like her," Beca stated.

Chloe's face softened and they looked each other in the eyes for several lingering moments, Chloe felt like she was being pulled in to Beca, she started to lean in, without breaking eye contact, Beca found herself doing the same.

Chloe placed her hand on Beca's knee and absent mindly licked her lips, Beca gulped, thoughts of Noelle out the window, thoughts of taking advantage of Chloe's state gone, nothing but how enticing Chloe looked and how full of pure unadulterated love Chloe's orbs were clouded her mind.

Beca placed her hand on Chloe's that covered her knee, and cupped her cheek, she slowly sat up on her heels and continued to lean in, their lips were mere centimeters from each other, their noses touching, eyes fluttered closed. Each other's breaths mixing. The tension of being so close, yet so far from being in a blissful state was so high, neither of them wanted to break it, until Chloe couldn't take it anymore and surged her lips forward and locked her lips with Beca's.

It was timid at first, shy, like a first kiss. Even though it was technically their fifth, but none had ever been like this. None had ever been anticipated, none where they were both fully aware of what was happening.

Their lips became one and they were in sync beautifully after they each tested the waters. Beca was still cupping Chloe's cheeks, she could feel fireworks and sirens going off, the fireworks because of how simply amazing Chloe's warm lips felt against hers and how long shes really wished for this moment, and sirens because she finally realized what was happening. Beca felt Chloe try to slip her tongue through her lips and that was it.

"Chloe," Beca breathed out.

Chloe snapped back, "I'm sorry," she said, her mouth hung and she covered it, "fuck," she whispered, "I'm so sorry." she whispered again, slightly out of breath.

Beca nodded and ran a hang through her brunette hair and clamped her lips shut, "I just, I can't," she shook her head and took a deep breath, "I have a girlfriend, and you," she stood up, "you're you,"

Chloe huffed, "I'm me?"

Realizing how bad that sounded, and how she knows that Chloe thinks so lowly of herself Beca turned around and faced her, "Not a bad thing, but you're just, you're Chloe. And we can't," Beca sighed and started to pace.

"We can't what?" Chloe asked quietly.

"Ugh," Beca grumbled, "you can't kiss me! You can't kiss me again and then let me think it means nothing like all the other times," she yelled.

Chloe ducked her head, "how do you know it meant nothing?"

"Chloe, don't even," Beca hissed, "you've kissed me four, now five, separate times, at four different ages," she stated, "and not one damn time did you seem to care that we kissed."

"Beca-"

Beca scoffed, "No."

Chloe huffed, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that, I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. It must be the medicine or something. Maybe the stomach bug," Chloe said with a laugh, trying to blow the tension away.

Beca nodded, "I'm, uh, you can stay here tonight, I'm- just, I'll go sleep on the couch," Beca said.

"Okay," Chloe said, "Goodnight."

Beca walked out and sat on the couch, covering her face she sighed, holy shit. I just cheated. I told myself I would never cheat after what my Dad did. I told myself I'd never really fall in love. And Chloe is making me crazy. How could I of let that happen?

Chloe continued sitting up right, touching her lips with her fingers. They still tingled, they still were warm. All of a sudden my lips were on hers and then suddenly she pulled back and I knew from the look on her face I fucked up. Again.

Beca awoke to the smell of fresh coffee. She sat up and smiled when she saw Chloe sitting at the small table in her small kitchen. Then the thoughts of last night came swarming through and her smile became a frown.

Chloe realized Beca woke up, she stood up and brought her a cup of coffee.

"Thanks," she said, "what time is it?"

"Eleven," Chloe said.

"How long have you been up?" Beca asked as she sipped the coffee.

"Awhile. I couldn't really sleep very well," she confessed.

Beca nodded.

Then it was silent. Neither girl looked at each other. Neither girl made any noise other than their breathing.

"Look," Beca started with, "let's just pretend it didn't happen. I mean," she huffed, "that's what we've always done."

Chloe nodded, "why don't we get ready? I'm excited to meet Aubrey," she stated and walked into Beca's room.

Beca huffed, "Looks like nothing's changed,"

"Beca, I'm scared," Chloe whined as they began walking into the cafe. She stopped right before they walked in.

"Chloe, I'm not in a good mood. So, please for the love of God, stop whining," she snapped.

Chloe huffed, "I'm sorry," she said quietly.

