Avoid Fraternization With Subordinates
Loghain
The horses thundered into the palace courtyard. Loghain and his guards dismounted into the mud left behind by the recent rain. Stable hands were waiting to take their horses and led them off. Loghain took a quick report from Cauthrien and then jogged up the stairs to the palace. Anora had gone into labor late last night.
He rushed to his room and cleaned up quickly, then strode to Anora's rooms. Alistair was sitting outside her bedroom, his face looking exhausted and pinched with worry.
"How is she?" Loghain asked anxiously, realizing for the first time that if anything happened to Anora, Alistair would be ruling alone. He felt his stress level ratchet up a few notches at the thought.
"They say she's doing all right, it's just taking a long time." Alistair stood up and clasped Loghain's arm in a friendly greeting.
"It does for the first one." Loghain reassured him. "Well, usually. Lucy's came quickly."
"Lucy had her baby?" Alistair looked up, excitement on his face. "Should I congratulate you?"
Loghain shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. He does resemble me though. I will claim him as mine if she'll let me."
"A boy then." Alistair frowned. "Why wouldn't she let you claim him?"
"She has some odd notions, you know how she is. She wants the babe to grow up without titles or responsibilities. She says there's no shame in it. I suppose if she were inhabiting the body of almost anyone else, that would be true, but she's supposed to be Elissa Cousland. I can only imagine what her brother... her... well, what Fergus is going to say when he hears."
Alistair bit his thumb, his forehead creased. "What if she said it was Riordan's? A dead hero. There's no shame in that. I could put it about that they were married before he died."
He tilted his head, pursing his lips. "There have been rumors about us though."
Alistair sighed and shook his head. "Why doesn't she just marry you? I know she cares for you."
"It's the elf. She loves him."
"So she's heard from him? He's still alive?"
Loghain snorted. "No, she hasn't heard from him. Alive? How can he be, going into the midst of a hive of assassins, but I wasn't about to say that to her."
Alistair nodded. "Zevran's good, very good even, but I agree, I don't see how he could survive that. Well, give her time to accept it, perhaps she'll come around."
"In the meantime, it wouldn't hurt to put out the rumor about her being wed to Riordan. I could still adopt her... our son."
Loghain described how the Arling had been attacked by darkspawn and how Lucy had fought them even while in labor. "A true Ferelden lass," he said without thinking of her true origin. "That girl is made of something tougher than silverite."
"She'd have your head off if she heard you calling her a girl." Alistair chuckled.
"True." He smiled thinking back on several occasions when she'd reacted to him calling her a girl.
They spent most of the day waiting. As suppertime neared, the midwife finally came to the sitting room. "Your majesty, you have a son."
Alistair and Loghain cheered and slapped one another on the back and then they went in to see Anora.
Somehow his daughter managed to appear beautiful and unruffled after a dozen hours or more of laboring. Seeing her face light up when Alistair walked into the room, he began to think that the Chantry boy wasn't so bad after all.
The baby looked like both his parents; fair skinned with pale hair. It only remained to be seen whose eyes he inherited, but Loghain was betting they'd be blue. "Did you decide on a name?" he asked.
"Calenhad," Anora said, gazing at her baby adoringly. She looked up at her father. "Do you like it?"
"Calenhad, the first king of Ferelden. The uniter of the Clayne. That's quite a name to live up to." Loghain rubbed his unshaven cheek, considering. "But I'm sure he will. It's a good name."
Alistair picked up his swaddled son carefully and looked into his face almost worshipfully. "Calenhad! That's a big name for such a little guy. I'm going to call you Cal, okay?"
Loghain approved. Calling him Calen would be far too close to Cailan's name for comfort. "He's a handsome lad, Anora. How do you feel?"
Anora smiled. "Tired but otherwise well."
"I have news for you too, Anora. You have a little brother," Loghain said.
Her eyes widened. "Really? You were only in Amaranthine for a few days. It must have been recent."
He nodded. "She named him Daniel. He looks like me." Loghain smiled at the thought of his son.
"So, I'm a new mother and a new sister." She smiled at her father. "The name, I assume she named him after the other Grey Warden. What a lovely tribute to a fallen hero."
"Yes... lovely," Loghain said dryly. At least she hadn't outright given him his name.
"And Lucy is well?" she asked.
"Very well, considering she had to fight darkspawn while in labor. She had a skilled healer attending to her." Loghain felt pride at thinking of all she did. If there was ever a woman to demonstrate the toughness and fortitude of Ferelden it was Lucy. She was no hothouse rose that needed careful nurturing to flower. His daughter, however, was another story. She hadn't had to face those sorts of rigors.
Anora's eyes widened. "Maker's mercy! I can't even begin to imagine... how could she?"
"Grey Warden stamina, my love," Alistair said looking up from the bundle in his arms.
"Hm... it was that Grey Warden stamina that brought about this sweet miracle," Anora said, her eyes glowing.
Loghain coughed to remind the pair he was still in the room, but he left shortly so the new family could spend time alone. He went to his room to rest from his travels. He spent the evening thinking about what to do to save Lucy's reputation and protect their son. He decided he simply had to make her see reason.
Varel
"Do you have a few moments to chat, Varel?" Lucy found him in his study, examining the arling's accounts.
"Of course, Commander. Do come in and have a seat."
Lucy came in and shut the door behind her. "Please, call me Lucy. I'm not big on formality." She held what looked like a letter in her hand and took a seat next to his desk.
He smiled and nodded his agreement. "I had heard that is your nickname."
She shook her head. "No, not my nickname. It is my name. Well, it is short for Lucille, but no one ever calls me Lucille. I'm Lucy Woodridge, actually. I'm an imposter. I'm not Elissa Cousland, well, not the part of me that calls me "me"... if you follow."
Varel stared at her and shook his head slowly. "No... Lucy, can't say as I am following."
"You might need a little somethin'-somethin' to get through this. Let me pour you a drink." She got up and went over to the decanter and poured a generous measure of amber liquid into a glass and handed it to him.
Varel stared at her still trying to puzzle out what she had said. She launched into an explanation of who she really was and he gulped down his drink wondering if the new Warden-Commander was a mad-woman or, even worse, was she possessed? Such a shame, an attractive, young thing with a vibrant future before her. What sort of trauma had she suffered during the Blight to cause such delusions?
