I have officially been in the Survey Corps for a week now. Honestly, it's not as bad as I had expected it to be, but then again, we haven't been on an expedition yet. Our living arrangements have been sorted into 4 different houses, for each of our higher ups - Hanji, Mike, Erwin and Dita. I've counted myself both blessed and cursed to be living under the same roof as Erwin. For the last week, my breath has caught in my chest and I've gone weak at the knees every time he's walked past me. I didn't think it was possible to have this level of attraction towards someone. I've lived behind bars all my life, and now I'm free to love. Of course, he hasn't shown me the slightest hint of interest. I can't stop thinking to myself that maybe he chose me to live in his court for a reason, maybe he had seen me and felt the same attraction that I do for him, but his distance proves me wrong. I shouldn't expect him to treat me any different from the other recruits, but I want him to. I want him to so badly. A man a few years older than me, Gunther Schultz - another new recruit in our dorms - has noticed my uncontrollable affection towards Erwin. It happened yesterday, when we first went to meet our horses at the stable.

"God Petra, do you really have to pull that face when you look at the Commander?" Gunther said with the most sarcastic tone imaginable, raising his eyebrows at me and flicking his finger against my mouth. Only then making me realise that my teeth were pulling on the right side of my lip with longing as I watched Erwin simply fix the saddle onto his horse. I felt my cheeks turn red as Gunther burst out laughing, making the entirety of our team turn to look at us. Including Erwin. This in itself made my face turn into an even darker shade of scarlet, if that was possible, and Erwin gave me that smile of his that makes me want to throw my heart up. Reading my reactions like a book, he lowered his eyes and let out a chuckle to himself. He walked over and put his hand on my shoulder as I lifted my hand up to my face to bite my nails away. Anything so I didn't let out some stupid noise as he touched me.

"May I ask what this commotion is about, Petra?..Gunther?" Erwin spoke softly, and the weight of his hand on me was sending shivers down my spine.

I tried to speak, to cover up what was actually being said..about him.

"I-I just-I just w-"

"She just looks like a horse is all, I couldn't help but laugh seeing her stood next to one!" Gunther blurted out, as if that could make my situation any better at all. I think I'd rather have Erwin know how much I want him to want me, rather than have him think I look like a damn horse. I felt Erwin's hand tighten on my shoulder as he gave it a reassuring squeeze.

"That's not a nice way to speak to your comrades, Gunther. I'd show a little respect." Erwin pulled my shoulder back so he could look me in the eyes, and yes, my face was going bright red again. "I don't believe you look like a horse, Petra", he grinned, lowering his head but still looking up through his eyelashes at me with his gorgeous blue eyes. And with that, he walked off, helping other new recruits around the stable. I never thought the Commander himself would get involved with us, to help the new recruits. I expected him to be in an office, or outside the walls, or with the professionals, but I was wrong. I shouldn't expect to know anything about this man.

Gunther came to my side and playfully elbowed me in the ribs.

"You know I was only trying to save your ass right? It was the first thing that came to my head, y'know? Next time I can just tell him how much you want to fuck him, if you'd prefer me to just get it out in the open for you?", he laughed.

I knew he was just being playful, but the thought of him even knowing just terrified me. The thought of having sex with him...terrified me. I didn't want him like that. I don't know how I wanted him, I just did. I've never even kissed anyone, I'm not ready to jump into bed with the first muscular blonde I see. Gunther rolled his eyes and started walking away from me back into the dorms. "God, take a joke Petra, there's no need to look like you've seen a ghost. Lighten up. I'm not actually going to say anything, do you really think that badly of me? I'm joking for fucks sake."

His words stung and I hated myself for taking everything so seriously. I wanted people here to see me for who I want to be, not someone who's easily hurt and swayed by words. Gunther is the only person who'd really spoken to me the past week, and I didn't want to push away his friendship by acting cold and scared. I started packing up my saddle in silence, no longer in the mood for anyone to speak to me.

"Petra, a word?"

- Except him. My emotions all blurred together into one, and I turned around to see Erwin stood there, the sun shining behind him like he was a god, his calm smile relaxing me at once.

"You're not upset by what Schlutz said, are you? I want you to know that I don't take well to anyone treating others badly here, and I won't have anyone getting hurt, especially not a tiny little thing like you. If you'd like to be moved to a different house I ca-"

"I don't want to move!" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"I-I'm sorry for interrupting you Commander, I, I just...he hasn't hurt my feelings, I'm fine. He told me he was joking." I stammered, forcing a smile towards Erwin to hide my constant embarrassment around him.

Erwin smiled back and started to help me pack away my equipment I had left.

"I was wondering if you would do a favour for me, since you're in my house now." he purred.

"Y-yes Commander, of course."

