Chapter 14- All's far in love and war, the second time (SPOILERS, PLEASE READ MANGA OF AOT)
John POV
Five months have past since the attack. It's been five months since my best friend was killed. I still blame myself for his death but Armin and _ keep reassuring me that it wasn't my fault. I was there, I had so many opportunities, and I didn't take the chance. There was a funeral/bonfire for all of the lives that were lost that day. We mailed the military that we may need some more new recruits so we could finish the expedition faster. When we get back, Armin hopes to identify all of the people missing and then let the families know the news. Now that I think about it, I do remember Peter joining the military later than the requirement age. He also never talked to me about his family. I glance at the dagger attached to my hip. I always kept it on me ever since Peter left. My guilt still remains but seeing my friends that have survived always try to cheer me up. Armin keeps trying to occupy my mind by coming up with better ways to divide the military and finish the last two sectors. My concentration on my work slowly dissipates with each passing day. My mind is clouded with scenarios that could've happened if I just took a risk and tried to save him. With him gone, I feel lost, like a part of me is dead inside and I know I can never get it back. In the library, where most of our strategic plans occur, I would stare blankly at the ceiling or at the large table covered in architecture blue prints. Armin would occasionally put his hand on my shoulder and say we could continue the planning tomorrow. This has been going on for the past six days. Once in a while my mind would wake up and I would be able to add something logical and helpful to Armin's plans. My voice would sound dry and tasteless. I eat with Erwin and Levi once in a while but mostly Armin would bring me something when I accidentally skip breakfast.
Ms. Shadis was the only one I could keep talking to when I felt up to it. She would come and check on me after her daily rounds on her side of the west sector. She would smile in sympathy and ask if I wanted to do something fun or challenging to keep my mind thinking of something else. She always knew me too well, daring me to do an easy task but adding something difficult in the mix. She knew I could turn down a challenge but mostly because it would remind how Peter would dare me to do all kinds of crazy things in our training days. It was usually something simple from sparring to silly pranks on our classmates. When she would provoke me into an arm wrestling match or a checkers game, I could feel heart beating again every once in a while. A small smile would cross my face when she would sigh in defeat or dance around in a random fashion once she realized she won.
Levi got sent to Hanji's side once the hole in Wall Maria was finished. Ms. Shadis seemed pretty bummed out about it but she always smiled around, trying to pull me out of the hole I dug myself into. I talked to Armin after the second month of Peter's passing. He seemed shocked at first that I made a noise but he quickly beamed at me, ready to use whatever advice I gave him. After the fourth month, I was a little more open but still not back to normal. Armin tried to talk me after work hours hours, engaging me into conversations about the outside world or Ms. Shadis. I was interested in both topics but still rarely spoke. I was grateful for all of my comrades and superiors trying to cheer me up and let me know that Peter would want me to stay strong and keep fighting for the freedom of humanity.
Hanji Pov
Everyone is working hard to get the sectors done. We are currently four-fifths of the way done on both sides. Unknowing to Levi, I set some traps for my precious titans around the forest area. Armin found a few and warned me that capturing a titan could harm the newbies if not handled properly with. As if I didn't already know that! I'm twice his age and here he is with the same authority as me. Bossin' me around like I was a crazy scientist or a hormonal teenage girl. Well, one of those is wrong. Anyways, I managed to keep the rest of my traps undetected and waited for the right moment to check on them and see if they captured something worthy of me experiments. I've also been doing some research about what happened five months ago. It seems, as Erwin put it, that the titans were summoned. There was a mini earthquake, shrieks, and yells. As if there were more titan shifters than Annie, Bertholdt, and Reiner. I haven't managed to track down any suspects since most of the interesting people are on the west side.
A shocked cry in the distance startled me. I look in the north-west direction, squinting my eyes at the forest in the distance. I look back at my soldiers, seeing if they heard the same thing. The construction noise and people chatting freely faded out the noise that came from the forest. I snatched some binoculars from a scout near me and pointed them in the forest's direction. My eyes scanned the scenery for any broken branches, bushes, or signs of a struggling creature shaking the tall trees surrounding it.
"EUREKA!" I jumped up and down, nearly dropping the binoculars before handing them back to a confused scout. The trees in the forest were slightly shaking, giving me hope that my trap might've finally worked. I turn around, ready to jump off of this wall and snag my horse. Before I could do anything though, Levi stood in front of me. A stern glare was stuck in his eyes. I smiled cheekily, my giddiness not burning down.
"No." My smiling face turned to a huge pout. I was down on my knees crawling toward him within a second.
"Please, Please, Please, Please, Pretty please! Come on, Levi! It's not everyday I get experiment and find out more about titans! PAHLEASE! Pwease! Pretty please, with _ on top?"
His glare broke but no other emotion came to the surface of his rough face. I always knew about his little crush on _. He always did tend to look her a little longer than any other living thing. Back to my problem though, Levi looked down at me, contemplating on if he should let me contain the captured titan or to send a different squad to kill it. I gave him the best puppy eyes I could muster and he sighed in annoyance.
"I will let go this one time but you must promise me that you will not put anyone in harm's way. Also, you owe me a favor." Levi almost seemed like he was smirking, as if he already thought of something I could be useful for.