Her explanation sat on the surface of his mind, the words not really sinking in. Something about an ancient, powerful mage, and Lucy and Elissa exchanging bodies... and so on.
Lucy sighed. "Here, just read this." She handed him the letter she was carrying.
He examined it. It had the seal of the Weisshaupt Wardens. He opened it and read. His hand shook ever so slightly as it all began to penetrate. "So you're truly not Elissa Cousland?"
"Truly not."
"Maker... I suppose this is why you were so lost at the meeting with the nobles yesterday?" He handed back the letter.
She nodded. "I can count on your discretion?"
He nodded. "Of course... Lucy."
"I'm completely clueless as to how to run the Arling. I thought I'd be spending the next four years raising my child and working at my toilet factory. I really, really need your help Varel."
Her frustration and hopelessness pulled at his heartstrings. "I can do as much or as little as you desire." She looked so lost. He felt sorry for her having to leave a life behind in Denerim and give birth in the midst of the chaos here. "I know the nobles have made a lot of demands on you, but Captain Garevel and I can certainly help."
She smiled wanly. "Thank you, Varel. I'm going to go to Amaranthine in the morning. I'll take the other three Wardens with me. I'm not sure how long we'll be gone... it depends on what we find. I just..." Her eyes grew red and her lip trembled. "I just... I don't want to leave Daniel." Her self-control suddenly crumbled and she started sobbing openly. "Oh, god," she gasped between sobs, "I'm so sorry."
"Hush. No need to apologize." He came over to her and put a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "No young mother should be torn away from her baby like this." He handed her a clean handkerchief. "I know Iveta is an excellent nurse. Your boy will be well taken care of. I'll see that he is fine."
"Do you have children, Varel? A wife?"
He could see she was trying to change the subject to get her mind off leaving her baby. "I had a wife. Unfortunately she and our child died in childbirth."
"Oh Maker, I'm sorry, Varel." The tears sprung up in her eyes again. "Here I am complaining when..."
He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. "It's all right, Lucy. It was many years ago. I never did get around to remarrying."
She took a deep breath and collected herself. "I really have to get it together. It seems like everything makes me weep these days."
"That's the way it is with new mothers, I hear."
"Yes, I suppose so. My hormones are crazy."
"My lady?" Varel asked, her curious about her last statement.
"Um, I just mean the pregnancy has left me somewhat melancholic."
"Ah, yes. Your humours are out of balance. They will return to normal soon, I am certain. Perhaps an herbalist could assist you?"
"Yes, my humor has left me almost entirely."
"No. The vapours rising to your head affect your humours," he explained patiently.
She smiled belying her last comment. "I couldn't help playing with the word. In my world we have other explanations for mood disorders."
"Mood disorders..." he mused. An interesting concept that one's mood could be in a disorder. Rendon Howe certainly had a disorderly mood, one that was very choleric. "I will have to remember that."
"Speaking of mood disorders, it seems that some of the nobles are plotting something ugly against me." Lucy explained all that Ser Tamra had told her.
Varel's forehead knitted with concern. He felt such empathy for this woman and all that she had endured. "Do you know the conspirators? The right of high justice is yours and treachery is a capital offense."
She shook her head. "No, Ser Tamra is going to retrieve the documents. Perhaps we can piece it together once we have them."
"Ser Tamra is a sly one, but knowledgeable about such things. Better to be a touch paranoid than turning up face down in a ditch."
Lucy bit on her knuckle. "Face down in a ditch... Thanks for that imagery. I won't sleep tonight." She looked worried. "Face up – not great, but it's the face down part that..." She shuddered. "What if there's mud and water in the ditch... maybe leeches or centipedes? Then I'll be remembered as Face-down-in-the-ditch Lucy, the one they found with a giant centipede eating her face off."
Varel wondered for a moment if this woman truly did slay the archdemon; surely she had faced death before. Perhaps it was her disorderly mood affecting her. "Dead is dead, I always say."
She gave a nervous laugh. "Of course, I'm being silly. It's those vapours, I'll bet. So, what can we do to help ensure my baby isn't made an orphan right off the bat by one of these choleric nobles?"
"There are options. Some I would not recommend, they could turn the nobles fierce."
"Such as?"
"We could have some soldiers spy on the nobility. I suppose that might bear fruit." It was a distinct long-shot, he knew that. "There are also rumors of someone called the "Dark Wolf" who gathers information for a fee. Dangerous fellow, by all accounts."
"So dangerous nobles or dangerous underworld guy? I get to choose my danger. Anything else?"
"You could invite a member of each of the noble families to stay as prolonged guests. And if anything untoward happens... well, you get the picture."
Lucy chuckled. "Sounds like a polite word for hostages. I like it, it's polite and yet devious."
"It's a terribly Orlesian thing to do."
She chewed on her lip a moment. "I can't keep a small army of noble hostages forever. Someday they'll go back to their families and I'll be vulnerable again. Soldiers don't make great spies. It would be awkward if they're discovered. I could do the spying myself but I've got too much going on. How do I contact this Dark Wolf?"
Varel smiled at her, reassured she was making the right decision. She had a good head on her shoulders, even if it seemed a tad addled from time to time. "I think I might be able to get word to him. Leave it to me."
A look of relief spread across her face. "Thanks, Varel."
"Have you decided how you want to deploy your soldiers?"
She nodded. "I'll just have to spread them thinly. We'll send some to Amaranthine and some to Eddelbrek's freeholders and whoever is left will protect the trade." She thought for a moment then brightened. "Maybe Alistair would send me some soldiers. I should write to him. Loghain too."
"If I might be so bold, could your brother send you some soldiers? He is your liege and as such is responsible for protecting his vassals."
Her face drained of blood. "Oh, Maker," she groaned. "Fergus is my liege? Tell me you're not serious." She began to gnaw at her knuckle again.
"Ah, I forgot he's not really your brother, is he? Is there a problem?"
She nodded, her brows furrowed. "He hates me. I'm a big, fat inconvenience. He would prefer that I had died in the Blight."
"Ah, he must resent that you... usurped his sister's body."
"No. I think he is actually glad that Elissa is out of the way so he could inherit the teyrnir. Apparently she was to be the heir. I'm just a wild card that he can't control." She laughed grimly. "And he's a wild card I can't control. He knows my secret. I think the only reason he doesn't blather to the Chantry about me is because I've got friends in high places. No, I think I'll be giving Fergus Cousland a wide berth."
