Title: Grave Robber
Summary: Seto wanted to take his secrets to the grave, but when a class project lands him and Joey closer than desired, those secrets become harder to protect than ever. Especially when Joey is discovering the common ground they share.
Contains: Yaoi, lemon in random chapters, references to child abuse and molestation, sudden flashbacks, arguments, and occasionally ooc-ness
Pairing: Seto X Joey
Disclaimer: I do not own yu-gi-oh or the characters, I also make no money from the writing of this fanfic.
Author's Note: Kaiba's always been cold and reserved. What happens when he caves and actually shows some real vulnerability for once?
( ) ( ) ( )
Joey let Kaiba cool off for about an hour before trying to find him. He knew the guy wouldn't be happy—especially not after being made to relive one of the worst horrors of his past. Kaiba was obviously so haunted by what had happened in his childhood, so hurt and sensitive, that he couldn't even find the words to say what happened to him. He wouldn't admit it in words, he would only demonstrate with actions.
But then again, for a person like Kaiba, speaking up about the things he endured was dangerous. If the media caught word of things he'd been put through, the story would explode in the headlines. It would be all anyone talked about. It wouldn't be KAIBA CAUGHT IN CAFÉ WITH I2 REP, it would be RAPE SURVIVOR TURNED BILLIONAIRE or STOCKHOLM SYNDROME: WHY SETO KEPT HIS RAPIST'S NAME.
Just the thought made Joey's stomach twist uncomfortably. He didn't want something like that happening to Kaiba. Even if Kaiba was a jerk, it made sense now why he pushed everyone away. If the wrong person found out about his past, the tabloids would never let it go. They'd dig up every detail, they'd harass Mokuba, they'd probably start rumors that Kaiba repeated the cycle with Mokuba…
Even though Joey wanted to let the conversation go, he felt he needed to reassure Kaiba that he wasn't going to go gossiping to anyone about what was said. He would be mixed up in the tabloids too now if word ever got out, and although Joey wished for recognition for his dueling skills, he wasn't prepared for a scandal.
Joey slowly made his way to Kaiba's bedroom and sighed deeply before knocking on the door. When he didn't hear anything, he mustered up the nerve to open the door without being invited inside. Once the door was open he heard the sound of the shower running in the adjoining bathroom.
Not sure what to do but knowing better than to barge in on Kaiba's shower, Joey began wandering through the bedroom. He wondered if he should leave and come back later, but thought that since Kaiba had made him sleep in the room before, it was kind of like his own room now… And he had no idea where else he'd go if he didn't wait for Kaiba here. He just hoped Kaiba wouldn't come out of the bathroom naked.
Sure, they'd done stuff together, but it was still a weird situation and he wasn't ready for that yet.
Trying to learn something about Kaiba without outwardly snooping through the room, Joey wandered around looking at the books on the shelves and the furniture. The room really was impersonal… Didn't Kaiba even have a personal life?
Probably not. By the looks of things, he went to work, came home, and went to bed. He barely ate, barely slept, and definitely didn't dwell on the past. The only personal things in his room were related to Duel Monsters and Mokuba.
It was kind of sad. All his life revolved around was Mokuba and a card game. Yugi loved Duel Monsters, but he had friends and other hobbies too. Kaiba needed to have something else in his life. It was no wonder he was so high strung about winning and losing.
"What are you doing?"
Joey froze and quickly set Mokuba's photo back down on the desk.
"I-I was waiting for you," Joey said. He turned around slowly, afraid of what he'd see, but was able to relax when he saw that Kaiba was wearing a pair of blue pajamas.
"Don't… That's my best photo. Don't mess with it."
"Sorry," Joey said, sighing in relief when anger didn't cross Kaiba's face. He just looked anxious.
"I had the servants buy you pajamas. They're in the third drawer."
"I have pajamas," Joey muttered. He had his own room at the Kaiba mansion now, but he had a feeling he wouldn't get to spend much time in it.
"A stained t-shirt and underwear isn't pajamas," Kaiba said, opening the drawer he'd referenced earlier and throwing a pair of pajamas at Joey's face. Joey felt his eyebrow start to twitch when he realized that the pajama bottoms were plaid with puppy print—little dogs and bones and bowls mixed in—and the top was white with a large dog on the front. Like little kid pajamas!
