Disclaimer: Yes, I know a lot of time has gone by, but I still don't own anything except Aldyth, Brenda, Andy, Miranda and baby Nick.

A/N: Still un- betaed, but I lost my beta again. They keep disappearing on me. I had an offer from someone to be my beta, however, after I answered that I would love to if the offer still stands, there was no answer back. So no luck with betas.

Also I do realise that I promised that I will finish this before Christmas, because I'm writing it since last Christmas, however, my real life is more important and I have to concentrate on it. At the moment is very demandingly busy, so I am not going to make any promises. I will finish this when I have the time. Sorry about this, but I have enough problems as it is, to feel pressured over fanfiction. But I promise to finish this. There is probably only one more chapter left anyway. Enjoy!

" Before you judge me take a look at you

Didn't you find something better to do?

Point the finger, slow to understand

Arrogance and ignorance, go hand in hand

It's not who you are, it's who you know

Others lives are the basis of your own

Burn your bridges and build them back with wealth

Judge not lest ye be judged yourself"

Metallica- 'Holier than thou'

Jack was right, the signal was moving and Gwen had a bit of a trouble following it. Not that the signal was moving too fast, but she had never been as confident as Tosh with technologies, and although the PDA wasn't all that complicated, she was still trying to figure it all properly. It made her feel frustrated sometimes, with all this charts, readings and knobs on that small device. She was getting better at using them, but she knew that she would never be able to start using it to its full capacity. Ianto was much better at it, but Gwen thought that Jack ought to look to hire someone who understood technologies better than them. Besides Ianto was losing his concentration trying to fill in for Tosh and sometimes Owen as well, well apart from the autopsies, he couldn't really stomach most of them, but the point was that they all were stretched thin.

Jack swivelled the SUV around a sharp turn, throwing Gwen against the door of the car. The PDA slipped from her fingers and she cursed grabbing hastily to keep it from dropping at her feet.

"Jack, be careful, this is sensitive equipment," she protested.

"Gwen, since when did you start sounding like Tosh or Ianto?"

"Since I learned that you never pay attention when I protest about keeping people alive," she retorted crossly. "If you don't slow down I won't be able to warn you in time where to turn, or see where they have moved. The car is shaking so badly, the screen is unreadable."

"Oh, come on, the chocks and bumpers of this beauty can take this kind of driving with minimum effort and without shaking the car," Jack protested. "It is more likely to start chock and shake if I don't use the whole capacity of the horse power."

Gwen huffed, "Do you have to sound like a poor imitation of Jeremy Clarkson?"

It was scary enough when Rhys was trying to sound like this, but when her boss was doing it…It was more than worrying considering that he didn't watch TV, at least not before he started to go over to Ianto's flat.

Clearing her throat, Gwen got back to business and looked at the hand held device closely.

"They are heading up the North Road, just past Bute Park," Gwen said. "Where are they going, Jack? You seem to know who they are."

Jack nodded gloomily, and accelerated the speed ignoring Gwen's protests about speed limits and populated areas. The car swivelled to the right for a moment, clipping a rubbish bin and sending it clattering away on the street, spilling bags with litter. The noise was loud and clear in the quiet evening, and Gwen was almost sure that they had given some poor pensioner a heart attack. Jack didn't seem to notice any of that concentrated on keeping the vehicle upright. One of the tyres bumped over a bin bag popping it open and making the car bump at the left with a slight jump. A stray fox cried out frightened and scurried away.

"If I'm right they are heading towards the Cromwell Estate."

"And what's in the Cromwell Estate?" Gwen asked impatiently. Boy was it annoying when Jack started his game of half answers and guesses.

But this time Jack didn't look as if he was in the mood for games, "Ianto's family home."

Five minutes into the house and Ianto already wished he had never gone there. Maybe other people enjoyed being met and greeted by the whole family, hugs and barrage of questions, but Ianto would have taken a toss around with a Weevil before it at any time. After such a manner of greetings he started to wonder, would it be too wrong if, when asked where his Christmas spirit was, he pointed towards the liquor cabinet? He sighed, looked around, and as every Christmas so far memorised every available exit in the house for fast retreat.

Ianto knew that he should never presume something, because the moment he thought that his night could not get much worse, his cousin Miranda, trust a little blue bundle in his arms with the exclamation of what a great uncle he could be, and…

"He is lovely, isn't he?" She beamed at him proudly introducing him to her new baby.

