Chapter Two

Iris West used to believe in the impossible. She used to believe in hope and wanted to spread it around to everyone in Central City.

But that was before her hero attacked her boyfriend. That was before her best friend had suddenly confessed the love he'd been hiding from her their whole lives. That was before Eddie asked her to move in with him. Her life had suddenly turned upside down and now nothing made sense. Not her fallen idol, not her future. Not even her past. Life no longer offered hope and adventure. It held difficult choices and disillusionment.

Iris had meant it when she told The Flash not to contact her anymore. His unwarranted attack on Eddie had left her horrified and unable to trust him. He had said another metahuman had affected him, and part of her believed it because it made sense. He had been so different that night, a stranger. But the damage had been done. She could no longer see him as she once had, a knight in shining armor. Now all she saw was Eddie bleeding, crawling on the ground while The Flash stood over him. Now instead of a hero, he was unpredictable and dangerous. She updated her blog on his activities, but no longer invested herself in it. Eddie had yet to even catch up with The Flash, but she had put her support fully behind her boyfriend. Eddie was always there for her; it was him she should stand behind.

And yet…life had been much more lacking lately. She no longer felt the thrill of excitement and hope she got when searching for the impossible, because she no longer searched. She had found it, and it had beaten up her boyfriend. She had discovered why Barry had been acting differently around her, but that just opened a Pandora's box of confusion-Don't think about that. Don't think about Barry. Iris quickly blocked thoughts of her best friend and his recent declaration. It was just too difficult to think about. Too hopeless. Whatever she did, she would hurt someone. Whatever she chose to do with her life, someone got hurt. Her search for the impossible had led to heartbreak and confusion on all fronts. No more. Hope itself was impossible at this point. Better to live without it, even if it meant life was more depressing. She was done with The Flash, and everything about him. Barry-well that was more difficult. For now she was simply avoiding him and what he had said. Not brave maybe, but definitely wise. Iris was all about the wise decisions lately.

So when Iris spotted him on the security camera, standing on the rooftop of Jitters, she spent time debating which move was wisest. Of course it was The Flash. Even half in shadow, on the far corner of the roof with his back to the camera, she knew who it had to be. By far the wisest choice, she reasoned, would be to just leave and go home. She was working the late shift; no one else was there. No discussion, no possibility of an angry attack or her decisions being swayed. Part of her was angry that he hadn't taken her seriously. He had no right to show up after she had asked him not to. Part of her knew full well she could do very little to defend herself if he suddenly became violent.

But the other part of her remembered the last time she had seen him. His helpless "Iris, I'm sorry." No attack there. He knew she could handle herself; he'd even complimented her cross when she'd knocked Tony out cold. She stared at the camera monitor, debating.

In the end, she went to the roof. She'd tell him to leave and make her point. Problem solved. She peeked through the glass door cautiously, almost expecting him to be right at the door. But he was still where she had first seen him. His back to her. In the far corner. Staring out onto the city. That was her first inkling that something was different. As she continued to watch she realized what seemed so wrong about him. He was…still. His back was to her so his face wouldn't be vibrating, she knew. But it was more than that. All of him was still. Iris had rarely seen him hold still. Usually he was darting around, impressing her with his speed, face vibrating, smiling, winking, shifting, talking, watching her. But now he was like a statue. A statue with weighted down, slumping shoulders…. The world seemed to be passing over his still form instead of the reverse, which was very disconcerting. He hadn't moved the entire time she had been watching him. He looked, for lack of a better word, lost.

That was what convinced her to push open the door. She knew the second he heard it because his head shifted slightly to the left. Immediately his face was vibrating, even though she was feet away from him in the dark, and his back was still to her. She opened her mouth to tell him she'd meant it when she said he shouldn't contact her anymore, but he beat her to it.

"I'm sorry." His voice was warbled as usual. "I know I shouldn't be here…but…I...didn't know where else to go."

Her brows came together. She took several steps closer. She considered him a moment, choosing her next words carefully. Phrases like are you all right, what's happened to you and why are you here all floated across her mind. Finally all she could decide to say was "Did something happen?"

He too waited a moment, as if deciding how much to say. "Yes. But I can't talk to you about it unless you promise not to put it in your blog. It's important. An entire city of people could be endangered if you write about it. Promise me."

Curiosity, concern and irritation warred within her. What was so important an entire city could be in danger? Was it her city? Were people she loved in trouble? Why did he feel he should come talk to her about it, didn't she say not to come anymore? Where did he get off asking her for anything?

Finally, curiosity won out. "I promise."

He nodded, but even then his words came slow. "I've…had some bad news…my friend…The Arrow…is dead."

