Chapter Seven

Let it Go and Start Over

The next couple of days were as awkward as the first. Katniss did her absolute best to avoid Peeta, his confession causing a quagmire of confusion and guilt-and longing-to swirl slick in her stomach. Dealing with her feelings was hard enough. Having his thrust on her was excruciating.

Her body didn't seem to be confused at all about what it wanted from the blonde baker however and it was frustrating. How could she think when her core was constantly demanding to be filled by him and her breasts were desperate for his blunt fingers to possess them? Her lips practically ached to kiss him.

Her dreams were plagued by all this and more. Gale would make appearances, his clear grey eyes looking at her sadly. Or sometimes he was standing there, while Peeta took her, his voice telling her he always knew this was going to happen. He didn't seem angry just resigned. She woke up feeling hollow and achy, her wants warring with her guilt.

There was also a little voice in the back of her head that was getting louder with each passing hour, that it had been five years. Gale was gone. And Peeta wasn't.

Peeta didn't seem to want to interact with her either. He still made breakfast and dinner, but he didn't eat with them anymore. He'd leave a sandwich for Katniss for lunch, but again, he was never in the house when she came in to eat it. At night, he still spent time with Posy, but he disappeared into his room as soon as she was put to bed.

She was grateful for the space he was giving her and annoyed at it at the same time. How do you declare something like that then just ignore her afterwards?

To say Katniss was thrilled with Saturday finally came was an understatement.

Peeta had left very early that morning, leaving a note for Katniss that Delly would be expecting her to drop Posy off when she was ready. Posy hadn't seemed disappointed that she didn't get to go with Peeta, so Katniss suspected he'd already talked to her about it. And when Posy mentioned that he'd promised to show her the cake when it was finished confirmed her suspicion.

So, with no threat of seeing Peeta, Katniss lingered over her coffee and cinnamon roll. She had spent all of Friday making sure Saturday's chores were done so she could free all day. Just in case she needed to go pick Posy up early, or whatever. Not that she was nervous for Posy spending the day away from her. She did it often enough. This was just the first time she'd be gone all day, with someone not family.

She could hear Posy in the living room, watching a few cartoons before they got her stuff together. There was no reason to rush, despite the excitement that practically vibrating off of her daughter.

As if reading her mother's mind, Posy bolted into the kitchen. She was already dressed in a pair of pink jeans, a Hello Kitty shirt and her sneakers. Her hair had been haphazardly put in dual ponytails by her unschooled hands and her cloud eyes were bright with eagerness.

"Mommy," Posy let the word drag out to three syllables, her annoyance that her mother was still eating her breakfast written all over her face. "You're not done yet?" She asked, exasperated. Katniss merely arched a dark brow and bit the inside of her lip to keep from smiling.

"Posy Gail Hawthorne, be patient." That was laughable, since other than when she was hunting, Katniss was rarely ever patient herself. "It's barely eleven o'clock."

"Please, mommy? Can you hurry a little?"

Katniss sighed and gave her head a little shake. "All right, duck. Let's get your stuff together." With an excited squeal, Posy took off towards her room. Katniss snorted out a laugh then shoved the rest of her roll in her mouth before downing the last of her coffee. She'd just put her dishes in the sink when Posy reentered the kitchen, her Hello Kitty backpack slung over her shoulder.

"I'm ready," the little girl declared with a grin.

"Hold on. Let me see what's in there and go get a brush so I can fix your hair. The longer you take, the longer it'll take to get out of here." Katniss told her as Posy opened her mouth to protest. With a small pout, Posy dropped the pack on the table then went to get her brush.

Katniss did a quick assessment of what Posy was taking. Some favorite toys, a color book and crayons and the extra set of clothes Katniss always insisted on. She'd learned a long time ago to always have an extra set on hand. Who knew what they might get into?

When Posy returned, she quickly brushed and re-did the tails, which were now much less lopsided on the girl's head. Then they headed out.

