A/N MsCalypso here and with me I bring the second chapter for Two Heads. Now my good friend and co-author Peeves' Best Friend pretty much explained all we try to achieve with this fic in his last A/N (to remind you: we try to achieve nothing but our own entertainment) and I'm not entirely sure what to say here but I would like to thank the two people who thought this was good enough to leave a review.

Be warned: we actually do have a plotline, it just hasn't been very clear to us how to follow it. Please stick with us, I'm sure PBF and I will eventually figure out what we are doing. If I don't, he probably will. For some strange and inexplicable reason we tend to suit each other as writers.

I hope this chapter gets a laugh out of you, it sure as hell was a lot of fun to write. - MsC

TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THAN ONE

Chapter two

What do you think you're doing?
I'm about to transfigure that match into a needle... Did we hit our head on something?
Transfiguration is my thing, and also, you're doing it wrong.
No I'm not! I'm doing it exactly as I've been doing it for the past thirty years!
Then why is our match still a match?
Because you're distracting me?
Fine, I won't talk, you go right ahead and change that match into a needle. Best hurry up too, we don't want to get beaten to it by a Hufflepuff of all things.

But no matter how hard James Sirius tried, the match remained exactly as it was. It didn't even change colour.

Willing to give up yet?
I'm sorry, did I ask for your opinion? It is quite obviously the wand's fault.
I bet that's not the first time you've said that.
What?!
I've heard stories you know.
Lies. Spread by Snivellus! You know that better than anyone!
Hey hoo. Watcha trying to insinuate here, Padfoot?
Ugh. Shut it, Potter. Let me focus.
Crockett is watching us. You sure you don't want me to take over? After all, I'm sure we can't do any worse than this.
Bugger this. I don't get what we're doing wrong.
For once, I'm afraid I have to agree.
Wait what?
You heard me.
Sorry, I was expecting a little more from mister ''Transfiguration-is-my-specialty"
Crockett is watching us, just let me take over for a sec.
You JUST admitted that you don't know what we're doing wrong either!
Sirius! Just let me-
No I don't want t-

James Sirius spasmed for a second, before calming again. He didn't look up to acknowledge Crockett's astonished look.

Now, let's see if we can't do this somehow.

James Sirius casually switched wand hands, tossing it from his right hand to his left one.

Much better. Now for the actual transfiguration.
STOP! This feels wrong! I refuse to be a leftie!
Too bad you get no choice in the matter. Now watch this!

James Sirius' eyes narrowed in concentration, waving the wand now with his left hand, the match lifted into the air, turned around a couple of times, and then fell to the ground, slipping in between a crack in the floor.

Well, that was anti-climactic.
At least the match moved when I tried it.
And if moving was what we were aiming for, I'd give you all the admiration you so obviously desire, unfortunately though, the match is still a match.
Speaking about the match, it's lost.
It's just in between some stones, easy to solve.
Right. Even these tiny tiny fingers can't reach that bloody piece of wood, Sirius.
Nothing a summoning charm can't solve.
A summoning charm?! A SUMMONING CHARM?!
What are you yelling at me for now?! What's wrong with a summoning charm?
First of all, we're ELEVEN, we're not supposed to know the summoning charm. Secondly - most importantly - we can't even transfigure a stupid match into a needle, what makes you think we can SUMMON the damn thing?!

As if we didn't ever see Harry and Ginny use that spell! Besides, nobody's going to notice!
Fine, you can fail, but when everybody laughs at us when this blows up in our face, I'm blaming you.
Why? It'll be the perfect excuse to prank everyone! REVENGE!

James Sirius blinked once before pointing his wand at the crack, down which his match had gone.
"Accio," he murmured softly, making sure nobody could hear.
Of course, nothing happened.
"Accio," He whispered again, more insistently. He still failed to produce any results.
"Accio, accio, accio, accio," James Sirius kept trying, growing both louder and more demanding.

See? I told you this wouldn't work, now stop before you embarrass us.

"Accio damnit!" James Sirius shouted loudly, stabbing his wand at the crack decisively. As he made the movement, both James and Sirius could feel the telltale tingling in their fingertips that went along with magic. This was going to work!
Slowly, the match started to move and James Sirius started to grin. It really was working!

"Potter!" Professor Crockett called out. "What on earth are you doing?"

JS jumped up in surprise and the smile fell of his face when he noticed the match slip back into the crack.

You have got to be kidding me.
Oh... darn.

"Potter!" Crockett said again, more curtly this time and walked over the JS's desk. "Care to tell me what that was?"

Your turn.
Really? You're dropping this on me? Now? When this whole bloody situation is your fault in the first place?
Yes. Good luck Prongs.

