A/N: Double update because I couldn't leave that cliffhanger and I had this written already so I figured why not.
Chapter 10 - Adoration
"She agreed?" Jesse asked.
"She agreed," Beca stated.
"Does that mean she wants to talk to you about a lot of things, too?" He asked, "or that she wants to listen to you? Or maybe she wants to tell you she loves you!"
Aubrey laughed at Beca's pained expression, as Jesse was brainstorming.
"Dude, what if she tells you something totally unrelated? What if shes like moving again?"
Aubrey groaned, "Beca's already freaking out, would you shut up!"
Jesse put his hands up in mock surrender.
Beca sighed and slouched on Jesse's couch, "I really have no clue. And it's killing me. I'm so fucking scared. What if she doesn't feel the same? This is why I never told her. Rejection scares me. And love scares me even more."
Aubrey sat next to Beca, "I talked to Chloe yesterday evening."
"You did?" Jesse and Beca asked.
"I did. She said nothing bad and neither did I. I promise. But, I can pretty much guarantee you that she feels the same," Aubrey gave her a reassuring smile, so Beca stood up and huffed, "Wish me luck."
Beca stood outside of Chloe's door and was on the verge of exploding. She had almost knocked five times now. Each time her mind kept telling her not to and she would just get hurt. Chloe was it for her and deep down she knew it. But the fear of the unknown kept creeping back into her mind and oozed into her deepest thoughts.
Finally, she mustered up the courage and knocked, a little harsher than she expected. She could hear footsteps and her stomach began to erupt with butterflies, or maybe elephants would be more appropriate.
The door opened and revealed Chloe, looking as beautiful as ever in some grey sweatpants and a long sleeved burgundy shirt, with her red locks tied back and no makeup.
"Becs?"
Beca shook her head and blinked, "Sorry, you just," she let out a breath, "you look gorgeous," she mumbled.
Chloe shook her head this time and disregarded the comment letting Beca come inside.
"So, what did you want to talk to me about?" Chloe asked, "cause I kind of wanted to talk to you, also."
They were standing right inside of the doorway, "Why, uh," Beca gulped, "why don't we sit on the couch?"
Chloe nodded and they went to sit down, she sat and leaned on the arm rest, as Beca sat at a respectable distance.
"So," Beca let out a breath, "I'm just going to spit it out because you have no idea how scared I am to tell you this," she was looking down and playing with her hands, she looked up and saw Chloe staring at her, she locked their eyes and gulped, "Chloe, I'm in love with you," she rushed out.
Chloe's jaw hung, and Beca covered her face, "I know, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," she said.
Chloe nodded and her lips parted but nothing came out.
"I just, I've loved you for so long, and I couldn't keep this from you any more. I broke up with Noelle yesterday. And that's what I wanted to tell you. I didn't want to say it through text cause it's pretty big, and I totally get if your weirded out and never, ever want to talk to me again,"
Chloe half smiled, and then furrowed her eye brows, then frowned. Beca could've almost laughed at the changing facial expressions if she wasn't so terrified at the moment.
"Why?" Chloe whispered.
"Why?" Beca said, "There's too many reasons."
Chloe shook her head, "I know I said what I said about our kiss and being more than friends, but you don't have to say this to make me feel better... I was hopped up on adrenaline from being so angry...," she furrowed her eyebrows and let out a small breath.
"Chloe, I love you. I love you so much. I really do love you more than Ross loved Rachel. And if you don't have the same feelings, that's completely fine," Beca said.
"How long?"
Beca shifted, "A while," she said.
"How long?"
Forever. "I realized I loved you when you turned eighteen. Remember how I took you to see a show?"
Chloe nodded, keeping her eyes from Beca's.
"That's when," she said, "but I'm positive I've always loved you, just never fully understood that it was love until then."
Beca's heart was pounding, her chest felt tight, and her head felt like it could explode. She felt tears start to poke through, but contained them.
"Are you serious?" Chloe asked quietly, "cause I," she sighed, "why?"
Beca thought about scooting closer to Chloe, but decided to stay still. She didn't want to make her even more uncomfortable.
"I'm serious. You really want me to tell you all the reasons? Cause we would be here for hours."
Chloe half smiled and huffed, "You mean it? You're not just saying that cause you feel bad for me?"
Beca nodded her head forcefully, "I mean it, Chlo. I've been so indescribably in love with you for seven years," Beca figured she had already said the big part, so she keep going, "I've barely taken interest in anyone. I've dated two people my whole life because I can't get over you and I don't want to get over you. I want you to be mine, but if you don't want to be mine, I'll have to live with it," she said.
