Thanks to the awesome RainMirror to beta this chapter for me.

Warning: Plenty of angst.

"Charming, I found this letter when I tried to find our family album in Emma's drawer. It's an unsent letter to Neal."

"Do you know the word privacy, Snow?"

Snow had the decency to blush. "Well, I was just going through her drawers trying to find the album and this letter fell out."

Charming looked at his wife doubtfully. "Sure, out of all the articles in the drawer, it was this letter that just fell."

Snow waved her hands impatiently. "That is not the point. This letter seems well worn. It has been closed and opened many times. Why didn't she send it to Neal?"

"Have you met our daughter? Since when has she shared her feelings unless it's in a life and death situation? Besides, she is with Killian now and Neal doesn't remember they used to be together."

"Aren't you a bit curious what our daughter actually thinks? We don't really know her."

"Since you put it that way, yes, of course I want to know more about her. But reading her letter can only backfire so badly."

"We are her parents. We have the right to know."

Charming knew he couldn't really argue with Snow. "Don't say I didn't warn you."

They sat down and read the letter.

"Dear Neal,

I hope you are doing well. New York should be easier for you to adjust since you lived there for a few years.

I miss your smile. I miss the way your eyes twinkled as you adored me and thought I was the best thing that ever happened to you. Perhaps I was, wasn't I? I miss your terrible jokes. Now you just treat me like any other woman. That is not a bad thing since you were always a gentleman. You just think of me as the sheriff of this town and that is it. I miss our old time interaction.

I know it's selfish of me to expect you to still be in love with me when you couldn't even remember your own name. Besides, I chose to be with Killian and it would be unfair for you if you still yearn for me. That doesn't help the feelings that you should have remembered me.

I know that could partially be my fault. I never tried to do anything like true love's kiss or something else to make you remember. I know the necklace proves that we were true loves. It saddened me that looking at the swan pendant didn't evoke any reaction from you. But you didn't really have the chance to look at the pendant as I know I tried to avoid you as much as possible.

I'm so sorry for being so selfish. I wanted to move on and didn't want to be reminded of the past. I'm so sorry, Neal. I know you would always fight for my happiness too. You have proved again and again that you meant it. I wish I could do the same for you. You deserve someone who would do it for you. I didn't fight for your happiness.

I was hurt too much when you left me so many times. I know you can't help it but you repeatedly dying on me was really too much.

Being with Killian is easy. He is just there. Being with you takes more work. I know you are willing to put in the work. You've proven time and again that you want me and Henry to be happy even if we are only friends. Killian is different. He won't be happy without me.

I didn't even attempt to be your friend so naturally you would think of me as a total stranger. But it's too much effort for me. I'd rather let you go. I know it's very selfish of me and unfair to you. We had so much fun together. I know if you could remember, we could be friends. I really miss that despite me being with Killian. As I've said before, I was selfish.

I also felt ashamed that I had the chance to revive you when I travelled to the past but I stopped your father from doing so. I know I'm not a very good savior since I can't even save the man I love. I also robbed your father of the chance to be with you and Henry to be with his father. You have actually done more saving than me since you came to Storybrooke but of course with your luck, you don't even remember that.

I haven't even thanked you for saving me at the portal. Instead the next time I saw you, I told you I wished you were dead so I didn't need to confront my feelings. I know you understood me but I felt so awful. If that was not enough, I didn't even give you chance to talk after coming back from Neverland as I was stubborn. When I tried to, it was too late as Pan's curse started to happen. Again when awful fate intervened, the next time I saw you was your dying day. I didn't even let you see Henry. I still hadn't expressed my appreciation and gratitude until your dying breath to save all of us. I also haven't thanked you for sending the memory potion. Now I can't even mention any of that to you without sounding like a lunatic.

I'm so sorry, Neal. I hope you find your happy ending elsewhere. You deserve it so much. I hope you find someone else to make you happier than you were with me. As you said to me once, go find Tallahassee with someone else. I now return the favor."

Snow wiped her tears. "Oh, Charming, I don't think our daughter realized what she had done. She still has feelings for Neal but she doesn't want to admit it."

Charming said, "I guess she needs to learn to listen to her heart and not feel scared. It's also unfair for Neal if she leads him on without returning his feelings. I guess now it's better off for Neal as he doesn't remember. Emma also has Killian now and we don't want to complicate matters."

"But what about Emma? Neal is her true love but she didn't try to savor it. She still remembers him so it's more painful for her."

"There is really nothing we can do. We just need to be supportive of her. We could nudge her to follow her true feelings but it's best if she realizes it herself."

"Oh Charming. What a mess we are in."

"I know, honey. But feelings are really hard to handle. She needs to learn from her own mistakes. As long as we are there for her, we should be fine in the long run."

