Disclaimer: I don't own HTTYD and Brave.
Prologue:
Merida's POV
Six years.
It has been six years since everything happened.
Six years had passed since I became 16, since I fought for my hand since I turned my mom into a bear, and since I'm able to choose the man that I will marry because of love instead of having an arranged marriage.
It's already been six years, but I'm still not able to find anyone that I can love.
Sighing, I rolled onto my bed and looked at the ceiling.
Tomorrow is my 22nd birthday and I will only have one exact year to choose and find love on my own before I'm forced to marry a virtual stranger.
It's frustrating. I'm allowed to find my husband but I don't have forever to find one.
If it's not for that law that stated that every single heir or heiress should be married at the age of 23 with or without their consent to ensure the lineage of rulers. I will not have this problem.
Even though I have a choice, I don't want to disobey the law and leave the responsibilities to the boys.
Those three sweet little devils even talked to our parents. Harris, the oldest of them, along with Hubert and Hamish, convinces Ma and Da that if I don't want to get married, I could pass the throne to them with Harris as the acting monarch and I could be free to marry anyone at any time I wanted without being pressured.
They already told Ma and Da that the three of them can rule together, so I can be free of the responsibility. It is a touching move, and it's pretty surprising because I don't even bribe them with my lifetime supply of puddings and pastries.
I still remembered how they tell us about their plan when the three of them rule over Edinburgh. I cannot help but giggle when I remembered that among those plans are having a huge stash of pastries and puddings in their bedroom. Those surely made me think for a second that what they are proposing is more for their sweet tooth than my happiness.
But that is not even a choice. I learn a lot of things when I turned my mom into a bear and one of those is to face and accept all of your responsibilities.
Aside from that, I already have this settled with Ma and Da. The next day after I turn Ma into a human, we had a long discussion, and they explained to me everything that I needed to know, including the law. They will not push me to meet anyone and there is no arranged marriage that is going to happen until I reached 23 and I'm still single.
Burrowing my head deep into my covers, I also realized that the entire kingdom was doubting my capabilities. I already heard them whispering about their uncertainty and doubt about me and I need to calm them down. If I didn't get married after my 23rd birthday, chaos will ensue and the people will rebel and lost their trust in us.
Rolling onto my back and staring at the stone ceiling, I contemplate how much the past six years change me. The past six years taught me to be mature and think of the kingdom before myself. I'm still the same old' spunky and adventurous princess, but I learn to tame myself.
While I'm in the woods, I learn not to lose track of time. I learn how to force my hair into a braid so it's more manageable and presentable to look at. I even force and struggle with myself to learn how to sit, talk and walk like my Ma always wanted me to, a fine lady and the future Queen of DunBroch.
To be honest, sometimes I can't recognize myself in a mirror. Yes, my eyes are the same clear blue, those freckles that dance across my cheek are still there, I still even have the youth roundness of my face, but it's not me anymore. I can't even bring myself to push my old self back.
Since the day that I turned my mother into a bear and brought her back, I do all the things she wanted me to do that I can tolerate. I did it without frowning and complaining because of the guilt that I always feel when I look at my Ma. It is always there at the bottom of my stomach. It still gnaws and consumes me. It even haunts me in my dreams and brings me terrible nightmares.
She changes a lot, she really does, but she is still the same and I wouldn't blame her for that. She forgives me a long time ago, but I'm the one who can't forgive myself.
Out of the bout of frustration, I threw my pillows across the room to relieve the stress bubbling and building inside me. Breathing hard, I yanked my hair out of sheer frustration.
Having a childish tantrum calmed my nerves in a way I can't explain, but I knew being childish and dealing with things that way couldn't help me at all.
Standing up, I retrieved the pillows and tossed all of them back into my bed except the last one, then I walked towards the window and open it.
Having the icy breeze blow past to my face and into my curls is comforting. I sighed and looked at the stars while I hugged my pillow.
I thought that being free to find love on my own is easy, but alas, I'm wrong. Back then, I thought that if I found a man that I can truly see as a man, as a partner, and as an equal, then I'm settled, but being a princess doesn't make it easier.
I can't travel on my own. I had an army of maids now trailing after me and if I had some male guest; I need to act all prim and proper and if I don't, they always looked at me like I grew another head.
How can I truly let myself fall in love if every time I talk to someone, I can't let myself go? I feel constricted and fake and simply not me.
I guess I can now understand why they favor arranged marriage so much. Aside from having a stronger connection with another village or kingdom, it can also provide certainty to anyone who's in that position. They are certain that they will live together in their lifetime, that they will have children together, and the most important part is that they know they can grow and learn to love each other.
And now, I'm being stupid because I'm considering having an arranged marriage.
But would it really be as bad as I thought?
I only want one thing. I only want to have someone who I can grow old with and who will love me as me. I only wanted to have something like Ma and Da have together.
And now it seemed like only a dream that I can never have.
Looking again at the twinkling sky, I made a wish.
"May I find someone who can love me as Merida and not as Princess Merida."
Hearing the rustling of the leaves, I don't even bother to close my windows. I walked towards my bed and lay down. There is only one thing that I'm certain of.
I need to find a husband and after six years, I still don't have an idea how.