Varel nodded. "I understand. The Couslands were always very image conscious, beyond reproach." He cleared his throat. "If I might pry – does he know you have had a baby?"
Lucy shook her head. "No, fortunately when we met I had only just discovered I was expecting."
Varel grimaced, mentally squirming at bringing up a delicate point. "I hate to point this out, but better that than being taken unawares. Your son might well end up inheriting the teyrnir unless Teyrn Fergus has another child. He might take it amiss." He paused, carefully picking his next words. "Especially if there might be some question of his legitimacy."
Lucy's mouth fell open. "Oh!" She rubbed at her forehead with her hand and blinked slowly. "I just wanted a simple life for us. I don't want him to have the responsibility of a teyrnir. If it should come up, I will simply tell him that."
He opened his mouth, about to suggest there might be quite a scandal involving her child if there was a question about his legitimacy, but Varel was a tactful man and he saw no polite way of framing it without being indelicate. He would think about it, find a way to suggest she might want to think of a way to secure her son's future. The nobility could be horribly petty and cruel, and they did so love to see their betters toppled. From their perspective, a fallen Cousland could be quite good sport.
"What are these toilets you mentioned earlier?" he asked, changing the subject to one he thought safer.
"Oh! Toilets are something we have in my world for... replacing latrines and such. They're much more sanitary and smell much better. I've got a factory in Denerim working on them. We should have six of them being delivered before too long."
"Really?" Varel looked very interested. "What do you do with the... err, waste?"
For the first time since he'd met her, her face really lit up. "It is composted into a very rich, organic material and can be used to fertilize crops and gardens. It has caught on in Denerim and the orders are pouring in, unfortunately we're limited as to how many we can make. The process is rather slow."
"Why don't you think about manufacturing them here too? The arling could always use more jobs. Perhaps in the city?"
She nodded slowly taking in his words. "A very interesting idea! As soon as things settle down here a little, I will look into that. Although, I must confess, I'm not overly fond of Bann Esmerelle. Perhaps it was my imagination but I think she didn't like me."
Varel suppressed a smile. "It might be an accurate assessment. She was rather close to Howe. Some say intimately so."
"Do you suppose she might be the one behind the conspiracy?"
He nodded. "It wouldn't surprise me. Still, one must have solid proof."
"Yes, I'd hate to punish the wrong person." She got up from her chair and stretched. "Well, I suppose I should go to bed. Thank you, Varel, for everything."
"It is my pleasure, Lucy," he said smiling. It was, too. She was a charming woman and rather extraordinary.
Nathaniel
"Maker, take me now," Nathaniel groaned. His eyes cracked open slowly. It was still dark, but the sky was lightening in anticipation of dawn. Oghren's "more amusing drink" had done this to him. He tried to out-drink the dwarf in the hopes of getting some dirt on Lucy, but the weird little man had an amazing tolerance for alcohol.
He pushed himself up on his elbows; his head spun and his stomach lurched with the effort. He carefully crawled out of bed and splashed cold water on his face. Some of his nausea went away and he began to feel more alert. He dressed slowly, trying not to make any sudden movements that would make his head hurt. As he got dressed he reviewed the previous evening, what he remembered of it. Anders had chattered about the Circle and Oghren had told stories of the Blight. He remembered when Anders brought out a pipe and filled it with an herb that smelled rather sweet when it burned.
"Oh no, you're not smoking in here!" Lucy had scolded them.
She had sent them outside and they huddled under an overhang, out of the dripping rain, and passed the pipe around. That's when everything got extremely funny. The three of them were laughing so hard they'd fallen to the ground, holding their sides, gasping for air. After that it all became a blur. Had Anders or Oghren ever revealed anything? He searched his memory... nothing. He had nothing more than what he started the night out with.
He finished getting ready. At least he remembered that today they were going to the city, Amaranthine. He wasn't looking forward to the trip in this condition. He stumbled down the stairs to the great hall and saw Lucy and Oghren waiting. Anders ran down the stairs a moment later.
Lucy turned to them and looked at them. "Maker, Nathaniel, are you all right? You look like hell."
Oghren snickered. "Lad tried to out-drink me last night."
She turned to Oghren and shook her head. "And you did nothing to discourage that? I hold you responsible if his condition delays us today."
Oghren shrugged. "Twitchfinger seems to have handled it. I thought he'd be puking for sure this morning."
"Twitch...?" Lucy looked puzzled. "Oh, Anders?"
Everyone turned to look at Anders. He shrugged. "I healed myself."
"Ah!" Lucy said. "Would you teach me that spell? I think it might come in handy with the lot of you."
Anders nodded. "Gladly, Commander." He turned to Nathaniel and cast a spell that made him glow a lovely shade of blue for a moment.
Nathaniel immediately felt well again. "My thanks, Anders."
Anders nodded. He cast another spell and Nathaniel felt a surge of energy.
Nathaniel grinned. The mage was talented and useful. That herb they had smoked had certainly been entertaining. "My thanks, again."
"Anything for a brother," Anders replied.
"Well, shall we get going? It's a couple of hours by horse to Amaranthine." Lucy shouldered her pack and started to the door.
"Horse?" Anders and Oghren said together.
Lucy stopped and turned around. "Ah... I bet neither of you ride. I completely forgot about that. I admit I'm a poor rider myself." She turned to Nathaniel. "Do you ride?"
Nathaniel raised an eyebrow. "Of course." Hm. Elissa was a very good rider. Nathaniel was becoming more convinced that Lucy's story was true. Anders was certainly convinced.
"All right, here's what we'll do. Nathaniel and I can both ride and you two will climb up behind us. The mare I rode here from Denerim was very patient with my abilities. I can ride her and Anders will ride with me. That shouldn't be too much for her. You two can ride that big gelding."
They headed for the door but Lucy stopped when Iveta came down the stairs holding a bundle wrapped in a small blanket.
"I thought you might like to say goodbye to him now that he's awake," the wet-nurse said.
Lucy made a small noise in her throat and shut her eyes a moment. She walked over to them, took her son and murmured something softly to him. She kissed him and handed him back to the nurse. She hesitated a moment then turned back and joined the others.
Nathaniel saw her eyes glittering and her nose looked pink. He recognized the signs of unshed tears.
Oghren laid a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it gently. "You'll be back to your nug in no time, Commander. The sooner we leave the sooner we'll be back."