James Sirius looked up into the stern eyes of the Transfiguration Professor and slowly lowered his wand. Realizing that pretty much the entire class was by now staring at him, he nervously ran his hand through his hair.

"Uhm. I .. tried to.. summon the match." He mumbled barely audible.

You call this solving the situation? Even I could have done better than that.
Then you try it. Because this is not my fault.

"And I want the record to note that it WAS working. You know, until you broke my concentration." James Sirius deadpanned.

SIRIUS!
I'm solving it!
You're going to land us in detention you dolt!
No I'm not I- Did you happen to catch what Crockett just said?
I really, really, really hate you right now.
That's a no then?

"Well then Potter? I'm waiting." Crockett spoke impatiently, hands behind his back as he gazed down at James Sirius impatiently.

Any idea what he's waiting for?
An apology, a 'real' explanation, another attempt at the summoning charm, pigs to fly, hell to freeze over, a-
Alright alright, let's just go with:

"Sorry, sir?" James Sirius spoke half apologetic, half questioning.

"The Summoning Charm Potter, do it again," Crockett ordered curtly, looking expectantly from James Sirius to the crack between the stones.

Do you - by any chance - remember how we did this?
I remember us yelling really loudly.
And wand jabbing. There was definitely some wand jabbing involved.
Right. I'm guessing I'm doing this?
Pretty much so. But you have my full support behind you.
You're useless. Absolutely useless

Taking a deep breath, James Sirius stared intently at the crack and slowly raised his wand. Desperately trying to remember what he did different the last time, he once more looked at the wand in his left hand.

You're doing great.
Shut up. I need silence.
A-o-kay!

James Sirius took a deep breath and with Crockett watching, he very precisely did the wand movement and spoke "Accio match."

Nothing happened.

BLAST!
Oh well done. That was magnificent really.
Shut it Sirius.

"Now, please stop disturbing class Potter, you can get a new match at the front of the classroom. Back to work everyone." Professor Crockett spoke, hands behind his back as he pivoted on his heel to return walking through the classroom. James Sirius would have blushed because of the scattered giggling, but blushing was a thing that didn't really... work, anymore, now that James and Sirius were forced to share a body.

You just humiliated us in front of everyone. Really, I do hope you're proud of yourself.
Shut it Sirius.
Honestly, that was the weakest attempt at a spell I've ever seen.
Sirius.
And this from the guy who was married to the charms prodigy. Honestly, Lily's blood flows through our veins and you can't even manage a simple Summoning Charm.

"ACCIO!" James Sirius bellowed angrily, jabbing his wand angrily towards the box of matches at the front of the classroom.

The box shot off of the desk, racing towards James Sirius' head.

DUCK!

James Sirius dove under his desk, as the box shot inches over his head, before nailing Keith right in the kisser.
Everyone stared in shocked silence as James Sirius slowly crawled out from under his desk.

Now look what you made me do.

"Mister Potter." Crockett said in a eerily quiet voice, while the entire class simply stared at James Sirius with open mouths. "10 points from Gryffindor for the reckless use of a spell. Another 10 points for hurting another student while trying to show off."

WHAT?! YOU JUST... YOU.

James Sirius stared at the professor, his left eye twitching for a second before his face showed nothing but blatant confidence.

"Sir. You told me I needed to perform the summoning charm." He said slowly, as if to make sure everyone understood him perfectly. "And now that I did you're taking points? What is this? Madness?"

Crockett walked over to the first year and glared at James Sirius

Oh spiffing.
He took points!
And you just made sure that we have detention.

"Detention Potter. You can join me after dinner." Crockett said, narrowing his eyes.

See?

A loud groan disrupted the rising tension and suddenly all eyes were on Keith.

"Are you alright mister Burton?" Crockett said with a sigh.
"Yes." James Sirius continued "Did the evil match box hurt you?"
"Mr. Potter. Do you want to lose another ten points for your house?" Professor Crockett's eyes narrowed while returning his attention to James Sirius.

Will you please stop talking out loud? You're only making things worse.
Oh come on, this whole situation is ridiculous.
I agree, but even so, that was one hell of a summoning charm.
Good job us!

"It was a serious question, sir, clearly that match box had malicious intent!" James Sirius said as earnestly as he could, gazing up at the professor with big eyes.

Have you no shame?
You're not losing us the House Cup on our first day here! Now be quiet and let me grovel.

"My head hurts." Keith moaned, one hand over the rapidly reddening mark on his head.

As Professor Crockett walked over to Keith, James Sirius quietly turned in his seat to face the front of the classroom again, ducking his head as he did so.