Ianto held it gingerly in his arms wondering what to do with it. It was amazing how women could become so attached to one small thing like this, something that hardly weighted more than 10 pounds. It squirmed in his arms and Ianto was afraid that he will drop it, or maybe its head was going to drop out, heavens knew it was flopping around too much, as if its neck couldn't hold the head.

Ianto give his cousin a tin smile, "Yes, yes, he is…It's he, isn't it?"

And at that moment Ianto realised that he had committed the greatest crime of them all, he had called a new mother's baby it, and could not recognise the gender from the first moment without help. Miranda's features contorted in fears anger that could rival every alien bend on conquering Earth that Ianto had met.

"It…" She hissed, suddenly looking like an avenging angel more than like his mild mannered cousin. It was amazing what transformation the motherhood created into women. Ianto marvelled for a moment how such a simple matter like mistaken gender could transform a nice woman into a hissing and spitting monster. After all it wasn't like the babies looked too different when they were under three months, and some mothers weren't much helpful with dressing them distinctively. When confronted with bald baby in yellow clothes, how was a man supposed to know it was a girl? The strange thing was that other women seemed to just know, even when they weren't the mother. Maybe they had some instincts, because babies turned not only the mother into harpies but also every woman in the perimeter. First it turned them into cooing hens, that was before the apparently mortal danger of an offensive male, and then into shrieking harpies when an apparent offense was delivered.

Rhiannon's voice brought him back out of his contemplation.

"Of course it's a boy," she said shaking her head. "Oh, well, men. What do they know about children? Come on Miranda, have a little break and let Ianto take care of Nick, come with me in the kitchen."

Miranda looked as if the last thing she wanted to do was to leave baby Nick with Ianto, but she followed Rhiannon through the door.

Giving the scowling baby another sour look, Ianto thanked all deities that might exist that he and Jack had no danger of becoming parents. Finally he could see the perks of having a male lover. Baby Nick didn't look very happy and probably felt as comfortable in Ianto's arms, as Ianto felt having him there because the baby give a small keening sound that suspiciously sounded like a preparation for a full blown while. Ianto almost panicked imagining the hoard of angry women if he got the baby crying. Cringing with displeasure he stared to lightly bounce the baby around hoping to quieten Nick, he however had other plans and after giving a loud gurgle hurled out all the milk he had eaten previously, after which he finally broke into loud inconsolable sobs.

Ianto whished for a moment that he could be as childish as Nick, and start whiling as well after he looked down at himself and his previously immaculate suit. He smelled of something putrid, but the worst part was that his four hundred pounds waist coat was covered in crude baby milk. As if called by some supper female power, which enabled them to sense an infant in distress, half of the women in the house congregated around him and baby Nick.

"What have you done to him?" Miranda asked as if Ianto was some kind of criminal because he had made a baby cry. She took the baby from Ianto, and suddenly transformed form avenging angel into gurgling, cooing mother hen. "Here, here, Nikki what had the bad uncle done to you? Shh…"

Ianto looked sadly down at his previously great suit and prepared for a mean verbal battle with Miranda when he was suddenly pushed further away from the baby by Rhiannon.

"Seriously, men," Rhiannon rambled passing by him and reaching to pat the baby, "can't even keep a baby quiet for five minutes. Don't you know something as simple, as not to bounce a baby too much after it has been fed?"

"What?"

Not his most intelligent reaction, even Ianto had to admit to it, but in that situation was all he could think of asking. It wasn't like anyone had informed him when the baby had been fed before pushing it in his hands.

"Mate, leave the girls to deal with the baby and lets go have a couple of beers before the dinner is ready. Like real blokes." Johnny's voice pulled him from his gloomy, baby thoughts and he nodded, smiling gratefully. It was telling really, about his desire to be involved with children, the fact that he was happy to associate and have drinks with his brother in law.

The robot Santas, or according to Jack, pilot fishes kept on evading them and keeping a few miles ahead of them. Gwen was getting frustrated not knowing all the information on what was coming their way. Jack had said something big, but he couldn't elaborate more because apparently he didn't know himself. She asked for any similarities between the previous big fishes that had followed the robot Santas in the past, but he had informed her that both times they had showed up, the big thread was different.

It really irked her not knowing, because she had discovered that the worst enemy was the enemy you don't know. It didn't help her annoyance that they were heading towards Ianto's house. She was determined that whoever they were, and whatever they wanted with Ianto, she wasn't going to let them hurt a single hair of Ianto's head.

"Jack, can't you go faster?" she asked urgently detecting another energy burst and suspecting that their marks had beamed themselves away again. And while she and Jack had to go by the only way a 21st century human could in the centre of the city; by car, their marks could just teleport closer to Ianto's house on a whim.