Chloe closed her eyes and let out a breath. She continued to sit with her eyes closed and Beca knew for sure that Chloe didn't feel the same.
"I'm scared," Chloe whispered.
"I'm scared, too," Beca whispered back, "I'm terrified. I'm petrified. I'm scared shitless,"
Chloe softly laughed and looked towards Beca, "What if I screw up? What if I do something stupid and you get angry and fall out of love with me and just think I'm a complete idiot?"
Beca decided to scoot closer to Chloe now, there was a twinge of hope that came rushing through, she placed her hand on Chloe's knee hesitantly, looked up at her and gave her a small smile, "If you screw up," she shrugged, "then you screw up," Beca said.
"Beca," she sighed, "I'm still sick, I'm still messed up, and I'm still full of panic attacks just waiting to happen."
Beca nodded, "I know. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere," she said.
Chloe started to tear up and she put her face in her hands, "I'm sorry, I was trying so hard not to cry," she mumbled.
Beca nodded and started to run her fingers along Chloe's back, "What does this mean?"
All the terror and pure fear was washed away with hope and slightest confidence that she finally told Chloe, and it seemed like maybe, just maybe she felt the same.
Chloe looked up again and smiled at Beca with tears brimming her eyes, "It means that you love me, and I'm scared beyond belief, because I love you, too,"
Beca couldn't contain her smile, "Really?"
"Really," Chloe softly said.
Beca nodded and grabbed Chloe's hands in hers, "Then let's be scared together. And I assume you're scared because you don't think anyone can really love you?"
Chloe looked down and nodded sheepishly.
Beca placed her right hand on Chloe's neck and traced her burn scars like she had done so many times before, as she kept her left hand holding Chloe's right.
"I'm scared, too. I'm scared because all my life I've told myself I don't need anyone. My parents split up and I vowed I wouldn't fall in love with anyone because it ends up in nothing but heart break. All my life I've convinced myself that I'm better off alone, and then I fell in love with you. I feel hard and it hurt more than ever. But once I accepted it, I knew that I couldn't live without you," Beca said, she lifted Chloe's chin so they were eye level, "I will never hurt you like Tom and Sarah did. I love you, I love you, I love you."
Chloe smiled through her tears, "I love you, too," she said quietly.
"I love you," Beca said.
"I love you," Chloe whispered.
Beca smiled, "I love you."
Chloe smiled back, "say it again."
"I love you," she said, "I love you so much. God, it feels so good to say that."
Chloe giggled and then sniffled, "So, does this mean, that we, we can kiss and it will be okay? And mean something?"
Beca nodded and leaned forward, ghosting her lips over Chloe's, "it always has meant something," she breathed out. Their nose touched and she could feel Chloe's smile coming through.
Finally, Beca pressed her lips to Chloe's. She wanted to be the one to initiate this kiss. It wasn't timid, it was slow, but fast. It was careful, but messy. She cupped Chloe's cheeks and Chloe grabbed the back of Beca's neck and brought her body impossibly closer. Chloe's back was leaning against the armrest of the couch and she pulled Beca on to her body. Chloe felt a warmth on her lip, and the redhead happily obliged. Chloe let Beca dominate her and moved with Beca's lips.
She had never kissed anyone like this before. So soft, careful, loving, passionate and most of all just pure adoration. When Tom kissed her it was rough, hurtful and disappointing. He didn't take time. It wasn't slow and loving. And then Sarah was uncaring with her pecks. She would kiss Chloe and it was like she didn't even matter. But with Beca, it was like a whole new world was opened up and Chloe never wanted to leave it.
Beca pulled back and saw Chloe's chest heaving up and down, so she placed a kiss on Chloe's nose and sat up, pulling Chloe with her.
"Holy shit," Chloe breathed out.
Beca laughed softly and went to talk, but was pushed down by Chloe's body and her lips were being attacked by the redheads.
It was just as loving, gentle, and poignant at before. Maybe a little more hasty on Chloe's part. Beca pulled away and kissed the corner of Chloe's mouth and saw Chloe had tears in her eyes, she sat them up and wiped them away.
"Hey," she cooed, "why are you crying?"
Chloe huffed, "Because you're amazing. You're so sweet and I can't believe this is happening. And you're an amazing kisser," she said.
Beca laughed, "You're not too bad yourself," she playfully said.
Chloe smiled, "I've loved you for a while, too," she shyly said,"I was planning on telling you."
