Was it really supposed to be this hard to be away from your baby for the first time in months? She spent half the day just imagining what her two loves were doing, imagining Castle walking around with her, telling her stories of anything he could think of and she would smile that gummy smile of hers.
She so desperately wanted to go home and just cuddle up with the two of them, a few hours out of her day spent apart for them was just too much. She was hoping they wouldn't catch a case, not today and she could go home early, but of course, they did.
Half way through the day she had managed to escape to the break room and call, to hear her crying on the other line, with Castle sounding a bit desperate and relieved. She managed to get her baby to stop crying, had to admit it felt good that she just wanted to hear her mommy's voice, she guessed the first day apart wasn't going easy on the little one either.
Reluctantly she hung up and got back to work, trying so hard to get them out of her head for a moment and work on the case, she wasn't planning on missing bedtime, she had promised she wouldn't.
Ryan and Esposito spent a suspicious amount of time at her desk, they thought she wouldn't notice their eyes flicking to the picture of Elizabeth she had brought with her this morning – Esposito, more than Ryan. She couldn't blame them, she was adorable and she was sure her uncle's just really wanted to see her again.
Maybe when she was a bit older, she and Sarah Grace could have a playdate and if they felt nice enough to allow boys, Esposito could join as well. He had glared at Ryan when he mentioned this, Kate just had to laugh at the two detectives already wrapped around her little girl's finger. She had to admit, everyone so far seemed to be.
It was a few minutes to six, she was seated on the edge of her desk, a cup of coffee in her hand – it wasn't the same when Castle didn't make it, when Gates came out of her office.
"Detective Beckett," She called, folding her arms.
Kate turned her head to her, placing her mug on her desk, "Sir?"
"Why are you still here?" She asked.
Kate looked at the bored and back to her in confusion, "To solve this case ?" She said, her statement sounding more like a question.
Gates shook her head, "Detective, it's your first day back from maternity leave, I know it must be killing you being away from your little girl." She paused and Kate nodded slightly.
"Go home detective." Gates said, "The boys can handle this, go spend the rest of the evening with Mr. Castle and that precious baby of yours."
Even Gates had come over to her desk to look at the precious, smiling baby in the picture on Kate's desk.
Kate opened her mouth to instinctively argue about being sent home early, but then shut it. She did want so badly to go home and be with them, murder can wait, she was going home.
She looked back up to her captain who was watching her with a small smile, leaning against the desk, "Thank you sir."
Gates nodded, "I'm a mother too detective, I know how it feels, no need to thank me, just get out of here."
With that she turned and went back into her office, leaving Kate standing up, gathering her stuff. She picked up her mug and headed to the break room, throwing out the rest of the coffee.
"Heading out?" Ryan asked as she entered the break room.
"Yea," She answered him.
"Jenny was the same, she cried on the first day she had to leave Sarah." Ryan told her.
"I bet you did too bro," Esposito piped up, teasing his partner.
"I am not ashamed to admit it." Ryan replied.
Ryan turned to her grinning, "Tell the little on her uncle Ryan says hello."
"Uncle Javi too," Esposito mumbled.
Kate laughed, "Will do, later guys."
She headed out then, grabbing her bag and jacket heading straight to the elevator. Once inside, she pressed the button a few times, anxious to just get home.
She exited the elevator and quickly made her way to her car, once inside she pulled out her phone and sent a text to Castle and then she was off, finally.
The traffic was surprisingly light for this time of day and she was parking her car in their Castle's parking garage in no time. She greeted the doorman and made her way up to the loft, getting even more excited by the minute.
She stopped outside the door when she heard loud crying, that didn't sound good. She quickly opened the door, her eyes fell on a dishevelled Castle in the middle of the living room, his hair was a mess, he had on no shirt and he looked … tired.
Then her eyes fell to her daughter whose face was scrunched up, with tears falling endlessly down her red cheeks, her mouth wide open releasing loud cries that just broke Kate's heart. She was struggling against him and he was hugging her to him, whispering to her, trying to calm her down.