He stopped, a stern expression suddenly covering his face, with hint of something else I couldn't quite figure out gleaming in his eyes. "Clean the kitchen when you get back. With Eld of course", he smirked, handing me the rest of my equipment with a nod and following Gunther's trail back to the house. I stood there in silence for a minute, watching him walk away, wishing I knew what the hell went through the minds of the people here.

That evening, I wandered down to the kitchen, to clean as Erwin had asked. Without a doubt, I expected him to come out with a favour slightly more work orientated than this. Why was I even doing this for him? When I got there, Eld was already at work, scrubbing away at the dishes from our meal earlier. He was putting them away still half dirty, the expression on his face telling me that he didn't want to be here, at all.

"It's about time you turned up" Eld snapped. "What took you so long?" He looked at me waiting for me to answer, but I had nothing. "Whatever, don't answer. As if you had anything better to do." he muttered, throwing the sponges at me, which I obviously didn't catch, drenching me with water in the already freezing room. The walls were made of stone, like an old castle, and whilst it was sturdy, was probably the worst place to be in the winter. I picked the sponges up off the floor and slammed them onto the table.

"Whatever, Eld. What do I have left to do?"

"Whatever's left", he mumbled, walking swiftly out the door, leaving me to do 'whatever's left'. Which was apparently most things. I didn't have the courage to call him back. I didn't want my comrades to hate me on our first week here. As well, Erwin wants me to do this. I'd do it better than Eld ever could. If I can impress the Commander, I can get further here.

Nearly two hours had passed, the moon was up, and I was still working on the things Eld had been to incapable to clean. I guess that's the only good thing I learnt from living at home - cleaning. Not that I expected I'd ever be doing it here. I was stood on the table, trying to dust the chandelier that hung from the ceiling, when I heard a knock on the open door behind me.

"Still here?" Erwin chuckled, leaning against the door frame. He wasn't in his uniform, just his trademark white shirt with some black pants and a beautiful green gem hanging around his neck. A bottle of whiskey in his hand. "Come, sit with me".

I climbed down from the table and stood, watching carefully as Erwin pulled out a chair and put his glass down, sitting to slowly pour himself another drink. He smiled, looking me up and down, smirking as he saw my still damp shirt clinging to me. He pulled out the chair next to him, repeating his last words. "Sit with me."

Slowly, I perched on the end of that chair, being careful not to get too comfortable in his presence. He obviously noticed this, and chuckled, edging his seat closer to mine. When I didn't move, he turned back to face his drink, taking it and swirling the liquid around with ease.

"How have you found the past week, Petra? Have I been too hard on you?" he breathed in a sultry tone, his eyes gleaming as he looked into mine.

"No, Commander, it's - it's been great so far, I -"

"Call me Erwin", he said, taking a sip of his drink. "Just not when the others are around." When I didn't respond, he offered out his whiskey to me. "Drink?"

"I don't drink Comman-..Erwin." I blushed just saying his name. Being able to call him by his first name as if we already had some bond was something I couldn't have anticipated. All the thoughts I have had about him, the thoughts of him holding me in his arms, being the one I'd maybe even...

My heart was racing and I felt the embarrassment make its way through me as he laughed when I turned away the drink. Most people here had drunk before, have experienced life, except for me. He probably thought I was pathetic. A child. I fidgeted in my seat before taking a deep breath, letting it out with my words. "I guess maybe a little won't hurt."

Erwin had a devilish smile on his face as he passed me the glass, and I wondered if the only reason he was being so friendly with me was because he could be drunk. I took the glass and closed my eyes as I knocked it back, coughing and spluttering as soon as I had swallowed it. He took the glass from me, setting it down and puting his arm around my shoulder.

"See, that wasn't too bad, was it?" he whispered seductively into my ear, his warm breath sending me into a haze. "More?"

I couldn't even form words, I just nodded my head and watched him pour more alcohol into the glass in front of us. He took a swig, then handing me the glass and watching me knock it back. I didn't cough this time, and I felt how warm the liquid was as it went down my throat.

"I'm going to treat you well whilst you're here Petra." he breathed, his body moving along his chair and closer into mine. He was only centimeters away from me now, and even though it was only his arm around my shoulder, I had never been to physically close to a man in my life. In the cold stone kitchen, I could feel the heat of his body, the heat of the whiskey, the fire burning in my heart. "You can be my top student", he whispered.

My words caught in my chest, and as I turned my head to face him, I wished that I hadn't. I think the longing must have shown in my eyes, and as soon as he realised how I saw him in this moment, he stood up, picking up his glass and the bottle to accompany it. He smiled, still speaking in the deep, seductive tone that he had been since he entered the room.

"I'll see you in the morning for training. Don't be late." he winked, turning away to leave.

I stayed in my seat, watching him leave, unable to move, then to be surrounded by silence. I was feeling things I had never felt before, my body and my mind and my soul were reacting to Erwin in ways that I didn't know were possible. He had shown me the attention I was so desperately craving from him.

I needed more.