"Thorin said I should never have come, and he was right. I'm not a Took, I'm a Baggins. I don't know what I was thinking. I should never have run out my door."

"And what of your sister?"

In truth, Bilbo thought very much of Beth when making his decision. He thought that she would be absolutely fine as she had been this entire time despite all the odds. There was a prophesy attached to her, after all; she practically needed to be here. Plus, she was far sneakier anyway and would make a much finer burglar. And despite her probably being outraged at first, Bilbo was just about certain she'd understand. But before Bilbo could give any of his reasons (or excuses as Beth would later call them. And no, she did not understand) the ground started to shift underneath them.

Beth was awoken by the sensation of falling rather than the movement in the floor or even Thorin's cry to wake up. A scream ripped through her throat as she was painfully bounced back and forth against the walls around them and the dwarves also falling with her. Her brain only had time to process the word 'Fuck,' before she landed (thankfully) on top of the pile of dwarves but unluckily with a weapon hilt jabbing into her ribs and her face squished between a pair of boots. And then, as if that rude awakening couldn't have gotten any worse (and before she could figure out whose boots needed mending) they were suddenly being pulled, dragged, and grabbed in every direction.

The dwarves were up in seconds and ready to fight their way through but were simply outnumbered and overtaken. Soon they were all being herded through what Beth could only describe as a hive. A hive of filthy, scary looking creatures that leered and snapped as they were shoveled through.

In consideration of everything that had just happened to them before, Beth was simply far too dizzy to be doing any fighting back. That aside, she was still quite a bit smaller than the surrounding dwarves and they didn't seem to be having much luck either. But as soon as she felt pinching and grabbing in some less appropriate places, her vigour seemed to be renewed and she fought back hard enough to even knock some of the awful creatures off the ledge and down into the abyss.

And suddenly they were placed in front of the Goblin King. Beth couldn't find Bilbo in the crowd anywhere and could feel her heart drop into her stomach. Plus their view of the Goblin King was making her quite queasy on top of that. He was quite possibly the most grotesque being she had ever seen in her life. Still, she couldn't help but ask herself, 'What if he fell off the edge?'

"Who would be so bold as to come into my kingdom armed?" asked the great goblin. "Spies? Thieves? Assassins?"

"Dwarves, your malevolence," answered one of the awful creatures. "And a woman."

There was a collective intake of breath from the dwarves as they did their best to conceal Beth from view, shuffling around her and subtly pushing her back.

"Ohh?"

"We found them on the front porch."

"Well don't just stand there; search them! And a woman, you say? Human? Bring her forward."

The struggle for Beth was brief as all the dwarves were overtaken with goblins searching and restraining them. Beth was dragged forward and unceremoniously dropped to the floor on her knees in front of the great goblin. She only hesitated a couple seconds before looking up to take in his huge grossness.

The Goblin Kind eyes her unabashedly and stated, "Much too small to be human. Much too pretty to be dwarf. Tell me girl, what are you?"

Beth swallowed thickly. "Does it matter?" she asked dryly, standing to full height only to be kicked to her knees again by another goblin.

The Goblin King threw his head back and laughed so his whole body jiggled. She looked away in disgust. "No!" He finally answered. "I don't think it matters at all. All I need to really know is what you're doing in these parts. Speak!"

Beth glanced over her shoulder to see the company of dwarves all staring at her. She knew she couldn't let her companions in more trouble by giving away their purpose. She swallowed thickly again, took a slow intake of air and slowly turned back to the great mass that was the Goblin King. In a very calm voice that did not betray her internal panic she asked, "Does it matter?"

The great goblin was decidedly less amused this time around. "Yes. I'll only ask one more time, girl."

"I guess that means I'll only have to say 'no' one more time then," she said, suddenly finding a confidence in her voice and cause.

"Well then," announced the Goblin King, standing as though to address his audience. "If she won't talk we'll make her squawk! Bring out The Mangler! Bring out the Bone Breaker!"

If she made it through this, Beth decided she was going to chalk it all up to just one really bad day. One really, really bad day. She would also be able to say she had survived torture, which was a pretty bad ass thing to claim. She really, really hoped she would be able to tell people that one day, considering the alternative was not being able to tell people because she'd already be dead.

But as this thought crossed her mind she heard Thorin's voice call out, "Wait!"