She stared at him a moment. That was honestly the very last thing she had expected. "The Arrow. The Starling Vigilante? I didn't realize you were friends. You didn't seem much like it when I saw you two together." He lowered his head, but said nothing. It hung between them, that night and his attack on Eddie. Neither really wanted to say the words out loud, but they hung in the air nonetheless. The silence stretched. She folded her arms defensively. "I did some research on him after he visited Central City. Isn't he a murderer-?"

He cut her off before she could finish. "He was a hero!" He was so forceful about it she had the feeling he'd had this argument before. Before she could reply, it was as if a dam had broken and he couldn't stop the words from coming out. His voice, warbling with anger underneath, was too much a reminder of Eddie's attack. He half turned towards her and she backed away a few steps. "He told me he believed I could inspire! He went through so much darkness and still wanted to do good. To save his city. To do what was right. No one knows how much he gave up! A life of his own, love, friends, himself. He almost died so many times trying to serve the people of Starling City, but that's how they will remember him! A murderer. But he was so much more than that! And now he's given his life!" He stopped for a moment to draw breath, and seemed to realize how much his vehemence had unnerved her. He took some deep breaths and tried to calm down. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come here."

Iris spoke quickly, hoping to stop an abrupt departure. "Wait, wait. I'm sorry. I just don't know much about him. His base of operations is so far away and he-" she faltered, "didn't seem to have any um, special skills."

The Flash huffed humorlessly, turning away again. "He had skills. Just not ones like mine. Didn't seem to stop him much." "I have strategy and tactical awareness." His face twitched under the vibrating, maybe a half smile.

Iris thought back to that night, and all she could remember was a gruff stranger in green with a bow and arrow. All she could hear was his voice, telling –no, commanding- her to run. She had, with barely a second thought. Later she had looked him up, but it hadn't brought much illumination. He had killed people. His city was in constant unrest it seemed. The police had only barely stopped looking to arrest him. He didn't sound like someone who would be mourned.

But his death had affected The Flash this much… She gazed at The Flash, who seemed lost in thought. She took a few steps closer again, then turned and leaned back against the wall, very careful not to look at him. They were now facing two different directions. As she'd hoped, his face stopped vibrating. He continued to stare out at the city.

She had thought it would be easy to turn away from him, to never see him again. He was like two different people to her now: the flirty, dashing hero, and the violent, angry man in red. But more than anything, she realized, she wanted to understand. Understand how one and the other could be the same man, how the one in green she researched and the one who had died could be one and the same. Heroes, she thought with an eye roll, are so complex. So she took a deep breath. It was now or never. She stared directly ahead as she spoke her next words softly, as if she was trying not to spook him. "What happened that night?"

The Flash stiffened. His face began vibrating again.

"I told you-"

"Yeah, I know, another metahuman messed with your head. But I never really thought much about what happened after I – left. What happened then?"

His face stopped vibrating, but only after he glanced at her sidelong to assure himself she was still facing forward. She made sure she was.

"When The Arrow got there I was- well- you saw what I was." She gave a short nod. "We…fought. I wasn't holding back at all, I might have killed him, but he never stopped trying. And after everything I had said, everything I had done, he still looked me in the face…and he told me he still believed in me."

Iris's eyes suddenly stung. She blinked furiously. "How did he help you out of –what you were?"

The Flash looked down at his hands. "He managed to contain me long enough for -um- the cure to take effect. I really don't know how long I would have been like that if he hadn't been there. I have nightmares about what I could have done in that state. I was really lucky he was there."

Iris felt a rush of sympathy she hadn't expected. She hadn't even managed to still believe in him after that night. But this harsh man in green had. "He sounds like he was a good friend." She wanted to touch his arm, but was pretty sure he'd move away.

The Flash nodded. "He really was. I just can't believe he's gone."

"I'm so sorry."

He nodded again. He opened his mouth to speak again, but was interrupted by the chirping of Iris's cell phone. She took it from her apron pocket and glanced at it. Eddie's face was clearly shown on the screen.

Another memory surfaced. Oliver's face wavering before him, almost apologetic, earnest. "Guys like us don't get the girl." Then himself, telling Eddie and Iris he was happy they were moving in together. He shouldn't be here. Everything had changed. "You need to let her go, for both your sakes."

Milliseconds had passed. Iris was still holding her phone, her thumb descending to the screen, to ignore or answer he didn't know which. He stood straighter suddenly, as if he were shaking something off.

"Thank you for talking to me." He warbled, "I really needed it."

"Yeah." She murmured, distracted. But before she was even done saying the word, he was gone. She felt cold in the breeze he left behind as she stared down at her still ringing phone.