New chapter!
Ludwig could feel himself shaking as Feliciano led him into the massive building, he was panicking and struggling to hide it, he could feel himself sweating, god this was a bad idea, the world seemed almost a blur and the next thing he knew he was in the studio, being sat in a makeup chair. Feliciano squeezed his hand to get his attention, smiling at him.
"This is Elsa, she's my favourite makeup lady," Feliciano said, gesturing to the redhead who had appeared at his side, "Be nice to her ok," he chuckled softly, leaning in to give the German a kiss, "She's going to make you look beautiful."
Everything, thankfully, seemed to slow down for Ludwig as he settled in the chair, and he slowly became aware of where everyone was, in his panic he'd lost track of himself and everyone around him.
Gilbert and Romano were standing by the food table, eating and talking to each other, joking as usual. Feliciano was in his own makeup chair a few meters away, nattering to the man who was doing his hair.
Ludwig sat, forcing himself to breathe slowly, letting the woman brush his hair, he closed his eyes, knowing that would help calm him too.
"You're nervous?" the woman said softly, letting out a small chuckle, "You're shaking... I've never seen a big guy like you get so worried."
He opened his eyes, looking at the pretty woman through the mirror, "…I'll be ok."
"I'm sure you will," she cooed, "And Amy's lovely, so you don't have to worry about her. Just let Feliciano do the talking at first, until you settle."
Ludwig nodded, closing his eyes again and letting the woman touch up his face, he wasn't sure what she did to him but it'd made his eyes stand out more and his cheek bones look sharper, he looked good.
"You ready Lud?" Feliciano asked softly from behind him, "We've got to go sit down."
Ludwig nodded, standing up from his chair and following Feliciano to the mocked up livingroom-set, he looked around, frowning softly, "It's all cardboard," he observed, even the fireplace, the bricks looked real on TV but up close like this is was obviously not.
Feliciano nodded and smiled, taking the chair closest to the interviewer's and guiding Ludwig to the seat next to him.
The interviewer, Amelia, walked towards them, smiling sweetly. "Hi guys," she said happily, "Nice to meet you Ludwig. How are we today?"
Feliciano smiled, glancing between Ludwig and Amelia, "We're good. When's this airing?"
"Tomorrow morning, same as usual," she said, she looked Ludwig up and down, "You know those videos don't do you justice, you are really hot."
Ludwig looked down at his feet, smiling softly, "Thank you."
The interviewer chuckled softly, "Feliciano, you're a very lucky boy."
Feliciano nodded softly, holding out his hands, "Can I have a look at the questions you're asking, please, I want to make sure they're not rude."
Amelia held the papers close to her chest, shaking her head and smiling fakely, "No no, there's nothing too rude in here, but I want to get your natural reactions to the questions," she leaned over to give Feliciano a playful shove, "You know what I'm like Feli…"
Feliciano nodded, letting out a small huff and letting his hand drop over the side of the chair, groping to hold Ludwig's hand, squeezing it softly. Ludwig felt a slight panic rise in him, was Feliciano worried too?
"Camera's rolling!" someone shouted from offstage, followed by a loud buzz, the small buzz of conversation stopping suddenly.
Ludwig tried to keep himself calm as Amelia introduced them, he could hear his heart, he could feel his pulse throbbing through his entire body, he tried to control his breathing , tried to keep himself looking calm at least, he didn't want anyone to know.
"Ludwig?" the call of his name broke him from his trance. They'd been talking and he'd barely even noticed. God he wished he'd not come, he'd never been so scared of speaking. He forced a smile and a small grunt of recognition.
"Feliciano said in our last interview that he's getting more involved in charity," Amelia explained.
Ludwig hadn't been able to watch the last interview, he'd had a double therapy session the day it'd come out and he'd not gotten around to watching it, he didn't think it would be important.
