Regina Mills had never liked the outdoors, and the past few days in Neverland did very little to change her outlook. The relentless mosquitoes, the perilous pathways, the sweat, the grime…not to mention the creative positions one had to contort oneself into when going on a latrine break. It stretched the limits of Regina's understanding for her to fathom how any rational, sane human being would willingly subject themselves to such heinous conditions…and actually enjoy it. Two years ago, had anyone been foolish enough to suggest that she go on a camping trip in the forest for any extended period of time, she probably would have turned them into an ant and squished them beneath the heel of her boot…and that was if she was in a particularly forgiving mood. So deep-rooted was her aversion to the outdoors that the only thing that could bring her here to this grotesque hell-scape was the kidnapping of her son. Yes, Regina Mills hated every second that she had trudge through the forest. However, the thing that made this experience the absolute worst, apart from Henry's abduction, was the fact that she had to trudge through the forest with this lot of aggravating imbeciles…aggravating imbeciles that she was currently having a tense argument with.
"Well, I still say that we should take our chances and go across it" Regina spoke curtly, struggling to keep her voice down. Pan's Lost Boys were always patrolling the forest and it wouldn't do to have her group discovered all because she couldn't control herself.
"I disagree with Regina. I think that we should take our time and go around it," at the sound of Prince Charming's all too irksome voice, Regina couldn't control the scoff and accompanying eye-roll that came from her. "We've made good enough progress today and I don't want to risk anyone getting injured by going through that thing."
"I'm with David," Snow quickly chimed in "it's too risky to go through. We should try to find a way around it."
The source of their current argument was a landslide that had cut a swath, about one hundred paces wide, right across the path that they were following along the side of a hill. It had been raining in the forest since first light and the others were concerned that the soil was still unstable. The land ahead warped and twisted, and looked almost as if someone had poured tonnes of molten candlewax down the hillside. On top of that, every few paces, broken tree trunks treacherously jutted from the scarred landscape at menacing angles. The Charmings wanted to err on the side of caution and search for a way around the obstacle. Regina vehemently disagreed with that course of action. Not only would searching for a possible way around waste precious hours, but it was also completely unnecessary. As Regina had been painstakingly explaining for the past half hour, she could simply use her magic to get them across.
"Why am I not surprised?" Regina drawled sarcastically. "In case you two have forgotten, it's MY SON who's been kidnapped. Right now, he's with that psychopath Peter Pan with God-knows-what being done to him. We can't afford to waste another second just because you two idiots don't have the guts to do what needs to be done!" Regina realized that she was shouting…so much for self-control.
"If I may interject," Captain Hook sidled up from lounging on a nearby tree, "the forest floor has been rather treacherous today. Even you, yourself, were injured earlier when we were walking across flat terrain." He gestured towards Regina's ankle. "I'm with the Charmings on this one."
Regina bristled. She could feel her rage mounting by the second. How dare this…riff-raff use her fall in order to justify a ridiculous decision? It was completely irrelevant. Besides, the only reason she had tripped earlier was because she was momentarily distracted. It happened this morning, after they had finally located Tinkerbell and persuaded her to join them. They were walking through an extremely narrow track when Emma Swan had decided that she wanted to take point so, she had to slowly squeeze past Regina to make it to the front. In order to keep her balance, Emma Swan had lightly placed her hands on Regina's hips. It was a very tight fit and Regina could feel Ms Swan's breasts and stomach running along her back. She could also feel Ms Swan's soft breath tickling the hairs on the back of her neck as she whispered "Excuse me" into Regina's ear. After that, Regina didn't know what happened. Her stomach gave a sickening flip and, all of a sudden, she became extremely woozy. Before she knew it, she was on the forest floor, lying on her back, looking up at the forest canopy above. The fainting spell was utterly inexplicable. "Maybe it was the humidity. Yes, it was definitely the humidity"
Anyway, all of this was irrelevant because they didn't have to walk across the slump. All she had to do was wave her hands and *poof*, they would appear safely on the other side.
"Listen you morons," Regina's voice was a low growl "for the hundredth time today, we don't need to waste time looking for another route because we don't need to walk across it. I can use my magic and we'll be there in an instant. I don't even know why we are wasting time with this silly argument. All you have to do is TRUST ME." Fully exasperated, Regina turned to Emma Swan who, up until this point, had been notably silent in the whole argument. "Please, Ms Swan, talk some sense into your parents' thick skulls."
The blonde was currently hunched on a nearby log. She had her elbows resting on both knees, with her chin balanced on her fists. Her biceps were slick with a light sheen of sweat. Her emerald eyes glinted as she weighed the options that they were presented with. Regina didn't know what it was, but she was finding it difficult to keep her eyes off of the Saviour for the past two days. It felt like there was an almost magnetic force that kept her sight glued to Emma. Her eyes always lingered, clinging to every curve, to every small movement. One minute Regina was staring at the way that Emma's hips moved as she slinked through the forest. The next minute it was the cute little way she scratched the back of her neck whenever she got nervous. Right now, Regina was stymied by the blonde's easy-going swagger. How could anyone make the act of sitting on a log so…aggressively sexy…and those arms….well, they were practically pornographic.