She inhaled deeply. "True, that. Let's go."
They went to the stables and the stable hand had four horses ready for them. Lucy picked out the two they wanted and they took a third for their bags.
The trip to Amaranthine was uneventful. Anders and Lucy chatted companionably, laughing occasionally. He was teaching her the hangover curing spell as they rode. Nathaniel couldn't help but notice how Anders flirted with her. Skirt chasing mage, he thought with disgust. The commander seemed to disregard all customs about fraternizing with her recruits. She had an easy, friendly way with everyone except him. He would have to work on that. He wanted to be sure to have a front row seat when she crashed and burned. Bann Esmerelle's offer was also tempting.
Nathaniel spurred his horse and rode closer to the pair of apostates and made an effort to join in the conversation despite his inclinations to withdraw. He was rewarded with the flash of a smile from Lucy. It would not be difficult to gain her trust. He was almost disappointed, he had hoped for more of a challenge.
Lucy
The meeting with the nobles created a to-do list as long as the archdemon's intestines. I could see that it was all going to take me away from the keep and Daniel. I would have killed to be able to have someone to delegate it all to. It crossed my mind that Nathaniel would make a good candidate, but obviously not while he hated my guts. I just had to give him time. Anders, I ruled out. His experience wasn't in leading people. He was intelligent, witty and very charismatic, but he didn't seem like a leader. Nathaniel had probably been born and bred to the position. If it weren't for the fact his father was Rendon Howe, he would have been perfect for the job. There was always Oghren... No, on second thought there wasn't.
What happened to my life? Everything was going pretty well. Zevran and I were recovering from our loss of Riordan. We had grown closer, leaning on one another when the grief threatened to overwhelm us. My pet project was doing fantastically well and it looked like we might become wealthy. I had my friends around me and everything seemed almost perfect until Zevran left. From that day on it seemed that my life was deteriorating. Now I couldn't even spend time with my newborn son. Fate was being particularly cruel. I had tossed and turned last night considering running away with him. The only thing that kept me here was my concern that Zevran might return and he wouldn't be able to find us.
We got to Amaranthine in good time. The incessant rain had let up, although the roads were horribly muddy. My mare, Buttercup, was a sweet, placid girl. I hadn't told any of my recruits about my shape changing abilities. There would be time for that once we got to know one another better and they trusted me a little more. As it was, I was practically an abomination to Nathaniel. I didn't need to give him any more reason to be suspicious of me.
I was encouraged when he rode close to us and actually joined in the conversation. He seemed to be developing a friendship with Anders. I wondered if it had something to do with the herb that Anders had passed around last night. I was going to have to ask him about that. Just my luck, my recruits would be a bunch of pot-heads, although if I weren't nursing I might have joined them. Then I remembered I wasn't nursing now. That sent me back into a spiral of depressing thoughts. I thought about the cabbage leaves that Iveta had insisted I stuff into my breast band. It would help with the discomfort of having full breasts, she told me. She'd also shown how me to express milk with my hands. If things got too uncomfortable I could do that, but not too much. I had to let it dry up.
Anders seemed so happy to be free of the Circle and out of the reach of the templars. It was a joy to see him so delighted over such a simple thing as being outside and able to go where he wanted. He began to teach me the hangover cure and I showed him how I could make steam come out of my ears and nose. We laughed a little about Wynne and her preachy ways. I told him how she had cursed me once, and got him to promise to teach me some curses.
When we got to Amaranthine we started working on the to-do list. It grew by leaps and bounds when we talked to the people we needed to talk to. It looked like we now had to go to the Wending Woods and to some place west of the keep where two fellows had seen darkspawn coming out of a chasm in the ground. Then the captain of the guard told us they were plagued by smugglers and asked for our help with them. I wondered why Bann Esmerelle hadn't handled it, but I agreed to help.
Before we started on the list we went to an inn and reserved rooms for the night and ate our noon-time meal. That's where we discovered information leading to the whereabouts of Kristoff, a Warden who was away from the keep when the darkspawn had attacked. Yet another item on the to-do list.
Anders ran into a sour looking elven woman who had helped him on one of his escape attempts. There seemed to be a certain element of bitterness to the woman, like she harbored something of a grudge toward him, but she told him that his phylactery was in the city and where to find it.
"Phylactery?" I asked him, the term wasn't familiar to me.
He grimaced. "It's a vial of blood the templars use to track you down. If I destroy it, I'm free of them forever. Can we go check on it?"
I added that to the to-do list too. I wondered if we'd get back to the keep before Danny turned five.
We took some time out of the day to go shopping. I gave each of the men a couple of sovereigns to purchase what they might like. Varel had given me a list of things I should purchase. I did that and arranged to have them delivered. I saw a knitted scarf which I purchased for Anders. I remembered he had been complaining about the drafts in the keep. I saw some intricate locksmith tools and thought how Nathaniel had broken into the keep. I hoped he would find amusement in the gift. I found a bottle of "MacKay's Epic Single Malt" for Oghren. Oghren was the easiest person in the universe to buy a present for.
I poked around through the stalls and nearly screamed with joy when I found a man with a distinct Antivan accent selling chocolate and coffee. He gave me a sample of his chocolate and it was just like I liked it, bitter-sweet, without too much sugar or any milk. He opened a bag of his coffee and I sniffed the beans. The aroma went straight to the pleasure centers in my brain.
I looked around, hoping no one would see my careless extravagance and spent ten whole sovereigns on buying out his entire stock. I paid another ten silver to have it delivered to me at the keep. I would save the chocolate for special occasions but I would have coffee every morning.
The vendor was beside himself with joy at having found someone who fully appreciated what he had to offer. "My lady, thank you!" he said, bobbing up and down in a little bow. "If you ever require more..."
I nodded vigorously. "Oh, I'm sure I will. Please let me know when you get another shipment."
"Yes, ser!" he said, still bobbing up and down. "I shall have more in a few weeks."
Now I regretted more than ever I hadn't gone to Antiva with Zevran. Ah well, I knew that would have been impossible given how dangerous it was and having Daniel along now. I hoped someday I'd get to at least Antiva City – he was always rabbiting on about how beautiful it was. I sighed, thinking about how much I missed him. I feared there was only one possible reason why he hadn't gotten word to me. In the midst of my happiness over finding coffee and chocolate, I nearly started to cry. I remembered that last night Riordan, Zevran and I had spent together in Fort Drakon and the kiss between the two men. My two beautiful lovers...
