Another sad chapter guys I'm sorry.
There's only gunna be two or three more chapters of this.
Feliciano looked through the IPhones on show, pouting softly as he played around with them, waiting for Romano to be done in the backroom with all the… technical people.
He could tell that people were staring at him, he could hear his name being repeated by the groups of people who passed, many of them sneaking pictures of him on their phone.
No one came up to him. He looked too much of a mess, too unstable. His hair was greasy and his clothes covered in stains, he wasn't wearing anything special like he usually would when going out, he was dressed in jogging bottoms and a baggy hoodie, one of Ludwig's that he'd happened to leave during one of his visits, one that Feliciano had begged to let him keep.
He knew what everyone thought, they said he'd had a breakdown or something. Romano wouldn't let him read the papers so he knew it was bad, but he'd seen the stands and seen the photos there of him looking sorry for himself, pale and as if he'd not eaten in days.
He'd started taking antidepressants but if anything they were making him feel worse. Apparently that was normal for the first few weeks, but still he hated it.
Romano emerged from the back of the shop, a new phone in hand, smiling softly as he walked towards him.
"Here you go," he said as he handed over the brand new phone, "Don't break this one."
"I won't," Feliciano almost sneered, "I'm on my pills, I'm better now."
Romano shook his head, "That's not how it works, Feli." The doctor had said that the pills would take a few weeks to fully work, Feliciano had so far gained his energy back, be he was as low as ever. "…Just please don't break the phone…"
Romano couldn't help but be worried, he knew the first few weeks on antidepressants were the most dangerous, he just didn't want the younger boy to get hurt.
"I won't Romano," Feliciano said shortly, letting out a small huff. Romano had noticed how snappy the boy had become, he'd tried not to mention it but it was hard to ignore, Romano had a very abrasive nature as it was, not responding to his younger brother's jibes was particularly difficult.
He swallowed hard, gritting his teeth and letting out an equally annoyed sounding huff.
His eyes widened as he saw Feliciano's face drop at the noise he'd made. "Feli-" he bit his lip, "I didn't mean that."
Feliciano nodded, frowning sadly, his breath shortening, "Yes you did, you don't think I'm telling the truth Romano. I'm am! I said I won't break it."
Romano held up his hands, "Ok, Feli, ok…" he took Feliciano's hand, the other boy holding it limp, "Let's go ok, you can't cause a scene here."
Feliciano shook his head, "Everyone already think I'm crazy Romano, why shouldn't I-I start crying in public?"
"You're not crazy," Romano snapped, giving Feliciano's arm a soft tug, "You are ill and you are getting better, you're making things harder for yourself, your publicity has taken a big hit as it is without you breaking down in the middle of the apple store."
Feliciano let out a soft grunt of anguish, pulling his arm out of Romano's grip, gritting his teeth as tears sprung to his eyes, "I don't care about publicity, I don't want publicity! I-I want…" he began to sob, shaking and moving slowly to hug Romano, sobbing into his chest, "He was the only good thing in my life Romano, I miss him so much."
Romano rubbed his back, shushing him, trying to ignore the pinning glares from the people who passed.
"Let's go home Feli, we can put a film on and eat gelato, ok? Does that sound good?"
Feliciano nodded into his brother's chest, "Yeah… I just want to die Romano," he choked out, clawing at his shirt.
"No you don't," Romano said stubbornly, pulling away, holding Feliciano's face and looking into his eyes, "Don't say anything like that Feli, ever, if anything happened to you Feliciano I don't know what would happen… let's just go ok?"
Feliciano nodded, pulling away from Romano, "Yeah, ok… I'm sorry. I love you Romano, but I-I just… I don't know what's wrong with me."
"You have depression, that's what's wrong. Now come on, that gelato won't eat itself." He took Feliciano's hand again, holding him close as he led him to the car, buckling his belt for him and beginning to drive the twenty minute route home.
He looked over at his younger brother occasionally, the boy staring down at his feet or out the window. He'd stopped crying now at least.
"Your pills aren't working properly yet," Romano said softly.
Feliciano let out a small hum, nodding and looking up at him, "…Maybe I should take more?"
He frowned, "No Feli that's not how it works, that's dangerous."
"Maybe a higher dose-"
"No, Feli," Romano tried to keep his voice soft, "That's not how it works."
"But it's not fucking working Romano!" Feliciano said loudly, starting to sob again, "I feel worse than ever, I feel so bad all the time I-I…" he fell into loud sobs, looking away and holding his hand out, pulling up his sleeve to show Romano a small cluster of tiny scratches on his upper arm.
Romano's eyes widened, breaking sharply in the middle of the road, taking Feliciano's arm to look at the small scratches.
"You did this to yourself?" he said weakly, his face paling.
Feliciano bit his lip and nodded, not wanting to look his brother in the eye. There was nothing really to the scratches, they'd barely broken the skin, he hated the thought of hurting himself, but he just… He thought it would make him feel better.
Romano let out a short breath, "H-how could you…?" he shook softly, letting go of the boys arm, "I've been doing everything I can to make you better, to help you Feliciano, how could you do this to yourself? Did you think this would make it better? Did you think this would help you?"
Feliciano sobbed loudly, shaking his head, "I-I didn't… I wasn't thinking Romano I just did it. I-I'm sorry."
Romano stared at him, tears pricking his eyes, "…Feliciano," he squeaked, "You can't do it again. I-I'm taking away everything sharp in your room, I'm not letting you out of my sight until the pills start working."
Feliciano looked away again, huddling in on himself. Romano was treating him like a criminal, he knew what he'd done was bad, but he didn't want to do it again, he hadn't wanted to do it in the first place, but, he hadn't been able to stop the urge, he'd had the urge to for weeks, but he'd been trying to resist, painting, tearing paper, he'd even sneaked onto Romano's gaming system and played a number of destructive games.
"…You don't need to watch me all the time Romano, I did it once, I won't do it again, I promise."
Romano huffed and frowned, beginning to drive again, "…Yes I do. I love you Feliciano, I'm not taking any chances. I won't let you hurt yourself."
Feliciano swallowed hard and nodded, "…Ok Romano," he squeaked, "I love you, I'm sorry I didn't want to upset you, I'm sorry."
Romano huffed softly and nodded, "I know Feli, I love you too, I'm…" he bit his lip as they pulled into their driveway, turning to him, "I'm sorry. I didn't know you felt this bad," he frowned, "I mean, I did, but I…" he sighed softly, glancing away, "I just want you to be ok."
The smaller boy nodded again, "I will be," he said softly, "When the pills are working I'll be ok again, I won't want to… to do anything like that again."
Romano let Feliciano out of the car, leading him into the house and leading him to the sofa, he sat the boy down and got a pot of gelato from the kitchen, bringing two spoons for them.
"There," he announced, sitting down and handing Feliciano a spoon.
The boy huddled up to him, beginning to play with his new phone and absently eating the gelato. Romano put a film on, Feliciano having no say in what they watched, he picked an old horror film, he knew Feliciano was paying no attention, so it may as well be something he liked.
"I don't like scary films," Feliciano mumbled once he realised what'd been put on, Romano let out a small huff and changed the channel, wrapping his arm around his smaller brother and hugging him tight. "Thank you," the boy squeaked.
"It's ok," Romano said softly, "I just want you to be happy, Feli. I'd do anything to help, you know that."
Feliciano nodded, "Yeah, I know."
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