"Ms Swan should really wear some sleeves…how is anyone supposed to focus with those arms out in the open?…There's that funny feeling in my stomach again." Regina felt as though it was getting hot all of a sudden…and was it difficult breathe? "What the hell is wrong with me?"
The mayor was finding it hard to maintain her composure. She was already emotional from the argument; maybe that, coupled with this sweltering humidity, was what was causing her to suddenly feel ill. Regina didn't allow herself to think about what had happened between herself and Emma the other night. "Yes…it's DEFINITELY the humidity."
"Ms Swan, please tell them! Tell them that we can't afford to waste any more time. That Henry is out there, scared and alone, and he needs our help!" Regina begged. She was surprised at the beseeching urgency of her own voice. It was very unlike her to be this flustered…this emotional. She didn't like it. "I'm just worried about Henry," she thought, as she put it from her mind.
She didn't even know why she was asking for Emma's help. Regina knew that the Saviour would side with her parents. After all, Regina was ever the villain in this story. These days, Emma Swan was considerably more civil towards Regina than she was before; however, it would sunder the very fabric of reality, if the Saviour were ever to side with the "Evil Queen" over her parents. At least, that's what Ms Swan seemed to believe. Especially considering the fact that she hadn't seen Regina's side of things in any of the disagreements (and there had been many) between the mayor and the Charmings since they landed on this cursed piece of rock. The futility was beginning to weigh on Regina; it felt like lead settling at the bottom of her chest. If she didn't know any better, she might have described the feeling as…disappointment?...sadness? "How ridiculous! It's obviously whatever bug has been bothering my stomach lately."
"Regina…" Emma's gruff sigh jolted the mayor back to reality.
In one fluid motion the blonde got up from the log, and strode into Regina's personal space. Regina could feel butterflies flitting around in her chest; her mouth went dry. They were now standing face to face. Her eyes subconsciously flicked to Emma's lips. Regina was sure that Ms Swan was saying something, but for some reason, all she could think about was how distractingly soft they looked.
"I wonder what it would feel like to…" Regina shook herself out of her reverie. After all, that was a dangerous train of thought.
With a great mental push, Regina was able to shift her eyes from Emma's lips and lock eyes with her instead. What was that look there? It had flashed across those emerald orbs for a split second. Was it…regret?
"…I think that… I'm going to have to side with the others on this one" Emma lowered her gaze as she kicked at a clump of dirt on the floor.
Regina heard herself sharply gasp just as she felt a sharp stab through her heart.
"Oh…" Her voice was a broken whisper.
She had expected this outcome, so she didn't know why she felt this disappointment so keenly. Yes, Emma had forgiven her past transgressions but she would never grow to truly trust Regina. They would continue to be civil to each other…nothing more. She could feel moisture welling in her eyes. Desperately needing some fresh air, she turned her back to the group and tried to gather her thoughts.
Despite her best efforts, her mind kept drifting to two nights ago. Maybe, it was because that's when she first thought things had shifted for her and Emma. Maybe it was because that was the first time that she had allowed herself to…hope…for something that she couldn't yet identify.
That night, Regina had been hyper-aware of every move that Ms Swan made. She would never admit it, but since arriving on Neverland, she had grown accustomed to falling asleep to the sound of Emma's breathing. For some reason, it made her feel comfortable and safe. On this night in particular, she could easily tell that Emma was having trouble sleeping. Regina could hear every toss, turn, moan, and groan. The blonde was never a heavy sleeper, but that night was worse than usual. It was so bad that, at first, Regina was concerned that it might have been night terrors.
She wasn't sure but, as the night stretched on, there were times when she thought she could sense Emma's gaze on her. Given their complicated past, Regina then started to think that maybe she was the source of the blonde's discomfort. It couldn't be easy to fall asleep next to the "Evil Queen". Her suspicions were confirmed when she was awakened by a loud crash, only to find that Emma Swan was staring at her. She didn't know why but, she could feel her stomach sink with disappointment. For some reason, Regina felt the overwhelming need to put Ms Swan at ease. Maybe if she explained herself to the blonde, Emma would be able to look past the grimy parts of their history and actually see Regina as a person.
She could barely remember getting out of her blankets and walking across camp to the spot where Emma was sitting. She could remember her piercing unease at the prospect of letting her guard down with someone. A life of hard lessons had taught Regina to be a survivor - to be vulnerable was to be weak; to be weak was to die. She was about to break the number one rule that had kept her alive all these years. Of course, she was terrified. In an effort to maintain her equilibrium, Regina had made some snarky comment about Emma's incompetence. She could tell from the unwavering churning in her stomach that it hadn't worked.
It wasn't easy for Regina to open herself up to Emma. She could remember nervously stammering like an idiot. Her pulse was racing. Her palms were sweaty. Every fibre of her being was telling her to run away. But, Regina knew the importance of everything that she was about to say, so she pushed through. Just then, a penetrating gust of cold night air sent her shivering. Surprisingly, before she could blink, Emma Swan had wrapped her blanket around Regina's shoulders. Even more surprising, was the way that Regina's body reacted to the contact.