"Are you all right?"
Nathaniel's voice startled me out of my reverie and I pulled myself back together. "Yes. I'm fine." I needed to stay in the present. Now wasn't the time to mourn. I couldn't help but notice that Nathaniel's voice had lost that hard sardonic edge. I forced myself to smile. "I was just wool-gathering."
"Gathering wool?" He looked at me, presumably looking for wool. "It looks more like you were gathering Antivan imports."
I chuckled. Nathaniel really was thawing, this helped rally my spirits. "It's a saying where I'm from. It means being absent-minded or daydreaming."
"I see." We walked together a ways in silence. "When I daydream I usually don't look so sad."
"Hm... well, surviving the Blight wasn't exactly a story that ended with 'and they lived happily ever after', if you know what I mean." It sounded more bitter than I intended it sound.
Nathaniel looked at me and nodded. "I understand. Life hasn't gone exactly according to plan for you, me or Elissa." He stopped walking for a moment and took the bag of stuff I was carrying.
"I can carry that," I protested.
"I know you can." He didn't return it. "I'm sorry for how I treated you those first few days. I was an ass."
I couldn't help but smile. "Thank you. I would like for us to get along. I need..." I trailed off having caught myself before I was able to blurt out my desire for him to take more responsibility. It was way too premature. I was just so eager to delegate that I wanted to see everything good in him. I needed to be more patient, to make sure he was as capable as I wanted... needed him to be.
"What do you need, Commander?"
"I need food and perhaps a glass of good ale. What about you?" I also needed to put fresh cabbage leaves in my bra-thing and try to express some milk; my boobs were aching. "Let's go to the inn and get a bite to eat."
Nathaniel nodded and followed me. He even made conversation along the way.
~o~o~o~
We ended up staying three days in Amaranthine dealing with the incredibly long to-do list. I wrestled with whether or not we should head over to Wending Woods. Three days... three long torturous days away from my baby. All I wanted was to go back and see him. What if something had happened? What if he had a fever? I wouldn't be there to heal him or hold him. What if he couldn't go to sleep without me singing to him and telling him stupid little stories in a funny voice? I imagined a thousand ways my being away would lead to tragedy.
"The Grey Wardens family leave plan stinks," I muttered to Anders on the third day in the city. He and I were on our way to the building holding his phylactery. I'd asked the others to stay behind.
"Family leave? What is that?" he asked.
"In my world, well... in most civilized nations, a parent can take leave from their job to bond with their new child. Of course, I didn't tell them I was going to have a child, so I suppose I can't blame them... for that." I sighed and caught myself before I bad-mouthed the Grey Wardens more. I didn't need to poison my recruits against the order I'd inducted them into for a lifetime.
Anders looked at me. "You must miss him."
I nodded. "I keep thinking of all the things that might happen while we're gone and I can't do anything to protect him."
Anders stopped me and hugged me. "Stop it, Lucy. How much can we really protect those we love?"
I lost it and sobbed into his chest. "I've failed to protect so many..." I thought of Riordan, Zevran and so many others I'd lost.
He stroked my hair and shushed me. "You saved the country, perhaps even the world, Lucy. Iveta will take good care of Daniel, the woman oozes with competence. Varel is there too – talk about oozing competence! The man could probably run the country."
I nodded and choked back the sobs. "I know, I know. I just can't stop thinking about him being there without me. I should be there!"
He pulled out a handkerchief from somewhere and started wiping the tears off my face. "Come on, now, Lucy. You're an amazing woman, but you can't do it all yourself." He held the handkerchief to my nose. "Blow."
I laughed through my tears and pulled the cloth out of his hands. "I think I can blow my own nose, thank you."
"If you ask me, your child's father should be here with you. I mean... if he's around."
I looked up at him. "He's not." That's all I could say. I wasn't being much of a commander. I was breaking down and crying in front of my recruit, becoming friends with them, leaning on them emotionally. What did they call it... fraternization? Ah well, it worked well enough for us during the Blight. Decisions were made by consensus. Perhaps it would continue to work this time. I sucked as a commander and I knew it. The Grey Wardens had made a huge mistake putting me in charge.
"I think this evening you should try some of my herbal remedy for melancholia. It seemed to do wonders for Nathaniel."
I nodded. "You're right, he is much less prickly now." I shouldered my pack and gestured with my head. "Let's go."
~o~o~o~
Three dead templars laid in their congealing blood.
"A fucking trap!" Anders swore. He kicked at the templar, Rylock. "It figures. She's had it out for me since my fourth escape attempt. Every time she'd beg Greagoir to have me hung." He frowned at them. "I guess this time she was going to take matters into her own hands."
"I'm sorry your phylactery wasn't here. I might be able to get Alistair or Anora to petition the Chantry to retrieve it."
He smiled wanly. "I doubt it'll work, but I appreciate the effort." He began to laugh and then staggered against the wall and laughed even harder. "The look on Rylock's face when you started teleporting around the room and stabbing at them was priceless. Sweet Maker, how do you do that?"
I smiled wearily and showed him my necklace. "It's the lyrium in this necklace. I can draw on it, then I can step through the Fade." I had Fade-walked a half dozen times in the battle and I was severely fatigued. I staggered and had to sit on a wooden crate, my head in my hands.
Anders stood over me a moment looking concerned. "It takes a lot out of you. You should be careful with lyrium." He put his hand on the back of my neck and I could feel a spell restoring my energy. It tingled down my spine and my dizziness and fatigue dissipated.
"Thanks," I said. I got up. I was splashed with blood but he'd kept his distance from the melee and remained clean. "Great... I can't walk through town covered in blood. That's going to be a little suspicious when they find three dead templars with multiple stab wounds."
Anders frowned. "I didn't see any water in the warehouse."
"We were careful when we came in. No one saw us enter. If you can sneak out without being seen, I think we can pull this off. I'll just slip into something a little more feathery. When you get to the inn go to your room and open a window."
His brow furrowed as he tried to figure out what I was going to do. I transformed into a crow and Anders watched me gape-mouthed. "Andraste's cun... tits! You've been holding out on me! Teaching me how to make steam come out of my nose when you can do that?"
I quorked at him and flew onto his shoulder.
