Sorry about all the reposts. There's something strange going on at . I am posting this chapter, but an old one keeps showing up instead.
Lucy
"Em, Harrison, there's a few things about the Grey Wardens we need to tell you. Our secrets and such," I explained. "First the bad news. To end a Blight a Grey Warden needs to be sacrificed by taking the killing blow at the archdemon, which is deadly to both."
Harrison nodded. "The life of a Warden is hard to require such a sacrifice." He paused a moment, his brow furrowing. "You were the one who killed the archdemon, weren't you?"
I could see my credibility falling. "Well, that's our next big secret." I laughed nervously. "Well, not such much a secret as privileged information, yes?" I rubbed the back of my neck, looking for inspiration on how to phrase this.
Nathaniel elbowed me, discreetly.
"Ow." I stole a glance at Nathaniel. He looked highly amused. "Right. I'm not precisely… normal. My circumstances are… special."
Nathaniel kicked me in such a way Harrison couldn't see it. He had his special scowl on, one that said quite plainly I was wasting time.
"Okay, let me just state right up front, I'm not an abomination."
Harrison looked confused. "I never thought you were."
I flashed him a smile. "Of course not! I'm not from the Fade. I'd have to be from the Fade to be an abomination, right? More importantly, a demon, right?"
He looked even more confused. "Yes, a demon that possesses the body of a person."
I nodded confidently. "I'm definitely not an abomination." I ticked the points in my favor off on my fingers. "Not from the Fade and not a demon. I fail two very essential tests for being an abomination."
Nathaniel cleared his throat.
"But, admittedly, I'm also not entirely the person I seem to be. You see, I come from a whole different world and I was put into this body - without my permission, I might add - by a very old, very powerful witch named Flemeth."
Harrison's eyebrows began trekking up his forehead. "Flemeth? The Flemeth of legend?"
"Yup. I was just a regular person from earth when I woke up in Thedas in Elissa's body. Then Flemeth had the nerve to tell me the Blight was my little problem to take care of."
Harrison squinted and shifted nervously in his chair. He was probably assessing my sanity right about now. "So a case of non-demonic possession? I've heard it is possible, but the magic for that sort of thing is very ancient and long forgotten."
"Ha! By coincidence, Flemeth is also very ancient and struck me as likely having a good memory." I squirmed a bit in my chair. "I don't really like the term possession in this case. It's more like… an occupancy… a vacation timeshare, if you will, for a very long vacation."
Harrison began to look nervous. "I don't understand…"
"The important point is that neither Elissa nor I were consulted about the switch. It just happened and there was no going back, especially after we killed Flemeth."
"How could you prove such a thing?" he asked me, still looking skeptical.
"Do I sound or look like a demon?" I asked.
"I'd be able to sense if you were a demon," he replied.
"What? Really? Alistair never mentioned he could do that. It sure would have saved a lot of trouble during the Blight if he had mentioned that fact."
He shook his head. "Only full templars are trained in that. He wouldn't have been trained in that until later and not everyone can learn it."
"Well, isn't that something!" I exclaimed. "So I have nothing to fear from the Chantry?"
Harrison frowned. "I wouldn't exactly say that. Possession of any sort is forbidden. You've seen what some of my fellow templars are like. They can be quite… enthusiastic in enforcing rules. I think they also see the Grey Wardens as a challenge to their authority over mages. It would be best to keep your… condition a secret."
"Hmmm…" I thought for a moment. There were other things they probably wouldn't like. "What about things like shape-changing? Wynne told me it was forbidden."
There was that little look of disbelief followed by a slow blink. "Shape-changing? That practice was banned ages ago and stamped out. You learned shape-changing?"
I nodded. "Yes, from Flemeth's daughter. She was one of the Blight companions."
"Forbidden magic is punished very harshly. The Chantry doesn't want such magic to exist, so they stamp it out of existence."
"By stamping out the mages who practice it?" I asked, not sure I really wanted to know.
He nodded. "I'm afraid so, or by making them tranquil."
Every now and then I entertained the notion of outing myself as a mage. If I ever did, I'd still have to keep my unusual circumstances a secret and not reveal some of the forbidden magic I'd learned. Would I have to remain with the Grey Wardens in order to keep my freedom?
It was useful having Harrison with us. I planned to pick his brain about the Chantry. This demon detecting business was certainly interesting. How could all those templars in the tower have fallen prey to demons with that ability? A conversation for another day.
I handed Harrison the letter the Grey Wardens from Weisshaupt had left with me. "This is from the Wardens. I was thoroughly examined and this explains it all. I think you should read this, so you don't think I'm completely insane."
Harrison unfolded the letter, noting the Grey Warden wax seal, and read. "Well, it does say you're not a demon and that you are under protection of the Grey Wardens." He folded the letter back up and returned it.