The drive into town didn't take long. Posy hummed happily beside Katniss, her ponytails swinging silkily around her head as she shook it. Katniss drove on autopilot around the square. She turned into bakery parking lot and turned off the truck. She helped Posy out of the car, and then used the door at the back of the building that led to the residence upstairs. There had been two apartments taking up the two upper floors of the building at one time. When Peeta's father bought it, he'd quickly renovated it to make a two level home. He'd gutted the entire thing, with three bedrooms and a bath on the top floor and two bedrooms and two baths on the first floor of the residence.

Peeta and Graham had both moved out. Peeta after college and Graham after his stint in jail. That left Rye, the middle child, to inherit the house to live in. She knew, once Mr. Mellark passed away and Mrs. Mellark left for her sister's in Florida, that it Rye took no time moving his family in.

The evidence of that move was present as soon as Delly answered the door. Katniss got a glimpse of the boxes that littered the living room and empty boxes were stacked by the door as Delly pulled her in for a hug.

"Katniss! It is so good to see you. You know, I would have come out to the house, but I'm never sure if you want visitors. But now that our girls are friends, we can maybe be friends too. Hi Posy. Gina's upstairs waiting for you." Delly said all this in a breath, barely pulling away from Katniss to smile brightly at her. Posy grinned widely and bolted up the stairs.

"Hi Delly. I wouldn't mind if you came out to the farm." Katniss heard herself saying. She scowled as soon as the words were out of her mouth. It wasn't that she disliked Delly. Much like Peeta, it was almost impossible to. But she was a little…exuberant. And that sometimes set Katniss' teeth on edge.

Delly thankfully just took her scowl in stride. She laughed that musical laugh of hers and pulled Katniss through the house to the kitchen. "Come on and have a cup of coffee with me. Have you eaten? As you know, living with a baker means no shortage of pastries laying around. I keep telling Rye to stop bringing them home or else I'll never lose the baby weight." Katniss vaguely remembered hearing they'd had a boy not that long ago. In the absence of crying, she figured the baby must be asleep.

"I had a cinnamon bun." She confirmed with a weak smile. Delly chuckled again.

"Of course." Delly led her into the kitchen that hadn't changed since they were kids. The walls were still a cheerful yellow, the cabinets a pristine white. Someone had taken the time to stencil daisies to the front panels. There was breakfast nook with a table set with four placemats, a lazy Susan and small vase with more daisies spilling out of it. "Have a seat. I'll get you your coffee."

"Ok." Katniss slid into one of the chairs and looked around, a feeling of nostalgia rushing over her. She spent some time here when they were in high school. Not as much as at her house or Gale's, since Mrs. Mellark wasn't afraid of voicing her opinion of kids from the Seam. But when ever she went to visit her sister, she and Gale could be found here with Peeta's current Girl of the Week, scarfing down cookies and whatever other baked good Peeta's dad would give them.

She felt a tinge of sadness that the baker was gone. Despite his inability to protect his sons from his wife, he was a good, sweet man. She had liked him a lot.

"Here you go. And I wasn't sure how you took your coffee so I heres the sugar and cream. I'm sorry about the mess. We're still trying to get all moved in. I didn't realize how much crap we had in that tiny apartment over on Leevy Street. And with two kids? I'm surprised we weren't on an episode of Hoarders." Delly set down two mugs her words stumbling out in that too fast way she talked. The fact that Katniss had followed the subject changes impressed her.

"It's fine." Katniss said simply, adding sugar and cream to her coffee. She hadn't really planned on staying. But, Delly being Delly had managed to usher her right where she wanted her.

"I'm sorry to hear about all that's going on at your farm, Katniss. I hope Peeta's being there has been a comfort."

Katniss nearly choked on her first sip of coffee. Peeta's presence, despite being extremely unnerving, had been comforting. And familiar.

"I suppose." She opted to say instead, her grey eyes lifting to meet Delly's brown ones. The knowing look she saw there had her setting her cup down a little harder than she had intended.

"You know, Katniss," Whatever Delly was going to say was cut off by the sound of giggles bursting into the kitchen.

