A/N: Don't hate me.

Chapter 14 - Love Me Not

Chloe awoke later that day to the feeling of drool on her face. For a moment she thought it was Beca, but then she felt a small weight on her chest, and remembered of Peanut.

The events of the early morning came running through her mind. She smiled sleepily as she remembered the breakfast they shared. How loving and absolutely perfect it was. She smiled wider at how when they came back home Peanut hadn't peed anywhere but where he was told, but then sighed as she remembered how once they came home he was so excited he went on the couch.

Chloe had realized Beca really, truly loved her. And she couldn't have been in a better state of happiness.

She opened her eyes fully and was met with an icy chill in the room as the dog kept licking her cheeks. She moved Peanut and rolled over, expecting to have Beca waiting for her, when she was met with nothing but an empty space. She sat up and set Peanut in her lap, she looked around as she was still in a sleep induced haze.

Chloe could hear faint voices from the other side of the door. Wondering who the voices belonged to, Chloe stood up as she held Peanut like a baby in her arms, she walked to the door and could barely make out what was being said. She could hear who she thought was Noelle questioning Beca. She could clearly make out Noelles words but not Beca's. She heard something along the lines of how it's pathetic what Beca's doing by dating her, that Chloe isn't worth it. Then she heard Noelle clearly laugh and say, "So, you agree she's a lot to handle!"

Nothing from Beca's side that she could hear. Chloe furrowed her eyebrows as she began to listen attentively,"You don't really love her, do you?" she heard, "How could you love her? She's a hassle."

Chloe continued to listen, "She's a whore. She got pregnant and left! What if she does it over again?"

Once the voices died down, Chloe opened the door slightly. The way the layout was luckily made it easy for her to see them. Chloe saw Beca, then she saw Noelle... And then she saw Noelles lips on Beca's. Then she could feel her stomach drop.

Chloe didn't know what to do. She just stood there with her mouth open and her stomach burning, holding her puppy. Her eyebrows furrowed at how Beca didn't seem to pull away for the longest time. It was like an eternity passed before the kiss was over. She shut the door and stood for a moment, contemplating what to do. Once she heard the front door close, Chloe walked out the bedroom door. She let Peanut down and he only stayed by her feet. She didn't know what to say, what to do. She hadn't garnered Beca's attention yet, so she cleared her throat.

"Hey!" Beca said as she turned.

Chloe fake smiled, "Hey."

"You hungry?" Beca asked.

Chloe narrowed her eyes at Beca, "A little," she said.

"Okay, well, I'm just gonna head to the store and buy some food."

"O-okay," Chloe said.

Beca nodded her head awkwardly, before walking over to Chloe and pecking her on the lips and making her way out the door.

"Well, fuck.." Chloe mumbled to herself, "What the hell just happened?"

After the incident Beca went to the store and she tried to clear her mind of the terrible words that were spoken and even worse kiss. Beca was oblivious that Chloe knew of the issue. She walked into her apartment and into the dead quiet kitchen. She began to unload her groceries, when she heard little foot steps. She turned around and saw Peanut looking blankly up at her.

"Hey, little shit. Gotcha some food," she said.

She earned little barks as she began to open the weird smelling dog food, then set it in a bowl as Peanut started to jump up on her, "Calm down," Beca said as she leaned down.

"Okay, I guess you don't like it," Beca said sarcastically as he went to town eating it.

Beca stood back up and began to walk into her room, she saw Chloe curled up in a little ball, with her head nestled into the pillow. Beca slid in behind her and kissed the nape of her neck, then slowly danced her fingers down Chloe's bare arm, but the girl shrugged it off. Assuming she was just kidding, Beca playfully huffed and kissed the the back of her neck again, when she didn't bulge, she wrapped her arms around Chloe's waist, "It's time to wake up," she gently said.

Chloe shrugged her off, "Stop," she stated.

Beca removed her arms and backed away.

Then it was silent.

An awkward, unwelcoming assortment of confusion on one end, and anger on the other.

"What's wrong?"

"You tell me."

"What?"

Chloe didn't answer this time.

"Chloe?"

"I don't want to talk right now."

Beca furrowed her eyebrows, "Did I do something?"

Chloe scoffed at her oblivion. She turned around and Beca could see her eyes were glossed over, her face had tear streaks and her cheeks were blotchy.