"Why did mom mention New York to him? He could have stayed here," Henry asked his grandfather angrily. Henry helped at the pawn shop now when he had some free time.

"I think your mom is too afraid to face her feelings. She would rather be with that pirate as it was easy rather than working it out with your dad. Just look at it this way, how many times has your dad been dying and in danger when he was here? He might be safer staying in New York."

"But I'm sure he would choose his family every time even in danger."

"I know that. But what else can we do? We have tried true love kisses to revive his memory but it didn't work. Did you know that I used to sneak into Bae's bedroom when he slept to kiss him but it didn't work? But I kept trying."

"I tried that too although I could only do so much before he got suspicious. Only Emma hasn't tried. Why didn't she try?"

"As I said, she would rather run away from her feelings rather than facing them. Bae used to be the same but he got better. Then of course he died then came back alive but lost his memory." He shook his head sadly. "I wish things were different, but there is nothing we can do. Besides the true love kiss may not work. It doesn't seem to be a curse."

"But they are true loves. I wish they could be together."

"Yes, as much as that's true, there is really nothing we can do. Perhaps she could accept him in the future. Perhaps they could work it out when your mom doesn't run away from her feelings."

"What about mom? Is she happier without him?"

"I don't know Henry. Your father truly loved her with all his heart and soul. He was even willing to die for her time and again. However, what did he get in the end? Emma made her choice. I'm not sure whether she chose the right thing. Please forgive me if I care more about my son than her. I want him to be happy even without any memory of us. Perhaps being in New York is better for him. He was in constant danger in the short time he was in Storybrooke. Perhaps a complete new start is what he needs."

"So we are letting him go."

"In a sense, yes." He thought grimly of him dropping Bae to the portal." He continued, "But he will always be in our hearts. We want him to be alive and happy more than being dead, don't we?"

"But dad will be alone in New York."

"I know, Henry. It pained me greatly that he couldn't remember us. But he has died for us. Even when we were in the cage, he told me in his mind that he would rather die so that my mind would be quiet. He had done everything he could for us. I feel ashamed that I couldn't do anything back for him, even to revive him. As long as he is happy now, it doesn't matter."

"But he doesn't even know he is a hero."

"Indeed. It's a shame as he had always been a hero ever since he was a kid. He has always been a better man. Look at it this way, he doesn't have the nightmares, the trauma of falling through portals, the memories of Neverland, and dying and being in the body of his father for the last year anymore."

"But he doesn't remember us either. We are his family. You said that having memories, good or bad, is important as it shapes our personality. I don't think he completely lost all memory. He told me he dreamed about us sword fighting in the park. He also dreamed about teaching me navigation skills. But of course he thought they were all dreams."

"I remember what I said. He also told me some dream about holding my hand when I was dying in my shop but he thought that was absurd. He thought he had spent too much time watching movies. How I wish he could remember. However, despite not remembering his past, he still retained his own personality so it's a unique case. He seems to be very fond of you. He even invited you to come along to New York to visit him anytime."

"Did he invite you as well?"

"Yes, he did."

"Then we can go together."

"Sure, Henry. I'd like that. Who knows? Perhaps we could find a way to revive his memory later. I'll try my best. Or perhaps your mom will come to her senses. We will just try our best to make him happy and remind him that he always has us."

Neal woke up late and saw the clock pointed at 8:15. He was about to get up in a hurry then realized that it was his day off. So that was the reason why he didn't turn on the alarm clock in the first place.

He looked up at the window and saw the broken dreamcatcher. He didn't know how he had gotten this item but looking at it always made him smile.

He was thankful that his old boss was understanding even though he didn't have his old memory and he had been missing for more than a year. He could get back to work straight away.

It was near Christmas. Henry and Mr. Gold along with Belle would come to visit him. Although he didn't have any family, they treated him like a family and he was thankful for that.

Lately he had also managed to make some new friends so it was not all bad. He only wished he could remember his past. He had tried some alternatives, even hypnotism, but somehow it always drew a blank. It was as if someone wanted him to not remember on purpose.

He turned on the radio and heard "Charley's Girl" being played. Although he still didn't remember about his past, he somehow felt that he had always been fond of this song. He smiled and prepared for breakfast.

Note:

-I left it sort of open ended. So Gold and Henry might be able to find a way to restore his memory. Perhaps Emma would come to her senses. I wish I could write a better Swanfire ending but with Emma and JMo seemed to be so into Hook, it's really hard.

-I wrote this because I was annoyed that everyone seemed to forget Neal existed even when he died for them. So this is just sort of a wish fulfillment. I wanted him to come back to life and also be happy.

-Please tell me what you think. I will update "All My Fault" when I have the chance.