Beca looked down, "No, no. I'm-ugh, I'm sorry. You've just been whining for the last hour and I'm not good with that."

Chloe nodded and pushed passed Beca and walked in, it was small and quaint, she spotted the only people in the whole restaurant.

She recognized Jesse right away. Still looking as goofy as ever.

Beca walked in behind her and saw how scared Chloe looked, she immediately regretted snapping at her.

"Hey," Beca whispered, "it's okay."

Chloe nodded and they walked up together.

"Hey, guys," Beca greeted, "Aubrey, Noelle," Beca said motioning to Chloe, "this is Chloe."

"It's nice to finally meet you, Chloe," Aubrey said kindly.

Chloe could feel the three of them staring at her neck, she started to feel very anxious. I know it's ugly but you don't have to fucking stare.

"You too," Chloe quietly said, then turned to Noelle, "it's nice to meet you, I've heard tons about you from Beca," Chloe stated, a little louder than last time.

What? Beca thought.

"Oh, really?" Noelle said.

Yeah, it's nice to meet you, too. Chloe thought. Bitch.

"Really," she said, she sat down next to Aubrey, as Beca sat down next to Noelle. She immediately grabbed Beca's hand and intertwined them, giving Chloe a glare.

"So, Chloe," Jesse started with. Beca glared at him and raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, how've you been?"

Beca bit her lips and closed her eyes, yes, what a great question.

"I've been great, actually. Better now that I'm in the city again," she said.

"You feeling any better?" Noelle asked, everyone could hear the sarcasm in her voice, "you know, since you have a stomach bug?"

Chloe smugly smiled, "A lot, thanks," she said, "Beca really helped."

Aubrey and Jesse could feel the tension and looked at Beca, and realized the brunette really had no idea what to do.

Chloe seems to be doing well, maybe I'm wrong about her people skills.

"Well, I'm glad," Noelle said, looking to Beca, "she is a fantastic helper."

After a moment of silence, Aubrey said, "Well, I'm going to get some coffee, and maybe a scone, Jesse come with me,"

Jesse nodded, then Noelle said, "I'll go too, you want anything, babe?"

Chloe scowled at her. Babe? Really?

"Oh, sure. Just coffee, you want anything, Chlo?"

Chloe shook her head, "No thank you,"

The trio walked up to the front to order, once they were up there Beca sighed.

"I could feel them staring at my neck," Chloe quietly said, "and I feel like I'm about to throw up everything I've ever eaten,"

Beca looked up and saw that Chloe was scared shitless, basically. She really wasn't doing okay, and she was trying her hardest not to let her nervousness show while she talked.

"Oh, no, Chlo," Beca cooed, she placed her hand on Chloe's neck and traced the burns, "you're doing fine, and you don't have to tell them what they are, even if they ask,"

Chloe nodded and half smiled, "Thanks."

Beca continued to trace the scars and when they walked back, she dropped her hand, but everyone saw the gesture.

Aubrey and Jesse both sat down and smiled at Chloe, while Noelle kept a tight lip.

"Here's your coffee, Becs," Noelle said.

Jesse looked to Chloe and saw her clamping her lips once she said the nickname. Becs has always been Chloe's nickname for her, now and then Aubrey says it, but it's Chloe's. And only Chloe's.

"Thank you," Beca only said, she took a sip and made a face of disgust, then became serious again.

"You don't like it?" Noelle asked.

"Oh, it's," Beca gulped it down, "it's good, its just- it has cream,"

Aubrey and Jesse averted their eyes and tried not to laugh at the dumb mistake.

Chloe sat up straight and raised an eyebrow, "Beca only drinks black coffee, sweetie," she said.

Noelle nodded, "Sorry," and planted a kiss on Beca's lips, making Chloe slump back in her chair.

"Oh, Chloe," Noelle said, she sat up straight and pointed to Chloe's neck, "what are those?"

Everyone's mouth dropped, and Chloe shot her hand up to her neck, she huffed.

Beca ran her hand through her own hair, "you don't have to answer that," she said.

"Why?" Noelle quipped.

"Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable," Beca lashed.

"It's okay," Chloe reassured quietly.

Beca looked to her and nodded, but felt like Chloe wasn't comfortable.

"Well, as you two know," Chloe said to Aubrey and Jesse, "when I left the city it was because I thought I was pregnant," she said, she looked down and kept her hand over her neck, "I had a miscarriage, ended up in a really bad abusive relationship, and that's how I got these on my neck, and the scar on my forehead," she said with shaky breaths.

