Chapter 3

The Doctor was ready, he knew exactly what game of his own he was about to play:

Nothing was real in this place, it was filled with three dimensional holograms.

He guessed Nina had transmitted a three dimensional scan of herself into the tech base that held this holo world together, enabling her to break the transmission of the program to speak to him through her hologram...

He wanted to chuckle as he thought of the advanced alien species – the soon to be dead alien species who had raided his private hopes and dreams – who had been outsmarted by the endless, never failing ingenuity of the human race...

But the Doctor did not crack a smile or allow the smallest hint of his amusement to show as he remembered that his every move was being watched.

As Nina led him into a room, he was not prepared for how he would feel when he saw her again, because this was not Clara, it was a copy.

But it still hit him hard, because she looked so real...

"You can stay with her as long as you like," Nina told him, "She will be waking up soon. She may even show signs of recovery, at least enough to speak with you for a brief time. But she is dying."

He knew this was just a program.

And that was not Clara, just a copy.

But as he heard Nina speak those words and he looked down at her lying pale and still in bed with a dressing covering the wound to her head, pain ached in his twin hearts and his eyes stung with tears.

He wanted to say it aloud, that he knew none of this was real – but it was too realistic not too affect him, certainly initially, seeing her in front of him and looking so solid... She would even feel solid if he touched her.

He didn't want to see this scenario through to the end, because he knew they would make him watch her die just to toy with his emotions, and this was too real and he did not want to witness the woman he loved slipping away from him, even though this was not really Clara...

"Are you all right, Doctor?" Nina asked him.

The Doctor sat down on a chair next to Clara's bed and blinked to clear his vision, remembering he had a plan.

Oh yes, he had a plan and it was a good one, and would screw up the alien bastards and their little game, because he was about to change the rules...

"Yes, I'm fine," he replied, and he looked at her with confidence, all trace of sadness gone from his eyes.

She looked back at him in confusion.

"Doctor, I just informed you that your partner will not survive."

He flashed a smile and shrugged.

"That's okay. She's just a human. I can always get myself another one. They don't live long anyway."

"But you will lose your chosen mate and the child you have conceived with her."

The Doctor raised an eyebrow.

"Spoken like a true alien. Probably the alien who is manipulating your program."

Nina still seemed confused.

"You are not making sense, Doctor. I realise this has been a shock, but Clara has very little time."

"All the more reason for me to go back to my Tardis and leave, then."

"Doctor, you don't seem to be taking this in – she is dying -"

Nina's voice was drowned out by static, her lips were still moving but another voice was coming over the transmission once more – the real Nina was speaking now:

"Oh shit, what is he playing at?"she exclaimed, and her voice sounded distant, then the channel cleared and she spoke again and sounded closer:

"Doctor, this is not a game! The implant they shot into your head leaks a toxic substance and there is a fast release mechanism they can activate remotely if they want to kill you quickly – so comply with your surroundings!"

"How about you get me out of these surroundings?" he demanded as anger burned in his eyes.

And the holographic Nina carried on speaking, playing her part, as the real voice came through carried on the hacked transmission:

"Doctor, do as you are told! The transmitter inside your head is the equivalent of a time bomb and we do not have the ability to switch it off!"

"Then get it out of my head!"

"I don't have much time..." Nina's voice grew distant, and then he heard another voice, one that made his hearts ache:

It was Clara.

"Just let me try," she said, and then her voice became louder.

"Just shut up and do it!" she said said sharply, "Your life depends on it, Doctor! Stop trying to score points against them, just go along with it until we can get the device out of your head!"

There was a pause and then she spoke again, and then her voice was softer, pleading as she made one final request:

"I don't know what you think is happening, we have no way of seeing what you can see, but in reality, you are here with me and people are trying very hard to save your life! Don't blow your cover, comply with everything that seems to be around you, please! I don't want to lose you."

The Doctor ached to be away from here, and back with Clara as he spoke in reply and hoped the transmission would not time out again before he had finished speaking.

"Clara, can you hear me?"

"Yes!"

He blinked away tears.

"Please get me out of here."

"We're trying," she replied, "You need surgery to remove the device. Its dangerous and -"

"Just let them get on with it," he said quickly, "And don't worry about me, just know that -"

The static stopped hissing and time seemed to rush and slow to a jolt as it normal pace returned.

"Do you understand everything I have explained?" Nina asked him, now the hologram was talking again, the program running as before – who ever was manipulating this hologram world had locked down the transmission once more...did they know they had been hacked?

He was still angry enough to carry on foiling his enemy by denying them the emotions they wished to extract from him, but knowing he had not had time to finish all he wanted to say made him tearful and made him grieve for all he feared he would lose:

Clara knew he loved her, he had whispered it many times as he held her when they were alone together, he said it every time she left the Tardis, every single time they parted...

But this was different.

It reminded him of another lifetime, when he had said the words Rose Tyler I – and the transmission had been cut off before he could finish and say love you.

He thought of all the times he had held back from Clara and wished he had said it more often, and louder, now was the one time he wanted to shout that he loved her, but he knew Clara could not hear him.