"All right, let's get out of here." He opened the door slowly and looked around. No one was watching so he slipped out. I flew off his shoulder and watched him as he made his way to the inn. No one took undue notice of him. Once I saw he was inside I waited until he made it up to his room and opened the window, then I flew in.
"Maker, woman!" He watched me as I transformed back. "That's just so... fucking... amazing!"
I laughed at how avid he looked. "I hear the Chantry rather frowns on shape-shifting."
He nodded vigorously. "That'd be in realm of forbidden magics. They'd brand you a maleficar, for sure."
I looked around his room. "I should clean up this mess. May I wash up here?"
He nodded. "I'll give you some privacy."
"No, don't bother. I'm not stripping down entirely." I started to unfasten my chest piece. "I need someone to keep my mind off Daniel." And Zevran. I laid aside the cuirass and pulled off the padded tunic I wore under it and Anders started to laugh.
"What?" I asked, wondering what was so funny.
"What is in your breast band?"
I laughed too. I had forgotten about the cabbage leaves. "Cabbage leaves. Iveta said they would help with the discomfort in my breasts. I've got a stack of them in my backpack. They're getting a little wilty, I suppose I should buy some fresh ones."
"No, don't bother. I'm sure I can mix up something better than cabbage leaves. Some elf root and willow bark in a lanolin base should work."
I smiled. "That sounds better than cabbage leaves. Thank you." I splashed water on my throat and chest, and washed off the blood. I closed my eyes and splashed water on my face. "Did I get it all?"
Anders came closer and picked up a towel and damped it in the now pink water. "You missed a little here." He scrubbed at a spot in front of my ears then another spot on my neck.
Our eyes met and an electrical tingle shot through me. Oh no, not again. I saw his eyes drift down my throat, to my chest, and then to Riordan's name tattooed above my heart. He looked back into my eyes with a questioning look. "Is he why you're so sad?"
I nodded. I wasn't ready to talk about Zevran, so I let him believe it was just Riordan.
"In the Blight?"
"The archdemon killed him. He... jumped on his back and sliced through his wing. The archdemon would have done something awful to me if he hadn't." I couldn't help the tears, they started to flow yet again. "Danny fell."
"And you killed the archdemon," he said, quietly. He dug out another clean handkerchief and turned my face up and wiped my tears. When he finished he looked into my eyes for a long moment, then he moved closer.
Feelings, desires, things I hadn't felt since Zevran had left, sprang into being again. I didn't want to avert the kiss. I just wanted to lose myself. Forget... forget... forget the giant holes in my heart, forget everything. His lips were just about to meet mine when I pulled away. "I can't... Anders."
"I'm sorry. That was out of line."
"No, it's all right. I just... this isn't... I'm supposed to be the Commander. I haven't been acting very commanderly."
"Of course... Commander." He picked up my cuirass and rubbed at the blood with the wet towel while I scrubbed at my mail leggings with another damp towel. Neither of us spoke. An awkward moment stretched into what felt like an eternity.
He handed me the cuirass and I put it on. "Dinner in an hour, Anders. I have something to give you after dinner."
He grinned and an eyebrow went up inquisitively. "Oh? What? Do tell."
I was glad to see his sense of humor returning. "You'll just have to wait and see."
"And you will take my cure for melancholia, my dear Commander." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and gave me a squeeze. "Doctor's orders."
"Yes, Dr. Anders." I shot him a smile and left.
When I went back to my room I decided I had one hour to decide whether we would go back to the Vigil or on to another place on the to-do list.
~o~o~o~
Dinner was nice. Everyone was in a pretty good mood. Three busy days, but we had accomplished a lot, despite our to-do list having doubled since we arrived. I decided we would return to the Vigil the next day. I simply couldn't stay away from Daniel any longer.
We four Wardens kept the kitchen staff hopping during our visit. They'd probably be glad to see us leaving. I decided I would send to the Warden Compound for the cook I'd left behind there and see if she would come to Amaranthine. She was an excellent cook. The current cook at the keep wasn't quite as good. I was determined that at the very least we would eat well and heartily whenever we could. I told the men about that and they approved enthusiastically, especially Oghren; he remembered how good the food had been.
After dinner Anders pulled out his pipe and packed it full of his "herb". I instinctively looked around looking for cops. "This stuff is illegal where I come from," I told them. "Are you sure we're okay smoking it here... in public even?"
Nathaniel laughed heartily. "You're the law in this part of the country, for the most part. If you do it, it's legal. Well, at least for you."
I laughed and shook my head. It was a difficult notion to get used to. "I guess it's all right as long as one doesn't try to drive... er, ride under the influence."
Anders lit the pipe and passed it to me. I took a hit, holding it in my lungs as I'd done so many decades before, in my wild youth. I passed it on to Oghren.
"It seems you know how to use this, Commander, even if it is illegal where you come from," Nathaniel noted.
I nodded and then exhaled a small nebula. "I was a rebellious youth."
Nathaniel took a hit and passed the pipe to Anders. "Was? You practically are a youth," he croaked while trying to keep the smoke in.
"I was in my fifties before I was swept out of my world and into this one. In my youth, many of us experimented with drugs and... other things." Sex and disco. I changed the subject. My head was starting to float a little. Whatever the medicine Anders was sharing, it was powerful. "I have prezzies."
"Prezzies?" Oghren said. "Could you translate that into the common tongue?"
"Presents." I pulled the bottle of booze out of my bag. It was wrapped in a pretty cloth bag with a drawstring at the top. "Here you are, Oghren. The vendor said it was older than the Maker and smoother than elven baby-butt."
Oghren grunted happily and unwrapped the bottle. "Why this is a fine gift!" He immediately sloshed some into his glass and swallowed it in one gulp. "That is smooth. Very smooth." He poured some for each of us. He raised his glass to me. "My thanks, Commander."
I took the pipe when it was my turn again and took another hit. Oghren's nose was starting to look extremely bulbous. I decided to give Nathaniel his present last. It might go over better if he were a little higher. I rummaged around in the bag and pulled out another pretty cloth bag. This one had Anders' scarf. "For you, Ser mage."
His eyes lit up. "Oooh, I can hardly wait to see what it is." He plunged a hand into the bag and pulled out the knitted scarf. "Ah! Cashmere isn't it?" He wrapped it around his neck. "This will certain help keep the drafts off my neck. Thank you, Commander."
Nathaniel took another hit and he seemed very relaxed. I held my breath as I rummaged through my bag and drew out a finely carved wooden box. "This is for you, Nathaniel." I pushed it across the table in his direction.
