Chapter 14

"Now, if you would just lie still while I change you…" Fiona said. She put the fresh diaper underneath Ezra having dropped the used one into a pail filled with soapy water, and then poured some corn starch into her palm and smoothed it on the baby's skin. He twisted to crawl away and Fiona turned him back over. "Just lie still for a bit longer. I'm almost finished." Ezra wouldn't lie still and Fiona struggled with him a bit more until she finally succeeded in diapering him. Then, using a wash cloth she had already wet in the basin and wrung out, she wiped the cereal off his face and neck and arms. He swung the wooden spoon he had refused to give up and inadvertently hit Fiona on the head.

"Ow," she said and pulled a clean gown over his head. She placed first one arm through the sleeves and then, having to take the spoon from him, she pulled Ezra's other arm through it while he made his displeasure obvious. "Here's your spoon back, your majesty." She picked Ezra up, kissing his cheek. "You're a beauty, you are." She put Ezra in his crib, not even letting down the side. It was a sturdy piece of furniture and Mr. Cartwright had told her that he had borrowed it from Mrs. Shaughnessy who no longer had any use for it; all her children were grown and their children were now too old for it.

Ezra protested, shouting and swinging the spoon outside the rail. Then he sat heavily down and began to beat the stuffed bear that was in the crib with him. Fiona looked around the nursery. Her bed was comfortable enough and there was a heavy iron grate in front of the fireplace. A plush rug was on the floor for Ezra to crawl comfortably and the shelves were well-stocked with toys. There was a stuffed rag doll, a horse pull-toy, a bear pull-toy as well as a duck. Alphabet blocks were orderly arranged in a box and a row of wooden soldiers stood at attention. On another shelf were stacks of diapers and in the bureau were gowns and booties—some of which the child had outgrown long before he even arrived at the Ponderosa. Ben Cartwright had laughed and said that it looked as though he was going to have to donate most of the clothes to the church and buy some more. Ezra's feet would soon be big enough for the child to wear Hoss' boots.

While Ezra entertained himself in the crib Fiona sat and considered Miss Sylvia Matthews. She was jealous and envious of the woman. Fiona knew she herself wasn't beautiful but many a man had attempted to steal a kiss from her. Adam was much older than she was, she knew and considered, but that didn't stop her from admiring him and enjoying the man's beauty of face and the strength of his body. Adam Cartwright had never even looked at her the way a man did at a woman—or the way he did at Sylvia. He was going to marry Sylvia and when he did, he would take her into a bedroom and satisfy his urges, the urges that all men had. Fiona knew all about that. Her mother had warned her early on about men.

"But, mother," Fiona had said, "in the Bible it says that a wife should submit to her husband as she does to the Lord."

"There's nothin' Biblical 'bout a man slaverin' over a woman like a beast does over his food. Just make sure that when you take a husband, it's someone you don't mind layin' on you. Don't be like me and marry because you need someone to take care of you. And keep your knees together until he puts a ring on your finger."

"I wouldn't mind him," Fiona said quietly to herself about Adam. She sighed. She had day-dreamed about Adam falling in love with her and marrying her once she turned 18 but now Sylvia had become a reality she couldn't ignore. i I've just got to face it, Adam Cartwright wants a woman, not a girl and he's in love with that woman with the stick up her arse. Prissy, she is. Soon they'll marry and they won't need me and he'll put me out. Cassie warned me. She told me not to fall in love with him and I did anyway. She warned me, told me that she loved 'im as well but that he didn't love her./i

Fiona gasped. i Of course! That's it! When I tell Sylvia what Cassie told me about Adam, that every time he visited Ezra, he shared her bed, well, Sylvia will think that he doesn't really love her and then, well…but I can't do that. That would be spiteful and God would never forgive me for being so cruel and there's no priest to confess to and forgive me for my thoughts. /i Fiona dropped to her knees by the side of the bed and said a small prayer that she be as pure of heart as the Virgin Mary herself and to be forgiven for her sins of concupiscence. Fiona wasn't quite sure what the word "concupiscence" encompassed but she was certain that she was very guilty of it as she had heard it many times in church straight from the priest's mouth.

"Well, unless I begin to smell like sour milk, I think I'm fine." Sylvia smiled and fanned the wet spot on the bodice of her dress. "Is Fiona bringing Ezra back down? I really would like to know him better."

"Let's go sit on the porch," Adam said taking her hand and pulling her toward the front door. He already had her wrap in his hand.

"All right." Sylvia looked back at Ben who, although he had been watching, resumed the impression of interest in his newspaper.

The day was bright, the sky a clear blue with scuds of clouds. Adam placed Sylvia's shawl about her shoulders and then took her over to a bench near the end of the porch where they sat down.

Sylvia looked out at the barn and the property and smiled. "It's so beautiful out here, Adam, and although the house is basically a man's—rugged furniture and Indian rugs on the floor—plastered walls and open beams—I find it very warm and comfortable. Why, I'd marry you for the house alone." Sylvia laughed lightly but noticed that Adam looked worried.

"What is it, Adam? Tell me." Sylvia wondered if he had changed his mind after seeing her so awkward with Ezra. "I know I haven't had much experience with babies or small children but there's no reason I can't learn. And if you keep Fiona as his nurse, she can guide me although I have the feeling she doesn't care much for me. Perhaps she sees me as an intruder which I suppose, in a way, I am." Sylvia looked at her folded hands in her lap. Adam's silence made her want to babble, to fill the silence that suddenly shrouded them.