Beca sat back on the couch and pulled Chloe to her side, Chloe laid her head on Beca's shoulder and the brunette started to run her fingers through her hair.
"How long?"
Chloe sighed, "Since we were fourteen and kissed."
Beca sarcastically gasped, "I knew it!"
Chloe giggled and turned her head, then pressed a kiss to Beca's cheek.
"I can't believe this," she mumbled, "does this mean were a couple or are we just seeing how things go?"
"I want to take you on a date," Beca stated, "I've waited so damn long for this, so I want to do this right. For the moment, seeing how things go?"
"Fine by me," Chloe said softly and continued to lay her head on Beca's shoulder as she ran her fingers though Chloe's locks over and over and before they knew it they drifted off.
A few hours later Beca woke up with Chloe now lying on top of her with her head rested on Beca's chest, as she had her head rested on the other armrest. She smiled and wrapped her arms around the redhead and started tracing lazy circles on her clothed back.
It was peaceful and quiet, then all of a sudden Amy came barging through the door and Chloe jumped up out of Beca's embrace. She sat up and started to breath heavily and her face became flushed, she looked to Beca with this pure fear in her eyes, Beca sat up and scooted over to the redhead and placed her hand on Chloe's knee.
"Hey, you," she cooed, "it's okay, you're okay," she said gently.
Amy didn't noticed the two of them on the couch, she stumbled back into her room without any coherent words. The two girls assumed she was drunk or just very oblivious.
Chloe's heavy breathing started to die down and she closed her eyes as Beca ran her fingers over Chloe's back too sooth her. Beca laid back down and Chloe followed. She laid against the couch as Chloe turned into her body and rested her head in the crook of Beca's neck, she wrapped her arm over Chloe's back and continued to draw patterns. She knew it calmed her, she knew it made her sleepy, she did it until her breathing was back to normal. Once it was at a steady pace she kissed Chloe's forehead and scooted down so they were face to face.
"You okay?"
Chloe nodded.
"Why did you freak out? You don't have to tell me," Beca said gently.
"No, uh," she said, "remember how I told you I used to sleep a lot when I was in Arizona?"
Beca nodded.
"Well, like I said Tom didn't let me leave the house, and when he would come home he always barged through the door and then he, he would always make me have sex with him,"
Beca gulped and nodded, "I'm sorry," she whispered.
Chloe half smiled, "it's not your fault." she whispered back.
"I know, but that just really is horrible. Did you ever tell him to you didn't want to?"
Chloe let out a breath, "In the beginning, yeah, but he would always make me, after a while I just let it happen,"
"Well, you're safe now," Beca stated firmly.
Chloe smiled and looked into Beca's eyes, "I know,"
After a few moments Beca said, "you want to go back to sleep?"
Chloe shook her head, "not yet," she said gently, "I just want to lay here with you."
Beca nodded and smiled, they're faces were close and their noses barely touched. Beca looked to Chloe's lips and when she looked back up she saw Chloe doing the same.
Chloe let out a breath and Beca did the same. There was so much tension in the air. Not like earlier when they kissed. But like the other night. The tension was at such a high and their eyes were locked as if it was the last time they would ever see one another.
It was a tension so subliminal yet so loving neither one wanted to break it.
Beca leaned back and admired Chloe, "You really are gorgeous," she stated firmly, "and earlier when you brushed it off," she paused, "why did you look at me like I was crazy?"
Chloe closed her eyes and pursed her lips. She let out a breathy scoff, "cause I'm not," she barely said.
"I wouldn't lie to you," Beca said.
Chloe opened her eyes, "I know," she said, "I just don't feel comfortable hearing that," she paused and her cheeks reddened, "it's weird to hear that, it makes me feel awkward, it makes me feel like you're saying that because you know I don't think it, and not because you think it."
Beca nodded, "I won't say it then, but just know, that I think you are the most beautiful, gorgeous, breathtaking person in the whole entire universe," she stated.
Chloe got red again and smiled, "say it again."
Beca laughed, "You just basically told me not to?"
"I know," she said, "it's weird hearing it, but at the same time it's nice,"
Beca wrapped her hand around Chloe's neck and brought her in for a slow, drawn out kiss.
"You're beautiful," she whispered against her lips, she kissed her jaw, "You're gorgeous," she said.
Chloe could feel Beca's warm breath moving down from her jawline to her neck and she shuddered, "You're breathtaking," she stated as she kissed the area under Chloe's jawline, the brunette tried to continue her caring stupor, when she was stopped.
"You don't have to kiss my neck," Chloe said softly, "I understand."