"You have to be kiddin' me," Joey muttered.
"Put them on," Kaiba said, no emotion or room for negotiation in his tone.
Joey whined, wanting so badly to throw the clothes back in Kaiba's face and storm out, but knowing that he needed to keep Kaiba calm if he wanted to further their conversation any more that night. And he had more he wanted to say…
"Fine," Joey muttered, taking the pajamas with him into the bathroom where he changed in private. As he changed, his eyes caught the pile of clothes in the hamper near the door. What a million fangirls wouldn't give to go through that hamper… Kaiba was cool and all, but Joey didn't see why so many people were in love with him. He was cold and mean and cocky…
But he was also somewhat attractive, Joey had to admit. Not as good looking as himself, but still acceptably attractive.
"Are you done yet?" Kaiba called less than a minute after Joey went into the bathroom. Joey grumbled and pulled on the stupid pajamas, not giving it a second thought when he tossed his dirty clothes into the hamper with Kaiba's.
"Yeah, yeah—you're real patient, Kaiba," Joey said, opening the bathroom door.
Kaiba stared at him when he came out, his face stoic for all of four seconds before he started to smirk, and then chuckle, and then straight up laugh.
"What's so funny!?" Joey yelled, knowing exactly what was funny.
"I didn't think you'd actually wear them," Kaiba said, still laughing.
"What, did you expect me to come out naked or something?" Joey asked, blushing slightly but trying to hide it by crossing his arms defensively.
Kaiba immediately quit laughing and hummed. His eyes took on a devious look that Joey didn't like at the moment. Kaiba must've sense the aversion, too, because his gaze immediately softened.
"I have to be up early tomorrow. We should go to bed," Kaiba said.
"Um, before we do… There's—I, uh, I just wanted to say something," Joey said.
Kaiba shrugged his shoulders and turned on the bedside lamp before turning off the over head lights.
"Make it quick," Kaiba said, his tone low as if he knew what was going to be said.
He wasn't stupid, Joey knew. Kaiba knew exactly what was going to be said.
"I just wanted you to know that…I'm not gonna tell anyone about what we talked about earlier," Joey said, not bothering to go into detail. They didn't really 'talk' about the issue, more or less they just acted it out. "I mean that. Not…anybody. So you don't have to worry about the papers or the press or anything."
Kaiba was silent—absolutely silent and still—standing next to the bed. He didn't even move to sit or lie down and Joey swallowed hard against the lump in his throat. Kaiba was scariest when he said nothing. You couldn't tell if he was going to get angry or just keep that horrible silence.
"I really mean that," Joey added. "I won't tell anyone." He was trying to get it across that he wasn't going to tell Yugi or Tristan or anyone who wasn't a member of the press as well, but he wanted to avoid saying Yugi in the sanctity of Kaiba's bedroom. He knew how much Kaiba disliked his best friend…
"Thank you," Kaiba said, it was quiet but not whispered. Still firm and forceful as anything Kaiba ever said, but… Wow. Did Kaiba really just tell Joey thanks for something?
"It's…it's cool," Joey stammered, trying to play it cool but failing horribly.
"Come to bed," Kaiba said, sitting down and turning off the lamp before Joey could even get near the bed. Joey groaned but fumbled over to the bed, falling over it and landing with his face in the sheets. The bed was far too large for him to have actually fallen on Kaiba like a person in a movie.
"Kaiba?" Joey said, feeling a little more confident in the dark.
"What?" Kaiba asked, sounding tired but not angry or harsh.
"Why do you even want to have me here? I thought you hated me." Joey tried to crawl toward what he thought was the head of the bed but couldn't see well in the darkness. He always fell over the edge, but a pair of strong arms wrapped around him and pulled him up toward the pillows as if he were as light as a small child.
"Don't ask me that," Kaiba said, pressing a hard kiss onto Joey's cheek. "You'll just make both of us confused."
"No, I want an answer," Joey pushed, more playful and argumentative than pushy and angry.
Kaiba sighed, annoyed but not bitter. "Because you're…stubborn and loud, and you're not obsessed with me and don't care about my money."
"You can say all of that about Téa and Tristan," Joey muttered, just to see what else he could get.
