A/N: I didn't really know what Apocryphos' powers are, and I'm still not really sure… Eh, whatever. Slightly crack-ish this time, but I'm not sorry.

"Nii-san. Do. Your. Work."

Tobirama growled, casting a withering glare on the prone form of Hashirama Senju collapsed amongst piles of paperwork.

"Oi! Stop fake-snoring; you're drooling on the construction permission files. They need it to start building the monuments…Are you awake, nii-san?"

Snore. A comical snot-bubble expanded and shrunk with every breath.

Dammit, nii-san. A vein popped out amidst Tobirama's silvery hair, and he hastily summoned the only jutsu that was guaranteed to wake his older sibling.

Kuro, Shiro, Akuma, Tenshi, Gure.

"Watashi wa gure o shokan!"

Unfortunately instead of the summon he'd wanted to appear - Tobirama had been aiming towards that thin, respectful white-haired teen with a jagged scar who had came last time - out of nowhere popped a very weak-looking priest.

Yes, a priest. And a rather stereotypical kind of priest, too, with the cross necklace and pendants dangling around his neck, black-and-white clothes, glasses, and whatnot.

The summon slowly turned to directly face Tobirama, his spectacles glinting quite eerily.

Tobirama cleared his throat hastily. He was the brother of the (infamously bipolar) first Hokage, so he should act like it.

"Summon, may I know of your name?"

"The great being God served to create me, blessed-oh-blessed, a sentient Innocence with holy rights. But those devoted to our great God, and others cursed, know me as one-thousand years old Apocryphos, bringer of the day of saving, when I shalt rid the world of the dreaded, foul Noah Clan.."

"Ah…"

"..."

"May I have a condensed version?"

The summon adjusted its spectacles. "I am Apocryphos, a sentient Innocence."

"Wonderful. Can you wake up my nii-san?"

Another freakishly creepy smile. "Yes. My method of so-called "wake up" varies, however. Tell me, does your brother have Innocence, and may I claim it?"

Tobirama deepened his usual scowl at the insinuations. I did not summon a pedo-priest, did I? How unsettling. "As far as I am aware, my brother does not have this 'Innocence' you speak of. I think he lost it when he got drunk some years ago."

"A shame… All the same, I shall cater to your desire."

Then Apocryphos bent slightly and slapped Hashirama on the face, rather forcefully.

Hashirama's long hair swept up as he fell to the floor, landing on a bottle of ink and spilling it everywhere.

"Your desire will be fulfilled soon - your brother shall wake up. I will be taking my leave," Apocryphos stated blandly, before leaving.

Tobirama just gazed confusedly, his narrow eyes squinting disbelievingly as strange feathery branches sprouted from his older brother's cheek, glowing a silvery white.

It looked like Hashirama grew a long, messed-up white beard, then only shaved approximately half of it off.

Tobirama's lips curved ever so slightly upwards in satisfaction before he forced it back into a frown.

Instead of helping get rid of that weird stuff, he lazily scratched the red markings on his face, stepped back, and watched in (concealed) glee as Hashirama twitched…

… then woke up.

In Konohagakure, a relatively quiet place when it wasn't a time of war, a not-very-manly-sounding shriek rang out, suspiciously coming from the tower where the Hokage and his younger brother were residing.

It sounded rather like:

"G-G-G-GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH! OTOUTO WHAT IS THIS STUFF I CAN'T GET IT OFF DID YOU SUMMON SOMEONE DANGEROUS AGAIN GAAAH!"

Of course, Konohagakure citizens ignored it. Ninja should be able to defend themselves when in peaceful times.

"No, nii-san, I will not help you get it off," Tobirama smirked ominously. "Perhaps you've learned your lesson to never hamper the process of finishing paperwork in any way, ever again?"

"O-o-o-otouto, since when were you so sadistic!? At least get me a r-r-razor so I can scrape it off! A-a-and where did all this ink come from…"