Chapter 8

"Are you sure about this?"

As Clara looked across the console at the Doctor, she nodded.

"Very sure. You need me. I have to make this choice. I probably would have done it soon any way, running two lives is hard."

The Doctor looked at her suspiciously.

"I'm hard to be with, is that what you mean?"

"Sometimes," Clara replied, "But it is my choice."

The Doctor threw a lever.

"Fair enough. Do what you feel is right."

And she silently wished that she could do what was right – what would be right and fair, would be to tell the Doctor why she had decided to resign from her post at the school, but she still had not explained the him that she was pregnant...

It wasn't that she didn't want to do it.

Clara wanted to tell him everything, but each time she had tried to bring up the subject, she had noticed he looked tense, or was having one of those times where some old memory, or even his own confused moments that often angered him, had caused that volatile spark to rise in his eyes once more, and so she had put it off..

So day after day it seemed the longer she left it, the easier it was to leave it – she guessed by the time she had cut all ties with her old life, he would be ready to hear the news.

Clara just had to pick the right moment.

She knew she was controlling every aspect of what should already have become a shared experience, but Clara could cope no other way, because even though his behaviour had improved slightly, she was still expecting some anger from the unexpected news, and she didn't need to cope with that on top of caring for the Doctor and managing to hide her tiredness and bouts of morning sickness.

It was all getting a bit too much.

But she still held no regret over walking away from Nina and her offer of help – because she knew if the Doctor had been locked up, he never would have stood any chance of making a full recovery.

And there was also the fact that Clara's strong will and independent nature was screaming at her to stand on her own and deal with this and get on with all of it, even though she felt in tatters emotionally, that need for control would not let up - she had to do it her way - even if her way was, at times, a long and torturous journey...

As the Tardis landed she walked to the door and then glanced back at the Doctor.

"I won't be long."

"I'll wait," he replied, "Don't worry about me."

She met his gaze.

"But I do," she added, and then she left the Tardis, and headed for the gates of Coal Hill School.

As she entered the building she felt strange – a few weeks back, she had been on her way to work on an ordinary day, as ordinary as a day could be when the Doctor and the Tardis could show up anywhere at any given time – and she had been thinking about nothing but her plans for her working day.

Now she was heading for her classroom, after a long trip through time and space that had seen the Doctor almost killed... and now her skirt felt a little too tight and her breasts were sore and she felt slightly sick, thanks to the half human Timelord baby growing in her belly...

Clara went about her usual day, feeling more than a little sad for all she was letting go of as the class worked in silence while she sat at her desk writing her letter of resignation.

She hung on to that letter all morning, taking her final class just before lunchtime, and five minutes before the bell went off she stood up.

"You can stop working now, I have something to say," she said, and she looked around the room at the faces of the children who she would not see progress through this school now, because she was leaving, and it pained her to think this was goodbye, to the kids and to the career she had wanted ever since she was a child.

But life had changed, she had new responsibilities, and she could no longer live a double life – she was now responsible for her life and the Doctor's, and also their soon to be born child.

It would be hard work, and so it was time to move on...

It made perfect sense, but she still felt an ache in her heart as she began to speak:

"This is my last lesson," she said, "I'm leaving the school. I'm leaving because I'm having a baby and also because my partner is unwell and needs me at home for a while. But it has been a pleasure teaching all of you, and I won't forget you and I hope you don't forget me. Class dismissed."

And the bell rang, and as the kids rose form their seats she saw a few of them looking at her questioningly, and she silently cursed her pregnancy hormones for making her so prone to weeping these days...

"Dismissed," she said again as the kids lingered, curious to know more of the story behind the reason for her resignation.

When the class room was empty she tidied up her desk and looked down at the resignation letter addressed to the head teacher. It was sealed in an envelope now, and there could be no going back because she was pregnant and the Doctor did need her – none of what she had said to the class had been a lie.

There was no other way, and she knew it.

The classroom was too silent now she was alone.

She looked around the room and thought back to her many happy times here, memories she would always hold close to her heart.

But her fondest memories of this place were the ones that involved the Doctor...

She smiled on thinking that, and then she picked up her letter of resignation and walked out of the classroom, closing the door behind her.

After handing in her letter and leaving before the head could ask too many questions, Clara was walking towards the gates of Coal Hill School for the last time.

She walked with confidence and the sadness she had felt on making her farewell so hurried was gone as she thought once more of the Doctor.

A breeze picked up and ruffled her hair as she walked out of the gates, she ran her fingers through it, pushing her hair back into place, and then she turned towards the long street ahead that led to the place where the Tardis was waiting at the end of the road.

Where the Doctor was waiting, and she still had something to tell him...

She gave a heavy sigh, she knew the past was behind her and with every step she took towards the blue box, she was getting closer to the new life that awaited her.

