Chapter Four

Awkward Much?

"I see the boy is back." Haymitch took a swig from his flash and watched as Katniss heaved the ax through the air. It split the log she aimed at with a satisfying thwack. She'd been out here awhile, her arms were burning and she'd broken a decent sweat before Haymitch wandered over. He was supposed to be doing this. It was one of the "jobs" they'd agreed on when Gale said he could stay. Katniss couldn't remember him ever even looking at the ax in all this time.

"Don't you have some geese to chase? Pen's broken again." She huffed, sparing him a glance.

Haymitch sneered at that, his silvery blue eyes narrowing in disgust. "Damn birds. Don't know why we raise those fuckers anyway."

"Because people around here like to have a goose at Christmas and ham on Easter or wild turkey for Thanksgiving, venison just for the hell of it. And that's what we provide. A service. It's what keeps you in the lap of luxury you currently enjoy." Katniss reminded him. She hadn't actually hunted when she stormed out of the house earlier. More so just stomped around the woods until she thought Peeta had left with Posy to go to Rye's.

When she'd come back, she'd immediately thrown herself into cleaning the house. She'd dusted Prim's old room, made sure there were clean towels in the tiny adjacent bathroom and made the bed. She ran the vacuum and opened a window to air out the mustiness. Once that was all done, she deemed it livable.

She attacked the hall bathroom, living room and Posy's room next. But when she got to the kitchen, she could just stand and stare. It was spotless. All the dishes were done, the coffee pot emptied and rinsed of leftover coffee and the counters gleamed. The floor looked not only swept, but mopped as well.

Damn.

She still felt edgy, so she decided to go outside and clean the chicken coop. The pile of logs needing to be split distracted Katniss. So far, the burn she was feeling was helping with the edginess. Tears had been threatening all day, but Haymitch's presence was doing a good job irritating the urge to cry out of her.

Haymitch watched her for another minute, sipping from his flask to the steady rhythm of the ax. She'd almost decided he was done talking when he opened his mouth once more.

"The boy?"

"What about him?"

"Why's he here?"

"Because Hazelle doesn't think you're man enough to protect me and Posy. And apparently I'm not capable either." If Haymitch took offense to her jibe he didn't show it.

"She's right."

Katniss dropped the ax mid swing and stared hard at the old man.

"Fuck you, Haymitch."

"Back off, sweetheart. It's not really about not being capable. I'm an old drunk. No sugar coating it. My being here hasn't been enough to keep whoever's doing this shit away, and no offense but you're about as intimidating as a pissed off kitten when you're mad. Even holding that bow you look like a kid with a toy, no matter how deadly you are with it. Maybe havin' that boy around will be good. Keep the pranksters away."

He said pranksters like it left a bad taste in his mouth. Neither of them thought a bunch of pranksters was responsible.

"I know." She'd come to the same conclusion herself. That didn't mean she had to like it.

"It's good to see him around here again. Felt like somethin' was missing."

Katniss sent a sharp look to the old man, only to see him walking back towards the geese that were squawking by the barn.

"Shit." Tears slid down her cheeks so suddenly she didn't have a chance to fight them. Leaving the wood where it lay, Katniss went back to the house. She knew Haymitch would stack it and put the ax back. All she wanted now was a shower and a chance to cry in peace.

Later that afternoon, Peeta came in with Posy, who was beyond excited at having a new friend.

"Mommy, mommy. I got to play with Regina today. She had a dollhouse and a tea set. Real china, mommy." Posy's face was pink with elation, her cloud colored eyes bright. She skidded to a stop next to her mother, careful not to get too close.

Katniss was standing at the stove, frying bacon. She'd warmed the bread Peeta made that morning and sliced it thick. She wasn't in the mood for anything heavy, but bacon had always been a comfort.

"That's great honey. Did you have fun?" She knew that Posy wasn't envious of Regina and Katniss felt no pang at not being able to give her daughter every material thing she desired. She'd taught her daughter well to be appreciative of what was given her and to be thankful when others shared their things with her. Katniss was lucky that Posy was such an easygoing child. She was much like Prim, the only other person Katniss was sure she loved.