"What's going on? Why're you crying?" Beca cooed.

Chloe sat up and wiped her tears shortly after, she took a breath, "Look.. I'm sorry I'm a hassle. I'm sorry I'm a lot to deal with. I'm sorry I'm not worth it to you. I'm sorry you feel the need to lie to me. I'm sorry I'm too scared to have sex. I'm sorry I love you. I'm so, so sorry. And I'm especially sorry that you didn't say anything back to Noelle, because I never, ever, fucking asked you to help me. You wanted to. You wanted to be my best-friend."

Beca's face softened and her heart broke once she heard the words, "You heard?"

Chloe nodded, "I heard," she stated.

Beca tried to pull Chloe into her, but received a shove, "Don't touch me," Chloe muttered.

Beca's mouth parted at the coldness in Chloe's voice, "None of what she said or did was real."

"The kiss seemed pretty real," she mumbled.

Chloe could tell Beca was in turmoil. But, she was angry and Beca was nothing but confused. Those emotions don't work well together.

"It was so much, I didn't even know what was happening. I swear I didn't kiss her back. She just kept talking and talking and talking and then suddenly she kissed me."

"So, when you kissed her, I didn't hear you say anything else. What did you do?"

Beca closed her eyes momentarily, "I just told her to leave."

Chloe shook her head, "All the things you said last night, and all the things you've been saying, it was all a lie."

Beca let out a breath at the hurt in Chloe's voice, "No, everything I've said was true. She's just stupid jealous that I broke up with her."

Chloe didn't make any noise or movements, "Where's Peanut?"

"I fed him and he's probably just sitting out there, want me to get him?"

Chloe nodded. Beca got out of bed and walked into the living room and saw Peanut chewing on a pillow, "You really are a little shit," she said as she picked him up and walked back into her room. She set him on the foot of her bed and watched him trot over to Chloe. He sat right on her chest. Chloe started to pet him softly.

"I'm going to make some dinner before I go into work," Beca said, assuming the conversation was over.

Chloe nodded and curled up with Peanut beside her. Beca walked over to her, "I love you," she stated firmly.

Chloe averted her eyes from Beca's and half smiled. She said nothing in return.

Chloe had finally realized that Beca loved her. And now.. the realization was slowly slipping away one moment at a time as the words kept drilling into her brain.

Beca walked into work with a scowl. Chloe was visibly upset after the incident. Her eyes were dull. Her smile wasn't there. Everything was falling apart. And of course it had to happen after such a perfect weekend.

"What's gotten into you?" Jesse asked.

Beca shook her head, "I don't want to talk about it," she hissed.

Jesse nodded and they began their shifts. With Beca looking mad as ever, mixed with apparent sadness. She couldn't get her mind off Chloe, and how utterly hurt she was. Beca was confused, she was pretty angry at herself. She hoped everything was going to turn out fine, she had a feeling it would... But at the same time they way Chloe was being so unwelcoming to her, honestly scared her. After they were done and closed up the two of them walked into the back room and were met with Stacie.

"Hey, guys!" Stacie chirped.

Beca walked passed her with a frown, grabbing her coat. She sat down and put her head in her hands. Stacie looked to Jesse with a confused face.

Jesse shrugged and mouthed, 'No clue.'

"Beca, what's wrong?" Stacie asked.

"Nothing," Beca said.

Stacie sat next to her, "How did your date with Chloe go the other night?"

Beca looked up at them and huffed.

"Amazing. I took her to get a puppy Friday night, then we ate Chinese food, but her stomach started to hurt. Then last night we stayed out all night and walked around the city, we got doughnuts and coffee and went of the roof. She kinda puked, but it was still great. I took her to breakfast in the early morning. And," Beca started to tear up. She groaned and wiped her tears, she hated crying.

"Is everything okay? Is Chloe okay?" Stacie gently asked. Beca wasn't a crier, so something must of been really wrong.

"I don't know. Last night we had a talk while on the roof and I think she realized that I really do love her, but now it doesn't matter. None of this matters."

"Why doesn't it matter?" Jesse asked.