I nodded happily, running up to him, and squeezing the life out of him. He seemed taken back by my sudden embrace but ignored it and lightly tapped my head. I took it as the signal to let go and carry on with my crazy antics with titans. I ran down the ramp of wooden boards that helped the workers get around the wall. My team was quickly following right behind, knowing they would have to be on their toes when looking after me. I hopped onto my horse once I reached the bottom of the wall and took off in the direction of the forest. I prayed to my titan god to not let the titan escape. I soon had a crazy look in my eyes, my team shivering as they saw my face of pure madness. I laugh and kept the lead as we approached the forest. I told the team to circle around and enter from the other side, I would only need two members to help me capture it. Once the rest of my squad went around, I ordered the two with me to stay behind me at all times. We slowly enter the forest, the trap was only placed a few meters into it and a little bit to the right. I kept walking my horse into the forest and then told the two trainees to set the horses near a tree and tie them up. I quickly put on my 3DMG and flew to the a tree and swiftly landed on a branch. The other two followed after me but not as quietly. I put a finger to my lips and furrowed my brows at them. They gave me an apologetic face and turned their attention to the general direction I was intently staring at. I waited for another sign or noise that some kind of creature was still there. Even if it did turn out to be some kind of animal, the cadets, especially Sasha, would be happy for some meat. I hopped onto the next tree in front of me, trying to get some kind of view of my trap. What I saw shocked me to no end.
Reader Pov
Hanji was starting creep me out at dinner, more than usual. Apparently she saw a titan but didn't manage to catch it. I'm not complaining because she ended up catching some deer meat. She tried to explain that the trap did catch the titan but it escaped and replaced itself with a wounded deer. I wasn't sure if I should believe her because I've seen quite a few titans and none of them ever seemed intelligent. I know she studies them but she has no evidence so Levi, Erwin, and I ignored her ramblings. We hope she manages to catch interest in someone her age so she can get her mind off of titans, but Armin says she can quite helpful and is very daring to even try and research titans up close. I smile at his admiration for her but he probably just wants to join her so he can get out of the wall more often and see new places. I adore his dream but I can only wish him luck on his dream. The expedition is almost over. I know we lost a lot of people but now we have more territory for the people. Levi said he even found the little cottage we used to live in as kids. He said he would move in there once he's retired.
After a few weeks, the sector walls are finished and everyone can't wait to head home. John hasn't gotten back to himself but he is a little more sociable now. Levi has to hang around Pixis and Erwin to make sure everything has been completed and to fill out all the paperwork for all of the trainees and the deceased. Armin and I chat with John and the other squad leaders, listening to their opinions of how the expedition went. Most of the trainees were still mourning about losing their friends, family members, or lovers, others were jumping around unable to contain their excitement in being able to go home. Hanji keeps trying to talk Levi into searching the soldiers in order to see if there are any new titan shifters. They checked the whole area they built the walls around and made sure there were no titans left. Hanji was confused that the one she almost caught disappeared. Her comrades that were with on that day told her to let it go since they didn't see anything but a deer. I shrugged and all of the squad leaders vetoed the idea of searching everyone. The titan didn't seem to be a threat since no one has reported anything suspicious.
The journey home was uneventful. Armin played a card game with some of the cadets riding in the wagon. John and I chatted on our horses. Levi, Erwin, and Pixis took the lead setting a comfortable pace. Once we approached the gate, a few guards lifted the stone wall protecting everyone inside. A crowd was cheering for our return. Most of us hung our heads, we felt defeated since we lost so many trainees and a few great military officers. John saw many families he knew had lost their children in the tragedy. He kept his down for the rest of the parade, his painful memories were springing back to his thoughts. I offered him and Armin a meal at my place since we very close to it. Pixis soon revealed the outstanding news having finally being able to get back a part of Wall Maria. He made a long speech about how the expedition was difficult, lives were lost, and how the goal was accomplished. He wanted to make sure all of the families would understand that their child's sacrifice was worth the cause. Many started crying but I didn't stay long to how others would react to the survey corps.
Levi was unlocking my door as I led John and Armin in a new conversation. Levi started cleaning my whole house since we have been gone so long. Armin and John helped out and I got started on dinner. A nice, warm soup was soon set on the table. The boys worked quickly and the house was done once I set the table. Everyone took a seat at the square table. We all passed around the bread and simple soup. John was quiet for the most part, Armin would try and talk but Levi always seemed to cut his topics short when they seemed to get too sensitive. I tried bringing up how Levi was fun when he was a kid but Levi pinched my arm before I could reveal anything embarrassing. Armin laughed shyly as John smirked at Levi. It felt nice to just eat with friends and smile again. Armin would always glance my way once in a while, it looked like he had something on his mind.
A knock on the door surprised me. Eren and Mikasa were at the door waiting for Armin to go back home with them. Armin frowned at thought of leaving so soon but nonetheless he thanked me for the meal and headed for the door. Before he took a step out, he turned to me and embraced me. I hugged him back and patted his soft hair. He blushed as he pulled away. He couldn't look me in the eye as he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind.