"No," Kaiba said, either laughing or huffing. "They don't… You—Hm."
Joey almost choked. He had Kaiba speechless—tongue tied.
"I could ask you the same thing, Wheeler. You always acted like you hated me. Now, all of a sudden, you're in my bed wearing puppy-dog pajamas—I don't understand." Kaiba put on a strange tone when he said it, like sarcasm mixed with the best of humor.
"You beat up someone to protect me," Joey muttered. "It was kinda cool—or, would've been cool if it weren't my dad."
"Forget about your father. You're here with me and he can't have you," Kaiba said, lying back and dragging Joey down with him.
"You never answered my question," Joey mumbled.
"I don't have an answer," Kaiba said. "Go to sleep."
Joey sighed and curled up against Kaiba's side, trying to get comfortable with someone else's arms all around him. It was strange, but not difficult to get used to. It was the realization that this was Kaiba he was cuddling up against that was hard to grasp. Seto Kaiba! Cuddling. The thought would've been enough to make Joey shudder a mere month ago. Now, he was just going with it.
No… Not just going with it.
Joey squirmed slightly and sought out Kaiba's face, trying to find his lips in order to kiss him goodnight. Kaiba just laughed at him—laughed! and rolled over onto his side. Giving up, Joey curled up next to him and closed his eyes. He wasn't exactly tired, but there was nothing else to do besides sleep… And Kaiba was really warm underneath the blankets.
( ) ( ) ( )
Seto remembered being slapped—and then slapped again and again and again until he stopped trying to dodge it. He didn't know what he'd done to make Gozaburo mad. They'd just been at the party—a kid started talking to him and Seto just upheld his end of the conversation. Gozaburo took one look at them, came over, and dragged him away. Once he was out of earshot of the party, Gozaburo started yelling and then hitting, never saying why and never making any sense.
"How dare you!" Gozaburo would yell, hitting harder and harder until Seto finally fell onto the floor. "Get up!" Gozaburo had screamed, grabbing Seto by the arm and pulling him back to his feet only to slap him again and cause him to stumble.
Seto tried not to cry as he was dragged up flights of stairs to his bedroom. Gozaburo pulled on him by his arm and then used his hair to shove him toward the bed once they were both in the room. He closed the door behind him, locking his eyes on Seto who just stared at him in fright, knowing he was trapped and that there was nowhere he could go and nothing he could do.
"Wh-what did I do?" Seto asked, stammering from the terror even though he knew Gozaburo would punish him for it.
"Don't think I didn't see you," Gozaburo boomed, stepping closer. Seto flinched and then shuddered when he realized that the more fear he showed, the stronger the gleam in Gozaburo's eyes became.
"Father, I don't know what I did," Seto said, hating how pathetic he sounded. He wanted to be tough and prove his worth as a Kaiba, but it was impossible when Gozaburo looked at him like that. Like he was a scrap of meat before a starved animal.
"You think you can hide things from me—you think you can walk around my house and keep secrets…"
Everything was hazy after that. Maybe the fear blotted the memories out, maybe it was the pain—or maybe Seto just didn't want to know what was said.
What he couldn't forget was the pain. Being shoved on the bed, slapped, punched, stripped of his clothing just like the first time. Seto tried to fight, but Gozaburo would just keep hitting.
By the time all of his clothes were gone, Seto had given up. He had no defenses but it broke him to submit. He didn't want hurt anymore, but he was powerless against it. He couldn't hit Gozaburo back. The man was over twice his size…
Seto was forced to roll onto his stomach when he could no longer bear to receive the stinging blows to his cheeks. His face was halfway burning and halfway numb, and his ears were ringing from the number of times his head had been hit off the headboard of the bed.
When he felt Gozaburo's hands slide down his sides and to his hips, Seto's will broke and he sobbed. He knew what was going to happen—he knew. It was like the last time, when Gozaburo had searched him for something and grew angry when he couldn't find it.
"Don't you dare start crying," Gozaburo had growled. Seto tried to stifle the sounds, but couldn't keep back the tears in his eyes. He was humiliated and frightened—he didn't want to be so weak, but he couldn't help it. "How pathetic can you be?" Gozaburo sneered, digging his nails into Seto's hips and scratching his skin as he forced Seto to raise his hips off the bed.