"A box. How thoughtful." A silly grin crooked at his mouth.
"Open it, the present lies within."
He opened the lid on the box and looked in. "Locksmith tools?" He cocked his head to the side and looked at me for a moment. Then he began to laugh. "Very amusing, Commander."
Nathaniel had been caught when he was trying to pick the lock on a door in the Vigil. I thought this gift might say, 'I trust you'. He was laughing and that pleased me greatly.
Anders looked at me puzzled. "Inside joke?"
I shrugged. "A companion from the Blight was quite talented at picking locks. It was a skill that came in handy. Nathaniel has displayed some aptitude and I just wanted to encourage his development of that skill." I deftly dodged the fact that it was the door to the master bedroom and his intent was killing me, if I had been there.
"I have something for you, Commander." Anders dug into a pocket on his robe a produced a jar. "The medicine we discussed this afternoon."
"Oh for my... right!" I took the jar from Anders and removed the lid and smelled it. It smelled nice. "I'll give it a try. Many thanks." I had a stupid grin on my face. The melancholia medicine was working. "Hey, do you have anything for allergies?" I remembered suddenly how I suffered when in an enclosed space with darkspawn.
"Allergies?" Anders asked. "What is that?"
"Sneezing, itchy eyes... that sort of thing. The darkspawn do that to me." I told them of the time we were sneaking around to get a look at the archdemon in the Deep Roads and I had sneezed and nearly drew Urthemiel to us.
Oghren laughed. "Yeah, you spent those weeks down there with a very red nose. I remember one fight where you spent the entire time in a sneezing fit. Stab, sneeze, stab, sneeze..."
Nathaniel sniggered at the story. That got Oghren into telling stories about the Blight, some of them a little embarrassing. I offered up the story of the fight in Haven, where I'd nearly been bested by an elderly priest who got lucky with his elbow to my nose. That got us all laughing hysterically. The other patrons in the bar were staring at us.
The herb pipe finally emptied and Anders filled it again and passed it to me. "No, thanks. I'd better get to bed, we have an early start tomorrow."
"Eh, doctor's orders, commander. Three more puffs."
My judgment wasn't the best at that point, so I stayed for three more tokes, but by then I couldn't feel my legs and my eyes wouldn't open. There was more hilarity when I confessed I couldn't open my eyes.
"I'm going to need help getting to my room," I complained.
Anders pushed back his chair and stood. "I'll help you."
Nathaniel got up. "I think I'd better chaperone this."
Oghren groaned. "I guess I'd better chaperone the chaperone."
We all three went upstairs to our rooms. I had an arm looped around Anders' and Nathaniel's necks and they half carried me up. The good news was that by the time we made it up the stairs my eyes had opened to little slits. They settled me on my bed and someone took my boots off. A blanket covered me and I was asleep before they even left the room.
~o~o~o~
I awoke the next morning, just before dawn. I felt better than I had since leaving Denerim. My perspective had been restored. Anders was right about what I needed. Who knew that getting high and laughing until my sides hurt was all that was needed to set me right? It also didn't hurt that we would be heading back to the keep and to Daniel. I washed up quickly and dressed. I decided on wearing armor again. The roads were none too safe.
I rubbed Anders' medicine into my breasts. They were painful to touch. I tried to express some milk, but I just couldn't get it to work. I'd have to live with it. I wondered how long it would take before my milk dried up.
Perhaps it was my improved mood, or an echo of the flash of desire I'd felt when Anders had nearly kissed me, but I shut my eyes and remembered a time Zevran had given me an Antivan massage. I'd been covered in slippery, musky smelling oil and his hands had glided over my body, fingers pressing into sore muscles and places not at all sore. My breath caught in a hitched exhalation. My hands peeled off my trousers and my smallclothes and I was naked again. I laid down on my bed and let the moment replay through my head while my lanolin covered fingers sought to relieve the growing tension. The erotic images that had been absent for so long, replayed and it wasn't long before I had to turn my head and bite the pillow to keep from crying out.
I languished for a few minutes before I hopped out of bed, feeling even better than I had before. I finished dressing and ran downstairs. Even with my unplanned diversion I was out of bed and ready before even one of the men had made it downstairs. I sat down and was about to order a large breakfast when the barkeeper came to me and handed me a message. "This came in this morning, not more than twenty minutes ago, Commander."
I thanked him and took the message. I didn't recognize the seal, it was a wolf's head. I popped it open and read the two terse sentences.
Warden-Commander, meet me behind the Chantry before you leave. Come alone.
Dark Wolf
Hm... I wanted this "Dark Wolf's" help but I wasn't keen on meeting him alone. Still, if I took the others I might scare him off. How did he know we were leaving? I'd told the innkeeper so they'd be ready to feed us early in the morning. Well, perhaps this fellow was a decent spy after all.
I got up, ran upstairs and slid the note under Anders' door. At least someone would know where I had gone. Then I went into my room and threw open my window. I transformed into a crow and flew the short distance to the chantry, looking for anything suspicious. All I saw was a city guardsman in the alleyway behind the chantry. It seemed safe enough.
I landed in a recessed doorway and transformed back. The little hairs on my arms were standing on edge with my taut nerves. I walked out of the doorway and the guard, hearing my footstep, turned to watch me approach. Unlike most guards he wore full helm. It covered most of his face, just leaving his jaw uncovered. There were slits for his eyes, but I couldn't make them out in the pre-dawn darkness.
"Ser Wolf, I presume?" I asked.
His bucketed head bobbed. "Yes, Commander."
I extended my hand, not quite sure what to do when one met an underworld sort. Shake hands? Give a secret handshake? High-five?
He looked at it for a moment then took my gloved hand – I was wearing reinforced leather gauntlets – and brought it up to his lips and kissed it. Not that I could feel the kiss, it was symbolic, what with all the leather and metal between his lips and my fingers. Still, it was a rather gallant display and I blushed.
"Charming," he said dryly. "Not what I expected from the woman who slew the archdemon, and certainly not what I expected from your enemies' descriptions. From the tales they're spreading you're quite the tyrant, imposing harsh penalties on poor villagers whose only offense is the theft of a loaf of bread, or fishing illegally."
