Standard disclaimer : I do not own Bleach.
Turning right, turning left
Chapter 5 : Facade
I knew problem was awaiting me the moment I saw you waiting for me at the 13th division office. I tried to slip away from you unnoticing but failed. "Rukia..." you called out to me. I merely look up and smile before I continue my way. Just leave me alone, please. There are too many things in my head. Now is really not the time to talk.
Shit! I curse in my heart when you come down and meet me halfway. Why won't you just leave me alone?
"You came back late. Is everything going fine in the real world?" you ask as you examine me carefully.
I know you are only showing your concern. But I know you too well. You will never sit back and do nothing if I tell you what happened. I have no choice but to put on my facade because I can't afford to give anything away. Pretending to ignore someone who care so much is not as easy as one might think. But I have to do it, not only for me, but also for you.
"Yes, everything is in order. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to report to Ukitake taichou." I know it is a lame excuse but I can't think of something better at the moment. So I use Ukitake taichou as a convenient excuse to take leave. But apparently you refuse to buy it.
"Rukia..." You grab my wrist and repeat my name, more sternly this time.
"Everything is in order, huh? So why are you late?" you stare hard at me. I'm sorry. I can't answer you that question. It is too close to the answer.
"It's none of your business," I reply icily. "I said I have to report to Ukitake taichou, now will you please excuse me." Please just let me leave. I don't want to hurt you further.
One thing we share in common is our stubbornness. Being as stubborn as you are, you still grip my wrist firmly no matter how hard I struggle to wrench my wrist out of your grasp.
"Let go of me, moron!" I finally yell at you. You still won't let go. You really are such moron sometimes.
"Stop lying to me."
I can feel the chill send down my spine as your intense gaze piercing its way through my facade. I have to end this fast.
"I have nothing to tell. Or do I disappoint you that nothing happened because you wish that something had happen, vice captain?" I call you that in purpose, of course.
"Yes, you disappoint me."
Your answer really caught me off guard. When I look into your eyes, I can see that you meant what you said but not in that way. We both know it.
"So?" I put on my facade again and lash out my final, fatal blow.
You freeze to my word for a moment. The shock and hurt in your eyes wrench my heart although I will never show it to you.
"Ah, nothing. You may go now, Kuchiki-san." you return my courtesy. That much I deserve it.
You finally loosen your grip and let me go. Our shoulders brushes as we walk pass each other in opposite direction. But there is no comfort from it and the weight upon my heart will not go away.
I'm sorry for everything, Renji. I'm sorry for leaving you behind in the academy, sorry for not seeing what you gave up for me when you said you were happy for me that I was adopted by the Kuchiki family, sorry for making you go through the fight with my brother to save me, sorry for hurting you with my mean words...
You have always worried for me and tried your best to shield me from any harm. But I have nothing to offer you in return. This time I promise myself that it will be different. I will be strong and I shall never let you worry for me and protect me again. This is the least I can do for you.
We never get along well as far as I can recall. We always irritate each other, get into a fight and ignore each other after that every time we meet. Maybe that is why I never told you that I'm actually grateful to have you as a friend and that you will always be my true friend. As much as I refuse to admit it, you are one of those few people who know me as Rukia, not Kuchiki.
So please stop worrying for me, Renji. The things that were in the way are gone now. I begin to see what the present is for the first time in decades. Maybe I will even stop ruing the past one day and see the future instead. There are so many possibilities ahead. What I had was beautiful but the unknown is more beautiful still.
Author's note: This chapter is finished pretty quick. Things just flow to me and I had to write. Your reviews are my inspiration. I hope this chapter will compliment the previous one nicely. Yeah, cheers for girl power.