Essentially the last chapter of this story.
Ludwig wasn't sure how long it'd been since they'd arrived at the hospital. Long enough for Romano to cry himself dry and fall asleep with his head on Gilbert's lap, the older man stroking his hair.
There was a knot the size of Germany in Ludwig's stomach, they'd been told Feliciano was stable and sleeping, they'd pumped his stomach and put him on an iv drip, but he couldn't get rid of it. He needed to see him, he needed to talk to him.
God he needed to apologise, he'd been such a moron, he couldn't believe it. He dug his nails into his arm, closing his eyes and focussing on the pain. He deserved it. He'd driven Feliciano to suicide, he deserved all the pain he could inflict upon himself.
Feliciano had been his hero, his best friend, the only man he'd ever loved, and he'd done this to him.
How could he live with himself after this?
In Ludwig's mind, Feliciano had been like a god, unable to do wrong, always there when he'd needed him, his voice had been enough to bring Ludwig back from the brink of a panic attack.
The boy he'd idolised and trusted more than anyone was now unconscious in a hospital bed because of him.
All because he wouldn't forgive him, for one mistake, why had he been so stubborn?
It would be better if Feliciano had never met him, but it was too late now.
"Ludwig?!" Gilbert snapped at him, Ludwig opened his eyes, seeing small beads of blood collecting at his nails where they met his skin. Gilbert slapped his hand away, gritting his teeth, "Don't you dare," he growled, returning his hand to Romano's hair, shaking his head as he moved back.
He leaned back in his chair, exhaling slowly, squirming slightly.
"I want to see Feli," he said quietly, pleading to no one, closing his eyes again.
He didn't feel himself fall asleep, he'd closed his eyes and the next thing he knew his brother was tapping him on the shoulder. He jerked his head up and saw that Romano was gone, he let out a small hum as he woke himself up.
"It's morning," Gilbert said, "Feliciano's awake."
"What?" Ludwig said, almost squeaking as his voice readjusted, looking around and running his hand through his hair. "How long?"
"About half an hour. Lovi's talking to him, you can go in when he's done."
"Does he want to talk to me?" Ludwig asked quietly, looking over at the hospital room door, "…After what I did."
Gilbert shrugged, "He's not requested it, but I think you should talk to him, Romano thinks so too."
Ludwig nodded, stretching as he stood up and walking over to stand by the door, he looked through the glass window, watching as Romano and Feliciano hugged, talking to each other in rapid Italian, Ludwig couldn't quite make out what they were saying and he didn't want to, it didn't seem like something he should intrude on, he turned away from the door, leaning against the wall.
"You better be nice," Gilbert said firmly, "You mustn't argue with him."
Ludwig shook his head, "I don't want to."
Gilbert crossed his arms, frowning, "You've changed your tune," he said almost judgingly.
"I did this to him, I drove him to this."
"Yeah, you did," Gilbert frowned, "Why couldn't you have forgiven him before it came to this?"
Ludwig looked down at his feet, letting out a small huff. He didn't want to talk about it but he knew Gilbert would pull it from him somehow. "I don't know," he said quietly as he thought, "I thought… I felt like he was putting on an act. I-I felt like it was all a lie, but I saw him," he swallowed hard, letting out an exhale as he tried to calm himself, "It made it real. And I don't know what I would do if…"
"You've got to think about this Ludwig, you can't tell him you want him back if you don't mean it," Gilbert instructed him.
Ludwig chewed his lip, he didn't want to talk about it with anyone before he'd talked to Feliciano. "Let me talk to Feliciano."
"You'll break his heart, you won't help him or yourself if you lie."
He grit his teeth, feeling his temper rise, "I'm not going to lie to him I just want to talk to him."
He jumped slightly as the door opened, Romano walking out and turning to look at him. "He wants to talk to you," he said, frowning, "If you say anything bad to him I will break your fucking neck."
Ludwig nodded and entered the room, leaving Gilbert and Romano outside.
"Feli," he said softly, looking over the boy, he was laid in the bed, the drip in his arm, other than the paleness to his face he looked perfectly fine.
"Ludwig," the boy said quietly with a tentative smile, glancing up at him but not able to keep eye contact.
Ludwig sat on the chair at the side of the bed, pausing for a moment to centre himself before he began to speak.
"Why did you do it Feli," he asked softly, hoping he wouldn't get the answer he expected.
Feliciano blinked rapidly, letting out a small quivering breath. "I…" he bit his lip and let out a squeak as emotion filled him again, he tried to keep himself calm but every word left him with a squeak or a crack. "You hate me, and I love you… I made you so angry a-and upset, I've never seen anyone so angry. I thought it would be better if I just…" his sentence trailed off and he lifted his hand to his face, wiping away tears that weren't there.
Ludwig frowned, leaning forward on his chair, "I'm sorry, Feliciano, I didn't mean to get so angry at you. I didn't know how… how stupid I was being."
Feliciano frowned at him in confusion, "You're not angry anymore?" he asked, his voice still weak.
Ludwig thought for a moment before shaking his head, "No," he said firmly, all anger he'd felt had evaporated from him as soon as he'd seen Feliciano unconscious in the car park, it had left him in the blink of an eye.
"But you hurt me," he continued, "I forgive you, but I don't…" he let out a small huff, "I know I overreacted, but I don't know if I trust you."
Feliciano let out another squeak, tears dripping down his face though this time he made no attempt to stop them. "I'm sorry," he whimpered.
Ludwig leaned forward, placing his hand on Feliciano's knee, "I know, I know you are, I'm sorry too," he swallowed hard, letting out a quivering breath, "…I'm sorry too… But it's going to take a while for me to be ok again." He shook his head, he knew it was irrational, but at the moment he couldn't think rationally. "I think it's because of my illness," he said quietly, looking down, he knew it wasn't a good excuse, but it was the only reason he could think of.
Feliciano looked him over, trying to control his breathing and stop crying. After a moment he finally opened his mouth to speak, "I still love you."
Ludwig bit his lip, "…I…" he said quietly, looking away. He grit his teeth, "I do love you, but I… I feel weird saying it now."
"So," Feliciano sighed softly, shaking his head, "What does that mean? A-are we," he pursed his lips, forcing himself to talk, "Are we not going out, still..?"
The German let out a deep breath and shrugged, Feliciano letting out a small sad noise at the action. "I don't know, Feliciano. I want to, I-I do still love you, but I… I don't feel comfortable continuing from where we were."
"So you want to start again?" Feliciano proposed with a smile. Ludwig gave a nod, his eyes flicking up to meet the Italian's.
"I think that would be a good idea," he said with another small nod of agreement, his hands linking on his lap. "Would that be ok?"
Feliciano nodded, smiling happily and wiping his eyes again, "Yeah," he said weakly, "I want to be with you Ludwig, I don't mind if we have to start over, I-I like the first bit."
"And you can't send me any more presents," Ludwig pushed, "Not until I trust you, because I don't send you anything, it's not fair."
Feliciano nodded quickly, "Ok," he said happily, beginning to smile more exuberantly.
"And we can't mention what happened ever again," Ludwig continued, the addition greeted by another nod of agreement.
They sat in silence for a moment, Feliciano waiting for Ludwig to add on more terms, but he couldn't think of any, eventually he let out a small sigh, smiling softly at the Italian and pulling himself up from his chair, leaning in to cup Feliciano's face, closing his eyes and giving his lips a soft peck.
"I'm so glad you're ok, Feliciano," he said quietly against his lips, kissing him again and smiling as he felt the smaller man begin to kiss back.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter(I'm not actually that fond of it) there is going to be another one but there's going to be a significant time jump.
Please leave a review.