Beca titled her head back up and looked into Chloe's eyes, "Don't worry about them, they're a part of you and that makes you just as beautiful," she said.
Chloe started to tear up and Beca mentally kicked herself, "I'm sorry," she said, she closed her eyes and sat up, leaving Chloe lying down, "I should've just listened to you."
"No," Chloe said, "No, I'm just so happy." She stated, "I'm just a big huge teary mess."
Beca smiled, "You're still cute."
Chloe wiped her tears and smiled, "I wish we could've told each other sooner," she said, "all those years of acting like a couple, and doing things together," she laughed, "why didn't we just tell each other?"
"Well, for one, I was scared. And I didn't want to lose you. I thought that if I told you that I was in love with you and you didn't feel the same that we wouldn't be friends anymore," she stated, "I figured, I'd rather keep my feelings to myself than loose my best-friend."
Chloe huffed and half smiled, "Me too," she said.
"What if we don't work out? What if we try and date and it doesn't work? What if since we have been friends for so long that it's awkward?" Chloe rambled.
"I don't think it will not work. I mean, kissing you and saying I love you feels so right. And I don't think it would feel this right if this wasn't meant to happen," she said, "and plus, we have always acted like more than friends."
Chloe smiled and shook her head, "Beca Mitchell you are such a softie. How can anyone think you're a bad ass?"
Beca laughed, "It's only for you, Chlo."
Chloe hummed, "What if," she paused and her face scrunched up, "you know what I just thought of?"
"What?"
Chloe sat up fully and sat cross legged on the couch, "What if, you know, cause it will probably happen someday, hopefully?" she said, "What if we try to have, uh, like have sex... And we're like Joey and Rachel!? What if we just can't get past kissing?"
Beca smirked, "Then we will be one of those couples that never have sex."
Chloe laughed, "I had a feeling you would use that."
Beca shrugged, "When we get there, we get there," she said.
Chloe nodded, "Can I kiss you then?"
Beca laughed, "No,"
Chloe gasped, "Fine." She stood up and walked into her bedroom.
Beca was yet again surprised by Chloe's answer, she sat for a moment, before going after her.
When Beca walked in she saw Chloe was crawling into her bed.
"I need some sweatpants or something," Beca stated.
From her bed, Chloe voiced, "there's another pair in those drawers, top one,"
Beca nodded and went to get the pair, she opened it and saw all the mix CD's she had made for Chloe long ago. She smiled and her heart swelled that the redhead still had them.
She took the sweatpants and turned around, "You still have these?"
Chloe sat up with a red face, "Yeah, I still listen to them, too. The songs are a little old, but I still love them."
Beca laughed, "So, you still listen to your lady jam, I see? I could've sworn you said you didn't?"
Chloe bit her lip, "Okay, maybe I do," she mumbled with a blush creeping, "more frequently now."
Beca smirked, "fair enough," she said.
"I would change in the bathroom, but since you don't have one in your room, I guess I'll have to do it here?"
Chloe nodded, "Oh, yeah, that, that's fine."
Chloe looked away and Beca smirked. She changed quickly and crawled into Chloe's bed.
"You know," she began, "the only thing different about us now is that we are aware of our feelings."
Chloe snuggled up to Beca, being her little spoon, "Right, you're still the short big spoon, and I'm the taller little spoon," she said, "And now we can kiss whenever we want," Chloe said and turned her head to peck Beca's lips.
"We can," Beca said, letting the short comment slide, she kissed her again, this time slightly more drawn out.
Chloe pulled back and smiled, "kiss me again,"
"I wouldn't have to if you didn't pull apart," Beca retorted.
She leaned in again and kissed her slowly. Pouring her emotions and love into it. Surprisingly to Beca, Chloe deepened it. She felt Chloe's hands cup her cheeks and rub the pads of her thumbs on her warm skin. Beca rested her hand on Chloe's hip and made crescent moon shapes over her tiny bit of exposed skin.
Soon enough, Chloe ended up pressed to Beca's body, trying to get impossibly closer. Beca could feel the heat in her body rise and she knew if she didn't stop this now it would go too far. Beca didn't want to pressure Chloe into anything, she knew from Amy that Chloe wasn't comfortable with her body. She also knew from the redheads body language that she wasn't confident. Plus, they decided to just see how things go.
She pulled back from Chloe, "we should stop," Beca let out with a breath.
Chloe nodded, "yeah," she said and kissed Beca again, it wasn't a deep, but still just as compassionate.
It wasn't until that moment that they were truly sure that this really would be the start of something amazing.