Had it been anyone else, Regina would have recoiled from such intimate contact immediately. However, despite her wishes, she could feel her body relaxing into Emma's embrace. She was surprised at how comfortable it was; at how easily they fit together. In a few short seconds, the mayor would realize that her body's betrayal didn't end there; it ran much deeper. The feel of Emma's touch was sending ripples of pleasure all across her skin. Regina was barely able to stifle a low moan as her body leaned further into the blonde's. All of a sudden, she became very aware of Emma's breast, rising and falling against her own. Her nipples tightened. She could feel the heat from Emma's body radiating in waves; waves that slowly wended down her spine and coiled tightly between her thighs. Her core was throbbing. Was that moisture that she was feeling down there?
Regina couldn't understand why she was finding it so difficult to police her own body. Maybe it was because she was already in a raw, emotional state. Maybe it was because she hadn't been physically intimate with anyone since Graham. Regina dared not allow herself to think of any other possibility. In an attempt to regain control of her rebelling parts, Regina squeezed her legs together and started to squirm, ever so slightly, in her seat. This didn't help. The more she squirmed, the more aroused she became. Her pleasure mounted. Had Emma just said something about hypothermia? Regina wasn't sure, but she knew that she needed to say her piece and leave as quickly as possible. She was unravelling at the seams, and she knew that she wasn't equipped to handle these intense feelings that she was experiencing. Especially since the person who was causing them, would have considered Regina to be her arch-nemesis only last week. She was sure that Ms Swan would be repulsed if she was aware of the struggle that was taking place right beside her.
Regina could remember that her voice was a crackling whisper. Her words came out in a rush, clawing and tumbling over each other in a desperate bid for freedom. She could feel herself blushing as she rambled wildly. She couldn't remember exactly what she had said. Something about how thankful she was that Emma had decided to give her a second chance. Whatever it was, she was sure that it sounded clumsy and leaden.
By the end of it all, Regina could remember how raw and exposed she felt. Now that Regina had shared her innermost thoughts with another human being, there was nothing left to hide behind. No title. No power. No snarky humour. There was nothing, save the empty seconds that now stretched between her and Emma; nothing but the opportunity for Emma to judge her; to hate her; to reject her…to hurt her. Just like all those who had come before. She wanted nothing more than to run away and pretend that this had never happened.
She could see a quizzical look on Emma's face, as the blonde worked her mouth, open and closed, trying to find an appropriate response to everything that was just said. Regina didn't want to hear it. That way she could pretend that it might actually have been something good. True to form, Emma had scarcely said two words before Regina shushed her with a well-placed threat. She immediately regretted it. If she ever expected anyone to see her as anything other than the "Evil Queen", that was one old habit that she would have to break. She hoped that she hadn't ruined everything that she was trying to achieve. The ensuing silence lingered and weighed on Regina, as Emma just sat there, staring at her. Then, suddenly, the thinnest wisp of a smile flashed across the Saviour's face. With a simple "Ok…whatever you say", Emma left Regina stunned and speechless. While Regina would have been prone to perceiving the words as dismissive, Emma's tone somehow managed to communicate patience, and understanding…and acceptance. Before Regina was able to grapple with this notion, Emma abruptly broke eye-contact, and focused her attention on the starry sky above. She also hugged Regina just a little bit tighter.
"Just for one night," thought Regina "let me remember what it feels like…"
With that, Regina relaxed further into Emma's embrace, and placed her head on Emma's shoulder. Emma felt warm and safe…She felt like home. In the hours that followed, Regina allowed the smallest sliver of hope to bloom within her. Maybe Ms Swan would learn to trust her. Maybe they would be able to move on from their complicated past, and actually become friends. Maybe they could become more than friends. Regina's eyes glinted with all of the possibilities. Possibilities that she now knew would never come to pass.
"Regina…I'm sorry," Emma's soft touch on her arm brought the mayor back to the present, "it's just that we can't see the other side and we don't know how dangerous it is. I don't want anything bad to happen…especially to –"
"It's perfectly fine, Ms Swan." Regina sharply cut Emma off. Her voice was cold and hard. With a quick flick of her wrist, she wiped any tears that might have been lingering in her eyes. "Are you going to lead the way, or shall I?"
Without waiting for a response, she turned sharply and plunged herself into the forest. She didn't know where she was going. She didn't check to see if anyone had followed. All Regina knew was that she wanted to get away. She couldn't bear to hear the concern in Emma's voice. She didn't want to see the hurt in Emma's eyes. She didn't want to feel her touch. She had been fooled by these things once before. She was foolish enough to let her walls down. She was foolish enough to hope that someone could actually care about her…even after everything she had done. She knew the truth now. Yes, she was here with all of these people but, Regina Mills was still alone. Completely and utterly alone…She had been that way since the day that Daniel died. She knew now that it would never change.
A/N – I just wanted to thank you guys for reading and following. I know that it's kinda dark right now but bear with me…I promise that there will be a happy ending.