Short chapter chapter is short, I'm not exactly happy with it but honestly there's not much I can do. And sorry this wasn't uploaded earlier, was being buggy I guess and wouldn't let me submit it.

Kanda can feel his face grow red, but he couldn't really think of a valid reason, nor could he look away. He wonders how he hadn't noticed before, god she was beautiful, in that odd harsh sort of way. And God he hated her, he hated Allen with every fiber of his being. For making him feel things he didn't want to ever feel again, for making him second guess himself with every single word- for making him so angry. He hated her because she turned him into a fucking twelve year old with every word he said.

"Well can you please stop staring now? I am fully aware I have breasts and a vagina. It doesn't mean I like certain arseholes to look at them." Allen states dryly, before taking up a brush from the counter and throwing it at Kanda's head. It connects with his eye in a rather sickening sound, and Kanda lets out a string of curses. Fuck, she was screwed, Kanda saw her. Damn him!

Turning away quickly Kanda slams the door behind him, berating himself in his head. Why hadn't he known, and why the fuck was she passing as a boy. Why on earth was her body covered in so many scars? Yes she fought demons but that didn't account for the sheer number of them all. It didn't account for the circular pits engraved into her back. God fucking damn it, why does he feel so fucking awkward now?

He realizes just how easy it must have been to pass, her chest was nearly flat and she had so much muscle on her that curves were nearly nonexistent. He was so fucking stupid, stupid, stupid!

Wiping her face in the towel, she feels like breaking down and crying. Glancing back up at her reflection, she sweeps the brush over her head, smoothing her hair into a more feminine style. It didn't look right, but it was her. In a fit of frustration, she messes it up again. Getting dressed she finally goes out to the front room, where no doubt Kanda was waiting for an explanation.

"Why the fuck didn't you tell me? I don't give a fuck if you dress like a guy or not." Kanda asks, in that angry calm way.
"What do you fucking expect Kanda, my life's been hell! Do you have any idea what I've been through, I'm not going to go and tell a douche like you. Do you know how hard smiling is sometimes, just how much I have to force myself to be optimistic? I watched Mana get eaten by a demon that had fucking come for me. Then I spent three years apprenticed to an abusive asshole that made me pay thousands and thousands to his debt collectors. Do you want to fucking know why I did it? Because being a boy is fucking safer than being a girl ever was, do you know what happens to little girls that live on the streets? They get picked up by a pedo and raped repeatedly, then dumped into the gutter. The adults didn't even care, as long as it wasn't their little girl- as long as it was the other little girl that no one cared for." Allen's words come out quickly and halfway through her voice breaks.

Kanda simply stands and lands a very well placed punch into her gut. She doesn't even flinch, nor does she attempt to dodge it. Kanda is struck again at the fact that the stomach that he had just hit was rock solid; there wasn't any fat at all. "Who the fuck are you, what the hell fucking happened to you Allen, you don't get those from fighting demons!"

Looking Kanda straight in the eye Allen clears her throat before responding. "I don't know. A lot of these I can't remember, the smaller ones. I don't know anything about myself. Since Mana died I've been trying to be like him, but I keep slipping. You keep making me slip up and I'm supposed to be walking forward but what am I walking to? All I can keep doing is smiling when all I want to do is cry." And she realizes she is actually crying, hot tears spilling down her cheeks. And Kanda is there, staring at her with that cold beautiful face of his.

"You know, you could find out if you really wanted to." That's all Kanda says before sitting on the couch and picking up Moshi.

"What do you mean? Go back to that fucking city and talk to everyone until someone remembers?" Allen asks, she really didn't understand what this man was aiming at, she didn't understand him at all. Why was he, the most pessimistic person she knew suggesting something like that?

"Yes." Kanda says.

"Are you serious." Allen asks, sitting on a table and tucking her knees into her chest.

"Che. Of course I'm fucking serious." Kanda spits out, "I wouldn't fuck suggest it if I wasn't serious."

Allen shakes her head slowly, and goes back to her keyboard in an attempt to calm down. Her song, that lullaby she played so often flew out from under her fingers. Somehow it seemed different this time, even more heart wrenching than usual. She improvises, harmonizing, adding and adding until only the underlying melody was recognizable.