"Will you please accompany to the bakery near the training academy tomorrow at noon?" I could have sworn I heard him hold his breath.
"Of course, Armin. I'd be glad to accompany you." I smile at him and lightly punch his shoulder. He looked up at me and his eyes started to shine. He hugged me again before running out the door to his best friends, yelling a thank you as he went.
Levi did his infamous 'tch' before standing up and heading to the sink while holding a few bowls. John stayed put in his seat, not wanting to know what pissed off Levi. I headed back to my seat to finish my soup. Levi apparently wanted to go to bed early, leaving me and John alone with an irritated 'goodnight'. I lightly laugh at his moodiness and start a new topic with John.
Levi Pov
The journey home was incredibly boring, Erwin and Pixis were chatting my ears off with their of the houses in the regained areas of Wall Maria. I already had dibs on the cottage I used to live in with _ and Keith. I made sure to make Erwin and Pixis promise that piece of land so I wouldn't have to worry about some idiot stepping on it before I could finish my packing. The parade was obnoxious, the speech was overbearing, and overall I was just irritated today. Armin had all the attention he could ever want from _. John had his pitiful aura surrounding him so I couldn't blame my childhood friend for talking with him more often than naught. I had to face the same thing with the female titan so I can understand his state of guilt. Anyway, back to that little mushroom. Yes, Armin, the blonde, smarty-pants that can make her laugh with a simple nerdy joke. That twit ignores all of my glares and continues talking to her as if they were the only two in the world. No, I am not jealous. I am just looking out for her best interests, after all the boy was part of her brother's squad and is half her age. John likes to pop in on their conversations once in a while but once we were in her house he wasn't much of a chatterbox like Armin. Armin seemed as if he was trying to memorize every inch of her home. Sure it was filthy but he probably scanned everything and placed it in his head for safe keeping. If I could, I would erase his memory. They boy is smart, I'll give him that but is more so John since he learned to back down on his affections for my best friend once I entered the picture. I can see why some people regard blondes as obnoxious or dull. I finally unclench my fists once he leaves the house with Mikasa and Eren. I also give him props for his outstanding bravery to ask out Ms. Shadis for a lunch date tomorrow, while I'm practically sitting in the other room or quite literally right down the hall witnessing the whole scene. I almost broke my bowl when I saw him hug her again. John is in his own little world while I stand to wash my dish, along with Armin's.
I head to my room right after, not caring if John stays up all night talking with my coworker. I no longer see him as a threat. If your best friend, that you've known for half your life, died in front of eyes, I doubt romance would ever crawl its way back to your mind. I used to think that but she was there to help me get through it all and Keith helped as well. I returned the favor when Keith died and now all I can care about is her happiness. She's quite frightful when she's crying because she will get upset and start throwing anything in sight at someone she can blame for her sadness. That is the moment when you would have wished you never bought furniture. At the time I evaded her tantrums because she blamed the doctor and not me. I was too lost in my memories that I didn't hear the knock on my door.
A bolder knock approaches my wooden door and I was quick to answer. "Yes?" I peek through the door, opening it slightly to see my best friend in her night-gown and her fingers laced as looked at me.
"May I come in?"
"Of course." I move to the bed as she enters my room. I assume John has left since I hear nothing outside my room. She quietly closes the door and turns on the light. She's still afraid of the dark after so many years, I smile at her childish fear.
"I would like to talk to you about John and Armin." My smile drops at the sound of the little mushroom's name but I make no move to stop her from speaking. "Well, firstly, John would like us to help him to tell Peter's family about the... event personally. I think it would be good for him if come as moral support." I nod at this, agreeing with her sincere words and kindness. She continues after my response,"Also about Armin..."
I watch lift her head to meet my gaze, "Do what you wish." I've usually always said no when someone would try and woo her so her surprised face doesn't shock me. "It's your life, your heart. But if he breaks it, I'll break his face." I hug her tightly and whisper good night. We're not getting any younger and if I can't make her happy, I want her to be with someone who will.
She exits my room as I pull the covers my face. My eyebrows furrow as I move my to my nightstand. I pull open the first drawer. I dig around in it to make sure its still there after all of these years. I finally grasp it, a velvet, navy blue box. I really couldn't care less about the color, much less what is inside. I only care for the meaning it holds if I were to ever present this to her.
I heard a whisper outside my door, realizing she was so close to seeing this possession of mine, I quickly shut the drawer and made myself comfortable. Sleep never seemed difficult to find until tonight, excluding the nights where titans affected my sleep.
Reader Pov
"I wanted you to refuse, like you always did."
I shuffled my feet across my newly cleaned floor. My room was spotless thanks to the boys. Mostly Levi, since he had taught them how to clean properly. I flopped onto my bed not being able to process why on earth Levi would let me go on this lunch alone with Armin. Maybe he wanted me to get with Armin, after all the guy does seem to have an obvious interest in me. I still can't see Armin as more than a brother. He was trained under my brother and me. He was recruited under Levi. Now he is currently our equal in authority and is able to surpass us. I roll over to my side and snuggle into my pillow. I guess I'll just have to tell Armin tomorrow.