Chapter 1: Spoilers
"HAVE YOU ACCEPTED MASASHI KISHIMOTO AS YOUR LORD AND SAVIOR?!"
The question gave Naruto pause.
"DO YOU HAVE DREAMS FOR THE FUTURE?!"
Why, Naruto certainly did!
"ARE YOU WORRIED ABOUT THE COURSE OF YOUR LOVE LIFE?!"
Sakura-chan...
"THEN STEP INTO THE TENT OF MADAME PIERROT! SHE'LL TELL YOU THE FUTURE SO THAT KISHI DOESN'T HAVE TO!"
Sure. Why not.
Naruto pushed his way through a crowd of kids his age into the big purple tent. He recognized some of them: kids from his class at the ninja academy. They'd all be taking the Genin test in a few days, but apparently getting their future told was more important. Friggin' twelve-year-olds.
In the center of the tent was a small round table, covered from top to bottom in a white sheet. On the table was a glass orb sat upon a golden pedestal, and behind it was by far the UGLIEST woman that Naruto had ever encountered. Like, DAMN she was old. Probably senile too.
"Have you come to have your future told, boy?"
Naruto wasn't sure why the hag was addressing him when there were clearly people that had been waiting much longer than he had, but he wasn't about to question an opportunity to cut in line. He nodded his head nonchalantly, "Yeah, whatever."
"Wonderful! Just let me look into my CRYSTAL ball... OOoohh..."
Well that was dramatic. Also, the thing wasn't crystal. It was obviously glass. Or maybe plastic? Okay, Naruto wasn't sure.
"Kishi tells me... That your name is... NARUTO UZUMAKI!"
Naruto rolled his eyes. In Konoha, EVERYBODY knew his name. Not in the way he wanted, but still. This hag was full of it.
"In the future, you will fulfill your dream and become... THE SEVENTH HOKAGE!"
"The SEVENTH?!" Naruto didn't want to be seventh! He wanted to be fifth! Maybe even 'honorary' fourth or something! Not seventh!
"You will marry a woman named Hinata Hyuuga, and you will have... TWO CHILDREN!"
Hinata?! Naruto barely even KNEW the girl! And what about-
"What about Sakura-chan?!" Uh, yeah, that.
"She will marry your rival, Sasuke Uchiha, bear his only child, and die a LONELY HOUSEWIFE!"
"That's terrible!" Naruto couldn't let an s.o.b. like Sasuke ruin Sakura's life!
Madame Pierrot crossed her arms, "Tough toenails, kid. That's the future. It's canon."
"But there must be something I can-"
"GET OUT OF MY TENT, YOU INGRATE!"
Naruto tumbled onto the street, tossed by the horde of prepubescent children. He just...
"UGH, I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE IT!"
Dattebayo.
"There's gotta be something I can do. But, like... How do I fight fate? The future written by Kishi-what's his face... Now that I'm aware of it, is it set in stone? Is there nothing I can do?"
C'mon, boy. You've got this. Just say the magic words...
"No... I won't be beaten by this. I'll never run away, and I'll never go back on my word. That is my Nindo, my Ninja Way! If I'm not happy with the future then I'll just have to change it!"
And with that it was decided. Naruto was gonna rewrite history. With the author's help, of course.
Boo-yah.
Disclaimer: Masashi Kishimoto owns Naruto and that ending I didn't care for.
I own my imagination, thoughts and opinions.