"Father?" Seto tried, managing to keep the shaking out of his voice. It did nothing to deter his stepfather. Nothing could change that man's mind once he had it set on something. Tonight, his mind was set on putting Seto back in his place—subservient, obedient, silent…
Seto didn't want to remember what was said before his stepfather undressed behind him, he didn't want to recall the tension and sickening anticipation that came just before his stepfather pressed against him.
His stepfather had laughed—it was a laugh that would haunt him forever—and then forced his way into Seto's body, no preparation or gentleness. He laughed when Seto couldn't even scream because the pain was so intense. Any effort he made to stifle his tears was lost. It was the worst pain he'd ever felt in his life—worse than any emotional wound or scar. He was hurting, he was terrified—and that man was still laughing. Why was he laughing? Why was this funny to him?
Seto's body began to tremble as Gozaburo forced all of the way inside and then pulled slowly back out, over and over. It was unbearable and yet not enough for Seto to be able to black out. He was trapped, trapped by Gozaburo's firm hands, powerful weight. His skin felt like it was on fire, being singed wherever Gozaburo's flesh touched his own. The heat alone was enough to make him yell, but the pain was so intense his throat tightened until he could barely breathe.
He wanted to beg for help, he wanted to beg Gozaburo to stop, but he knew that nothing would end and no one could save him. He was trapped—there was no way out.
It was all he could think when he wasn't focused on the pain as Gozaburo thrust into him, shedding blood that started to drip down Seto's thighs and stain the sheets.
"Father," Seto whispered, grasping on to the wood of his headboard in a desperate attempt to pull himself forward, pull himself away from the pain. "Fa-Father, please!" He knew it wouldn't work. He knew it wouldn't save him if he begged. It just made Gozaburo laugh.
He just kept laughing!
Why was he laughing!?
Why was it funny!?
( ) ( ) ( )
Seto rinsed his face off with cold water for the third time, but he still couldn't get the shaking to stop. He tried rationalizing it to himself—that it had just been a dream and he didn't need to let himself get so worked up over something that happened so long ago—but his body betrayed him. There had been tears on his face when he woke up, even though he was in no pain and the only ache lie deep within his past, and as soon as he stood up from the bed he began to tremble.
He refused to go back to bed before the shaking stopped, afraid Joey would wake up and start asking questions and pressing for answers. Joey deserved to know the truth, but Seto really just didn't want to discuss it anymore. He didn't understand why the past would stay in the past. Gozaburo was gone now, and no one would ever dare to treat him that way again…
But just the memory left Seto sick to his stomach.
He couldn't bring himself to speak about it, and part of him—although he didn't want to admit how large that part was—was afraid that if he failed to put it into words, Joey would walk off. They didn't exactly have a relationship, but he didn't want the pup to go. He didn't have words for it, but he wanted to have the other boy near. The thought of even sleeping without that body there made him unhappy and uncomfortable. He was never dependent on anyone—at least not now that he could help it—and he hated how much power that boy had over him without even knowing it.
Joey couldn't leave… Seto had made sure he had nothing to go back to. His father was being taken care of, babysat by servants while he was poisoned against his son who he didn't deserve anyway. While servants fed the old man mediocre meals, he would be told about how well his son was doing at the mansion, with the gourmet dinners and massive beds. That way if Joey did try to go home, his father would send him back—so Joey could never leave. Because Seto couldn't stand the thought of Joey leaving him to go back to the man who beat him. Seto refused to allow that to happen. Joey couldn't leave—Joey couldn't walk out on him…
Seto leaned down to rinse his face one last time, trying to calm his nerves with thoughts of other things—other than business, other than Gozaburo, other than abusive fathers who didn't deserve to have Joey around.
But that train of thought just left him more anxious. Joey had asked him why he wanted him around. That was a good question, and Seto didn't want to answer it.
It went against everything he knew about himself to be true to admit that he wanted that giddy, quirky energy around him. He tried to tell himself that that happiness annoyed him, that Joey's naivety angered him, when really he was just jealous of it. He knew Joey's home life was troubled, and it made him so jealous that Joey managed to hide it so well with that big, stupid smile.