Now he didn't have to fake his emotions, he knew he was weeping, and the hologram program was still running because Nina's hologram was speaking again:

"I will leave you alone with your dying mate," she said, and now those words now sounded very alien indeed...

Now he was alone, he took hold of the cold hand of the hologram version of Clara, who looked very real, too real and it made his hearts ache painfully as he longed to be back in the real world, even if it meant he was dying back there...

"I'll do it," he whispered, as he wished Clara could hear him over the transmission, "I'll do it for you Clara, because I want to see you again. You have no idea what I'm going through here. It is so real. I'm watching you die, I'm watching you and that baby I want so much slip away from me..."

Then he gave another sob and sat in silence at the bedside of Clara's hologram, giving in to tears that flowed for all he feared he would lose in the real world, because he didn't rate his chances of surviving the removal of the transmitter too highly...

Out in deep space, past the signal receiver that sent the information back to the ship, the Cyber Controller sat at the console and watched as the Doctor sat weeping at the bedside of the hologram of Clara Oswald.

"This experiment is proving effective," he said in a deep metallic tone, and he turned his head and looked to his assistant.

"This proves that emotions can be used as a weapon against the humans, the Timelord known as the Doctor is an excellent test subject, his regard for this species is indeed proving effective when used against him. It is fitting that this enemy of the Cyber race should be the first to be used in such a way. Speed up the program. Wake the hologram of his mate and let them speak briefly. Then kill her."

"Yes Controller," said the other Cyberman, who set to work on the controls that operated the hallucinogenic program.

The Cyber Controller was still watching the screen.

"Emotions are such weakness," he added, watching as the Doctor continued to weep, "But he will never be granted an upgrade. The toxin releasing from the transmitter will delete him when we decide to activate the kill switch."

The Doctor was still holding the hand of the copy of Clara.

He had wept for all he feared he would lose in the real world, and he knew those who watched him were believing that he was weeping for the death of the fake Clara.

As if he would not have seen though the charade eventually...

He knew better than that, now all that was missing was the identity of the enemy.

He wiped his eyes and straightened up in his chair and let go of Clara's hand.

"I know you're not really her," he whispered, "It all makes sense now – that is why they had you shot, because they didn't have a program for Clara, just a rapid holoscan of her image. I'm expecting your personality to be very basic when they wake you, nothing at all like her..."

And then he sat in silence, thinking about Clara, the real Clara, and how he wished he had said I love you more often to her.

The Doctor felt warm in his heart and it briefly took away the ache as he recalled a time he had phoned her when she was on her way to work.

He was alone in the Tardis, and had smiled on hearing her voice as she walked into the entrance of Coal Hill School:

"What do you want?" she had asked, sounding in a hurry, "I've just arrived at the school -"

"I just wanted to hear your voice," he replied, "I was thinking of you. That's all I wanted to say."

Suddenly Clara sounded less hurried.

"You wanted to tell me you love me?"

"That's right."

"So tell me, then!"

The Doctor had stood there at the Tardis console, hesitating as he held the phone and heard her speak again.

"Come on, then – stop holding back! Tell me I'm your moon and stars!"

He had laughed softly.

"Clara, the moon is an egg and I see the stars every day. But you are far more..."

"Beautiful?"

He laughed softly as his face flushed, and he knew only the Tardis knew he was blushing, but he still felt shy.

"Yes, that's the word I was looking for. I'd better let you get on, you have a class to teach. Speak soon..."

He held on to the memory for a moment, and then as he took hold of the hand of Clara's hologram, he knew the real Clara could not hear him, but it helped, just for a moment, to pretend that she could:

"I'm sorry," he said quietly, "I wish I had told you how much I loved you, I wish I'd said it more often, because I do. I know my chances of surviving are not great. I know about the toxin, I know you will probably lose me. Maybe I'll regenerate, maybe not. What I fear the most is that I'll change so much that this time you won't be able to see me at all, you won't see the Doctor, you won't know me as the man you love any more. Maybe that would be worse than death, to lose you to more change."

He fell silent for a moment and then he looked around the room, waiting, expecting something to happen, but still nothing changed.

"I felt time speed up and then slow down. I think the program has been shifted to the next frame. I know their game. I'm waiting for it..." he had spoken in a low voice as his gaze shifted left and right suspiciously but still he spotted no change around him.

Then he thought of Clara once more and his hearts felt heavy as he looked down at the hologram copy:

"I do love you so much," he said softly, "I had plans for us, now I'm terrified I won't live to see those plans happen. You will never know how deeply I long to make you the mother of my children. I want us to have a family together. I want to live out this lifetime with you and see our children grow up. It was all I wanted, why did I never tell you?"

And then Clara's copy drew in a slow breath and she opened her eyes.

"Doctor?"

The copy was a good one, it even sounded like Clara and this did not make his task any easier...

He looked into her eyes and remembered the real Clara was not here, he knew she was safe...

"Do you remember what happened?" he asked as he held on to her cold hand.