"I thought you just complained that I was going too fast…" Jack commented sparing a quick curious look at her.

Gwen huffed exasperated. She was sure that most of the times Jack would be actually aware of exactly what was happening, and what she meant, but was doing it on purpose, to annoy her and amuse him. Well he may be amused, but Gwen was not.

"That was before the aliens we are pursuing started to teleport themselves."

Jack nodded turning serious again, but did not increase the speed of the car.

"We are already going as fast, as is safely possible."

Ianto was surprised to discover that he enjoyed his few minutes chat with Johnny and Andy, Miranda's husband. He hasn't noticed until now, but he had missed simply talking about football and rugby with someone, instead of aliens, espionage and cover up stories. It was very refreshing and he could feel himself loosening up. Something that people kept on telling him to do, but he never really did without a considerable amount of alcohol in his blood.

Of course then his sister had to call them for dinner and his enjoyable chat was cut short to face the tedious table conversation of every family meeting so far. Rhiannon, Miranda and Grandma Brenda were rushing around, fussing over the food order on the table, even little Mica was helping. Only aunt Aldyth was sitting regally at her place on the table, watching critically over the serving.

The old bat, Ianto was sure that these thoughts weren't his only. At least couple of more people there were thinking the same.

"Mum, did you by a tree?" David asked. The women's concentration was momentarily broken by the question, but Rhiannon just shrugged and carried on ordering dishes. "I though you said that dad can't afford to spent money for silly things like Christmas trees."

"No, I haven't I thought your uncle Ianto brought it, since he arrived last," Rhiannon straightened up and looked critically over the table one last time before people started taking their places on it. She finally looked at the three. "My God, it's huge."

Ianto shook his head, "When did you think I managed to get the tree here? After you smothered me with kisses, or after Miranda pushed Nick in my hands?"

"Johnny?" Rhiannon turned towards her husband, planting her hands on her hips in an uncanny resemblance of Ianto when he was questioning Jack.

"Don't look at me, luv. I didn't," Johnny hurried to placate his wife.

"Oh, never mind it's pretty," she finally concluded and sat smiling inviting everyone to start their dinner.

The food was distributed quickly from platters to plates and for a moment there was a content hush over the table while everyone enjoyed a delicious Christmas dinner; and just then…

"Mummy, David just threw his boogie in my mush," Mica whined.

"I did not!" David protested with indignity. "She just don't wanna eat the mash."

Ianto sighed and rolled his eyes in unison with Johnny. More kids.

"David?" Rhiannon managed to make the question sound as warning.

"Mum, he is lying."

"I am not!"

"You know what…Lets play a game of who can say the biggest lie," Miranda's husband, Andy, suddenly suggested brightly. "It is supposed to belittle the lie, it's a psychological trick." Andy explained quietly to Ianto and Rhiannon who were closest to him.

"Alright, who's gonna start?" Rhiannon asked looking around the table.

"I'm a toilet," David announced proudly.

"Yeah, that's very clever David," Rhiannon said shaking her head.

Ianto supposed it would be fun way to finally unload some of this secrets to his family, without the need to retcon them later. No need to retcon them if they would simply think he was telling them the most outrageous lies he could think of. The few glasses he had consumed didn't hurt his resolve either, although he wondered if it was wise to drink so much when there was only the three of them in the team now and Torchwood duties could call him at any moment.

"Suppose 's my turn now," he started before he could think better of it. "I work in a secret organisation, residing in a super-secret sci-fi base, and watching over a portal in time and space. I can use big guns, we catch aliens and my boss is an immortal man from the future."

Rhiannon snorted, Johnny laughed and Andy whistled.

"Yeah, yeah, right…" Johnny commented between bouts of laugher.

"Ianto, has always been a good liar," Rhiannon commented. "But I think he messed up here it was too much."

"I like uncle Ianto," Mica announced with conviction. She even nodded decidedly.

"That's very sweet, sweetheart," Johnny said trying to diffuse the situation. "Now let's go back to the game."

"But that was part of the game," Mica protested.

"Mica…" Rhiannon warned gaping at her.

Ianto chocked on his forkful of mash and took a big gulp of his wine, whishing he could turn to something stronger, like whiskey or vodka. The only person who managed to react on time, amongst all the gaping faces, and save the situation once again, surprisingly was Johnny.

"Anyone in for seconds?" he asked sweetly and passing them the platters. Rhiannon threw him a grateful look while Ianto took the platter from her hands, and shoved it almost forcefully at Andy who was fruitlessly trying to protest that he did not want seconds.

