Chapter 4

The Doctor stood for a moment in the darkness, listening and waiting. Then time rushed forward and slowed to a stop, regular pace came back with a jolt and he realised he was alone in a morgue.

Clara's body was on the table, a sheet up to her shoulders.

He looked down at her closed eyes and her pale face and then stepped closer, remembering his promise to the real Clara that he would play along with the alien's sick little game...

That promise was about to be broken.

Anger was building up inside him along with a mental note that if he survived this, the first thing he would do, would be to take the transmitter back to the Tardis and wipe the stored memory from the device.

He did not want Clara to ever know what he had witnessed, what they had put him through...

He slowly looked up from the table, eyes blazing with rage as he looked left and right about the dim room, knowing the enemy was far from here, knowing his mind was trapped in their program and they were no doubt misinterpreting his anger as grief for the loss of Clara.

They had raided his thoughts, his private hopes and dreams.

No one had the right to do that, yet they were planning to do what, take it to the next level?

Put this drug into the atmosphere or the drinking water and put every human being on earth through a bad trip that would leave them on their knees and mentally destroyed, to make the upgrade process so much smoother?

There would be no one left to resist them if they used this weapon...

The Doctor looked upwards.

"Game over," he said aloud, "I know this is all a hallucination. That's not Clara, this place is full of three dimensional holograms! Doesn't anyone have the guts to show their ugly metal faces and give me an explanation?"

Then he paused, and remembered the time delay.

"Of course, you can't hear me yet. The content is still being processed, isn't it...no matter, I can wait!"

And then he fell silent again, waiting in the holographic world, trying not to look at the corpse that looked too much like Clara, as he waited for the Cybermen to respond.

Far out in deep space, as the Cyber Controller began to watch the received playback, he saw the Doctor disturb the image of Clara's hologram with his sonic screwdriver:

"Yes, you're definitely a hologram," he said, and Clara looked at him.

"Tell me something," he said as he looked into her eyes, "Who manufactured you?"

The Cyber Controller looked to his assistant.

"We will analyse the data soon. Keep working on the signal block – we need the channel clear. It seems the Doctor now understands the nature of his surroundings. He is of no further use to us. I must begin the process of the Doctor's deletion. I am activating the kill switch now."

And he pressed a button on the console.

Then the other Cyberman spoke up.

"Controller, attempts to unscramble the receiver within the satellite are proving negative – something is affecting our signal..."

"We will retrieve the data eventually," the Controller replied, "But the execute command was successful. The Doctor will soon be deleted."

Back on Earth, Nina had left Clara alone in her apartment promising to return when she had some news.

Clara had wanted to go with her, she had wanted to be there when she learned how the surgery had progressed, but her legs felt weak. Fear had done that, the fear that she was about to lose the man she loved.

She thought back to every cross word she had ever had with him, the time she had slapped him, times she had threatened to slap him, and she wished she had been kinder.

It was true that at times he infuriated her, but she had not known something like this was going to happen...

If she had known, she would have been kinder.

She never would have taken him for granted or assumed he would simply always be around.

But what use was looking back and regretting now?

It changed nothing...

She didn't suppose she could think that life could be too short, not when it came to a man who could regenerate.

But happiness, yes, that could be far too short lived, she was starting to understand that now...

And Nina knew much more than she was letting on.

She understood why because she knew that certain moments in time could not be toyed with, because the consequences could simply be far too delicate to withstand the tinkering, and could result in an altered, disastrous outcome.

That had to be why she was holding back from telling her everything, what other reason could there be?

Suddenly waiting seemed impossible now she was alone.

Clara got up, and her legs still felt shaky. She drew in a deep breath, tried not to imagine the worst even though her nerves were rattled, and then she left the apartment and took a long walk down the corridor, then crossed into another corridor, and finally stepped into a lift, where she pushed the button for the top floor, where the medical centre was located.

As the lift began to climb Clara struggled to keep her composure.

She didn't doubt that she looked calm on the surface.

Perhaps the anxiety she felt showed in her eyes, but on the surface she was pretty calm, because she was good at doing that, keeping a steady control on her emotions... But today could possibly prove to be an exception, because she was shaking, she could feel it inside even if it didn't show to others, and fear was threatening to swallow her up, too.

It was the fear of losing him that was emotionally ripping her to pieces, she was sure she had never felt so shattered before in the whole of her life...

Then the lift doors opened and she stepped out and looked at the signs on the wall, and then she walked off down the corridor towards the surgical department.

The Doctor was still trapped in the darkened room, but now the image of Clara's body had vanished.