He'd been told that not wanting to do things that once interested him was part of his depression, he'd once fawned over Feliciano's interviews, waited weeks and been so happy when he finally saw them. He missed that feeling, he hated that he didn't care as much anymore.
Though that in no way meant he loved Feliciano any less, his therapist had made sure he understood that.
Ludwig smiled softly and squeezed Feliciano's hand, "Yes I think he mentioned it." It had been only a brief mention, that he'd started giving money to some Italian charity, Ludwig couldn't even remember the name.
"Yes, Feliciano told me he plans to do a benefit concert, given your," she paused for a moment, "Involvement, so to say, we thought you might like to talk about it. Aren't you proud of your boyfriend's efforts?"
Ludwig nodded, "Of course I'm proud," he chewed his lip for a moment, "What do you mean 'my involvement'? I've had nothing to do with his charity work."
Amelia cocked her head, "Well you have depression don't you? Feliciano's doing all this because of you."
Ludwig felt all colour drain from his face, sickness welling in his stomach. "You told them..?" he asked weakly.
Feliciano shook his head, "Well no, they found out, I just confirmed it."
"Oh Ludwig I thought he'd told you," she smiled, "He's doing all of it because of you, and might I add it's done quite a bit for his career, people are so much more willing to buy a CD if they know some of the profit goes towards helping people with mental illnesses."
Ludwig let out a small huff, his eyes settling on Feliciano. He couldn't believe this, Feliciano had used him?
His hand dropped from Feliciano's, hanging limply at his side. "Could we take a break, please," he said quickly, the words coming out a lot louder than he'd meant for them to.
"Oh," Amelia said sharply, forcing a smile, "Sure we can, uh… I'll see you back here in a minute."
Ludwig felt a breath leave him as the camera's lights turned off, a small weight lifting off of him.
He got to his feet, walking away from the crowd.
"Ludwig?!" Feliciano said, a slight panic to his voice, he got up quickly, scrabbling slightly as he followed Ludwig into the hall, struggling to keep up with the larger man.
"Ludwig," he said again, his voice dropping as his boyfriend stopped in the grey concrete and metal stairway. "What are you doing?"
"I just need a moment Feli," Ludwig snapped, he began mumbling to himself in German, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "I can't believe you told them Feli…" he said slowly, trying to keep his voice calm.
Feliciano shook his head, "I didn't, they found out, I didn't really tell them anything Ludwig."
"You." He bit his lip, forcing himself to stay calm, "You could have made sure they didn't find out, you shouldn't have confirmed anything without asking me first! This was supposed to be a secret Feliciano, now the whole world will know. Everyone will start treating me differently Feliciano, you know I don't want that!"
Feliciano stuttered, tears coming to his eyes, "l-Ludwig, I didn't mean for-"
"Be quiet Feliciano!" Ludwig snapped, blinking back tears rapidly, there was no way he'd allow himself to cry now. "You have used me. You're getting money because of my illness, the only reason you care is because you're getting more money from it."
It all made sense to him now, the reason Feliciano had been sending him things was because he was getting extra money, he'd probably only done it to stop himself feeling bad. He couldn't believe Feliciano thought he wouldn't care that other people had found out, he knew how worried Ludwig had been about telling him. Did he really think he'd react well?
"…Ludwig, please," Feliciano said quietly through tears, sobbing quietly and lifting a hand to wipe his eyes, "I didn't mean to upset you."
Ludwig grit his teeth, "You thought I'd be ok with this? You used me, Feli." He shook his head, huffing through anger and sadness, "I'm going home, now. Tell Gilbert I'm leaving."
"Ludwig, please!" Feliciano shouted, his sobs growing louder. Ludwig turned, unable to talk anymore, he shook his head and began to trot down the stairs, making sure to go fast enough for Feliciano not to follow him.
He felt tears sting his eyes, he let himself let out a small sob as he left the building, when he was sure no one could hear him, he sank to his knees, tears streaming down his face. He didn't want to be here, he just wanted to go home.
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