Standard disclaimer : I do not own Bleach.
Turning right, turning left
Chapter 4 : Distance
You are late today. I keep pacing back and forth along the corridor in the 13th division office while waiting for you to return. I have a bad feeling about this. Those idiots... they shouldn't have sent you to the real world. What if something happened to you and I'm not there to protect you? What if... Urgh.. so many things could have happened and I can only make wild guesses like a fool.
Even though three years had passed since that boy left Soul Society, I know he never left your mind. Your sky is constantly overcastted no matter how brightly the sun shines ever since. I'd do anything to see you happy again, Rukia. Anything...
Then my thoughts are cut abruptly when I see you walking down the hall. Much to my relief, you have finally returned safely. "Rukia..." I call out to you but you merely look up and smile before you continue your way. I hurry down and meet you halfway.
"You came back late. Is everything going fine in the real world?" I ask while trying to find clues from your face but that damn Kuchiki facade on your face refuse to give away anything.
"Yes, everything is in order. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to report to Ukitake taichou." You only halt briefly before you excuse yourself to leave. But I refuse to take this, especially from you. I grab your wrist before you can walk pass me. "Rukia..." I repeat your name with a more demanding voice. I can feel you are hiding something.
"Everything is in order, huh? So why are you late?"
"It's none of your business," you say icily without even looking at me. "I said I have to report to Ukitake taichou, now will you please excuse me," you persist.
When you realize shortly that I have no intention to let you go, you start trying to wrench your wrist out of my grasp. But I'm not a vice captain for nothing. It'll be a joke if I can't even handle a petite girl like you.
"Let go of me, moron!" you yell at me. Great, now I'm a moron to you.
"Stop lying to me," I search deep into your eyes like I'm going to bore a hole in you.
"I have nothing to tell. Or do I disappoint you that nothing happened because you wish that something had happen, vice captain?" you reply sarcastically. I can feel my blood fuming although I know you said that on purpose just to get on my nerves. I hate it when you call me vice captain and you knew it. When it comes to getting on my nerves, you always know where to poke the right spot.
"Yes, you disappoint me." You disappoint me because you still won't let me share with you. Every time I try to care, you'll push me away.
Shock is written all over your face as your facade crumbles. For a brief moment, I allow myself to take pleasure in tearing down your facade. I guess you'd never thought that I'll answer you like this.
"So?" you ask as you raise your brow. Your facade is up again soon enough.
You still seem so distant from me. I couldn't reach you no matter how hard I tried. After all these years of chasing your footsteps, I still couldn't keep up with your pace. You never halt or glance back. Maybe if you did, you'll see. You'll see that I'm trying my best. But I guess my best is still not good enough for you, not good enough for the Kuchiki.
"Ah, nothing. You may go now, Kuchiki-san." I return your courtesy.
I loosen my grip and let you go. I suddenly feel a weariness that I have not felt for a long time, a weariness that drains away all my energy from my mind and body. We look perfectly like strangers as our shoulders brushes and we walk pass each other in opposite direction. My footsteps have never been heavier.
Why and how we ended up like this, Rukia? We have grown up together in Rukongai and joined the shinigami academy together. All those years... just gone by before I realize how much I have missed. It is at time like this that I miss hearing you call me Renji again. Where is the Rukia that I once knew?
I guess we have both changed over these years. Come to think about it, our distance had grown ever since you were adopted to the Kuchiki family. But we allowed it to grow so much that the gap between us now can never be bridged anymore. I didn't know who to blame on this. So I blamed it all on that human kid, Ichigo. I blamed him for taking you away from me and for changing you into someone that I no longer recognize.
It is only now that I realize no one is to be blamed. Our life has drifted apart long ago. It's just that I refuse to admit it stubbornly. I'm just clinging on those precious memories we shared while I try desperately to find our way back to the closeness that we once shared.
Forgive me, Rukia. I have made you wait too long.
Nothing I do now can ever compensate you. I wish I had told you all these but I guess it is too late now. You don't need me now. But if you ever need my help someday in the future, you know where to find me. I'm never that far away from you.
Author's note: I never thought this chapter will ended up like this. I was planning to write something like Renji and Rukia will start a fight or something like they always did. Please let me know what you think about this chapter.