Chapter 16 - Crazy
Beca couldn't fall back asleep after Chloe had awoken her. Her thoughts overpowered the possibility. It was worrying to her that Chloe seemed so scared she would leave. She had never been like that before and it confused her to no end. In one week and a few days she had changed strikingly. It was humorless that such a draw back was made. She laid in the same position on the couch with Chloe huddled into her as if it were life or death.
Once the light shown through and it became apparent it was morning, she figured she might as well wake Chloe. The red head still had her face buried deep into Beca's neck, as her arms were folded into herself. Beca began to run her fingers up and down the red heads arm, and she shifted so she could prop Chloe up.
"Chloe," Beca gently said.
Beca let out a breathy laugh as Chloe's eye barely opened then closed again.
"You gotta wake up."
Chloe huffed quietly and opened her eyes fully, she then squinted and sat up as she looked at Beca who was still propped up against the arm rest.
"Can I just sleep for a little while longer?" Chloe hoarsely asked.
"Unless you want to be late, I wouldn't try it," Beca said.
Chloe's eyes kept fluttering open and closed as she was slumped over.
"Why are you so tired?"
Chloe shrugged and yawned as she stood up and began to walk into her room. Beca stayed put, lightly tapping her fingers on her knee to pass the time. After about ten minutes she decided she would check on Chloe cause she hadn't heard anything. The apartment was not necessarily big, so most noises could be gathered. Beca stood up and walked into Chloe's room and started laughing as she saw her with some dark wash jeans on as a white button up draped over her shoulders while she was laying face down on her bed.
Beca turned the girl over and realized he blouse wasn't buttoned, she stared for a minute at Chloe's bra clad chest, before realizing she was asleep. Beca snapped out of the gaze before buttoning the blouse and sitting Chloe up.
"Chloe," Beca began calmly, "you need to get ready."
Chloe opened her eyes and sighed, "I know," she stood and began walking out the door with Beca in tow.
"Chloe, the coffee is ready. And I fed Peanut," Beca said from the kitchen, but got no response. She washed her hands and began to walk out before drying them off.
Beca saw her laying down on the couch. She walked over with a sigh and tapped her, "You're going to be late," Beca said gently.
Chloe smacked her mouth together a few times before sitting up and opening her eyes, "I'm tired."
"Why are you so tired?"
Chloe shrugged as her eyes drooped, "I'm taking this new medication, since I apparently needed another upgrade, and I think the side affects may be drowsiness, and ughnf, Beca please, can I just stay home?" she slurred.
"I don't think so. Aubrey will be here soon, right? It's seven-thirty."
Chloe nodded and laid back down, "She'll be here any minute."
"You can't go back to sleep," Beca said as she sat down next to her, trying to prop her up.
"Too late," Chloe mumbled.
Just then there was a knock at the door. Beca looked down at Chloe as she stood up and sighed at the red heads closed eyes. She walked over, opened the door, revealing a surprised Aubrey.
"Wha- Beca?"
Beca laughed softly, "Hey, Chloe is really tired this morning and-"
Aubrey shook her head, halting Beca's words, "Why are you here? Are you guys okay now? Are you back together?" Aubrey whispered.
"We're okay. We aren't together, but I'm here because I came over yesterday to talk to her and she didn't want me to go."
Aubrey nodded, "Is she okay?"
Beca turned her head seeing the red head still laying down, "I think so, just tired."
Beca let Aubrey in and they both walked over to the couch. Chloe cracked one eye open as she could tell the two girls were hovering over her, "Hey, guys."
They each let out a version of a chuckle before looking at each other, "Up and at 'em, Chloe," Aubrey stated.
Chloe sat up, running a hand through her messy hair and sighed, "Let me just get some coffee and I'll be right down, Aubrey."
The blonde nodded, then looked at Beca as Chloe began walking into the kitchen.
"I'll be in my car," Aubrey stated, before waking out.
"Ow!" Beca heard, "Shit."
The brunette hurried to the kitchen and saw Chloe wiping up some spilled coffee that was on the ground, she was bent over and Beca could barely help keeping her eyes off Chloe. She thought it was acceptable to look at her, but at the same time she didn't. Confused was an understatement.
"Did you spill coffee?"
"Yeah," once the red head stood up, Beca made sure her predatory gaze was gone and replaced with a caring one.
"Beca," Chloe commerced quietly as she washed her hands, "I was wondering if you could stay at work with me?"
Beca furrowed her eyebrows. She took in the question for a moment before questioning why Chloe would need her at work. She had Aubrey there for her and it's apparent that Chloe does like Aubrey. But, maybe she isn't as comfortable around Aubrey as Beca. Nonetheless, why is Chloe only now asking this? She's been working there for two weeks now and has not once asked this favor of Beca.
"Why?"
Chloe turned around as she picked up her mug, "I don't know, uh, I was just wondering," she said softly.
"I mean, I guess I could? But you'll be working and I would just be sitting there. And I don't see why you need me?"