You realize we still need a match, right?
I was hoping that you would have a suggestion.
We could steal one from that kid, left and front, he's gawking at Crockett.
Alright, you do it.
I wondered how we could sink even lower in the eyes of our classmates.. and then I figured: stealing!

James Sirius silently moved closer to the kid James had pointed out and swiftly snatched his match of the desk.

Yes, it is obviously one of your brighter ideas. And stealing like a muggle? Bravo.
Well I wasn't going to try a non-verbal summoning charm now, was I?
Yes yes, now move, we are standing awkwardly next to the kid who's match we just stole and he might be stupid and gawking at Crockett, eventually he will figure out that we are standing way too close to be innocent of the heinous crime of stealing a match.
Oh, right. Thanks for pointing that out.
My pleasure.

James Sirius quietly went back to his own seat. Putting the match in front of him, he was met with a new - old - dilemma.

So, back to our earlier discussion, how do we do this?
You shut up and don't interfere and let me do my magic.

James Sirius performed the wand movement, and calmly uttered the incantation. Unfortunately, he didn't achieve anything, the match remaining exactly as it was.

I don't get it.
I haven't gotten 'it' in over two-and-a-half decades mate, why are you complaining?
Sirius, can you please focus for a second? Our ability to do magic is on the line here.
You do realize that this whole second chance angle we have going is only going to be worth it if you're actually willing to have some fun, right?
And you need to realize that we are apparently going to have to relearn EVERYTHING! Please, for the love of everything that is good and beautiful in this world, can you be serious for a minute!
I am always Si-
Don't. That hasn't been funny since second year.
You laughed that time with the donkey! And that was in fourth year!
Doesn't count.
Yes it does.
No, it doesn't.
Yes it does.
No, it doesn't.
Yes it does.
Fine, yes, it does.
VICTORY!
Everybody is staring, could we maybe please focus on the match again?
*sigh* fine.
Honestly, I don't get what's going wrong
What do you mean?
Well, I'm doing everything I used to do when Transfiguring something, yet, now it's not doing anything.
Maybe we both need to do it.
What?
Yeah.
No. Wait. What do you mean?
Maybe we both need to do it simultaneously.
That is... quite genius actually...
I have my moments.
Have them more often, will you? Now. I'll perform the movement, since only one of us can do that, and then together we'll call upon the magic. Does that sound good to you?
If it goes wrong, I'm next to perform the movement.
Sounds good. Now let's do this shit.

James Sirius squinted at his match, which looked weird as one eye squinted further than the other. Deliberately, he aimed his wand, jiggling it up and down in preparation.
Decisively, he stabbed his wand at the match, watching in disbelief as the match actually changed into a perfect needle.

That actually worked?
Of course it did! It was my idea!
Whatever you say Sirius.
So I have a question...
Oh joy.
Are we going to have to do this every time we try a spell? As in, we'll have to do the whole focusing and working together bit even for a mouth refreshing charm?
Uh... Good question?
Cause that would suck.
It would.. But.. If I think about it logically, I think - I hope - it would only be in the beginning like that. Until it becomes sort of like a routine.. Like with all magic. In the beginning it's always tricky, but then you get the hang of it and it all comes naturally.
I distinctively remember never having issues.
Really, Patfoot? Really?
Yes. I'm a genius.
Right, I forgot that it took you like no time at all to master the Patronus charm. *ahum* two months.
IT WAS THE BOGGART'S FAULT! HOW DO YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN IF IT'S NOT EVEN PRACTICING WITH THE REAL THING.
Of course. But do you see my point?
Fine. Maybe you're right.
Let's hope so.
Anyways, ignoring the horrible possibility that magic might actually be difficult for us, how about lunch?
 ...
What?
Class won't be done for another ten minutes. And this is our first class of the day. We still have two hours of History before lunch.
...
What?
History.
What about it?
You're using History as an excuse to not go and have lunch?
Sirius, it's not even half past ten yet! And seeing as this is our first day, yes, I am. Lunch won't even be served for another hour and a half.
So?
So what? Be more specific!
Fine. a) We're hungry and you know it. b) It's history, Binns won't notice if anyone's missing. c) Kitchens. Do you see my pointS?

I'm glad you saw my points.
Why can't we have tomato with that?
You've been nagging about that for over 9 years, give it a rest Prongsy!
*grumbling*
Did you really just-
Yes, I did, now shut up, I want to talk to Jiffy!

"This is great Jiffy," James Sirius said, as he contentedly chewed his grilled cheese sandwich.

Jiffy, a house elf James Sirius had known in his previous live(s), blushed furiously.
"Thank you sir! You is too nice!"