Kanda didn't say anything throughout this, he just sat there with his eyes closed, trying to process everything and just listening. He wasn't a pervert, he really wasn't. He couldn't care less about the fact that he had seen beansprout naked, it was more of the fact that he wasn't really expecting anything that threw him off his guard, or at least that's what he told himself.

He decided that thinking at the present moment wasn't exactly a good idea, considering there was a very demanding cat in his lap that was demanding attention and the fact that Allen's playing was fucking amazing and if Kanda didn't pay attention he'd probably start to tear up.

He had tried every single way he could think of to forget, to try to destroy himself. Not that he thought it was a particularly smart thing to do, it was more of the fact that there wasn't anything out there for Kanda at all, and he knew it.

He was too angry, too stubborn. Self destructive and uncaring, or at least that's what other people saw. So Kanda saw it too, and he pretended it didn't hurt.

"He killed that little boy." They'd whisper. But Kanda didn't. He didn't kill him damn it!

He remembered the first time he had met him. In that little room, waiting for their adoptive families to come. He'd smiled straight at Kanda, gapped teeth somehow charming as they were innocent.

"I'm Alma!" He had said loudly, in Japanese. This had startled Kanda, everyone around them had been speaking English, and he couldn't understand anything and it was making him angry and confused.

Then the other boy had tackled Kanda, which pissed him off even more. But the babbling boy didn't seem to be deterred. Even after Tiedoll had taken Kanda away they kept in touch. Or Alma attached himself to Kanda and refused to let go.

He'd tackle Kanda with pillows during sleepovers, screeching when a grumpy Kanda retaliated. Truthfully it was one of those friendships you didn't miss till it was gone.

"Should we knock?" Lenalee asks, not quite sure. They'd heard the two screaming at each other from down the street and had decided to check up on things.

"Nah, just go inside. Allen doesn't care." Lavi whispers, not really caring if Allen did care or not.

So Lenalee opens the door gingerly, and just stands there in the middle of the doorway. Kanda was asleep on the couch, and Allen was nowhere to be seen. Lavi squeezes around Lena, to plop down on Kanda's stomach, which makes Kanda wake with a yell.

"WHAT THE FUCK LAVI!" Lavi hops off and sprints and somehow gets Lenalee between him and Kanda.

"Hey Yuu, where's the beansprout?" Lavi asks from his safe place behind Lenalee.

"I don't fucking know where the beansprout is. She was on the fucking keyboard." Kanda states, clearly angry. His words take both Lenalee and Lavi by surprise.

"Hey Kanda...? When did you find out?" Lenalee asks quietly, dragging Lavi into the house and closing the door behind her.

"Two hours ago. Now leave me the fuck alone." Kanda says, laying down and closing his eyes again. Then opening them again quickly with a curse, "FUCK!"

By the time they had checked all of the rooms Allen was long gone. She, being somewhat polite left a note,

Don't worry about me,

I'll be back soon, take care of Moshi please, brought Tim with me.

-Allen

But that was all really, they tried her phone but she didn't pick up, and when Lenalee found the sim card she wasn't exactly surprised. Allen was good at this; she knew had known her long enough to be sure of it. She probably had a completely different sim to use too.

"Where did Allen go?" Lavi asks quietly, sitting at the dining room table. He didn't want to admit that he was worried, because he was. Considering how Kanda had reacted Lavi had every reason to be. Kanda didn't go tearing through a house for someone, ever.

The bus station was empty, except for a white haired person sitting on the bench. Allen didn't know why she had decided to run, "Mana I screwed up big this time didn't I?" She whispers, unaware of the man striding underneath the streetlight.

"Fancy finding you here." Tyki Mikk calls out, taking a long drag from his cigarette.

"What are you doing here?" Allen asks, more than slightly worried.

"Don't worry, no demons this time around. I just wanted to have a bit of a talk is all." Tyki says, smirking. "So I heard you were Cross's brat for a bit, that right oh Allen?"

"Yes. Why?" She answers.

"Because Cross is looking for you. So is the Earl, can't quite say why they're out lookin' but they are." Tyki drags out, a slight smirk on his face. "So I'd stay out of it if I were you." Walking over quickly he hands her a slip of paper before disappearing into the night.