Hi there! I know it has been so long since I had last updated and I apologize about that.
This scene is one of my favorite so far in this series. It takes place after the episode "Higher Ground".
Thanks again to KeRoth for reading over it!
Higher Ground
She could have died. But she didn't. But she could have…
While leaning back in his Captain's chair, Jean Luc crossed his legs. The internal battle he held in his mind was at odds as to what had happened down on Rutia. When they had returned back to the Enterprise, he was ecstatic to have her back alive and well. So much so that you couldn't slap the smile off of his face. But now that he has had a couple of moments to think about it, that same familiar drowning feeling started to bubble up within him - it was the same feeling he had felt after the Rana incident. He needed to touch her to make sure that she was truly alive. It was silly to him that he needed something so trivial, but it was there and it wasn't going to go away until his need was met. But, he countered in his mind, it was highly inappropriate. He couldn't go around groping her every time their lives were in danger.
But the thought of losing her…
He felt the air around him thinning at that last thought. Forcing himself to take a breath, Jean Luc pushed his body further into his seat. Sensing someone's eyes on him, he used his peripheral vision to see that it was Counselor Troi. Not wanting to give her concern, he kept his eyes forward.
After a moment, the counselor leaned towards him and quietly said, "Captain-"
Jean Luc abruptly stood up and announced, "Number One, I'll be in my ready room." He looked to Beverly and steadily said, "Doctor." Turning quickly on his heels, he quickly walked towards his ready room.
After entering the room, he stood silently in front of his desk, his back to the door.
Beverly walked into his ready room and stood close to the couch. She knew that he was going to reprimand her for not following his orders, but she was ready with her own argument. As a doctor – sworn to help anybody in need – she knew it was the right thing to stay there and help the wounded. She was not supposed to pick political sides. Her side was always with the patient – always!
And damn anybody who gets in my way! Even if it is Jean Luc Picard!
She straightened herself up to her full height. Resolved, she wasn't going to give in without a fight. Wanting to get their inevitable argument over, she called out, "Captain?"
Hearing her voice, Jean-Luc turned around. Seeing Beverly standing there in all her glory, his anger and fear disappeared.
All it took was three steps to stand in front of her and two seconds to enfold her into his arms. She had almost died…
Almost, but she didn't.
He squeezed her closer, trying to diffuse the emotional turmoil his heart was going through. After a moment, he felt her arms encircle his waist. With her encouragement, he loosened his grip and slid his hand through her hair. He missed her long hair. When they were together, he could spend all day running his hands through her red locks.
"Beverly, please don't do that again." His voice was soft, betraying his vulnerability. As if to mirror his statement, he brought her closer to his body. He needed her warmth, her strength, her love as close to him as possible; he just needed her.
Feeling all of the anger she had a moment before dissipate, Beverly gave in to his embrace. Despite her certainty that she had been right of her sense of honor and duty, she was frightened; frightened of death, frightened of not seeing Wesley again, frightened of not telling Jean Luc about Ava. His grasp helped cement the fact that she was alive and well on the Enterprise – her home. She had to tell him. She promised herself that if she made it out alive, she would tell him. Down on the planet, she started to tell him; for fear that they wouldn't make it out alive. But then the power went out … and everything had happened so quickly.
Resolved in what she had to do, she leaned out of his warm embrace and smiled contently as she felt his hand move from her neck to her cheek. She always loved his touch. It was so gentle, yet the power that flowed between their connection made her weak in the knees.
Keeping their connection firm, Jean Luc looked into Beverly's blue eyes and took a steady breathe. He knew from that moment that all he need in his life was her touch. It was his confirmation that she was alive. Leaning in once more, he rested his forehead on hers. "I know this was the last thing you were expecting, but I just needed a moment. I needed to see you and touch you and feel you." After a few seconds, he opened his eyes and quietly whispered, "I need you."
She needed him as well and she knew from that moment that she would always need him. Feeling her own emotions from the past couple of days overtake her system, she nodded, not trusting herself to be able to speak.
Jean Luc touched her cheek and ever-so-lightly kissed her lips. When she didn't push him away, he deepened their kiss and brought her body closer to his. He felt her hands sliding around his neck. Knowing that she wanted this just as much as he needed it made his heart soar to new heights. And come hell or high water, he was not walking away from it this time. Ever since the night he left her quarters with his tail between his legs, he has felt emptiness in his heart… up until now though. Now, he felt right at home.
This is where I belong.
Feeling blissfully content herself for the first time since returning back to the Enterprise, Beverly allowed her heart to take over her body. Ever since returning, she longed to be wrapped in his arms and she never wanted to leave. But somewhere in the back of her mind, a little voice told her that this wasn't the time or the place to be doing this. In fact it was downright foolish. For a brief second, she thought about ignoring that little voice, but then she started to feel the panic rise through her throat. Feeling her heart break, she leaned away from his embrace and reluctantly pushed him away. Looking down at her hands on his chest, she whispered, "Jean Luc, we mustn't. This was foolish to begin with."
Placing his hands on her elbows, he took a step forward, "I know this isn't the right place or the right time, but any more time away from you, I would have lost my mind." Leaning forward, he rested his forehead on hers. "I needed that moment to internalize that you are still here and safe."
Beverly looked into his eyes, a smirk playing on her lips, "That took a little longer than a moment."
Taking her lead once again, he captured her cheeks and said, "I needed to be very thorough."
At the last millisecond, Beverly backed out of his embrace. "Jean Luc, please." Putting some distance between them, she walked closer to his desk.
Clasping his hands behind his back, Jean Luc looked over to Beverly and quietly said, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you."
Biting the side of her lip, she began to fidget with her hands. "You didn't… It's just we can't… I mean we shouldn't. This is your Ready Room and it's very inappropriate."