"Getting back to your other question about why I didn't die when I killed the archdemon, I believe the archdemon tried to take over my mind and seize control of me, like he would have another Grey Warden, but whatever is different about me made it impossible for him. I think he perished in the attempt. At least we haven't heard a peep out of him since he died."
Harrison nodded slowly, still looking skeptical and exceedingly concerned.
"Are we good then?" I asked.
"Er, yes. I think so," he said hesitantly.
"Good man," Nathaniel said. "Give it some time. The idea is like eating too many fried onions in one sitting, it keeps trying to come back up, but you'll digest it eventually."
I stared at Nathaniel a moment, a little put out by the comparison. "Fried onions… thanks. I appreciate the help, Howe."
He smiled a bit smugly.
"Were there other secrets?" Harrison asked, looking a like he was steeling himself to hear the next bad bit of news.
"Um… there are some trivial things that aren't exactly secrets, per se. You had dreams after the Joining? We all tend to dream about darkspawn rather a lot. It was much, much worse during the Blight." I considered whether I should tell him about the amplified appetites and decided leaving that to Nathaniel would be appropriate payback for comparing me to fried onions.
"I'll let Nathaniel explain the rest to you." I grinned at my second and stood, extending a hand to my newest recruit. "Congratulations, Warden Harrison. I'll see you tonight at dinner."
Harrison stood and saluted me. "Thank you, Warden-Commander. I won't let you down."
"At ease, Harrison. We're pretty informal here." I shot another smug look at Nathaniel and ignored the scowl I got in return.
I left Harrison's room happy I didn't get smited after my confession. I thought Harrison would see the others accepting the idea of my unusual origins and come to accept it eventually. Nathaniel's comparison to fried onions wasn't bad, actually.
I went downstairs to talk to Varel; he said there was something important to discuss.
"Commander, I think you should read this." He handed me an officious looking letter.
I caught sight of the seal and sighed. "Oh lovely, from Highever. What does Teyrn Fungus want now?"
Varel tried to suppress a smirk. "It's the second time he's increased our taxes since you've taken command. We simply can't afford it. We're already behind in payments to our troops and some of the staff."
"Fuck this!" I slapped the letter against my hand. "Sorry, Varel, that was directed at our mushroom overlord. I won't have people not getting paid on time. I'll pitch in more of my toilet money and write to my Denerim banker to send me more cash." I bit my lip and contemplated the severity of the austerity program I would have to undertake. "Cancel my standing order with the coffee and chocolate merchant."
"Commander…"
"No, no… I'll tolerate the caffeine withdrawals. I'm sure Anders can whip up something to dull the headache."
"Commander…" Varel tried to interrupt me.
"I insist. There must be some other places we can cut back," I persisted, nobly trying to find additional means to conserve our money.
"Commander, I was just going to say let's ignore this increase and continue to send our usual payment. If he presses us on it, we can just plead that we're too cash-strapped."
"What can he do?" I asked.
"He could start seizing crops, timber or some other asset, but it'll take time for him to mobilize. Perhaps you can get some of your influential friends to intervene?" he suggested.
I nodded. "Yes, perhaps that will work. Meanwhile, I'll get you some cash from my toilet factory." I swore again. "I'm reasonably certain I shouldn't have to be paying for this stuff out of my own pockets, but what else can I do?"
Varel shook his head. "I'll make note of all the expenses you've covered and we'll reimburse you from the arling's profits when we can."
"If we ever have any…" I muttered.
Varel put his hand on my shoulder. "We will. Once the darkspawn are handled and we bring in a good crop, you'll see. This arling provided a very good income for the former arl and his family."
"If anyone can make that happen, you can, Varel. Thanks for all your hard work."
"My pleasure, Commander. Now if you'll excuse me."
"Of course." I let him get back to his work and I realized that I only had two days left to prepare for our trip to the chasm, which I strongly suspected was going to lead into the Deep Roads. Ugh. I began making a mental list of everything I needed to take: Fluffy towels, chocolate, coffee…
Loghain
At long last, the unrest in the Bannorn was settled. Loghain received news from Denerim and had parleyed with the banns and freeholders at his daughter's request. They had reached a settlement and it was finally done. Loghain turned around his troops and headed back to Denerim.
His expression was grim as he went to see his daughter and her husband. "Charity," he spat the word like he'd swallowed filth. "Charity from Orlais! That I should live to see this." He glowered at Alistair. "You should have let me kill the archdemon, perhaps I would have been spared... this!"
Loghain caught sight of a secretive smile from his daughter to Alistair. She thought she was being subtle, but he saw her mouth the words: "I told you so." It just made him madder. "Mark my words, Anora, the Orlesians will have strings attached. They'll send an invasion force along with it."