"Uh huh. And Mr. Rye said I could come back anytime. And Ms. Delly made sure that no one gave me cookies before lunch. She said you wouldn't like it. But she sent some home and said I should share them with you. And she said you should come see her, not just to pick up bread."

"Um. Ok." Katniss had never really been friends with Delly, even after Peeta started hanging out with her and Gale. But they'd always been friendly. "Were you good?"

"She was great." Peeta walked in carrying two boxes with a duffle slung over his shoulder. "Delly fell in love with her. I think she just wants more kids."

"Can I go back again, mommy? Please?"

"We'll see honey." Katniss brushed her hand over her daughter's dark curls. "Go wash up. I've just got to show Peeta his room."

"Ok." The girl took off like a shot, singing a little song as she went.

"I know where Prim's room is. You don't have to show me."

"All right." Katniss agreed. She wasn't really ready to deal with him yet anyway.

"Smells good." He said as he moved away. She shrugged and waited until he left the kitchen before grabbing an apple out of the bowl on the island and slicing it. By the time Peeta and Posy had returned, she'd made two of the three sandwiches. Bacon, sliced cheddar and apple slices on toasted bread. Strangely enough, the combination was one of Posy's favorites.

She handed a plate to Peeta who carried it and the pitcher of tea Katniss had made to the kitchen table.

"Haymitch coming to eat?"

She shook her head. "He'll eat in town. He has a honey."

"Haymitch?" She nearly smiled at his shock. Nearly.

"Miss Effie." Posy piped up, getting a juice box from the fridge.

"The one that runs the new boutique?"

"Is there any other one?"

Peeta's eyes widened as he brought an image of the woman to mind. With the brightly painted nails, heavy make up and wigs, she kind of reminded him of a fluorescent Dolly Parton.

"Wow." Katniss did let her lips quirk at that. But just barely.

"Lets eat." She finished making her sandwich and took it and a bag of chips to the table. She sat across from Peeta, Posy between them. Luckily, Posy was perfectly content chatting away as they ate, covering the silence of the adults. Katniss was only mildly surprised that Posy took so easily to Peeta's presence. It was another trait she took from Prim since her parents were notoriously surly.

After dinner, Peeta offered to do the dishes. Katniss nodded and took Posy into the back for her bath. Lots of bubbles, three stories later with a prayer Katniss wasn't sure she believed in and a kiss, Posy was finally tucked in. If it took a little longer than usual, well, she wasn't avoiding Peeta.

Much.

Before she walked out to the living room, she stopped by her room to change out of her soft cap sleeve top and gauzy skirt she'd been wearing and into a pair of old sweat pants and a tank top. Then she quickly brushed and re-braided her hair. She fidgeted around her room for a minute, straightening the perfectly straight quilt on her bed and wiping at the nonexistent dust on her dresser. Then, without anything to put off seeing him, Katniss took a deep breath and went out to face Peeta.

She found him in the living room, TV turned on to some game show and a notebook on his knees. At first she thought it was his sketchbook, but when she got closer, she realized he was writing something.

"Come sit down, Katniss." Peeta's voice startled her and she scowled at the back of his head. He closed the book and tossed it on the coffee table.

"How do you do that?" She asked before she could stop herself.

"What?"

"Know I'm in the room when no one else does." She walked around the couch and sat on the opposite side from him.

"I feel you." He answered, not looking at her. Katniss gave him a sharp look, ignoring the flush of heat his words caused.

"Yeah. That's not creepy."

Peeta snorted in response. "You're a little tense, Katniss."

She always was around him. It had been easier to deal with him when Gale was there. Now she felt all this weirdness that had always been present between them mixed with the anger she felt at him running away.

"I'm sorry Katniss. For not being here before it got to this?"

"It's not your responsibility. I can take care of me and mine." It was her standard answer. One she'd been quoting since her father had lost his job when she was 11 and they'd nearly lost everything. She used it again after her parent's death and again after Gale's. It was staring to sound hollow, even to her own ears.

"I know that. But, I made a promise. And I didn't…"

"I know about the money, Peeta." Katniss cut him off. She wasn't sure why she wanted to keep him from beating himself up all of a sudden. As annoyed as she was, she should want him too. But all it was doing was making her feel tired.

She didn't need to hear him say he promised Gale. She had no doubt he did. Its what they would have done for each other. But she didn't think Gale would have been so hesitant about stepping on Peeta's ghost had the roles been reversed.