And she was under no illusions:

It would be a life full of struggle and heartache of course because the Doctor was not yet recovered, and would be difficult to live with for quite a while. She had done a little research, reading up on brain injuries – and had been saddened to discover that a recovery usually meant a return to almost normal. Perhaps one day he would be 98, or even 99% recovered – but never 100%.

Injuries to the brain did not heal flawlessly.

He would never be completely recovered, no matter how small the reminders were of how he had changed so much, they would always be there to a degree...

And of course, perhaps bringing a baby into this situation would add to the tension – but only at first, surely?

She had seen how the Doctor had spoken so fondly of his hopes and dreams before the injury had altered his personality, but he still wanted the same things, didn't he?

She felt a flicker of apprehension as she spotted the Tardis in clear sight at the end of the street. Today was the day that she had decided to tell him, now her loose ends were all tied up...

Clara drew in a deep breath as she fixed her sights on the Tardis and then carried on walking towards it as she wondered which one of her many carefully rehearsed lines would come out of her mouth when she told him the news – it would probably not come out the way she planned, carefully and calmly, because she had never felt so apprehensive in her life...

A wave of nausea came over her and Clara felt caught between hating the helpless inability to control the sensation, or simply accepting it was part of carrying a child.

This was what she had wanted, and she had known pregnancy was a time of great change, but as a person who had a strong need to be in control, it was very hard to hand over that control to the process that was going on inside her.

But the baby was growing.

That was all she needed to remember, and then she felt calm once again.

She paused, leaning against a wall as she took in some deep breaths.

She knew she was lucky.

Some women suffered with sickness so badly they couldn't get out of bed.

This was minor and she had to remember that, because she was sure she ought to be grateful – this pregnancy was being kind...as kind as a pregnancy could be in the early stages, she knew she could have been suffering much worse than she was, and it was either down to her child being half alien, or simple old fashioned luck, that she was not really suffering much at all.

She briefly placed her hand low on her belly, where there was little if any swelling to notice – the Doctor certainly hadn't noticed it yet when his hands slid over her body each night – and she thought again about the baby.

"I know you can't help it," she said fondly, "You don't mean to make me feel sick, do you..."

"Clara!"

The voice made her jump, brought back memories best left alone and as she turned to see Danny Pink hurrying towards, her, she gave a gasp.

He was the last person she wanted run into – she had hurried to class that morning to avoid the chance of bumping into him...

She was not in love with him.

She could have been, had she not known the Doctor.

For while it had been a difficult decision, but in the end, love had found its way and she had chosen her Timelord.

He knew that, and he bore no grudge, he was simply the same friendly good-natured bloke he had always been, and still a friend to her – if she needed him to be...

She turned away from the Tardis at the end of the street, forcing a smile as he caught up with her.

This would not be easy, in fact this could turn rather ugly if the Doctor, in his current state of mind, came out of the Tardis and saw the two of them together. But that wasn't going to happen, she kept telling herself that as she looked at him politely, intending this conversation to be very, very brief...

"Clara!" he said brightly, "How are you?"

She looked at Danny and smiled back at him, and then her smile faded.

"I've been away...with the Doctor."

"Well you wouldn't be away with anyone else!"

She laughed.

"Of course not."

Then her smile faded again.

And he knew something was wrong, he spotted it right away...

Now it was too late to hide the truth.

"What's wrong?" he asked as his eyes filled with concern.

She gave a sigh. Danny knew her too well – it would be pointless to lie to an old friend, especially one who had once been her lover...

"Nothing really bad...it's over now, so there's no point discussing it, okay?"

"No, you look worried and tired! Actually, you look worn out, too! What's wrong, Clara?"

She kept it brief and tried to play the events down as best as she could.

"The Doctor was injured...shot in the head. He's making a good recovery now, it was a bit scary for a while – it changed him a lot, changed his personality, he kept getting these awful moods...but we've turned a corner now. He's going to be fine, he just needs me to keep an eye on him."

Danny looked at her sympathetically.

"I'm sorry, I wish you'd come back here before, I would have helped -"

"No need, its going to be a long recovery, but he's getting there. I handed in my resignation today, this is long term. The Doctor needs me to care for him."

And as Danny listened and looked at her intently, neither him nor Clara saw the door of the Tardis open:

The Doctor stepped out, checked the time and then looked up the street.

Then he carried on looking as he watched Clara talking with Danny Pink...

"So he's definitely going to be okay?" Danny asked her.

"Yes," Clara said, and hoped she hadn't sounded too emphatic about that point, "He's made a wonderful recovery...his moods have got so much better lately. Hopefully it won't be long before he's back to his old self -"

"Oi!" the Doctor yelled as he began to walk towards them, "What do you think you're doing, PE? Don't you have a class to go to?"

The Doctor's eyes were dark with jealous rage.

"What is wrong with him?" Danny exclaimed, "I'm only talking to you -"

"And he won't see it that way, he's obviously having a bad day!"

"A bad day? He looks like he's up for a fight!"