Seto didn't like to be jealous. When someone had something he wanted, he took it using any means necessary. He didn't want to steal Joey's happiness—his energy, his light—but just wanted to have it.
According to the papers, Seto had everything. He just wanted that to be true…
Seto sighed and splashed the cold water over his face one last time and turned off the tap. He reached for the towel hanging near the bathroom counter and wiped at his face with it. Just as he was about to set it down a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, making him stiffen and killing the small tremors that had continued to course through his body.
Was this some kind of waking nightmare? A leftover from his dream?
Seto dropped the hand towel and stared at the mirror in front of him. Reflected in the glass was his image with Joey latched onto his back, leaning against him either trying to offer comfort or use him as a standing body pillow…
"What are you doing?" Seto asked, trying to hide his sigh of relief. The dream was over. He wasn't being haunted anymore.
"You left the bed," Joey mumbled, his mouth buried in the back of Seto's shoulder. "I got cold."
"Cold?" Seto asked, turning around in Joey's arms and trying to pry the boy off of him even though he didn't mind having him so close.
"Yeah. Come back to bed," Joey whispered.
"I'm not tired," Seto muttered, knowing that he could sleep if he tried but not wanting to admit to himself that he was afraid he'd have more nightmares.
Joey sighed and held Seto tighter, almost looking like he was afraid of something…
"Was it a nightmare?" Joey asked, pressing his mouth into Seto's chest and muffling the words.
Seto stiffened, not wanting to answer but knowing Joey deserved the truth. They were sharing a bed—Joey deserved to know why Seto would get up and walk out of the room in the middle of the night.
"Yes," Seto whispered, reaching up to stroke Joey's hair as if the blonde was the one needing comforted.
"Can…can I ask you what it was about?" Joey asked, flinching as if he really thought Seto would lash out at him.
Seto guessed he probably deserved the suspicion. He'd been nothing but cruel to Joey since they'd met. It was only natural that Joey would be afraid of him now.
"It… It wasn't pleasant," Seto said, finally able to get Joey to let go of him. He turned off the light and walked back into the bedroom with Joey following close behind him. The light was still off in the bedroom and Seto felt safer—more shielded—in the dark.
"Was it…about your stepdad?" Joey asked, falling onto bed as he struggled to maneuver through the room in the dark. He wasn't used to the space like Seto was.
"Yes," Seto said with a sigh, sitting down on the bed and feeling it shift as Joey struggled to navigate to the headboard. Joey slammed his head into the wood of the headboard and whimpered, managing to make Seto laugh despite the dark mood. Joey kept grumbling in pain and Seto moved over to where the blonde was sitting on the bed.
He grabbed Joey in his arms and held him to his chest, fluffing Joey's hair even though his pup just grumbled at him for his efforts.
"I don't have the nightmares all the time," Seto said, making himself open up. It was late, he was tired, and it was dark. He didn't feel the need to have all of his walls and defenses up. "Just lately they've been happening again."
"Is it because I'm here?" Joey asked.
"Probably," Seto said, making it sound harsher than he'd intended. "Seeing your father…and what he does to you," he added, trying to sound less offensive. "It makes me mad."
"My dad isn't like yours was," Joey mumbled. He always pointed out that difference, as if the pain he went through was any less damaging. Joey's own father assaulted him. His own parent—someone who was supposed to love him and protect him. That had to hurt worse than being assaulted by a stand-in, replacement parent. Gozaburo wasn't excepted to love him or protect him, just provide for him. Joey didn't even realize how bad his own situation was…
"He shouldn't hit you," Seto said, leaning back against the headboard with Joey's head on his shoulder.
"Your stepdad…He really shouldn't have done those things to you," Joey said, hardly louder than a whisper. He was so afraid Seto was going to get mad at him or lash out. He was being so careful and gentle. It was a side of him Seto hadn't really witnessed before. He knew Joey to be defensive, protective, and obnoxious about what he thought was right—it was nice to see him so approachable, so comforting.
"He was jealous," Seto said. "I think."
"You think he was jealous?" Joey asked, his tone immediately going from relaxed to confused.