"Mommy, can I spend the night?" Posy ran up to Katniss, her eyes hopeful and a wide smile on her mouth.

"Mommy, can Posy spend the night?" Gina parroted Posy, batting her dark eyes up at her mother. Regina Mellark was a beautiful combination of her parents. She had Delly's dark eyes and Rye's golden blond curls. Her smile was all Mellark and her dimples Cartwright. She was a little heavier than Posy. But if her mother was any indication, those extra pounds would form into generous curves in her teen years.

Both little girls turned hopeful eyes on their prospective mothers. Where Delly smiled indulgently already nodding her permission, Katniss felt another scowl settle on her face. If she said yes, it would be the first time she'd spent the night away from Posy since Gale died where she wasn't with Hazelle. And those nights were few and far between, as Katniss didn't want to be away from her that long.

"You don't have anything to sleep in." Katniss said, stalling. She knew this was a weak excuse, one Regina immediately waved away.

"I have lots of nightgowns." She told Katniss before getting shushed by Delly. She mumbled a sorry but still cast hopeful eyes on Katniss.

"I have clothes for tomorrow too, remember mommy? We always pack extra." Posy offered helpfully.

Katniss hedged, thought about bringing up her lack of toothbrush and other nighttime things. But she had feeling that would be waved away as well. She could feel Delly looking at her, waiting.

"Ok." Katniss found herself saying, a tiny pang in her heart. The brilliant smile Posy gave her did a lot to soothe the ache. Posy threw herself at her mother, giving her a hug and kiss before the girls were off again.

"Don't worry, Katniss. If she gets nervous or scared, we'll call right away." Delly said, reaching across to give Katniss a sympathetic pat on the hand. Katniss gave her a tight, watery smile.

"Thank you. For having her," She managed around the lump in her throat. She had to remind herself that Posy was growing up and needed these types of things. Those reminders hadn't helped much with Prim, but she still gave them to herself.

"Of course. She's a great kid." Delly said with a wave that reminded her of the one Regina just gave.

Suddenly, emotion welled up inside of Katniss, threatening to choke her and making it hard to breathe.

"Uhm, thanks for the coffee. I'll…I'll be going now. I'll pick her up after breakfast tomorrow." She stood quickly, offering another smile to Delly before hastily making her way to the front door. She yelped in surprise when just as she reached for it, the door swung open to let Rye inside.

God, couldn't she get away from a Mellark for two seconds?

"Hey, Katniss. Good to see you." Rye said, a wide smile on his face.

"Thanks, I'll see you in the morning." She slid passed Rye, not caring if she seemed rude. She was feeling stupidly emotional from Posy's first, unexpected sleep over and she just wanted to get out of there.

When she got to the bottom of the steps she slid a glance towards to door leading to the bakery. Despite herself, she stepped over to the window and peered inside. She saw Peeta, sitting in front of huge, multi-tiered monstrosity that was covered in roses, silver accents and delicate string work. She watched the way the muscles in his broad back moved and felt that damn ache start deep in her belly.

Then, in that uncanny way of his, Peeta turned and met her eyes as if he'd felt her staring. This was the first time they'd looked at each other in days and she felt the need she'd been denying reach up and clutch at her like a claw. By the spark of fire she saw in his eyes, she knew he felt it too.

Katniss took a quick step away from the door, her lust addled brain realizing the true implication of Posy being gone for the night. She and Peeta would be completely alone in the house. All night.

Shit. She didn't know if she could handle that after his confession and her own self-realization. She didn't know if she was ready to fulfill the promise she'd seen in his eyes just now.

It was times like this that she regretted not having any real girlfriends. She'd had a lot of acquaintances. Madge Undersee, the mayor's daughter was probably the closest she'd ever come, but Madge had left Panem to go to school in the Capital. She'd met a man, got married and stayed there. Now, they barely remembered to exchange Christmas cards much less have deep discussions about Katniss' sex life. And talking to Hazelle was just….no.

God, she really missed her mother.

