Chapter Two
"Mason, you can't see her," Cecilia said. Her voice had a hard edge that was unusual for her. It was clear she thought my indiscretion regarding my family had gone on long enough.
"I know," I replied softly, and I did. I wasn't being fair to my sister, who thought I was alive and couldn't concieve what I actually was. I wasn't being fair to Cecilia, who loved me and hated seeing me suffer. And I wasn't being fair to myself.
When they'd needed the money badly, it had made me feel good to be able to help them. But they were stabilized now. I'd given them the tool they needed to make the farm successful again, and they were using it well. So why couldn't I leave well enough alone? Why couldn't I just move on with my life and let them move on with theirs?
As if she were reading my mind, Cecilia said, "Why don't we move, Mason? It will be easier for you when they're not a stone's throw away. Let's just pick up and move."
"Move where?" I asked listlessly. "You've made a home for yourself here. You've been here for sixty years. Why should you have to move because of me?"
"I made a home for /us/ here," she corrected. "My life was rudderless before you came along. The question is why /wouldn't/ I move? I'd do anything for you. Its a small sacrifice."
The idea of picking up stakes and moving was unacceptable to me. Whether it was to satisfy my own sick addiction or the unwillingness to disrupt Cecilia's life, I couldn't be sure. "No. We're staying here," I said firmly.
She ran her hands through her long, brown hair. "This is unhealthy, Mason. I'm worried. It disturbs me that you even brought the note," she gestured to the end table where she'd set my sister's letter after reading it. "It indicates an intention to act on it."
"What?" I asked, genuinely surprised. "No it doesn't. I brought the note because it would have been pointless to leave both it and the money. She would have known I read it anyway."
She knelt in front of where I sat, forcing me to look her in the eye. "She doesn't know its you, Mason! She's hoping and wishing its you, but she doesn't /know!/ You're still leaving money when they don't need it anymore. You're still making the excuse to go there and be close to them. The truth is that you want this, you've always wanted this, and you can't have it!" She stood and spun unbelievably quickly. With her back to me, she said, "I'd give you anything. I'd give you the world. But you cannot have this, Mason!"
"I know!" I shouted, and she spun back to face me. Shock was clear on her face; I'd never raised my voice to her before. But it felt like my head was on fire. I wasn't in control of myself. "You're telling me things I already know!"
She quickly smoothed her face into an impassive mask. "Do you know it? Do you really?" she asked calmly. "Your actions say otherwise. You need to let them go, Mason. For you, for me, and for them...you need to let them go."
My head cleared as I realized what I'd done. I'd hurt Cecilia, perhaps badly. I rose and crossed the den, taking her in my arms. "You are the most important thing in the world to me, dear heart," I whispered into her ear as she buried her face in my shoulder. "I'm sorry about this. I really am. I don't know what's wrong with me."
She raised her head and kissed me with a desperation that was unlike her. "Please, Mason," she whispered against my lips. "Please stop this."
At that moment, I would have promised her everything. Anything. "I will."
Her eyes filled with hope. "Do you mean it? You'll just be happy with me and let them go on with their lives?"
"Yes," I replied. And to prove my intention to do that, I gave her a reminder that I knew what I was. "We still have an hour before daybreak. Let's hunt."
She smiled happily. "Yes. Let's."