Clara blinked and he noticed her eyes were darker than the real Clara's, and seeing that difference made living through this scenario much easier to bear.

"No," she whispered.

"I predicted you might say that. Sorry about this but I need to scan you."

He took out his sonic screwdriver, hitting the button as he ran it quickly down the middle of her chest. The image of Clara briefly shimmered, and beneath it he saw the illusion of flesh vanish, replaced by a shaped, glowing power grid that covered quickly with her flesh once more.

"Yes, you're definitely a hologram," he said, and Clara just looked at him saying nothing, because the aliens who had copied her did not know her personality and therefore could not make it up, or he would have seen through the charade right away...

"Tell me something," he said as he looked into her eyes, "Who manufactured you?"

She drew in another breath and her lips parted.

"They did...we are..." her voice faltered, and then, reflected in her dark eyes, he saw them marching..tall powerful robots with heavy silver bodies...

Bodies that had once been human, over time replaced by cybernetic parts until all humanity had been stripped away - including the capacity for emotion.

He knew what he was looking at.

"Cybermen?" he whispered, and she closed her eyes and gave a final breath.

He stared at her, wondering how long before this conversation would reach them. He guessed their ship was in deep space, but there had to be a receiving station somewhere close to earth to pick up on the transmitter and send the information back.

"Satellites!" he said aloud, and then he gave a heavy sigh as he realised the the receiver would be up there above the earth, disguised, and the team down on earth would have to find it and scramble the signal, because he needed to buy some time until he could wake up in his own body and be able to do something about killing the transmission forever, before the Cybermen got their cold hands on the information about the effectiveness of their experiment...

"Hurry up Nina!" he said aloud, "I need to talk to you!"

And the room shimmered and time rushed and came to a sharp stop with a sickening jolt.

He wasn't in the room with Clara any more, now he was somewhere darker, and the place was still and silent...

While the Doctor remained trapped in the hallucinogenic world, what was really happening was just as traumatic for Clara to deal with.

She was in Nina's living quarters, a basic apartment away from the working area, this part of the building was above ground and through the window she saw fields that stretched on for miles.

"This place is in the middle of nowhere," she remarked as she sat on Nina's sofa and sipped her coffee and then set it down on the table.

Nina sat beside her and looked at her kindly.

"It has to be, officially this place is dedicated to agricultural research. No one knows about what we really do – except for Torchwood. You look really lost, Clara. I think it might be better if I stay with you."

Clara nodded, feeling too broken up inside to debate the offer.

Her thoughts were with the Doctor, who was now in the medical centre across the other side of the complex, in the operating room having the device taken out of his head.

"I kissed him goodbye before he went in for the surgery," she said quietly, "And I wanted to say so much but I knew he couldn't hear me ...I'm afraid I'll never get to tell him anything ever again. I think he's going to die."

Nina gave her hand a brief squeeze.

"He won't," she promised, and she sounded very sure about that, so sure that Clara looked at her suspiciously

"Why are you saying that as if you already know?"

Nina pushed her long fair hair off her shoulder and briefly looked away.

"I'm just saying I think the Doctor is strong enough to get through this."

And she looked back at her and noticed Clara was looking at the timepiece she wore around her wrist.

"That's not a watch."

"No, its what the Doctor would call an early example of a time manipulator – these are the early days of time travel, we can only shift back and forth in a window of around fifty years. This privilege is only issued to Earth Defence workers and other employees who belong to secret organisations that work together to protect the earth form hostile alien invasion."

Clara was looking intently at Nina.

"You know something."

"No, I don't," Nina said quickly, and for a reason Clara could not understand, she saw reluctance in her eyes, almost as if she was afraid to tell her more.

Clara's eyes widened as she drew in a sharp breath.

"Is he going to die? I need to know, please tell me because I have such a terrible feeling about this operation, I think something will go wrong, because I know the odds and I know he's unlikely to come through this unharmed!"

"I can't say. I can't be certain."

"Please tell me the truth!"

Nina looked away for a moment as she gathered her thoughts, and then she met her gaze once more.

"All I can tell you," she said quietly, "Is that the surgery to remove the device is complicated. And he is not as strong as you think he is, but you are strong and you can get him through this. What ever difficulties this procedure leaves him with, how ever long they last, he can get through it because he has you and he also has a great reserve of courage inside him as well. You have to stay strong, Clara. He's going to need you."

Clara looked at her pleadingly as she silently begged for more information, but Nina just shook her head.

"I wish I could tell you more, but one thing I've learned from being a time manipulation user is that time has to be handled with responsibility. This is a dangerous situation, as dangerous as what the Doctor is going through right now – nothing can be tampered with, the outcome is in the balance. Please try to understand that."

Clara slowly nodded, and then she fell silent as she waited beside Nina. Outside heavy clouds had gathered and rain began to run down the window pane, but the gentle sound was lost on Clara as she thought back to the Doctor, and the moment she had kissed him goodbye before he was taken in for surgery, and once more she wondered if she would ever see him again...