You know she hates it if you talk with food in your mouth.
No, we don't know that, and I plan on making her tell us that just like she did during our third year!
It took us two years to get her that familiar with us!
I bet we can beat that this time though!
Why do we try to get familiar with the staff again?
Now you're just quoting your mother..
Please don't remind me of her.
What, are you going to cry?
... maybe
Please don't, the last time you tried to cry we somehow got a nosebleed.
Then why are you being mean to me!
I'm not being mean to you, you're just being a ponce!
...Ponce? It's 2015 and the best you've come up with since '81 is 'ponce'?
To be fair, I wasn't exactly around from '82 till '04, now was I?
Still, in the past eleven years, you didn't think of anything better than ponce?
Shut up Sirius.
Pssht. Now where's the fun in that? Speaking of there being any fun in stuff, the staff, us being familiar with them. Why?
We like Minnie and Flitwick, and we love Hagrid and Jiffy. Why wouldn't we want to get familiar with them?
Well what if they figured it out!?
We've been dead for years! How could they possibly figure it out!

"Yous reminds Jiffy of someone sir! Yous looks very much like James Potter, yes?"

There you go, it took Jiffy one whole second. And will you close our mouth? We're gaping at her.

James Sirius quickly closed his mouth so Jiffy could no longer see the food and swallowed his sandwich. "Err. Yes, Jiffy, very good of you. James Potter was my grandfather, you see."

Smooth.
Can you just stop with the irony for a second. I'm trying to save us here.

"You look very much like him sir. Spitting image Jiffy supposes."

"Potter-looks, Jiffy, we're a very old family, and every Potter man has had the Potter hair and chin!" JS spoke proudly, puffing his chest as he/they'd been expected to do a lifetime ago.

Really though, I can get Minnie, Flitwick and Hagrid, but Jiffy and the other elves are... you know... Servants.
Well yes, but them liking us is so useful. Plus, they're nice. Why are you even making a thing out of this? It was your idea to befriend them the first time!
Circumstances have changed.
Circumstances have cha- oh you're kidding me.
What?
Please tell me you are joking.
What?
Did you seriously force us to befriend the elves because you wanted to get at your mom?
Well I mean it's not that-
SIRIUS!
Well I didn't know we'd actually like the little buggers! You knew pissing my mom off was the only reason I ever did anything!
I cannot believe Jiffy and the others didn't mean anything to you. She bloody well saved your nuts that time with that Ravenclaw whose girlfriend you shagged!

"Sir, is you alright?" Jiffy asked curiously, gazing up at the still puffed up boy who was staring into space.

"Errrrrr -"

Okay we really need to stop doing that.
Well I haven't seen you come up with a solution yet! It's hard to think on your feet when you constantly have someone nagging in your head.
OUR head
Yes yes. Our head. Remember watch-the-outside-duty? Wasn't that you today?
I thought it was you.
Clearly we suck at this more than we thought. I wonder how they think of us back at home.
I believe I once heard the redhead describe us as "like Luna before I got to liking her."
That's a good thing? Right?
What are you asking me for - MERLIN BE DAMNED JAMES THE HOUSE ELF IS STILL STARING AT US.

"I'm fine Jiffy." James Sirius finally spoke with a sly grin "I suppose it is just the atmosphere here."

"Yessir." Jiffy nodded with wide eyes "You means what is going on in the Northern Tower."

Say what now?
What are you asking me for? Ask her!

"What IS going on at the Northern tower Jiffy?" JS asked curiously.

"You does not know, sir?"

"Obviously not Jiffy" JS sighed and stared pensively into the distance.

"Some elves don't dare to go there anymore at night sir." Jiffy shook her head "Elves keep hearing howling and crying and screeching but no one is there sir."

"Really?" JS asked with a raised eyebrow "and it's only at night?"

"Yes sir" Jiffy looked displeased

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
If you are thinking about taking a trip at night... yes

A/N Right, that was the chapter. I can't believe PBF and I actually wrote two entire chapters for this. I have faith that we will continue in writing some more.
Of course, we have two different and far more ambitious stories going on right now, and I'm pleased to inform you that PBF had the idea to update both of them in the following week. (He sort of forced me to go along) (I admit, he is good at that) So you have an update of both HPatEC and FDLM in your future. We both have a good part written on the upcoming chapters of each story and will try and motivate each other to continue in doing so. Of course, at some point our attention will get lost again. So fingers crossed.
About Two Heads: we don't have another finished chapter lined up. We DO have some outlines written and I'm sure we will continue. But if we don't: please don't shoot us.
Thanks again for reading and please review if you can! - MsC