Beca huffed, "Noelle came over earlier and started yelling at me about Chloe. She said terrible things and Chloe heard all of them. She kissed me and Chloe saw," she stood up and wiped her tears again, "And now she won't look at me. She wouldn't kiss me, she won't let me even touch her. She didn't dare say I love you back. Ever since we've been saying it she's said it back. When we were eating she barely touched her food. And now I feel like everything is going downhill. I can see her going back inside her shell. All the progress she has made with herself is gone just because of those words and that stupid kiss," Beca groaned, "I fucking hate Noelle."

"Who doesn't?" Stacie muttered.

Beca sighed and then took a breath, "What if she doesn't want to be with me anymore?"

The two of them had never seen the brunette so vulnerable before. And Beca was surprised she was even letting it show. Neither of them said anything. Beca stood and started to pace.

"I mean, I can't lose her again. Not after all this. I can't just let her slip away. I can't do it. I can't."

"Beca, this isn't what you want to hear, but if she decides she doesn't want to.. there's nothing you can do," Stacie said.

"Stacie, you don't get it. After saying I love you and, and kissing her like I've kissed her. Holding her like I've been. I can't not do that. I'll wait until she feels comfortable again. It's just the wrong time right now. I promised her I wouldn't let this slip through and I'm not."

Jesse and Stacie looked to one another as the brunette continued to pace, "Beca, maybe it's the wrong time, but you've been here a long time. You've been in this position of waiting for Chloe for so long, maybe it's time to just let her go? Just because you love her doesn't mean it's meant to be," Jesse said.

"You're so damn quotable." Stacie muttered.

Jesse shrugged as Beca shook her head, "No. I can't believe I'm saying this, but she's the one. You know? I want to spend the rest of my life with her."

"Go fix this, then." Stacie said.

"Yeah, don't let her believe whatever Noelle said. Make her sure that the kiss meant zero to you. Make sure she knows you love her. Do what you've been doing."

This seemed like an easy fix, right? Do what she's been doing. She figured it wouldn't be that hard. She was already saying, I love you. Even if Chloe didn't reply, saying it would help, right? She wasn't even considering all the things Chloe's had to put up with, all the hurt and all the shame she's gone through. Beca wasn't acknowledging the fact the Chloe is clinically depressed. And saying I love you over and over again, apologizing for hurting her, that isn't going to make her believe it. Chloe had to do that on her own. She had to really understand the words, not just hear them. Beca hadn't thought about Chloe's PTSD and how loud noises affected her, or how she's afraid of smoke. Those thoughts left her mind. She was sure as hell thinking about Chloe, but not really about Chloe.

Beca walked into her apartment and smiled when she saw Chloe sitting on the couch watching TV. She was glad Chloe was up. A part of her worried that Chloe would leave.

Beca took a breath and tried to sound as happy as possible, "Hey, you," she said as she set her bag down, "I'm surprised you're awake. It's so late."

Chloe turned around and half smiled, but it was obviously fake. Beca walked over and sat next to Chloe.

"Where's Peanut?" She asked.

Chloe pointed to Beca's room.

Beca laughed, "He better not pee."

Chloe nodded and went back to watching whatever show was on at this time of the morning. They sat in a silence that neither one enjoyed for a few minutes. They were at a distance and Beca wanted nothing more than to be holding Chloe right now. She wanted nothing more to reach out and engulf Chloe with her love and apologize over and over again for what happened. But, Chloe was mad and Beca was oblivious and Chloe was quietly crying on the inside and Beca was loudly observing her.

Chloe started to play with her fingers, Beca noticed that she was picking at the skin and she began to take extra notice. Chloe had a few pieces of dry skin hanging off her cuticles. She was twisting them and then she would pull it off, each time bitting down on her lip when the skin ripped off. Beca assumed the girl didn't really know what she was doing. It was probably one of her nervous habits.

She set her hand on the red heads, but she pulled it away. Beca mentally slumped. If such a simple gesture made Chloe shrug off Beca, she knew this was more than just a small issue.

"Chloe, I think we need to talk about what happened," Beca offered.

Chloe shook her head.

"But you're clearly upset," Beca began.

Chloe shrugged, not letting her eyes leave the TV.

"Do you feel all right?" Beca asked.

Chloe nodded.

"Your stomach okay?"

She nodded again. They sat in silence for a few more moments until Beca couldn't take it anymore, "Chloe, please talk to me."

