Jake and Jane's anniversary came and went. It wasn't too big of a deal, just lovey sappy stuff that was far too played out for your taste. But then, it wasn't for you. Jane didn't talk to you for weeks and if she did, it was brief and usually because there were too many witnesses to ignore you without drawing attention to something being wrong.

You didn't blame her. How could you? It was your own dang fault for getting her involved in your emotional mess. But it did hurt. A lot, actually. You did love her, after all. And in both senses of the word. She was your first. She was the one. Your one. She just happened to be dating your best friend. You told yourself you couldn't help that, but couldn't you have? Couldn't you have said "no" that day she came to you asking about Jake? Couldn't you have told her how you felt instead of encouraging her, as if she'd somehow know what you were thinking and come running into your arms instead? How you were falling in love with her for reasons you didn't yet understand, that left you so confused? No. You couldn't. Not after everything you had done. And now, here you were, messing up her life all over again. Jeez, you were just a walking hurricane, weren't you? No wonder she didn't want anything to do with you.

But then, things started to get better between the two of you. She started talking to you again. It wasn't deep and intimate, but at least she acknowledged your existence again. She still didn't trust being alone with you, but at least it didn't take an army to convince her to start a conversation with you in small groups. It wasn't ideal, but then your idea of ideal was her calling out your name and clawing at your back again, and that sure wasn't gonna happen. So you accepted it for what it was and didn't push for anything more.

It kept like this for months. Then September rolled around and everyone became swamped with school work. John and Rose had moved in together last month and were working on dealing with the change of pace and the stresses of the Preforming Arts and Psychology schools respectively and their… unique relationship. Roxy had taken up way too many courses this semester and was considering joining a sorority on top of it all. Jade, who was still not talking to you despite what people might have thought, was busy with keeping her own school work in check as well as Dave and his film work, and all while fighting off her sleeping problems. Jane was one of the rare and few individuals who thrived in a fast pace work environment. If she struggled with anything, it was the slower paced courses. She was stinkin' perfect like that. And as for Jake? He had been lucky enough to be accepted for a study abroad program, despite it only being his first semester.

You were genuinely happy for him when he told you. It was a pretty big deal, and you knew it. It sucked that he'd be gone for the whole semester, but he'd be back in mid-December. He promised to return with tons of gifts for the five of you who's birthdays he'd have to miss. He also promised to pester you all whenever he had a moment to spare. You all were there to send him off back in August.

Jane wasn't too thrilled about it, you had later heard, but she seemed pretty okay then. And according to Dave, they pestered every day. It was probably part of a deal between the two of them. You didn't pay much mind to the details. But Jane was distancing herself again. You guessed it was for the best, but it only helped to remind you how far away the two of you really were, now. Even just as friends. You had almost given up hope of the two of you ever getting past that night when you got it.

There was nothing special about it, really. It was just a small piece of paper sitting on your floor when you walked into the apartment. You knew it was from her almost immediately from the blue pen she wrote in. It was her favorite. You tried to forget that and read it:

Dirk,

If you have time this Saturday, would you mind swinging by my place? I'd like to talk to you.

Jane

See, nothing special, you thought as your heart tried to pound its way out of your chest. You slipped it into your pocket before Dave could walk in and see it, even though it was the most innocent of notes, and headed to your room. You tried to calm yourself down. It was just a talk, right? There wasn't even anything suggesting more than that.

But it would be the first time she and you would be alone since that night. You bit the inside of your lip. You had been trying to forget that night. Trying to forget how it felt, how she moaned and cried for you. All of it. You thought that maybe if you forgot, she'd forgive you, she'd go back to the way things were before. The note only solidified that belief, even if you didn't really believe it. But you were desperate to believe it, even for a moment.

You showed up a little past eleven. You didn't want to seem too eager to see her, even if you were, but you didn't want to make her feel like you were blowing her off, either. You understood it must have taken a lot of courage to invite you at all. You understood it… And it hurt.

Between receiving the note and actually showing up, you had plenty of time to theorize what she wanted to talk about. Your top three were that she was leaving Jake to be with you (never gonna happen, but it was too good a thought to throw aside), that she needed you to do something only you could do for her, thereby making this more of a forced meeting than anything else, and then there was the third theory. The one where she wanted to tell you to your face that she never wanted to see you again or have anything to do with you. As you approached the door, you started thinking long and hard about that last one. Your finger froze above the doorbell. You took in a deep breath and rang it once. She didn't take long to answer.

The smell of baking hit you almost immediately. There was flour on her jeans and in her hair. She smiled and adjusted her glasses when she saw it was you. Your heart started again.