"You know, what money…how…"

Despite herself, Katniss had to laugh. Peeta speechless was a sight to see. His face was pink and he fidgeted, his eyes darting crazily around the room as he processed what she said.

"I know about the money. You know, the money that Hazelle and Prim miraculously had whenever I needed anything. Really, Peeta."

"I didn't think you'd take it from me." He answered after a minute.

"I wouldn't have asked you for it." She countered. He chuckled at that.

"Yeah."

"So, you kept your promise." She declared with a jerk of her shoulder.

"Doesn't even come close, Katniss." His blue eyes met and held hers, the look in them making her heart thud heavily in her chest. His face was intense, his hand clenched in a fist. A strand of gold hair fell across his forehead and her fingers itched to reach out and brush it away. With great effort Katniss tore her eyes away from him and stared unseeing at the TV.

"So, your mom moved to Florida?" Nothing dissolved a mood like mentioning Mrs. Mellark.

"Yeah. As soon as she found out she wasn't in dad's will." Resigned bitterness, which she didn't know was a thing until she heard it, coated the smooth richness of his voice. She was sorry she brought it up.

She and Gale had been born poor. It was something that Katniss had accepted but it annoyed Gale. So much so, he held a deep resentment against the town people. To Katniss, it was just the way it was and she didn't fault Peeta for the good fortune of being born with money. She had the good fortune of being born to parents that didn't abuse her.

Even poor, the Everdeen's had been happy. When the warehouse where her father had worked shut down, fear and hunger moved into their house. Her father had tried to find new job, but it was taking too long. Her mother worked long hours at the hospital to try to compensate, but it was hard with a mortgage, a car and two growing girls.

The car got sold. They almost lost the house and they existed off of broth and saltines more often than not. Her father had tried to hunt, but the winter had been harsh that year and the game was not plentiful. It wasn't until the bread started showing up on their doorstep every couple of days that Katniss remembered what hope was.

Katniss had known where those loaves of bread had come from. And she also knew that her family wasn't the only one receiving them. The warehouse closing had thrown plenty of families in the seam out of work and everyone that was affected received bread. It must have been an exorbitant expense, but it was the kindest thing Katniss had ever witnessed in her young life.

She'd watched, more than once, as the skinny blonde boy Peeta had been then trudged his way into the Seam, his father walking behind him and his little red wagon with a smile. She wondered why he hadn't knocked on the door. Someone offering help was a gift, one that could be paid forward to the next hopeless sole. Everything was a cycle, her father said.

She'd thought about asking him in school. But her father had told her not too. He thought Peeta might be embarrassed, or think that the Everdeen's might be embarrassed for the help. So, he'd told her to wait and see if there was ever a time she could help him when he needed it. Unfortunately, that hadn't happened yet.

"You're dad was always so nice to us." Katniss murmured. She had never understood how someone as kind and gentle as Peeta's father had married that harpy. Or how he'd been able to stand by and let her go after their boys the way she did. And she truly didn't understand how, besides Peeta's older brother Graham, the Mellark boys had grown up to be such good men. Even Graham, who'd spent a little time in jail thanks to his temper, seemed to straighten himself out. He'd moved to Colorado, and as far as Katniss knew, he was doing just fine.

"He liked you, Katniss. And he adored Prim." She smiled at that. Everyone loved Prim.

"He'd sneak Prim cookies. Then when she went to college and Posy got teeth, he'd sneak them to her."

Peeta flashed a sad smile. "He was the best."

Katniss hated seeing the sadness that clouded his eyes and the slight slump to his broad shoulders. She wanted to reach out to him, to comfort. But she had never felt comfortable enough with him to do that, so, she twisted her fingers together in her lap.

"How have you been?" Peeta's voice was soft, his question oddly intimate as they sat in the near dark of the room. She mentally shook off the feeling and looked over at him.

"Really good."

"What about everything that's happening?" His concern was clear in his eyes. He'd turned towards her, his body close enough for her to feel his heat. She resisted the urge to move closer to the arm of the couch to get away from him.

"Look, I don't know what Hazelle told you, but it really hasn't been that bad."

"A dead cat smeared on the side of your garden shed isn't that bad?" He asked incredulously.