Chloe continued to stare at the TV, not letting her gaze falter. Beca felt helpless. All the ideas racing through her mind didn't seem right. Everything seemed like a lost cause.

"Just say something," Beca begged.

Chloe was still silent. They sat for a while in the quiet room that was only lit up by the TV. Beca continued to think of how to fix this. She thought about just launching into an improved ten page apology. Starting from why she's sorry, ending with it was an accident.

Basically what's she's been saying.

Chloe looked down at the coffee table and she took a deep breath, garnering Beca's attention, "If I look at you, I can't help but see you kissing her," Chloe began quietly, "I can't get her words out of my head. She called me a whore and you didn't say a damn thing. I'm not a whore," she hissed.

Beca sat, staring at Chloe. She really didn't know what else to say other than, "I'm sorry," once Chloe began speaking everything Beca thought of saying, washed away. Her mind went blank at the pure pain and anguish in Chloe's words.

"When she said all of that stuff... You agreed. I heard her say it. I heard everything, Beca," Chloe said quietly.

"It wasn't like that. I didn't say anything because I didn't agree," Beca stated.

Chloe shook her head, "I didn't ever think you would hurt me," she said shakily.

Beca shifted, kneeling in front of Chloe, she tried to access the red heads hands but she crossed her arms. Beca closed her eyes momentarily, "It was not on purpose. I have no intentions of ever hurting you."

Chloe pursed her lips, "God, I can't stop picturing you kissing her," she said as she covered her face, "I saw you as someone who could never, ever hurt me. Even if it was an accident."

Beca sighed, "It's not like I tried to do this."

"It still happened. Just because it wasn't on purpose doesn't make it okay."

"That's not what I mean, Chloe." Beca stated.

Chloe took a breath and continued to look down, narrowing her eyes.

Beca laughed dryly and Chloe narrowed her eyes, "How's this funny?"

Beca stood up, "It's funny because last night was amazing. The night before was amazing. You were so happy and you were worried something would ruin us. And we agreed we would work through it if something did happen," Beca answered as she slowly paced.

Chloe looked up at Beca, she had an unreadable expression.

Beca sat back down. "Shit happens. And there's nothing I can do about that. You just have to trust me when I say that that was a complete accident. None of the words she said were true. The kiss meant absolutely nothing."

Chloe looked down away from Beca.

Beca grabbed Chloe's hand in hers, thankfully, she didn't pull away. All the words Beca wanted to say just kept coming out as she saw Chloe stay silent, "Telling you I loved you was my single best decision out many awful ones, and I can't imagine not having you by my side every day for the rest of my life just because I messed up and didn't stop her. But just know, I'm absolutely crazy about you. I love you so fucking much, please forgive me. Please understand that it was all a freak accident," Beca sat and scooted closer to Chloe, she took a leap of faith and kissed her temple, "When bad things happen you can't run away, or ignore me. I know all about that and it does nothing but make things worse. You can't shut me out."

Chloe shook her head throughout the words Beca spewed out, "I can't. I can't do this. I can't do this," she motioned between them, "I'm sorry, I can't. I don't even know if you're lying or if this is the truth," she took a breath, "I feel so stupid. I just feel completely useless. I can't explain why I'm so pissed off, but I am. And we, we can't do this. I'm- I can't, Beca."

Beca was unbelievably unsure if Chloe was serious, or if she was acting on an enraged emotion. Beca wasn't sure if this relationship was really over, or it it would all be fixed by tomorrow. They would wake up in each other's arms, their breathing mixed, their heart beats in a steadyin time. Everything would be okay. But right now, it was like a bad dream that was realistic. No ghosts, or haunted houses. No scary things happening. No, this dream was real life. And it was just as scary.

Beca reached out for Chloe, hoping maybe of they just laid together , took in each others warmth and could cuddle it would help, but Chloe stopped her, "I uh," she looked down, "I don't," she paused and set her hands on her lap, "Beca, I can't. I'm sorry."

"I get it," she said with a fake smile.

Chloe nodded, "Whatever this was, I'm so sorry, but it's," she closed her eyes, "it's over. Its, just, I'm sorry. Okay?"

Beca gulped and pursed her lips. Everything came crashing down in a matter of seconds, "Okay."