Chloe nodded, "Yeah, sorry, that was a dumb question," she said as she began walking with Beca not too far behind.
"No," Beca stated calmly, "It's okay. Let's get you downstairs so you and Aubrey aren't late."
The two made their way out of the building down to Aubrey's car. Once Chloe was settled and Aubrey began to drive, Beca watched for a moment, as the car got smaller and smaller down the busy road, hoping that Chloe would do okay.
Beca assumed the red head would, but couldn't shake the feeling that Chloe asked Beca to come with her for a reason. Maybe it was just simply because she wanted Beca's company after being apart for a week. Or maybe it was because of the attachment issues.. but then again, Chloe wasn't like that before, right? So, why after just one week would that change? After reassessing all the possibilities and once the car was fully out of sight she decided to go back up to Chloe's apartment to make sure Peanut was taken care of, before heading back home herself.
Later that day just as Beca was walking into the club, with Jesse not too far behind, she saw Aubrey's car pull up, with Chloe seated in the front seat beside her. She continued to unlock the building and once the car was parked, she walked over to Chloe's side as Aubrey got out and walked over to Jesse.
"Hey, why're you here?" Beca asked.
"I didn't want to be home alone," Chloe said.
"Oh, uh, I don't know if this is the best place for you to hang around," Beca said.
Chloe looked down, "Yeah, but I didn't want to be alone."
"I don't know if you'll feel comfortable here. And I can't take the night off tonight since I just had yesterday off."
Chloe looked to Aubrey and saw her talking to Jesse with a smile etched on each others faces. She looked back to Beca, "I don't want to go home."
Beca nodded, "O-okay, well, I don't think you should stay," she said calmly.
Chloe let out a breath, "I really don't want to be alone."
Beca closed her eyes momentarily, she was trying so hard not to just say yes. But, she knew for a fact that Chloe needed to be at this club like she needed a hole in her head.
"I can't stay with you the whole time, unless you want to follow me around while I work. And-"
"That's fine," Chloe stated.
"No, Chloe, that's not fine. You'll be perfectly okay at your apartment, I promise."
Chloe opened her mouth to reply, but then closed it.
Beca set her hand on Chloe's knee, "You're going to be just fine. There's nothing to worry about."
Chloe looked down and half smiled as Beca ran her thumb over the material, "Will you come over after?"
"I probably wouldn't be able to until really late."
"That's okay. I'll wait up for you."
Beca let out a breath, "Chlo, it might be ten, maybe twelve, even three in the morning. I don't know."
Chloe nodded, "Just promise you'll text me and let me know after you're done? Even if it's late."
Beca thought for a moment. She was certainly confused why Chloe was so adamant about this, "Yeah, I promise."
Hours later after Aubrey took Chloe home it was around midnight when Beca decided she would take a break. She was sitting in the back room, leaning against the wall and she decided to check up on Chloe.
'How are you doing?'
Beca put her phone back in her pocket, and not even a second later she felt the vibrations.
'Chloe: Tired.'
'Beca: Sleep, Chlo.'
'Chloe: Not without you.'
Beca felt her lips curve into a crooked smile as she read the three simple words. It was sweet of course, but at the same time, she didn't want Chloe waiting up for her.
'Beca: Go to sleep. I promise I'll be there. Be thankful Amy keeps a key hidden.'
'Chloe: Okay. I love you.'
Beca let out a breath and bit her lip, suddenly unsure of the use of the cliche phrase, she eventually replied, 'I love you too.'
As Beca promised, after work she headed to Chloe's. It was around four in the morning when she finally got there. She stumbled trying to find the extra key. Once she opened the door and was met with the chilly room and slightly illuminated walls, she closed the door quietly behind her and walked to Chloe's room.
Beca saw Peanut chilling at the foot of Chloe's bed and he raised his small head when he noticed her. She set her bag down by the door and took her coat off. Beca didn't want to sneak up on Chloe and scare her, so she kind of stood for a moment, contemplating what to do. She should've thought this plan through more.
Soon, she saw Peanut stand wobbly on the bed and trot over to Chloe. Since the red head was laying on her back, with her upper body free from the blankets, he sat on her chest and began to lick her face.
Beca cracked a small smile as she saw the action. Chloe's nose crinkled and she let out a small groan, "Why do you always," then her eyes fully opened and she saw Beca standing there with that crooked smile and she smiled and everything was fine, despite the puppy drool on her face.
"Hey," Beca said gently.
Chloe sat up, "Hey."
Beca rocked back and forth on the balls of her feet, not knowing what to say or how to say what she wanted to. She wanted to curl up with Chloe and hold her until she fell back asleep. But, even though that's what happened the previous night, she was unsure if that was an acceptable thing to do.
"Lay down with me."
Beca slipped her shoes off. She walked over and Chloe lifted the blankets for Beca. The brunette sat down, leaning her head against the headboard and she looked down at Chloe.