An awkward silence fell over the dinner table, the usual affair when the dysfunctional Jones' family decided to play by the festive rules and gathered together. Until aunt Aldyth broke it once again.

"Let the little gem be, Rhiannon, it is not her fault. Of course she would be thinking like this about her uncle Ianto, she hardly knows him," Aldyth did not miss to bite at someone on the family table, and even more so her favourite victim of late, Ianto. "He has never been good with kids," she said with disdain. "All he does is give them twenty pounds to keep quiet and away from him. I would bet this is what he has got them for Christmas as well. Because, he does not know what they like."

"Thirty…" Ianto muttered almost into his glass.

"What?" Aldyth asked confused.

"Thirty pounds. Not twenty."

"Oh, aren't you so generous," Rhiannon muttered in her own turn.

Ianto contemplated his wine glass for a moment, then eyed the tumbler on the other side of the table, and made up his mind with a heavy sigh. If he was going to survive this night, he would surely need something stronger. He stood up going to the drawer with glasses and took himself one, then approached the other side of the table and poured generous amount of Glenglivent in his glass. The whiskey was expensive, so it was more likely brought there by Andy and Miranda, it would surely explain the scornful look on Andy's face when he filled his glass.

"You know how it is, genetics and all," Ianto said to Aldyth, while making his way back to his place. "Is a good thing you never had kids really, or they would either be serial killers or canonised for saints."

Another shocked and awkward silence followed Ianto's words. Rhiannon coughed, probably telling something to Johnny and not wanting anyone else to hear it. Ianto looked around himself, to meet the shocked faces of his relatives. Clearly no one expected a comment like this by the mild mannered and always polite Ianto. So maybe he really did have a bit too much to drink then. It was always the same with him and alcohol. Ianto and alcohol just did not mix; this was only a set up for a great embarrassment or disaster.

"Maybe it is better this way," Aldyth sniffled. "Now that Haw had lost everything on his wretched horses' betting and I have to even sell the house."

"Oh, come off it, aunt Aldyth," said Ianto. Maybe combining the beer, which he had with Johnny with the wine, and now the scotch wasn't too clever an idea after all. "The man had the patience of a bloody saint. It's a miracle that he managed to survive married to you for fifty years. Who can begrudge him finding a bit of a joy in his life in betting. He should be given medal for bravery."

Ianto's last comment caused a wave of murmurs in different volume and ferocity around the table. Some, like Aldyth's or Miranda's were murmurs of shock and disagreement. Others like Johnny's and Brenda's were accompanied of little, almost imperceptible nods of agreement.

Why my life does feels like some twisted Shakespearian comedy? Wondered Ianto as he watched the steadily rising uproar in the room. People around the table were hurling accusations at each other, and the different side of the family. Ianto was sure that his mum would appreciate the humour, or the tragedy in it. She loved Shakespeare; his dad probably didn't even knew his name. And that was one of many ammunitions aunt Aldyth used against him. She kept on insisting that Ianto's mum would have been a great theatrical actress if she didn't drop it off to marry a chav. Now she was throwing accusations at Rhiannon for marring Johnny. Ianto wasn't really paying attention to her blathering, he knew the drill anyway.

"Don't you give me the evil eye Brenda! Your son drove our lovely girl mad and sent her into this hospital." Aldyth concluded levering a scalding glare at Ianto's grandmother.

"My son looked after your lovely girl long after any other man would have," Brenda said rising from her chair and ready for a battle. "He was so devoted to her, he took ill."

Johnny, Andy and Rhiannon tried to placate the two women while Ianto tried to block the mandatory family battle from his mind. He really didn't need this. In the beginning of the night he wondered if it was good decision to drink; now he just hoped that there was enough alcohol in the house to keep him going through the night. Miranda chose that moment to walk away from the table and feed baby Nick, and in Ianto's opinion to take a little break.

"Well, Ianto, aren't ya going to help?" Rhiannon asked him annoyed and pulled him back into the situation.

Ianto just shook his head and lifted his glass in a salute.

"At least Rhiannon got married," he said. This stopped the battle for a moment. Both sides were surprised that Ianto had volunteered to comment on this and risk it turning into a debate of him single situation.

It didn't turn into a debate, because it didn't go any further. Just when Brenda and Aldyth were readying themselves to assault Ianto with private questions on his sex live, Mica pointed towards the Christmas tree, and David pointed outside.

"Mummy, the tree is all sparky," shouted Mica with excitement.