"He always got angry when I talked to other people or if he even thought I'd been talking to someone else. He was paranoid. Delusional. The man was sick," Seto muttered, remembering the many other times that Gozaburo lashed out at him when he was even standing too close to other kids or worse—other men. It wasn't always a physical assault—he knew how to use words as well as he used hands and fists.
"How long did it last?" Joey asked, his voice soft.
"I got rid of him in a little over a year," Seto said with more than a little pride. It boosted his ego to know that as a kid—a kid Goazburo thought he'd broken—Seto had been able to overthrow a tyrant.
"How?" Joey asked.
"He was too confident. He underestimated me. It was easy to move around without him noticing because he thought I'd never be brave enough to actually stand up to him. All I had to do was act weak when he looked at me and he never saw it coming."
"I just… I can't imagine what that was like. I would've just run away."
"I couldn't run. I had Mokuba," Seto said.
"I would've just taken him with me," Joey said, pity in his voice.
"And fed him with what? Clothed him with what? Here he has everything he could possibly want. That's what I wanted for him. I would've paid any price for him to have this."
"Yeah, but would he have wanted you to pay that price?" Joey asked.
"You think I told him about any of that?" Seto asked, unable to hold back the bitterness.
"I don't know how you'd explain it," Joey said, pulling out of Seto's arms.
"He would blame himself," Seto said, suddenly anxious that Joey would tell his secret to Mokuba. "You can't tell him about that."
"I'm not going to tell anyone," Joey said quietly. "I wouldn't do that to you. That's…that's your personal life. I wouldn't hurt you like that."
Seto tried to think of something to say back, but nothing came to mind. He wanted to trust Joey, but part of his mind still advised against it. That was why he wouldn't say anything out loud or give any detail. If he opened up completely, said the whole truth and gave it all away, that would give Joey too much power. Even now, all Joey had to say was that he'd talk to the press and Seto would have no choice but to grovel at his feet to keep him from doing it… (Not that he'd use groveling as his first resort. He had blackmail, too, that he would bring out first. And some threats of his own, maybe even a little violence, but groveling was still on the list.)
"When did you start to like me?" Joey asked suddenly.
"When you wouldn't stay out of my way," Seto said, his mind on other issues.
"What?" Joey asked.
"You wouldn't go away. You were always in my face. No one else would dare to talk to me like you."
"That doesn't sound very flattering, Kaiba," Joey said. He was obviously trying to pick up the mood and Seto appreciated it. He knew if he tried to sleep with the dark memories as the first thing on his mind, that was all he'd dream.
"I always knew if I did…date someone, I would want that person to have their own mind. I don't want to date a fan who hangs on every word I say. I want someone with their own mind and their own thoughts, who can take it if I have a bad day and lose my temper. You and I can argue, and sometimes you get close to winning."
"Get close? I've won more than one argument with you, Kaiba," Joey muttered. "It's still losin' when you just stop answering me."
Seto laughed and leaned over to kiss Joey on the cheek. He'd accepted long ago that he was completely out of his mind for having feelings for the blonde mutt. He couldn't fight them. All he could do was accept it and run with it for however long it lasted. Maybe he'd keep Joey around, and maybe he'd wake up one day and come back to his senses.
Maybe.
As it was, he enjoyed the company. He liked having someone to be close to and to rely on when the weight was too much for Mokuba. As much as he hated to admit it, it was nice to have the secret out—to have someone know that Gozaburo wasn't just a coldhearted businessman, but that he was also a madman… A child molester.
"We should go to bed," Seto said softly.
"See? That's what I'm talkin' about! You don't win the argument because you change the subject!"
Seto laughed and grabbed Joey by the back of the head. He pulled him into a firm kiss and smirked when Joey squirmed in his hands.
"Hush," Seto said. Joey moaned in either annoyance or embarrassment and slid down to lie against the pillows.
"Still didn't win," Joey muttered. Seto laughed at him and pulled Joey closed to him on the bed as he lie down beside him.
"I said hush," Seto repeated.
Joey grumbled and curled into Seto's side. It took a while, but Seto was able to feel close to sleep again despite the nightmares. Just as he was about to fall asleep, he felt Joey press a soft kiss against his chin and then another on his lips. He wanted to tell Joey to stop it—out of habit, used to pushing people away—but instead he just pretended to be asleep.