The red head had a small smile playing at her lips.
Beca couldn't help but smile back.
Beca shifted so she was face to face with Chloe, each laying on their sides.
"Can I ask you a question?" Beca quietly asked.
Chloe nodded against her pillow.
Beca looked into Chloe's eyes and could see the tiredness. She could see how worn out Chloe seemed. Maybe it was from the new medicine, or maybe it was from everything and anything.
Beca had wanted to ask Chloe this question, but no time seemed right. And though right now still didn't seem appropriate, she couldn't hold back.
"You left that morning, but now you're afraid I'll leave you. You seem to want to spend every moment with me. Why?"
Chloe averted her eyes. They laid in the same position for what seemed like several moments before Chloe said anything.
"I don't know. I have no excuse as to why I've been doing anything I have. I don't have a rhyme or reason. I have no answer other than I simply don't know."
Beca continued to look at Chloe. She took in the circles under her eyes. The dullness through out her face.
Chloe sat up and pulled her legs into herself, "I feel like I'm bi polar or something."
Beca chuckled and propped herself up on her arm, "What do you mean?"
"When I was writing you that note I had so many things going through my mind. Then when I left I thought everything would just be over, and if I'm being honest I felt good that I wouldn't be a burden. Then the next day I felt terrible. I felt like the worst person in the world for just saying we're over and leaving."
Beca nodded, "So, why are you so worried I'll leave?"
Chloe set her head on her legs, "Its just a thought. I've always been worried, but now I'm terrified because I left, so now I'm afraid you'll leave. I don't want you to go."
Beca jutted her lips to the side, "I'm not going to you. Even if you never kiss me again. Even if we are never, ever together. I won't leave you alone. I mean, I'll always be your friend. But, if we don't get together you have to promise me that you'll be happy for me, because even if we aren't together and you find someone else, I'll be happy for you, as long as your happy."
Chloe lifted her head and shyly smiled, "I don't want anyone else," she whispered.
"Neither do I."
Chloe moved so she was facing Beca again. She set her hand on Beca's cheek, she ran her thumb over the skin and gave Beca another shy smile.
"I think I'm going crazy," Chloe said with a small laugh.
Beca shook her head and placed a hand on Chloe's back to bring her closer just because she wanted to feel Chloe next to her, "Do you remember that song you used to sing all the time? You would sing it every damn day until you went into that old school music phase?"
Chloe giggled, a real, happy sounding giggle, "The one that was like, really depressing and you didn't get why I loved it so much?"
Beca nodded.
Chloe smiled, "What about it?"
"Sing it."
Chloe furrowed her brows and smiled shyly, "Why?"
"I miss you singing all the time."
Chloe kept smiling, "Which part?"
"Any, just sing."
Chloe sat up as Beca shifted so she was lying on her back.
"I can't.. I can't sing it. I don't even know where to start," Chloe said shyly.
Beca laughed, "Sing that last part. The one where the guys like, "you're perfect to me," or some cliche thing."
Chloe took her bottom lip in with her teeth, "You really want me to?"
Beca nodded.
Chloe half smiled and began to hum it gently, before she sang the last verse.
Perfect for you...
I will be perfect for you
So I could go crazy,
Or you could go crazy
It's true...
Chloe looked at Beca for a moment who had a smile on her face and Chloe smiled back.
Sometimes life is insane,
But crazy I know I can do
'Cause crazy is perfect
And fucked-up is perfect,
So I will be perfect...
Perfect...
Chloe narrowed her eyes as Beca said the last word, then sang the last line quietly.
Perfect for you...
Chloe broke out into a large smile, "You are something else."
Beca laughed, "Do you get it?"
"I can't believe you, geez, you are so cliche."
"I am not."
Chloe shook her head, "God, Beca."
Beca smiled, "But you get why I wanted you to sing it, right?"
Chloe nodded, "Because that's how you feel?"
"Right."
Chloe closed her eyes for a moment and then laughed dryly , "I can't believe you did that. And the other words in that song. You know the song. It's about agirl who's basically fucking crazy and the guy, he, he says he loves her and you, you mean that?"
Beca nodded, "Like he says in the song, cause crazy is perfect and fucked up is perfect."
Chloe snorted, "You're just so damn cliche."
"All right, maybe a little," Beca said as she pulled Chloe down next to her.
Their noses touched. Their lips were barely connected. The air was thick and they weren't even sure if Peanut was still in the room or what.
"Is it okay if I kiss you?" Chloe quietly said against Beca's lips, "cause you know, that's what happens in the song."
Beca softly smiled and looked to Chloe's eyes, then her lips. She traced her fingers on Chloe's back as she rested their foreheads together.
"As long as you promise not to run away again if something goes wrong."
Chloe closed her eyes and let her hand slide to Beca's neck, she opened them and let out a breath onto Beca's lips, "As long as you never leave, I'll never leave," Chloe whisper-stated as she crashed their lips together for the first time in what felt like an eternity.