Author's note: In the previous chapters it says Olou which I've now changed to Aurou as that seems to be more widely used. Why is there like 10 different spellings for the names of these characters?! I hope this doesn't confuse anyone!
I laid flat on my bed, letting all my tension out with a huge sigh, and the smile grew on my face, staying there until my cheeks were hurting. Erwin had left over 10 minutes ago and I hadn't even been able to bring myself to move. I felt my body whirring as I thought about everything Erwin did to me this morning...it was as if I could still feel his hands on me, his lips on me, caressing each and every part he could. I closed my eyes as they rolled to the back of my head when I ran my fingers up and down my abdomen. Is this what being turned on feels like? Erwin wanted me just as much as I wanted him. That's why I was going on this mission with him - because I'd do anything for that man.
Gunther's voice outside my door broke me out of my daydream and I quickly shot off the bed, standing in the middle of my room, for some reason, not having a clue what to do.
"Petra, are you not awake yet? What the fuck?"
"I...give me two minutes!" I shouted back, throwing on my running clothes and re-doing the ponytail in my hair, pinning back the sides where they were too short to reach. After quickly splashing some water over my face, I strode over to open the door, to Gunther leant across the wall opposite to me.
"About damn time. Come on, let's go already, you're already half an hour late to meet me!" he exclaimed, linking his arm in mine and spinning both our bodies in the opposite direction, banging straight into Aurou. Gunther stopped and glared at him, his eyes burning with some form of rage.
"Before you say anything, I'm not going to apologise to you." Gunther snapped, trying to barge past Auruo again with me still attached to his left arm. Auruo stuck out his elbow so Gunther couldn't get past, and had a genuine look of guilt on his face.
"Can you give me just a minute Gunther? Look, I'm sorry I've been such a dick to you."
He took a moment to look at me, and looked back down at his feet. "To both of you", he muttered. He cleared his throat with a cough and stood upright again, sticking out his chest like some kind of pidgeon that's too big for his own boots.
"I've been thinking a lot about what Erwin said. I've been slacking...and I've been treating people like shit. So can you stop being an ass to me now? I'm the one who's sorry, okay?"
Gunther let out a short bark of a laugh and raised his eyebrows, an amused look over his face as he looked at me, and I couldn't help but burst out laughing with him. Having Auruo apologise was like Erwin being a short, dark haired reject. Auruo was the opposite of whatever the hell he was pretending to be at this particular moment. Gunther managed to pull himself together, a grin still on his face.
"Whatever man. Me and Petra are going running so we'll see you around. I think it's gonna take a lot more than some half assed apology in the hallway for me to wanna forgive you for being King Asshole."
"Well, can I come?" Auruo quickly jumped in. "I told you I'd been thinking about what Erwin said, about how I need to train...he's right, I do. I need to get better or I'll be fucking Titan food. Let me join you, and if at any point you want me to leave, I will. Gimme a chance. I'm honestly fucking sorry."
Gunther didn't say a word, only glare, so I sighed and pushed Auruo forward in the direction we were going.
"Fine. Don't hold us back, okay?"
Gunther shot me dagger eyes as Auruo grinned at me, silently thanking me for taking his side when I had absolutely no reason to. I forced a smile back at him and pulled at Gunther's arm as we headed into the fields.
We finally hit the end of our track, and the three of us collapsed at the top of the hill, out of breath and dehydrated. I tugged at my bottle of water and drank the whole thing as quickly as I could, throwing the bottle down and lying down on the grass surrounding me. There was something I found comforting about the fields, the flowers and trees that went on for miles, the blue sky reflecting all the warmth I felt for this place. The fields were the only place inside the walls that felt like you could be free, and sadly, there wasn't many left any more. In that moment, looking at the sky, I was the happiest I had been in years. I had a friend, a home where I felt I truly did belong, and a man that I could kiss every day for the rest of my life. I wrapped my arms around my chest and laid there listening to the birds chirping, the smile on my face almost touching my ears. Gunther rolled over onto his side so he was facing me, and Aurou was on the other side of him, sat up, watching the birds. He'd kept relatively quiet for the whole run, and if he was going to stay like this, then I could certainly learn how to deal with the new him.
"In all the years we've done training, in the weeks we've been here, I've never seen you look this happy, Petra." Gunther said softly. "It's ever since Commander Erwin praised you after the track run the other day."
"Wh-what?" I exclaimed, sitting up as an attempt to hide the burning in my cheeks. Unluckily for me, Aurou was already sat up and he noticed straight away, looking at me puzzled. Gunther sat up to join us, crossing his legs and putting his hand on my shoulder.