With a sigh, Katniss turned and walked out to her truck. Maybe Prim was still working her shift.

It didn't take her long to get to Sae's Greasy Spoon diner. It was just before lunch, so there was a crowd, but Katniss found a spot to park across the street. As soon as she walked inside, the smell of coffee and grease assaulted her in a strangely comforting way. This was another place she spent in her youth. Waiting tables and the occasional "date" with Gale over cheeseburgers and milkshakes.

"Prim," Katniss called to her sister as she sat herself on the last stool at the counter.

"Hey, Katniss. The usual?" Prim topped off the coffee she was pouring then made her way down to her sister. Katniss felt a rush of affection as the younger woman wordlessly set a glass of water in front of her.

"Just some fries. I'm not really hungry."

"Okay." Prim jotted down her order, set it on the carousel in the pick up window. "Need some fries, Sae." She called back. Her clear blue eyes ran over the diner quickly, assessing that her customers were taken care of for now and that she could take a minute to talk to her sister.

"Where's my niece?" Prim asked. Another thing they would do on Saturday's was come visit Aunt Prim when she worked the diner and eat pie. Prim tucked a short strand of blond hair behind her ear and leaned against the counter.

About a year after their parents had passed and Prim had moved in with her and Gale, her younger sister had chopped her waist length blonde hair to just below her chin, died it pink and started wearing black clothes and heavy eyeliner. She'd also started dating. The boys were actually the hardest thing for Katniss to accept.

Now that she was twenty-four, a newly minted nurse picking up shifts at Sae's to pay off student loans, the only thing left from those rebellious days was the length of her hair. Katniss had to admit it suited her.

"She is having a sleepover with Regina Mellark." Katniss couldn't stop the frown that pulled her brows together.

"Wow. The Mellarks? I'm guessing Peeta had something to do with this."

Katniss shrugged. "He took Posy over to the bakery when he picked up his stuff and apparently she and Rye's daughter hit it off."

"Well, that's nice." Prim raised a light brow as if asking Katniss 'wasn't it?' Again, Katniss just shrugged. "Speaking of the Mellarks. Why did I have to hear from Hazelle that Peeta was staying with you? And also why he's staying with you?"

Guilt had Katniss' scowl deepening. She hadn't quite gotten out of the habit of trying to protect Prim, much to Prim's annoyance.

"Been busy,"

"Uh huh." It still unnerved Katniss that when Prim got that look on her face, it could make her feel like she was the younger sister. She stayed quiet while Prim gave her an annoyed stare. "How about this? Come over tonight. I don't have to work at the hospital and the hubs is trying out a new recipe for dinner. He's always looking for guinea pigs. Then we can talk about all these new developments."

Katniss still couldn't believe that Prim was married. To her mind, Prim should still have her hair in twin braids having tea parties with her stuffed animals.

"I don't know. I don't really like being away from the farm too long."

"Come on, Katniss. It will be fun. Haymitch is there, right?"

"Prim," Katniss started, but Prim held a hand up.

"Look, I know you're worried. Things have been happening. But you never do anything for yourself." Why did it feel like Prim was talking about more than just coming over for dinner? "It'll be fun. Come on."

"All right, all right. I'll come over."

"Great! I get off at five. Come by then." Prime beamed, making Katniss chuckle.

"I think I might head to the Hob, kill some time." The Hob was the local flea market. There were always deals to be had if one knew how to look.

"Ooh. Trash or treasure. My fave." Prim turned and picked up Katniss' fries and another order that had come up. "Lunch rush is getting ready to start. I'll see you tonight."

"Ok." Prim darted off to deliver the other order. Katniss picked up the ketchup and dumped it on her fries, for the first time in a few days a smile curving her lips.

A/n-I know, no real Peeta. No Peeta next chapter either. These couple of chapters are mostly about Katniss getting her act together to decide to start something with Peeta. Peeta's issues will come more into play after they've started. Next chapter, we meet Prim's husband. And no, it's not Rory. ;) Oh, and our 'friend' isn't done yet either. Jypz/Lisa