He was aware he was trapped in darkness and did not know if the program had been shut down, or if the transmitter was being removed from his head, and he guessed that perhaps that would cause this reality to slowly fade away...

Then a thought hit him that he found alarming:

Perhaps this was how he would spend his last moments before the poison releasing from the transmitter killed him.

Or perhaps he would die during the surgery.

Maybe, any moment now, the last of the dim lighting in this holo world would go out, and it would be the end of everything.

Maybe he would not regenerate.

Perhaps this really was the end...

"Clara," he whispered, "I'm not dead, not yet. I'm trying to hold on for you."

And the darkened walls blazed with light as they split apart.

The Doctor looked into the light and faced it without fear, ready to embrace what might lie beyond death.

Then as the holographic world shimmered and then broke apart violently, he was flung into darkness where he was falling and falling and as he fell he closed his eyes, knowing this was not death – this was his mind returning to the living world, and perhaps his mind would not be quite the same when he awoke.

Perhaps nothing would ever be the same again.

Perhaps he would remember nothing.

He remembered his name was the Doctor, and that he loved a girl called Clara, and then he recalled the satellite had to be shut down because it was sending a signal that had to stop. Then blackness covered him, silence filled his mind and the Doctor knew nothing more.

It had been a long walk to the lift and a short ride up to the medical facility, and then an even shorter walk to the surgical department, but as Clara opened the door and entered the corridor, the final steps to her destination felt like the hardest of her life.

Then she stopped walking, her sense of dread growing as she watched Nina having a conversation with a surgeon at the far end of the corridor. Nina's expression was grave as she listened, and Clara blinked away tears as she came to understand there could be no good news, because it was clear that even if he had survived, something had gone wrong...

Then a hand touched her shoulder and she gave a gasp and turned sharply.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to startle you!"

Clara stared up at the tall stranger whose height and build reminded her of the Doctor. Even his face reminded her of the Doctor – or possibly the Doctor's brother – if the Doctor had a brother, which he didn't...

She looked at him in confusion as she wondered if her anxiety was making her see the Doctor in every man she was about to meet because he was so heavy on her mind...

"Do I know you?"

"No," he replied, and Clara's frown deepened as she briefly tilted her head slightly, looking at him from a different angle.

She silently decided she was definitely not thinking right today... the man looked to be in his late forties, if he was older, he looked good for it. The shade of his brown hair that fell past his collar matched her own, and his eyes were as blue as the Doctor's...

"Stop it!" she said, and then she realised she had spoken aloud, and she quickly brushed aside her own mistake.

"Not you...me. I'm just a bit...I'm worried, I'm not myself today..."

"I know, Nina told me," he replied, and then she noticed he was wearing a time manipulation device on his wrist, she caught a glimpse of it beneath the cuff of the jacket of his smart, dark blue suit. He wore a silk tie with a tie pin that bore the insignia of Earth Defense, space security division...

"You're a colleague of Nina's?"

He smiled, and she knew she was doing it again – seeing a resemblance to the Doctor in a complete stranger...

"More than that," he said, "I'm her husband." And then his smile faded and as he looked at her intently, she thought so strongly of the Doctor that she ached to be with him and she wanted to weep.

"I just wanted to say I'm sure your partner will be fine, even if not right away, eventually he will be... I've heard of the Doctor, and from what I've heard, he's pretty hard to kill. Nina tells me you're a remarkable person. I believe her. I think you can get him through this."

Clara was staring at him, wondering why a total stranger was talking to her as if he knew her...

"Thank you," she replied as confusion clouded her eyes.

"He might be hard to handle at first," he added, "But healing takes time, Clara. And you are kind enough to understand that."

Now she definitely felt that something was out of place, like there was something else he ought to have explained before he told her all of this...

He paused to check the count down on his time manipulator.

"I have to get back to work soon. I just wanted to stop by quickly... Listen Clara, this may not make much sense now, but if things get difficult, if he is hard to handle, don't be too harsh. Just look at the scar on his temple - and it will always be there - and remember he's been hurt and he's still healing. Always be kind, don't blame him, he's been through a lot."

She stared at him.

"How do you know all this...I don't understand – "

She gave a gasp as he grabbed her and hugged her, and then as he let go, there was an expression in his eyes that she could not read as so many emotions reflected at once.

"I'd better go now," he said, "Don't tell Nina I was here – I'm supposed to be working... I'm big in security and this could land me in trouble! See you soon."

"Soon?"

He briefly smiled, glancing at her as his gaze shifted from the setting the time manipulator, and in that split second, she swore she saw so much of the Doctor in him that it made her heart ache for the man she loved.

"Yes, very soon," he promised, "You can be sure of that!"