"You don't need to be embarrased Petra, you did really well out there, obviously he's going to praise you...why would you be embarrassed about that?"
I had no words to respond to him. I twiddled my fingers within each other and stared at my fingernails, biting the inside of my lip subtely in the hopes that nobody would notice. But they did, and just as I thought I could deal with Aurou, my opinion changed right back again.
"Holy shit, you've got a fucking thing for him!" Aurou shouted, throwing his water bottle at me and bursting out with laughter. Gunther turned and hit Aurou's arm, not enough to hurt, but enough to move his body.
"Ignore him Petra, tell him to stop being a damn idiot," Gunther said, rolling his eyes.
I couldn't. I couldn't deny how much I liked Erwin even to cover myself. I couldn't say those words when all they'd be is a lie. I sat in silence as both Gunther and Aurou stared at me for an eternity.
"Petra?...Hahahaha, oh fuck me." Auruo laughed, finally punching Gunther's arm back. "I'm like a psychic, right? God, you and the Commander? I'm sorry Petra, but you need to get that out of your head. He's nearly twice your age, not to mention he's pretty much the complete opposite of everything you are."
"No he's not!" I shouted back, before I could stop myself. Both of them were taken aback by my sudden cry, I'd never been the type to raise my voice and I think this was the first time they had witnessed it. "I'm sorry, But he's...he's not. He's kind, and - and helpful, and he looks out for those he cares about, which is all of us, and are you saying that I'm not like that? Because that's what you've been telling me for years, Gunther!"
"Hey, I didn't say anything about the Commander, Petra! Don't take it out on me...but you can't be serious right? You've gotta know that's...that it's wrong?" Gunther replied.
I realised how pathetic I sounded, and how Gunther had a serious point. Erwin shouldn't be allowed to have a relationship with me, and if anyone knew about us, then we would end before we had even begun.
"God, I'm sorry guys." I said, letting out a sigh. "It's not that Aurou, you ass. He's asked me to go on a mission with him, Hanji, Mike and Nile soon. Based on my score from the track run. I'm just happy to finally be of use, and I'm thankful to him for this oppurtunity. That's why I'm happy and that's why I have respect for him, because he's the first person to see some form of talent in me, and the first person to want to use that." I looked at Gunther, and gave him a warm smile. "I'm just happy that I've found a purpose, for the first time in 19 years. I think I've found my place in the world Gunther, and you're involved in that too."
Returning the smile, Gunther shuffled forward, intrigued with the news I had given him, forgetting all about Aurou's words.
"He wants you to go on a mission with him?"
"Yeah. Not outside the walls though. I don't really have many details yet but...but I trust him, and he promised me I won't be any danger. Like I said, I don't care what it involves, as long as I'm useful to the Corps."
Aurou looked at me and raised his eyebrows.
"Useful at sucking the Commander's cock?", he barked, laughing at his own joke. Little did he know how much I wished I could respond truthfully.
"God, no, Aurou. You're a perv, do you know that? No." I replied, lying through my teeth.
Gunther laughed, looking at Aurou and elbowing him playfully in the stomach.
"You obviously don't know Petra well enough yet", Gunther laughed. "The day she finally has her first kiss, I'm going to be there with fucking party poppers and cake!"
As much as I wanted to tell Gunther the truth, I knew it was a bad idea right now. It was too nice to see Gunther laughing, it was even weirdly nice to have Aurou around, even if his humour may hit a couple of my nerves. Hearing the two of them laughing together was like music to my ears. I laid back into the grass, the flowers surrounding me, and I closed my eyes.
This moment here, was bliss.
Aurou left us early, so me and Gunther were left to jog back home together. We got to the gardens outside our home, and as I began to walk back, waving goodbye to Gunther, he called out my name and did a quick brisk walk to catch up with me. His voice dropped as quietly as he could get it when he spoke his next words.
"Petra...I know you like the Commander."
I could feel the blood drain out of my face as Gunther stared into my soul.
"I won't say anything, Petra, you know I won't. You're my best friend here, and Erwin's a good commander, whether I like it or not. Just be careful. Promise me you'll be careful. He's brilliant at his job, and so are you. You don't want to jeopodize your career for this. It's just a crush, Petra. Don't give yourself up for the first time for someone like him. It'll never last. I just don't want to see you hurt. Promise me."
"I-I need to go. Thank you, Gunther."
I ran back up to my room and sunk into my bed face first. As soon as I did, I burst into floods of tears into my pillowcase.
I don't think I'll ever know what the hell I'm doing.