"Well don't!" she warned him as the Doctor walked over to them, "He's had an operation, he's not himself!"

"Tell me about it – he's starting to look like he wants to kill me now!"

"No one is getting killed today - least of all him, I'm having his baby!"

Danny shot her a shocked glance.

"You and the Doctor?"

"Yes!"

"But Clara, he's not well."

"And I can deal with it!"

"Sorry, but I'm not sure you can."

Then the Doctor stepped between them, grabbing Danny by the collar and shoving him up against the wall.

"Can't you keep your hands off her?" he said darkly.

And Danny saw past the blazing anger in his eyes, noticing the deep scar carved into the Doctor's temple.

"Easy, mate!" he said, "I was just talking to her! Let go."

The Doctor's grip tightened. He leaned in close to Danny's face.

"That," he said in a low voice, "Is my girlfriend. You keep the fuck away from her. I'm her boyfriend now, not you!"

Clara drew in a deep breath and used her strongest, fight-breaking-up tone that usually worked in the playground:

"Right, that's enough!" she said sharply, "Doctor, let go! He was just talking to me, I was telling him I was leaving, that's all. Let him go!"

The Doctor let go of his collar and stepped back, still regarding him with a gaze that bordered on threatening.

"Keep away," he said again, pointing a finger in his face, and Clara slapped his arm sharply, knocking his hand downwards.

"Stop it!"

Danny breathed out slowly and shook his head, taking a step back, putting a distance between himself and the Doctor.

"Clara told me what you've been through," he said, "But I really don't think you're as well as she said you are."

And Clara shot him an angry look.

"And you want to have a kid with him, the way he is at the moment?" Danny exclaimed, "Don't do it, Clara."

The Doctor stepped forward, his eyes blazing, in that moment his anger had caused him to miss exactly what Danny had said about Clara having a kid...

Clara grabbed the Doctor's arm and pulled him back.

He turned to her angrily, and for a split second Danny wondered if he would have to step in before Clara got hurt, because the look in the Doctor's eyes suggested he was unpredictable now – but then Clara took control of the situation once more.

"Come on," she said firmly, We're leaving!"

"No, I'm not!" the Doctor exclaimed, "I need to explain to soldier boy here -" he pointed at Danny again, "That he's got no fucking right! If he touches you, if he -"

Clara glanced to Danny and shook her head.

"He can't help it."

"You can shut up as well!" the Doctor yelled, "You started this, flirting with your ex in front of me!"

"Doctor," she said, "Get in the Tardis!"

"No!"

"TARDIS, NOW!" she shouted, pointing to the blue box.

The Doctor glared at her.

"NOW!" Clara repeated, "I have had enough of you embarrassing me for one day because your messed up brain can't make sense of life any more!"

And she tightened her grip on his arm as she turned him away from Danny and gave a tug, pulling him in the direction of the Tardis.

As they walked away Danny stood and watched, feeling deeply sorry for all that Clara had chosen to take on. He wanted to follow and offer to help, but he knew she would refuse, because he knew Clara...

Moments later, after she had led the Doctor inside and the door of the Tardis closed sharply, the blue box faded and then vanished from sight.

"I can't believe you behaved like that!" Clara said angrily as she glared across the console at the Doctor.

He was looking down at the controls, and then he looked up with reluctance and saw anger in her eyes.

"I'm going to bed, I've got a headache," he replied, and then he walked out of the console room.

Clara stood there alone watching as stars rushed by, they were out in space for the second time with no destination, the Doctor had walked away from a heated situation he had caused yet again – was this what he planned to do from now on every time he read a situation wrong?

And what about the next time he picked a fight?

She was pregnant, and knew there was only so much she could safely do in a potentially volatile situation to break up a fight...

Next time, he might not be so lucky, or he might not listen to her enough to allow himself to be pulled back. The outcome could be disastrous in a situation with a stranger who did not know him, far away on some distant alien planet...

Clara leaned heavily on the console as she blinked away tears and quietly addressed the Tardis:

"Okay, it's time to admit it – I do need help with him. I can't do this alone any more."

And as soon as she finished speaking, the Tardis engines briefly sounded, and then fell silent as the ship landed.

"Where have you taken us?" she whispered, looking around the vast control room.

The only reply she heard was the gentle hum of the Tardis – clearly, the Doctor's blue box had listened, and granted her request...

Clara went to the door and opened it, stepping out into a wide, well kept garden. As she looked up at the house, she recognised it at once, and then as the owner walked along the path to greet her in a dark Victorian dress with her heavy veil turned up, exposing her reptilian features and her wise, knowing expression, tears of relief filled Clara's eyes:

The Tardis had known exactly where they needed to go, and now Clara felt safe and no longer alone with her worries, and as she gave a sob and hugged her alien friend, she was filled with a sense of sheer relief to know that finally, here was someone who could help:

The Tardis had taken them back to Victorian London, and back to Madame Vastra...