And everyone did. Like the king that he was, Thorin moved through the crowd towards her. To defend her.

"Well, well, well, look who it is. Thorin, son of Thrain, son of Thoror; king under the mountain," the great goblin mused. "Oh, but I'm forgetting. You don't have a mountain. And you're not a king. Which makes you nobody, really. I know someone who would pay a pretty price for your head. Just the head, nothing attached. Perhaps you know of whom I speak, an old enemy of yours. A pale orc astride a while warg."

"Azog the Defiler was destroyed. He was slain in battle long ago," growled Thorin.

"So you think his defiling days are done, do you?" he asked, turning to leer at Beth. "Send word to the Pale Orc; tell him I have found his prize. Now, I think I'm going to go to work on defiling my own prize."

Just as the Goblin King was about to make his way over, the goblin from before shrieked and threw down Thorin's sword for all to see. The goblins all gasped and their king backed away from it onto his throne crying, "I know that sword! That's the Goblin Cleaver! Biter! The blade that sliced a thousand necks! Slash them! Beat them! Kill them! Kill them all! Cut off his head!"

And suddenly there were goblins everywhere attacking them from all angles. Just as Beth felt a set of teeth sink into her upper arm a wave of power and bright light flung them all to the ground like a mini super nova. Beth briefly wondered if having so many concussions in such quick succession was very good for her.

"Take up arms!" she heard a familiar voice call out. "Fight. Fight!"

In an instant everyone was up, grabbing weapons and tossing them at each other. Beth didn't hesitate to follow suit and grabbed a club off one of the goblins. Now, she thought, they really ought to have given me a weapon a while ago.

Beth kept to the middle of the pack, shoving and jabbing when needed of her. She never questioned when someone told her to jump, run, duck, hold on, and was running on pure adrenaline and instinct. And for a minute Beth let herself think they might actually get out of this thing alive. Plus she was quite pleased by the fact she hadn't even been tortured!

But as though to crush her very soul, like a demon from hell, the great goblin crawled up from the middle of the bridge they had to cross and boasted, "You thought you could escape me? What are you going to do now, wizard?"

And in a moment of pure brilliance Gandalf leapt forward and poked the goblin in the eye with his staff, following with slicing his belly wide open. Beth felt sick.

"That'll do it," were the Goblin King's dying words. Which, Beth thought were pretty comedic and probably could make it into some book in her old world. Gandalf's finishing blow caused the king to collapse and collapse the bridge they were standing on with him.

'Not again,' Beth thought as they fell far into the chasm. Although by some act of god, they had slowed down enough to only be slightly squashed in the debris of the bridge. When Beth lifted her head to see what was happening, she found her face only inches away from Thorin's, her body squashed on top of his.

"Hi," she breathed.

Thorin's intense gaze was interrupted by Bofur announcing, "Well, that could have been worse."

And suddenly Murphy's Law caught up to them and the massive goblin's corpse fell on top of the rubble to squish them further. And Beth's face was on Thorin's in an almost-kiss that wasn't quite a kiss because, Beth decided, kisses weren't painful and didn't involve so much teeth. And although the contact thrilled them both a little, neither commented on the situation, opting instead to get out of the rubble as fast as possible. Just as Beth thought they were going to make it again, they spotted the hoard of goblins careening towards them.

"Only one thing will save us!" announced Gandalf. "Daylight! Come on! Here, on your feet!"

They were off like a shot, each running towards the literal light at the end of the tunnel ahead of them. The stitches in her side and her dizziness were getting worse and Beth was beginning to slow down as they exited the cave. In one fluid movement Dwalin scooped her up and threw her over his back. She screamed at the sudden movement and clung onto his back like a monkey might.

But Beth could only think of where Bilbo might be. And the moment Dwalin put her down she stumbled over to Gandalf and tugged on his sleeve to get his attention. "Where's Bilbo?" she asked.

The wizard lifted his gaze and began his own head count, ending with a frown. "Where is Bilbo?" he asked out loud. "Where is our hobbit?"

Dwalin spat. "Curse the Halfling! Now he's lost?"

"I'll tell you what happened," Thorin cut in. "He saw his chance and he took it! He's thought of nothing but his soft bead and warm hearth since he first stepped out his door! We will not be seeing this hobbit again. He is long gone."