She dropped her things on the table, shut the door, pulled off her shoes and strode over to them. She placed a hand gently on Castle's shoulder, trying to get his attention without startling the baby. He jumped slightly and turned to her, relief instantly coming over his face as he bounced on the spot, patting Elizabeth gently on the back, but she still continued to cry.
"What's the matter?" Kate asked, reaching out for her.
Castle shrugged, "I don't know, she was going well all day since you called and then about twenty minutes ago, she just exploded." He told her, handing Elizabeth over to her mother.
"I changed her, fed her, burped her, bathed her, everything and she won't stop, it's like the colic all over again." He continued, slumping down on the couch.
She turned Elizabeth to her, holding her up to face level," Hey, little one, mommy's home, what's the matter?"
She didn't even open her eyes, just shoved her hand in her mouth and continued to cry, flailing her limbs around.
She sat down on the couch beside Castle, sitting her half on his thigh, half on hers. She trailed one finger down Elizabeth's red face, down between her eyes and over her nose, while whispering quiet words to her Castle couldn't even hear.
Eventually it seemed to work as the cries turned into sniffles and she opened her eyes, wide, red and watery, focused on Kate. It was a split second before she was laughing in glee, a high pitched baby laugh as she reached out to her mother as if her crying episode had never happened.
Wordlessly, Castle reached over to the coffee table and yanked a wipe from its container handing it to Kate. She pulled Elizabeth to her, one hand around her back holding her up, the other wiping off her face as she reached out, tangling her hands in Kate's hair.
She glanced over to Castle, who had rested his head on the back of the chair, his hand covering his face. Her ears were ringing from all the crying, she wondered if his was too – it must be, he was hearing it longer.
"Rick?" She called softly.
He raised his head, eyes finding hers.
"You okay?" She asked, not liking the look in his eyes, it was a look she couldn't quiet place and it made her uneasy.
But as quick as she noticed it, it was gone and he was sitting up and smiling, running a hand over the now calm baby in Kate's lap.
"Of course," He told her, "We just really missed mommy today." He said in a quieter tone.
To lighten to mood a bit, she grinned and raised Elizabeth in front of her, wiggling her, eliciting a laugh from the girl, "Mommy missed you too, so much."
Castle released a deep breath and stood, "I made you dinner," He gestured to the kitchen, "Luckily, she let me stick in the warmer before she started crying."
She didn't realize how hungry she was until he mentioned food, had she even eaten today at all? She knew she could take care of herself on her own, but it seemed she really needed Castle to remind her to do so and since he wasn't following her at the precinct currently, no one reminded her.
Her stomach rumbled loudly then and he smiled, "I'll share it out, you too catch up." He walked off with a wink and Kate turned back to her baby.
Elizabeth stared at her with her wide, curious eyes. Kate couldn't help but notice how much like Castle she looked, just like she'd hoped. She didn't know whose personality she'd take just yet, right now she was rather curious, which was a trait both of them possessed. She did like to touch things and put things in her mouth that she shouldn't, that was all Castle, but the way she would look at them after they would tell her to take it out of her mouth, or take it from her, that look was all Kate and she'd be lying if she said she wasn't proud.
Kate ran her fingers through the soft mass of hair on her head, it was growing fast and she was sure she might have to have a haircut before she even turned one.
She spent the next few minutes sprawled on the couch, Elizabeth on her stomach, while Kate played peeka boo. Kate could tell she was about to fall asleep, her eyes were drooping and her movements were slow, she should be tired after all the crying she did today and no doubt after whatever activities she and castle did today.
"Food's ready," He called, "Should I warm a bottle for her?"
"No babe, she's asleep." She called quietly, not wanting to wake her after she watched her fight the sleep and only just gave in.
"That's no surprise, she didn't even nap today." He told her, peering over the couch at his two girls.
"Seriously?" Kate looked up at him.
"She nodded off once or twice, but not for more than ten minutes each time. I thought babies napped like 500 times a day."