"Mum, there are Santas in the back garden," shouted David in the same time.

Rhiannon just waved them off probably used to deal with children's fantasies without batting an eyelid; however, Ianto looked at where his nephews were pointing.

"Rhiannon," Ianto hissed. "I think David is right. And I have seen these Santas before."

"Don't be ridiculous," Rhiannon snorted. "If you wanted to break the fight you could have just helped."

By this point Johnny and Andy were staring at the back yard and the three as well. So Rhiannon huffed and turned around, just to have her mouth gaping at the side.

"What are they?" she asked.

"Aliens." A voice behind them answered. In the excitement no one had heard the door crash open.

Ianto whirled around and stalked to Jack annoyed for having his boss just blunder in his sister's house, on their family dinner as if it was just another Torchwood crime scene.

"What are you doing here, Jack?" Ianto demanded to know.

"Saving your family from the aliens that are stalking you. They are just the messengers, the big one is yet to come," Jack answered not even slightly bothered by the incredulous looks that the rest of the occupants of the house were throwing him.

"Ianto?" Rhiannon asked.

"Oh, that's my boss, Jack Harnkess, and my colleague Gwen Cooper."

"Hello," Gwen greeted and waved a hand.

"We catch aliens," Ianto informed and waved Jack into silence before he had protested on the information. "And if he says they are here we need to get the kids upstairs."

There were a couple of protest of, "You can't be serious", and, "I always knew that he was going to end up in psychiatric hospital just like his mother", from various people in the room.

"Shut up and just do as I say!" Jack commanded and perhaps the authoritative tone of his voice did the job more than the words. "Good, now, everyone, go slowly back and get upstairs."

People started moving although, why upstairs would be any safer than down here Ianto wasn't sure. He wondered where Miranda was, and if he should send Gwen to look for her, when he saw her entering the room with now sleeping baby Nick in her arms. She looked around the slowly backing away from the windows people in confusion, but after a few hurried and hushed words with Andy started to move as well freeing one hand to hold it tightly clasped in her husband's.

"But seriously, aliens?" Johnny said. He hit lightly David upside the head when the boy started to grin exited and was going to comment. David was looking at his uncle now in a different way. Ianto had never seen his nephew look at him with awe before. And he watched Jack with something akin to adoration, as every eight year old boy would at a super hero.

"Why not?" Andy asked. "Why deny they exist now after the Earth was moved from her place, and all these paper pots in the sky. Or the killing Christmas star in London a couple of years ago, people standing on the roof, the Titanic over Buckingham Palace? Do you think it really was toxins in the water?"

"Your Doctor needs to cover his steps better," Ianto hissed at Jack. "What's the point of all the cover up jobs I do if he leaves alien evidence all over the place?"

Mica had stopped moving, but no one had paid attention for a moment, she was still gazing at the mesmerising colours that swirled inside the decorative balls of the Christmas tree. She moved again, but instead of following everyone she made a few hesitant steps towards the tree. The balls started spinning and some of them looked as if they were hanging in the air. She reached a hand, and then finally Gwen turned around and noticed the little girl standing near the tree and reaching out to touch the now hovering balls.

"Don't touch the tree," Gwen shouted and ran over to Mica.

Her words got Rhiannon's attention and she turned around to see what was happening. She stared to run back towards her daughter," Mica get away from the tree," she shouted but it was too late. Jack was reaching for Rhiannon's arm to hold her there, because he was sure that Gwen was going to take care of Mica, but she couldn't cope with Rhiannon as well. One of the balls exploded shattering glass and porcelain over the table. Gwen took Mica in her arms and rolled away under the first cover she could find. Unfortunately it was the very table, they rolled under it just as another ball exploded over heads, and yet another one shattered the table under which Gwen and Mica had taken a refugee.

The whole scene was unrolling in front of Ianto's eyes like a mute movie in a slow motion. The loud noise of the explosions had temporary deafened him, and the fear that clenched in his guts, a fear for his family, made his head lightened as if everything was coming to him through some kind of a barrier. He could see the table being broken, but he could not hear the noise of wood splintering, or his and Rhiannon's cries of Gwen's and Mica's names. He knew he was moving towards Rhiannon the moment he saw one of the Santas levelling his saxophone at the window, but he didn't feel the motions that his body was going through. His only objective was to get to his sister before the Santa had fired at her. The loud noises of weapons going off were the first indication of his hearing returning. The windows shattered in small pieces of glass raining down around the diners. Ianto couldn't reach his sister on time to drag her under a cover; he jumped in front of her hoping that she would get away before the next shot.