I reclaimed my hand from his, and felt my ire growing. "Really?" I paced in front of him and cursed colorfully. "I've been far too busy to harass anyone! I've only been in Amaranthine two weeks and much of that time I spent having my baby and recovering. So who is spreading these rumors? Do you know why I wanted to talk to you?"
He nodded again. "There's a conspiracy to bring you down. Murder, treachery, assassination, betrayal..."
"Well, murder and assassination are basically the same thing, but yes I get the idea. I need to know who is behind this conspiracy before they get a chance to act. I've been told you could get me that information."
He nodded. "Yes. Yes, I can. This won't be easy or cheap, but I can certainly bring you names."
"Names are good, but I need proof too."
"I can probably get you proof as well. It will be at great risk to myself, however..."
It sounded like he was bargaining the price up. "I'll bet danger is your middle name." It couldn't hurt to flirt a little. What little I could see of his face was rather nice. He had a cute cleft in his chin, and the whole mystery man thing was kind of hot. I felt my libido flaring back into action. I had a quick daydream of pushing him back into that recessed doorway and having my way with him, all very anonymously... except for the problem of him knowing who I was. Sweet Maker! It was like the time we went to Orzammar, when I was trying to be chaste and my libido seemed to be in overdrive. I suppose with the pregnancy over my body was getting back to its normal, excessively horny self.
"So, how much?" I pulled myself back from the daydream to ask.
"Fifty sovereigns."
"Fifty?" My voice went high and squeaky with indignation. "You've got no idea how strapped for money we are. The darkspawn... the rebuilding... Those dwarven engineers are draining us."
He chuckled. "Yes, the Arlessa is a pauper. My sympathies." His voice was dripping with sarcasm.
It did sound absurd, but I was going to have to dig into my toilet money to pay his fee. It was simply a matter of pride to haggle him a little lower. People expected it here. "Could you see your way to forty?"
He shook his head and turned around, beginning to walk away.
"Forty five!" I shouted after him. "Forty five, and you can come to the keep and have dinner with the famous Grey Wardens of Ferelden."
"No... thank you." He continued to walk.
Dammit it all, I had to meet the only man in Ferelden unwilling to haggle. "All right, fifty!" I shouted at his back.
He stopped and turned. "Price has gone up now."
I whimpered slightly in protest but sighed, resigned to it.
"Fifty and a kiss."
I felt indignant and offended, but then I remembered my daydream of a few moments ago. Perhaps something of that brief fantasy had leaked past my perfectly composed features. Oh hell, who was I kidding? I should never play poker. "Right here? Under the Maker's very gaze?" I asked, stalling.
"I don't mind an audience," he said.
"All right, I agree to your terms." I began to reach for my coin purse but he advanced on me quickly and pushed me back against the alley wall. His mouth came down on mine, fast and hard. It was almost stolen from my fantasy from a few moments past. I shouldn't have, but I did; I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and let him plunder my mouth with his tongue. He broke off the kiss as suddenly as he started it and pulled away. I was breathing heavily and my legs were feeling a little weak.
"Thank you, Commander. Now the fifty sovereigns and I'll be on my way."
I fumbled for the purse on my belt and nearly spilled all of my coin trying to open it. I eventually got it opened and counted out the gold for him. "I've never had to pay for a kiss before," I quipped, finally recovering some of my wits.
"I hope it was worth it," he riposted.
"There was a surprising amount of enthusiasm for a professional," I parried and counter-attacked.
He chuckled. "I think you'll find all my services as rewarding."
"I do hope so." I dropped the gold into his awaiting hand.
"I'll be in touch, my lady." His mouth turned up on one side, and what little I could see of his face he looked smug.
I turned and left the alley behind the chantry. I didn't go far before I ran into Anders looking for me.
"There you are! I can't believe you went off alone by yourself to meet this creep. That was foolish and dangerous," he scolded me.
"I took precautions," I replied.
My answer didn't satisfy Anders; I got a stern lecture all the way back to the inn.
Anders
Lucy certainly seemed in a much better mood today. It was no easy task for him to sit behind her on the horse and find a place to cling to her. His hands wanted desperately to grab onto some part of her that would be entirely inappropriate, even given the heavy armor she was wearing. Strands of her wild hair were working lose from her braid and tickling his nose, making him want to bury his face in her neck. The torture continued for the three hours it took them to reach the keep.
He kept thinking back to the previous day and that moment that had passed between them. He was almost certain that he wasn't imagining that there had been a spark of something, like a tiny bolt of electricity. She had felt it too, he was certain... almost certain.
She dismounted, leaving Anders to give the horse to the stable hand, and ran up the front steps of the keep. A soldier tried to stop her to hand her a bundle of messages. She didn't even stop but grabbed them and thanked her.
Anders smiled, knowing how eager she was to see Daniel. He followed after her and went into the great hall. Iveta and Daniel had been waiting for her, along with Mistress Woolsey and Captain Garavel. There were several people trying to attract her attention but she was ignoring everyone around her except the baby. She dropped her backpack on the floor and took him into her arms.
Anders watched her face transform from eagerness to contentment. He went up a little closer to see the baby. He squirmed a little, his fist flailed at the air and he landed a perfect little punch on his mother's nose. She laughed. "This is the way you greet your Mom after her long absence? Danny, you break my heart."
He watched her turn to Iveta and chat and they walked up the stairs together, both of them completely focused on the baby.
"Give her a little time to settle in," Varel told the others who had been trying to get her attention. "She needs to spend a little time with her son."
Anders shouldered her backpack and trudged up the stairs. Her door was open so he walked through her sitting room and then put the backpack just inside her bedroom door. He gazed in at her for a moment. She was so absorbed in her son that she didn't see him. It was a charmed moment; she finally looked completely happy and it made his heart swell.
He shook his head, wondering at the strange emotion that was making his chest feel funny. The attraction he could understand. Of course he wanted to sleep with her, but this was something else... something he hoped he hadn't ruined by trying to kiss her the day before.
Anders handled it the only way he knew how. He went back to the great hall and found the prettiest serving wench and began to flirt with her, hoping he wouldn't have to go to bed alone that night.
~o~o~o~
Note: So, the chapters titles come from the imaginary book that Lucy probably would have liked to have had to help her out. That she's completely failing every lesson in the make-believe book is par for the course. :)
My thanks, as always, to Biff McLaughlin for beta-reading. Do check out her stories, they're marvelous.
As always I adore hearing from you all with reviews!
The next chapter is well underway and contains more drama than a high school!