For a moment the room was quiet. Jean Luc couldn't argue logic with her, she was correct. Letting his hormones and fears get the better of him, his logic took a seat in the back of his mind. Chastising himself, he shook his head and said, "You're right, Beverly. I apologize profusely for my conduct."
Smiling, Beverly shook her head, "It's okay, Jean Luc. But if you excuse me, I have to get back to Sickbay." She started to make her way towards the door, but was stopped by Jean Luc placing his hand on her arm.
"Have dinner with me tonight." It wasn't a question, but more of a demand. There were many things that he wanted to tell her.
Not wanting to look at him, she turned her head to the side. "Jean Luc, I don't think that would be a good idea either."
"Why not?" His words came out harsh, but once again, he felt his control over his feelings slipping. When she didn't answer him, he took a deep breath and softly said, "I think I deserve to know."
Shaking her head, she laughed to herself, "There are so many things that you don't know that you should."
Remembering what she had said before the lights went out on Rutia, he slid his hand down to hers. "Tell me."
Feeling her fear catch in her throat, she closed her eyes and shook her head. A moment ago, she had all the confidence in the universe to tell him about Ava, but after sharing that searing kiss and then pushing him away, she needed to leave his ready room quickly. "It's nothing," she said in a voice barely above a whisper.
Not believing her for one moment, he gently squeezed her hand and said, "That's not true. Please tell me."
Pulling her hand away from him, she took a step back. "I can't. Not right now." She let her head fall to her chest in regret. "I'm sorry." She turned towards the door.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he placed a hand on her shoulder stopping her from leaving. "Beverly, whatever it was, was obviously very important to you, otherwise why mention it before you believe you are about to die?" He saw the tiniest hint of guilt pass through her beautiful blue eyes and he instantly felt his heart hit rock bottom. Instantly thinking the worst, he thought back to the gossip he heard from her time at Starfleet Medical. Within a blink of an eye, his worry turned into jealousy – hard hitting and gut wrenching jealousy. "Does this have anything to do with Rick Chechney?"
Confusion pushing her eyebrows together, she asked, "Rick Chechney? What about him?"
Letting his hand fall from her shoulder to his side, Jean Luc narrowed his eyes, "You two spent a lot of time together while you were at Starfleet Medical." Crossing his arms over his chest, he tried to tame the jealousy monster that threatened to explode from his chest. "Were you ever involved with him?"
She took a step towards him and placed her hand on his arm. It was funny to see the roles reversing within a matter of seconds. "Jean Luc, he has nothing to do with this."
"That's not how it looks from my point of view."
Shaking her head from his clipped comment, she smiled the best that she could and firmly said, "Please trust me on this. There will be a time when I will come to you and tell you everything, but it can't be right now." Forcing herself to drain every ounce of emotion that soared through her just moments ago, she walked out of his ready room and straight to the turbolift.
Once the door closed, he started to pace back and forth like a caged animal. He had thought that the rumors about her were untrue, but the way she was acting a moment ago, made him think twice about it. Rick Chechney is very charming and very demanding. But so is Beverly. She wouldn't have fallen for his bachelor tricks… Would she? I had walked away from her, away from our relationship because I was scared. Did she need a shoulder to lean on? Maybe she was vulnerable. Maybe Rick took advantage of her vulnerability.
Jean Luc stopped his pacing. Maybe she wanted to be with him. Maybe she was in love with him. Without any warning he slammed his fist against his desk. To hell with her.
Crossing his arms across his heaving chest, he looked out of his viewport.
Why? Why would she return the kiss if she was in love with him? After a moment, closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose as he examined his last thought. How could I have been so stupid! If she was truly in love with him, then she wouldn't return his kiss. Then what was it that she was hiding?
Feeling his confusion turn into anger, he dropped his clenching hands to his sides. Why can't she be honest with me?
After a few moments of staring at the stars lost in his own thought, he heard the indicator chime. Not turning to see who it was, he quietly said, "Come in."
Deanna walked into the ready room. Noticing the captain lost in thought, she went up to him and placed her hand on his shoulder. "Sir, are you alright?"
Straightening himself, he shrugged off her comforting hand. "I'm fine, Counselor." Not wanting to give her anymore reason to question him, he turned and walked to the replicator. "Tea, Earl Grey, hot."
Giving him space to gather his emotions and time to get his tea, she walked around his desk and sat in one of the chairs.
Realizing that she was not going to leave just yet, Jean Luc walked to his chair and sat down, calmly sipping his tea.
After several moments in silence, Deanna was first to talk, "Sir, I felt a powerful emotion coming from you. It came on quick without any provoca-"
Wanting to take the focus off of himself, he quickly asked, "Counselor, do you know what has been bothering Doctor Crusher lately?" He took a sip from his tea and looked back at the counselor.
Noting the change in topic, Deanna was stunned to say the least. Very rarely did the Captain want to talk about the doctor in a more personal context. Shaking her head, she said, "I know that something is troubling her. When I asked her about it, she didn't want to talk about it. In her own due time, she will, but for now she is content with keeping it to herself." She placed her hands in her lap. "Whatever it is, it's not impairing her from her work or duty. Why do you ask?"
He brushed her question away, the same as Beverly did to him only a few minutes prior. "No reason, I was just concerned. Thank you counselor for your insight." He turned his chair towards his computer terminal and opened a message sent by Admiral Tommal.
Knowing when she had been dismissed, Deanna stood up and made her way to the door. Before going back out on the bridge, she turned and said, "Sir, what she is hiding has something to do with you. In her own time, she will go to you, not me."
She left him to the stark quietness of his ready room, hoping beyond hope that she was right.
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