She rolled her eyes, "Maybe she's like you in that sense, endless energy."
"When do I ever willingly wake up before the sun? No, no that's all you Kate. She's just like you." He said, sounding quite proud as he stared down at them.
He reached out for their sleeping baby and Kate handed her over, she was sure her growling stomach would have woken her up soon anyways and she really needed to eat.
She watched him lay her down in the crib in the living room and then went off the wash up and change for dinner. When she emerged, she headed straight for him and he opened his arms for her automatically. She tucked herself against his chest, wrapped her arms around him tightly. She found herself needing him more than she thought she might at the end of the day. She hadn't expected it to be so hard, to be away from them and now she never wanted to leave his embrace again.
He ran his hands up and down her back, humming softly, causing his chest to vibrate, she buried her face there, gave him one last squeeze and stepped away from him. He didn't let her go, instead dropped his arms loosely around her waist and looked at her.
"How was your day?" He asked softly.
She ducked her head and sighed, "I didn't think it would be this hard."
"Me either." He admitted.
She looked up at him and cupped his cheek in her hand, "You're tired." She noted.
"She's a busy one and she really, really missed you. She actually kept looking around the place as if she was searching for you." He told her.
"Maybe I should take some more time off." She suggested, biting the inside of her cheek.
"You know I'd be all for that, because I hate being away from you all day, but she had to learn eventually that mommy's gotta work. She just has to settle for daddy for a few hours out of the day." He shrugged.
She laughed a bit at that, "Yea, you're right, I just –" She trailed off and looked over to Elizabeth's sleeping form in the crib, "I hate being away from her too."
He pulled her to him again, "It gets easier I promise."
"What if I miss something important? What if she says her first word when I'm not here, what if she starts to walk, what if -"
"Kate," He cut her off, "She doesn't even have teeth yet, we have time." He told her, rubbing her shoulders soothingly.
She relaxed, he was right, there was time, but time goes by so quickly. She could remember when she just found out and then giving birth felt like it was just yesterday.
"And if anything happens you know I will record it, you won't miss it." He assured her, pressing a kiss to her head.
She nodded, calming herself down, "Yea, yea okay."
He released her then, stepping away from her, attempting to lead her to the kitchen, but she grabbed his arm and pulled him back. She pressed her lips to his urgently, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling him closer to her. He came to her willingly, letting his hands trail up and down her back, until one hand tangled in her hair and the other took hold of her waist.
She pulled back after a while, looking up at him shyly, biting her lip, "I love you." She whispered, pressing another chaste kiss to his lips.
"I love you too, now let's go eat before I change my mind and take you to the bedroom." He said turning away, "Beth and I worked hard on this one."
She momentarily thought about pulling him back to her, telling him to let the food stay until later, to satisfy another desire of hers, but then her stomach grumbled again and she knew if she didn't eat, it would be interrupting them all night.
So she let Castle pull her to the table, after peaking in on Elizabeth, to make sure she was still sleeping and sure enough she was, sprawled on her stomach, her lips slightly parted with her hair falling in front of her face. The resemblance between her and Castle was uncanny.
She reached down and ran her fingers lightly through her hair, not wanting to wake her. As much as she wanted to cuddle and play with her daughter, knowing she barely napped today and practically cried herself to sleep, she would need all the sleep she could get and Castle was waiting for her.
She sighed, leaning over the crib to press a kiss to her daughter's head, who smacked her lips together and shifted positions in response. Kate smiled and walked over to Castle, finally sitting down to eat a meal he obviously out a lot of work into.
She noticed the deep bags under his eyes and knew her face was the same, but she wouldn't trade any of it for the world, she loved them to bits and if having this little girl meant waking up in the wee hours of the morning or searching desperately for a way to make her stop crying, well she would take it.
She hoped though, that tomorrow's separation would be easier on them all.
End A/N: I didn't intend for this chapter to go this way, blame my mood. Better times ahead though :)
Mistakes? Whoops, sorry.