Beth reacted with fury, and without thinking of possible consequence took three long strides over to Thorin and reached back to slap him in the face. The sound was sharp and was followed by one Bilbo Baggins announcing, "No he's not. Here I am."

Beth didn't pause for a second and went straight from smacking their leader to throwing her arms around her brother in a crushing hug so tight Bilbo had to gasp for air. Thorin, despite being outraged himself, wondered if perhaps these mood swings were due to a few too many bumps on the hobbit woman's head.

"I want to know," demanded Thorin. "Why did you come back?"

Bilbo released his sister with a comforting smile and a squeeze on her shoulder. "Look, I know you doubt me, I know you always have. And you're right, I often think of Bag End. I miss my books. And my armchair. And my garden. And quiet afternoons with my little sister. See, that's where I belong. That's home. That's why I came back: cause you don't have one. A home. It was taken from you. But I will help you take it back if I can."

If there was any time to relish the moment, Beth was sure Balin would have cried right then and there. Instead a war horn sounded and a great chorus of howling followed.

Thorin muttered, "Out of the frying pan…"

"And into the fire," finished Gandalf. "Run! RUN!"

And once again they were sprinting away from enemies who would like nothing more than for them to be dead. Beth swore to herself that if she made it through this quest alive, she would never ever run anywhere ever again ever. Ever.

But down they dashed until the wargs and their riders started closing in on them. Gandalf shouted, "Up into the trees!" and Beth scrambled up one faster than she had every climbed a tree in her whole life. She turned around in time to see Bilbo yank his sword out of a wargs skull and silently congratulated him as he made his way up into a tree as well.

Before she knew it, every member of the company was in her tree at the edge of a cliff with her and she saw the threat that taunted them. That huge, pale, corpse-like creature with a missing hand had to be Azog. In that moment she felt regret for slapping Thorin, and was beginning to wonder if she'd ever get the opportunity to apologise. Gandalf got to work before her self-pity could settle in.

Tossing the fire-ball-pinecones was almost fun until Beth could feel her fingers burning and blistering. There was no time to worry about her hands however, as they tree they were perched on started uprooting and falling away from land.

The company was in various states of falling and hanging on, and Beth herself managed to cling to the trunk in an upright position during the fall. Her eyes were glued to the scene before her, allowing her to forget her own peril in the moment. The Pale Orc sat atop his warg, laughing as Thorin got up, planning to meet his foe in battle.

He didn't get two steps before getting smashed in the face and picked up in the wargs mouth. Beth saw Bilbo getting up from his spot to make a move and decided she also had a duty to help. She also signed the contract. She also held a loyalty to these dwarves. Not to mention her outright fear at the thought of Thorin being hurt or killed. She grabbed a thick branch that fell from the trees to use as some kind of a staff.

Beth turned around just in time to see Bilbo flying through the air to attack the orc Azog sent to kill Thorin. A strangled noise between a cry and a cheer escaped her as she rushed unthinkingly to Bilbo's aid. The Pale Orc and his posse of dangerous beasts advanced on Bilbo slowly enough that she had time to sprint up behind them and with all her strength and might she whacked him over the head and her poor branch cracked in half.

Beth almost soiled herself as the orc spotted her and she danced around the crowd to stand beside Bilbo, more for her own benefit than anyone else. After all, they had weapons and she had a broken stick.

Out of the corner of her eye Beth saw a giant bird flying towards them and in a moment of panic, ducked as Bilbo was picked up in its massive talons and was flown away. But then she saw everyone else being carried off by the birds and knew they were being saved. She turned back to see the Pale Orc still glaring down at her and her grin of relief fell from her face. His glare left her for a moment to watch something behind her and she spun around to see a wall of feathers and Thorin being taken away by one of the birds. She watched as just before the cliff ended his arm fell and the infamous oaken shield fell off of it.

Beth took off sprinting to retrieve the precious shield. She snatched it up and stuck it on her right arm for safe keeping. And then she looked around to notice all of the dwarves were gone and there wasn't an eagle left in sight. She also noticed she stood a scant few metres from the edge of the cliff. Her small prayer to go unnoticed by the enemy went largely unanswered and she found herself face to face with a battlement of orcs and wargs closing in on her. She almost started crying as she saw every ugly face turned towards her and every set of razor teeth barred for her throat.

Before she took a running leap over the edge, she sent another quick prayer out.