Then he turned the dial on the watch, and vanished sharply in a blurring flicker of light.

Clara blinked, looking at the empty spot where the stranger had stood.

"What was all that about?" she said under her breath, and then she heard Nina call her name from further up the corridor, and she turned back in time to see the surgeon walk away as Nina began to make her way back down the corridor to meet her.

"Please be okay, Doctor," she whispered, and then she quickened her pace as she hurried to join Nina, and as she walked she desperately hoped the news would be good, even though by the grave expression on Nina's face, it seemed everything being okay would be highly unlikely...

As Clara joined her, she looked anxiously at Nina.

"How is he?" she asked.

"They took the transmitter out successfully," she said, and on hearing those words, Clara found it suddenly easier to breathe.

But then as Nina hesitated and she saw the look in her eyes she knew there was more, and she also knew this would be the bad news she did not want to hear...

"And what else? What is it, did something go wrong?"

"I'm sorry but yes it did," she said, and Clara's legs turned to jelly as she gave a gasp and then drew in a deep breath, panic had made her head swim but she was determined to keep herself together for the Doctor's sake.

"How bad is it?" she said in a hushed voice.

"The transmitter was buried deep in the brain," she said to her, "It was a very complicated procedure to remove it, and towards the end of the procedure the release was activated remotely by the enemy. Some of the toxin leaked into the wound, into injured brain tissue."

Tears filled her eyes.

"He's got brain damage?"

"No, not damage. It's caused an injury, and injuries heal. But it could take a while."

"How long?"

"Five years or more."

"Five years?" Clara's voice broke up as she stifled a sob, and then she drew in a slow breath as she tried to pull back her emotions, because falling apart now was the very worst thing she could do when the Doctor needed her help...

"Clara, I need you to listen," Nina said carefully, "I'm not sure what you're imagining right now but it is probably much worse than the actual outcome really is. The Doctor survived the procedure but he needed further treatment to removed the toxin, and this caused further injury that will take time to heal. But he will be able to walk and talk. This hasn't caused him any sort of physical disability."

She breathed a relieved sigh, feeling thankful that his injury had not affected him in the way she had imagined. But anxiety still filled her eyes as she looked intently at Nina and asked a question:

"So how exactly will the injury affect him?"

Nina paused as she gathered her thoughts.

"The injury he suffered has affected a part of the brain that controls emotion and processing information and basically there is no easy way to say this, but this will affect his personality. The man you knew as the Doctor could take a long while to come back – I'm sorry, it won't be easy and he's going to need someone to keep an eye on him for a long time until he recovers. This could prove to be a lot to cope with."

Clara shook her head.

"No, you're wrong, I can cope, he used to literally be another person, and then he regenerated, and I coped with that! I'm sure I can cope with his personality being a little bit different for a while – even if that while is a few years. I love him, I want to look after him!"

"Of course you do," Nina agreed, "But you don't understand the nature of how this has affected him."

"So tell me what the problem is."

"He woke up quickly while he was in recovery," Nina said to her, "And physically he's fine, he's stable, no need for life support or any kind of physical monitoring regarding his vital signs. He's strong and healthy and he's been lucky in that respect. But when he woke up it was clear that the injury has affected his personality."

Clara gave a sigh.

"You can't be sure of that. He's just come out of surgery, maybe he was confused -"

"No Clara," she said, "It's not like that. We know the exact location of the injury, they scanned that area of the brain and saw the injury and knew before he woke up that the location of the wound would affect his personality. When he came to after the surgery, he had to be sedated. He's being kept under sedation for the next twenty-four hours to be sure the wound has healed sufficiently for movement to be safe. They used micro lasers and initial external healing is rapid, but the internal injuries to the brain will take several years to heal."

Clara looked at her in confusion.

"It doesn't sound too bad to me! Maybe he woke up too quickly and panicked, maybe you've got all this wrong."

Nina looked at her intently.

"No Clara," she said, "There is no mistake here – the Doctor became physically violent and verbally abusive and difficult to control. That's why we had to sedate him. His recovery is going to be difficult. He's going to be volatile, difficult to live with – are you certain you can handle this? I'm asking because you need to realise exactly what you will be taking on."

Clara's eyes had misted with tears again but she held back from weeping as she nodded.

"Yes I understand," she replied, "Of course I understand! I can handle this, I can look after him."

And her statement had been made as determination blazed in her eyes, but she kept her fears silent:

Could the Doctor really have changed so much?

She could not imagine the polite and reserved gentleman she knew as the Doctor to have altered so drastically, but she had already made up her mind what she would do about it:

She loved him, and she would look after him.

There could be no other choice to be made, because she loved him...