Adam reached over and covered her hands with one of his. She turned to him, hopeful that he would smile and comfort her. Adam leaned over and kissed her.

"So, you brought me on the porch to kiss me, hmm? Not a bad reason." She turned slightly to look at Adam.

"Sylvia, I've been making plans—about us, the three of us—well, I suppose with Fiona, it's the four of us. I should have talked to you earlier but…"

"Oh? Life-shattering plans, Adam? Don't tell me there's another son." Sylvia smiled but Adam didn't—he looked upset. Sylvia held onto his arm. "Adam, I was only making a joke. I suppose it's not funny."

"Sylvia, listen to me…" Adam considered what he should say. "I'd like to build a house of our own."

She was relieved. "That would be lovely, having my own house," Sylvia imagined what it would be like, another house designed like the Ponderosa. After all, Ben had told her and her aunt that night over a year ago when they had come to dinner and Adam had come into her life, that Adam had basically rebuilt the whole house from the small ranch house that had already been on the property. Ben told them that he had considered building a house somewhere else on the property but the site was perfect as far as he was concerned. It was sheltered by trees and was located advantageously. Besides the sturdy pines that composed the walls were still good and properly weathered. Therefore, Adam redesigned the fireplace, the kitchen per Hop Sing's preferences and raised the house up instead of out in length so that no more trees needed to be cut.

"I thought we'd lease a ranch house near the property—I'll take you by to see it. Then we can live there with Ezra and Fiona until the house is finished." Adam stopped, examining Sylvia's face. "What do you think?"

"Whatever you think is best…I suppose. It would be quite the burden to your family to have all of us live here but we could live with my aunt instead. Actually, it would give her a chance to know you and Ezra better."

"I don't think that would work out, living with your aunt. I would be too uncomfortable." Adam sighed and turned his attention to the barn and the corral beside it. A horse was in the corral and a ranch hand was putting it through its gaits by longeing the animal-holding a long rope attached to the bridle and snapping a whip in the air.

Sylvia followed his gaze. "Adam, are you ready to marry? Be honest—please."

"Of course, I am. I asked you, didn't I? And you did say yes, Sylvia. You told me you'd marry me."

"Yes, I did. I agreed because I love you. But, Adam, you need a mother for your son and that could be any woman who wants a husband—a rich husband like you. You're handsome as well and I've seen how women look at you at church and want to dance with you at socials and such. With the attentions you've paid me, it's been difficult to find a friend—I think I may be an object of envy, but I never really minded not having a female friend since I had you and you've been my closest friend and you've also loved me—or led me to believe you did." Sylvia smiled gently. "But I do get the impression that you may not love me as much as I would want. Tell me the truth, Adam. I wouldn't want to marry you only to later learn that you really want someone else—that you yearned for another woman. I can't imagine anything worse."

"I want to marry you, Sylvia." Adam stood up, obviously annoyed. "What do you need? A notarized statement, a sworn declaration of love?"

"You don't have to be sarcastic."

"I'm sorry but I don't know what else you need?" Adam sat back down and took her hands again. "Sylvia, listen to me and believe me—I love only you and want no one else but you. If you want us to live with your aunt, well…we will. I'll start our house and just pound in the nails a little faster." Sylvia smiled and Adam was encouraged. "And since her house is so small, well, we'd probably be bumping into each other in the privy."

"Oh, Adam," Sylvia said. "All right. I believe you—I believe that you love me."

"Fully and completely?"

"Fully and completely." Adam dropped to one knee in front of her. "Adam, what are you doing? He's watching us." The ranch hand had finished with the horse and had turned to stare at Adam Cartwright on his knee.

"Good. Then I have a witness. I love you, Sylvia Matthews, and it would give me the greatest pleasure if you would do me the honor of being my wife. I swear eternal love and will take care of you your whole life. Say yes, Sylvia. Say yes and make me the happiest man on earth." He smiled at her.

"Adam, get up and don't be so silly."

"Not until you say you'll marry me."

"All right—I'll say it again. I'll marry you."

Adam stood up and dusted off the knees of his trousers. "Now was that so hard?" She made a dismissive sound. "I'm glad that you're marrying me now and not in a few years; I don't know that my knees would have held out and let me back up. You're marrying an old man, Sylvia."

Sylvia stood up and put her arms around his waist. "Yes, I am marrying you—and the sooner I do, the happier I'll be—the happier we'll be."

"May I kiss you in front of Grange over there?" Adam motioned with his head to the ranch hand who, according to the sounds, was leading the horse out of the corral.

"Yes, you may. You had better to seal the deal."

And grinning, Adam held Sylvia closer but as he kissed her, the lightheartedness of the moment left him and he felt the heat of passion rise up in him again. He needed to marry Sylvia, needed some way to cool the desire that she roused in him.

"Adam," Sylvia pulled away a bit. "We should go in. Please."

"All right. We'll go in. I know-why don't we take a buggy ride? I'll have Hop Sing pack us a light dinner and we'll go out to the lake?"

"What about Ezra?"

"Leave him here with Fiona to watch him. That's what she's paid to do." And placing a hand on the small of her back, Adam led his soon-to-be-bride into the house calling out to Hop Sing and asking him to pack a basket for two.