"Chloe, you don't have to say anything else," Beca said.

"Yeah, honey, it's okay," Aubrey said.

Chloe half smiled and nodded her head, "I'm just going to use the bathroom," she said and stood up abruptly, then walked off.

After she was out of sight, Beca said, "What the fuck?" to Noelle.

"What?" She said defensively, "I wanted to know," she she with a shrug.

"Okay, really? She feels ugly enough with them, and with you just pointing them out it's just going to make her feel worse," Beca hissed.

Aubrey and Jesse sat awkwardly, while Noelle looked at Beca in disbelief until Chloe came back.

"Sorry," she said, "I'm still feeling kind of sick,"

"Why did you get taken to the hospital, anyway?" Noelle asked.

Aubrey looked to Jesse and Jesse looked to Beca, who looked extremely irritated.

Chloe thought for a moment, and decided to be blunt. Give her what she wants, right?

Chloe sat up and smiled, "On Sunday night I tried to kill myself," she stated.

Everyone, including Noelle, had a astonished look on their faces.

"I guess it would make more sense if I explained a little more, but I figured you didn't really care, so I cut straight to the point," Chloe said bluntly, "I have depression and PTSD, and I get severe panic attacks a lot. And I got tired of it," she said a little quieter, "so I thought, fine, I'll just take some sleeping pills and knock myself out."

"Well, I'm glad it didn't work," Aubrey stated.

Chloe looked to her and smiled, and then Jesse said, "So am I,"

"Thanks, guys,"

Noelle huffed, "I'm going to smoke," she said and walked outside.

Beca shot Chloe a look, "Are you going to be okay?"

Chloe nodded, "Fine, yeah, it's okay."

"You sure?"

Chloe shrugged.

"What, uh-" Jesse was cut off.

"The burns are from Tom, he used to burn me with the cigarette buds, and every time I smell smoke I get panic attacks, it's linked with the PTSD." Chloe rushed out.

"Oh, I'll tell her not to smoke, she shouldn't even be smoking in the first place," Aubrey said, before anyone could tell her otherwise, she was out the door.

They walked back in and Chloe ducked her head as she saw Noelle give her a death glare.

Beca had a tight lip and she kept her eyes on anything but Noelle.

"You're afraid of smoke?" Noelle asked as she sat back down.

Beca clenched her jaw.

Chloe shrugged, "Not necessarily afraid, just I, uh, I get panic attacks because he used to burn my neck with the bud of cigarettes, and I just, I freak out when I smell smoke," she voiced, "I'm sorry."

Beca scoffed, "Don't apologize, Chlo."

Noelle rolled her eyes, not going unnoticed by Beca.

The other three just sat in the chair, causally sipping coffee, able to sense how badly this lunch was about to really be.

"You know what?" Beca said to Noelle.

The girl knitted her eyebrows, "You're being kind of a bitch," Beca lashed, making everyone's mouth drop and a giggle from Jesse.

Truth be told no one really like Noelle, she wasn't the best person, and she only acted sweet around Beca.

"Excuse me!?"

"Yeah," Beca hissed, "Chloe doesn't have to be here, she came because she wanted to get to know Aubrey and you wanted to get to know her,"

Noelle scoffed, "Not so much anymore," she mumbled, "I mean, what do you see in her? She's a mess!" Noelle voiced.

"Okay, okay," Aubrey said, "you are being a tiny bit rude."

"More like a lot," Beca said.

"Well, I'm sorry. I haven't got to spend any time with my girlfriend because of her," Noelle said, "I wouldn't be surprised if they were hooking up!"

Chloe stood up, she had enough. "I'm not going to sit here and be told these untrue things. Yes, I'm a fucking mess! I'm very aware, and from the moment I laid my eyes on you today, I knew that you would be a heartless bitch," she turned to Beca, "and whatever the hell you see in her...," she huffed and shook her head, then grabbed her bag and said goodbye to Aubrey and Jesse, leaving Noelle with a scowl and Beca caught between a rock and a hard place.

Beca looked to Aubrey and Jesse with a confused face, and Beca nodded knowing what she had to do, then turned to Noelle, "we're having a talk later," she stated calmly and followed her heart to go after Chloe.

A/N: Sorry if you didn't get the Friends references! And thanks for 100 follows, and all the nice reviews! :)