Chapter Eleven
Jim POV
I was nervous, nervous and cursing myself at lunch. I should have warned Spock about Loraine and Alex on top of the fact that he was bonded to a human. I saw the hurt, the memories of his youth flash across his eyes and in my mind as I recalled every story he told me.
But it would not be like that here and I think that may have hurt him in some way.
And now to the nervous part of me, it began to eat away as we drove towards the Quarry, the very quarry in which I had destroyed my father's car. Many people knew, but not many people have seen the very depth of the quarry and the truth. I just thought after everything, Spock had earned the right to have that little piece of me.
I could feel Spock's curiosity escalating when he tried to start several conversations since we'd left town only to stop when I didn't reply, going so far as to even bring up every day mundane things like colours.
The familiar gates of the Quarry came into view and I felt my stomach drop, my palms sweat. Sure, dropping a hundred plus feet onto a small platform, negotiation with ambassadors, various medical procedures I was fine, not a sweat or nervous feeling in sight, but this quarry?
"We're here." I state, pulling to a stop a safe enough distance away from the edge before getting out of the car.
It had been long shut down, the mine going dry and I'm sure some of the debris of the car lay buried somewhere at the bottom where the rocks and dust over the years had buried them.
"May I ask where here is?" Spock voices, coming to my side, closer than he normally would and it sets my senses on edge.
"This is where I drove my father's car over the cliff. As you know the story, I am sure you've heard it before, but it was only the half-truth." I state, keeping my eyes glued on the crack formed in the earth.
"I do not understand." Spock words slowly, causing me to sigh and cast him a look.
"You know that I did it to piss Frank off, but I intended to stay in that car as it went over." I replied, waiting as it sunk in. A sharp inhale was all I heard as I feel Spock's form spin to face me.
"Explain!" He demands making me to sigh and lean back on the hood of the car.
"I was intending to stay in that car, I wanted to die. Sam left me, he couldn't stand it here and I couldn't stand being beaten up every day. I was miserable and I thought that taking that route would free me from it all." I explain, looking up at him, holding back a frown when I see his displeasure so openly viewable.
"What made you jump out then?" He asks after a short moment causing me to shrug.
"I'm unsure, I just got this feeling it was the wrong thing to do, that I had something to live for and I jumped… was I wrong…" I mutter at the end, almost a breathless whisper as the incidents of Tarsus V came to mind.
"Then I am glad Jim, I am also glad that you shared this with me, but may I ask why?" he asks, as I sigh and scratch the back of my neck.
Because I love you… because you are the constant rock in this hell storm… you're always there for me… even when I was dying… you are my friend…
"Because, just… I thought you had the right to know after everything you had been through." I state, changing what I wanted to say and mentally kicking myself. "You are my friend Spock, you had the right to know, and after all, I know plenty about you."
Scratching the back of my neck once more, "Plus I feel bad for keeping you with me during shore leave; I'm sure you and Uhura had plans together." I finish awkwardly and I can't help but frown as his lips twitch indicating his amusement.
"What's so funny?" I ask, somewhat defensively.
"Lieutenant Uhura and I are no longer in a romantic relationship; she is currently dating Mister Scott since the incident." He trails off matter of fact, only tensing asthe mention of the accident leading to my death was mentioned.
Though this sure as hell shocks me and pleases me to no end, it shocks me because I was sure I saw them share a personal moment when everything happened and again after I woke up. Pleased because now I no longer feel guilt over my feelings for him and if I so desired could…
No Kirk, he is not interested in you…
"Oh, wow, I'm sorry to hear Spock. I had thought you two were happy together with all things considering." I state, this time it is his turn to sigh.
"It may have seemed so, and Nyota and I were evenly matched in intellectual conversations and she was indeed aesthetically pleasing but there was no connection when melding and that was the downfall, so to speak. As you know, all Vulcan's need to have that telepathic connection to be uh…" he trailed off, a light green blush tinting his cheeks.
"Aroused? I know Spock, I understand." I state and in reality I knew that, somehow, deep down.
He clears his throat while the blush darkens. "Yes, without that connection I, uh, cannot stay aroused."
I choose not to say more, I know how much telling me these things were difficult and that the only reason he was probably telling me is because of what I'd told him. It was hard for him to talk about it, that and necessarily I knew it was rare for any Vulcan to discuss their sex life or any form of romantic life.
"Let's head back, see how Mom is." I state, hopping up. The second my body's upright my legs give out, my hands flinging outward only to stop when a strong hand grasps mine and yanks me backwards, my back becoming flush with warmth.
Surprise, shock, fear and so much more rush forward through me and suddenly it's gone like that and I find myself leaning against the car once again, Spock's hand still clasped around mine.
"I think it is wise that we indeed head back so you can rest, I believe you are still not recovered enough for adventures such as these." He explains, his voice soft but his face set.
Clearing my throat I let go of his hand, my fingers brushing against his before slowly making my way to the car door, my fingers and hand still warm where his were placed.
The drive back home is awkward, not tense, just awkward. I know that our hands touching this time means something important and yet, I can't remember. My brain is a haze as the familiar blue and red lights of the police and ambulance come into view as we get closer to the house.
I feel my world tilt as I come to a screeching stop, my door flung open as I take to a run towards the house. "MOM!" I yell, pushing my way through the police and other authority people towards her.
"Jimmy…" She sighed, giving me a painful wince as the medic begins to fix up the cuts on her face and arms, along with bruises, while another bandages her hand.
"Who did this?" I demand, the hysterical shock gone and replaced with what my crew call The Captain Façade.
Her eyes darken as she looks at Spock behind me before looking at me. "Frank." She states before glaring at two people off to the left. My eyes snap to the familiar grey of Starfleet, before straightening and making my way to them.
They were supposed to make sure he got transferred to their holding cells so he wouldn't escape, or worse, someone helped him escape.
Author note: Uh hm… some loving and some angst?