AN: I apologise for the brief interlude; my laptop has died and taken all my fanfiction notes with it.

Floss

Lily was something of a worrier. She knew it and recognised it as one of her many character flaws. This trait, however, had managed to spread like a disease throughout the wizarding world following in the wake of the news about the rising of the Dark Lord. When she became a mother, she chose to classify this worrying as 'mother's intuition' for, more often than not, she was right to worry about her son and his new found interest in sticking everything he could get his grubby mits on in his mouth. She had discovered him attempting to put a battery in his mouth once and had nearly suffered a heart attack. Her wild, war cry at the sight had startled the poor boy so much that he had dropped the battery instantly and taken to wailing instead.

It was when, during a rare moment of peace, there was an almighty crash emanating from the bathroom that Lily freaked out and sprung into action.

Had Harry taken another dive head first into the toilet?

Had he managed to climb onto the edge of the bath and fall in?

Her head pounded as she raced out of her bedroom and towards where the commotion was coming from. She wrenched the door open, preparing herself for the worst.

What she did not expect to find was her husband sitting in the empty bath with both legs draped over the edge, his glasses askew, the shower curtain ripped from where it hung with floss in his hair.

"James?" Lily's heart rate slowed slightly and she leaned her hip against the door frame.

"Hello, love."

James made no move to extract himself from the bath and instead shook his hands which were also covered in minty dental floss. A frown formed on his face and he gritted his teeth as more of the white string fell from its container.

"Er...can I ask what you are doing?" Lily asked, laughter threatening to erupt at the pitifully cute sight he presented to her.

"Trying to floss." Was his less than illuminating reply.

"I can see that, dear. Do you need some help?"

"No!" He looked at her with wide eyes and held up a hand to emphasise his point. "I won't let it beat me."

"Let what beat you?" Lily asked, completely baffled by her deliciously strange husband.

"The floss, of course." He replied as though he was talking to an incredibly slow person. He resumed shaking his hands and, when this didn't work, attempted to bite through the dental floss with his teeth.

"I think, by acknowledging the floss as an adversary, it has already beaten you. Why, in Merlin's name, did you think you needed so much?" She asked, terribly amused, as she eyed the lengths and lengths of it that were trailing over the bath, onto the floor and there was some wrapped around James' middle.

"Well, how else is it meant to go all the way through?"

"What are you talking about? Through what?" Lily was truly mystified.

"Through me." James eyed her as though she were asking ridiculous questions.

"What?" Lily frowned. "What do you think floss is for?"

"For cleaning things out with a minty freshness. Like, those muggle shorts that have it attached."

"What?" Lily repeated, staring at her husband worriedly.

"Yeah, those toggle things. Sirius said that it was penis floss."

Lily covered her mouth as she felt giggles slip from her throat. She bit her lip and tried not to grin but it was such an absurd statement that she couldn't help herself. She leant against the door frame and began to laugh in earnest, her knees shaking with the intensity of her laughter. Tears sprung to her eyes and she slid to the floor, her stomach hurting from laughing so hard.

Realisation dawned on James and his face dropped.

"That's not what it's for at all, is it?"

Lily barely had the strength to shake her head.

"Padfoot is such a twat sometimes."