"Well, ok. That was disturbing." She scowled and jerked her shoulders. "But that's the worst it's been."

"That's enough." Peeta reached out and brushed his knuckles across her cheek to the edge of her jaw, his thumb dangerously close to her lips. It felt like Katniss nerves zapped to life at the contact and she jumped as Peeta yanked his hand back as if he'd been burned. He blinked at her, his eyes wide and owlish. "Sorry."

"Sure." Oh God Katniss' blood slid hot and thick through her veins to pool in a steady throb in her core. The ghost feeling of his warm, strong baker's hands lingered on her cheek. Her heart thumped almost painfully in her chest. Her reaction confused her. She knew desire. She was familiar with want. She'd tasted passion.

This feeling was so much more than that and with only an innocent touch. She felt a sudden clarity that she finally realized why she was always so nervous around him.

And she promptly pushed that clarity away.

"So, what did Cray say? About that cat?" Peeta' voice sounded to loud, too husky. He kept his eyes averted and she noticed he'd turned his body away from hers.

"Uhm," her mind scrambled to switch gears. "He said it was probably just some kids." She managed.

"Yeah."

The awkwardness that settled over them was worse than her anger at him. Her whole body was willing her to slide closer, to reach out, to do something that would alleviate the tension vibrating through her.

Panic had her surging to her feet.

"Goodnight." She blurted out, staring at the flickering TV screen for a long moment. It took her that long for her to shake herself and start moving back to her room.

"See you in the morning Katniss"

She' really wished he'd stop saying her name. Every time it came out of his mouth it sounded like a warm caress. It rubbed her already frazzled nerves raw.

She closed the door of her room a moment later, after a quick peek in on her daughter. She was still edgy, still restless, and still raggedly aware of the man filling her house. That what Peeta did. He filled her space, making her think of only him. She'd only had relief when he was gone. She'd been a good wife, loving, faithful. Stubborn, argumentative.

Wait, what…

Her passion for Gale had been real. Maybe she wasn't in love with him, but she was true to him.

When Katniss was younger, stronger, with Gale, she'd been able to ignore this…thing. Him.

Jesus Christ, what was wrong with her? She was a raving mess over a touch on her cheek.

She yanked off her sweats, her mind going back to that gentle touch. Heat, wicked and strong shot through her, reminding her just how long she'd been without a man.

She fell to her bed, not hesitating to push a hand into her underwear. She was so wet. Was she so damn lonely that just the barest touch made her a mess of hormones?

The breath she sucked in when her calloused fingers brushed her clit suggested that yes, yes she was.

It didn't take long. A few hard circles of her fingers on the tight bundle of nerves and her other hand pinching her nipples through the soft fabric of her shirt and she was skyrocketing over the edge. She bit her lip hard to keep from crying out, but it didn't keep her entirely silent. Her walls clenched around the fingers she'd slid inside of her, imaging that it was Peeta moving over her, inside of her, filling her. She could imagine his eyes darkened nearly black with his own lust and knew his own climax would hit just after hers.

Her breath heaved in erratically as she came back to herself. Inadvertently, her eyes drifted to the picture on the nightstand. Gale smiled back at her and she felt a rush of embarrassed guilt chase the fuzziness of her release away. She slapped the hand that had been clutching her breast over her eyes and groaned.

I'm sorry, she thought, blinking away tears. With a sigh, she got up and went into her bathroom, trying not to think that Peeta's was just through the thin wall of the shower. She cleaned up, brushed her teeth and re-braided her hair again. She slid her bra off and changed her damp underwear then climbed into bed.

Katniss turned off the lam and lay there in the dark a long time. She listened to Peeta as he got ready for bed himself. The pipes groaned, letting her know he was taking a shower.

She tried and failed not to think about him naked and wet. When he finally seemed to settle down for the night, she turned on her side and gazed at the empty space beside her. She closed her eyes and ignores the fact that for the first time in a long time, her bed felt empty and cold.

A/n-again apologize for the boo boos. Enjoy and please review. Thanks for everyone that's commented, faved and followed. Makes me happy. :D I've been trying to post this since last night, but FFnet was having issues. It's already posted at AO3. You might want to put me on alert over there in case this happens again. You know. If you want :)