"Father!" She sounded exasperated. "They were starving in the Bannorn, the rest of us will be starving in the next few months. We had no choice. I had to send an envoy to our neighbors to plead for help. The Orlesians were grateful to us for ending the Blight so quickly and were the first to respond. They're selling the grain for next to nothing. The Antivans and Free Marchers haven't been anywhere near as generous."
Loghain's shoulders tightened. "Beware of Trojan horses, Anora. Lucy told me about gifts containing the seeds of destruction. It'll be poisoned at the very least."
"We'll test it out on rats first then," she said, "but I'm not letting our people starve because we're too proud to accept help when we need it."
Loghain grumbled under his breath. "Where's my grandson? I haven't seen him in months."
Anora got up and took her father's hand. "Come with me. He's missed you. You won't believe how he's grown!"
Loghain trailed after her listening to her chatter. Despite everything, he was glad the rebellion in the Bannorn had been resolved, and with so few fatalities. Now he could see his grandchild and go to Amaranthine to see the boy he claimed was his son.
He spent several days in Denerim and prepared to make an extended trip to Amaranthine. He didn't want Lucy to have to go to any trouble on his account so he didn't let her know he was coming. Her seneschal would probably insist on observing proper protocol and feasting him; he didn't want that. He just wanted to spend time with his boy and Lucy. He would do whatever he could to be useful around the keep. Perhaps he could give advice on the fortifications they were rebuilding, spend some time reviewing her troops and whatever else was needed.
When all was ready he set out with a half-dozen of his own guard and they rode to Amaranthine, hoping to make it in two days. It snowed lightly but they made good time.
Varel, the sensible seneschal he'd met the last time he was here, rushed to the courtyard as they rode up. He accepted their arrival in stride. Lucy ran out not long after he had handed his mount's reins to a stable boy. She looked happy to see him but her manner was subdued.
"This is a surprise, Loghain." She bounced up and down trying to keep warm "Come in! It's freezing out here." She shivered, wrapping her knitted shawl closer around her. "You never like to give us warning, do you?" She ran up the stairs ahead of him and his men and held the door open for him.
"I didn't want you to go to any trouble on my account," Loghain said. He looked around the great hall as he walked in. It looked much restored from the darkspawn attack nearly five months earlier.
"Come on, I'm sure you'll want to see Danny. He's grown." Lucy cornered a servant and asked for mulled wine and a Grey Warden snack to be delivered to her sitting room.
Loghain mused over what a Grey Warden snack would be, hoping it would be meal-sized; he hadn't eaten for many hours. He followed her up the stairs. His eyes followed the sway of her hips, mesmerized and rather missing them.
"It's so good to see you, Loghain. It's been a little rough here." She threw the comment over her shoulder as they went up.
Somehow Loghain thought she might be tempering her words. There was something different about her. She seemed more somber. She isn't happy. That was it.
She showed him into her sitting room. "I'll ask Iveta to bring Daniel." He sat down and waited for her while she went to the nursery.
Her sitting room was quite plain. The furniture was worn and there wasn't a lot of it, but it was comfortable. He poured himself a brandy from the decanter and stood by the fire, warming his backside, still frozen after the two day ride in the cold.
She came back shortly. "She's nursing him now, but she'll bring him out when he's done. He's got quite an appetite, so it could be awhile." She went to him in front of the fire and hugged him, clinging to him for longer than he expected. "I've missed everyone so much, Loghain. Everything here has been just horrible for the most part." She rose up on her toes and pecked him on the cheek with a chaste kiss.
He wrapped an arm around her and hugged her. "I've missed you too, Lucy. What has been going on? You haven't said much in your letters."
She went over to a chair near the fire and sat. "I doubt you came all the way here to listen to me complain."
He grunted at her, his mouth curling a little into a bare smile. There was, clearly, a lot on her mind and he intended to hear it. "Tell you what, I'll listen to your complaints and then you can hear mine. Fair trade?"
She finally smiled in a way that felt more real than her other smiles had been. "Fair trade, then." She stared at her toes for a moment. "Well, I hardly know where to start. There was a conspiracy to kill me that nearly succeeded. Teyrn Cousland is a complete and total ass. Darkspawn are talking and experimenting on Grey Wardens. Other than Danny, I pretty much hate my life."
"Whoa! Slow down, Lucy. One at a time. Who tried to kill you?" Loghain sat down in another chair, his face looking concerned.
She listed the names of the bann and lords they'd implicated in the conspiracy. "They're in prison, awaiting a trial."
"How did you catch them?" he asked. "What happened?"
She shook her head. "I thought I was leading the ring-leader, Bann Esmerelle, into a trap. However someone betrayed me and she was ready for me. I was nearly carted off to the Circle, although I would have died long before we got there if my Wardens hadn't shown up. But at least we came out of it with enough proof to get the worst of the conspirators."
Loghain stared into the fireplace. "Maker, you never should have been put in charge of this arling. The man you killed had too many friends wanting to avenge his death. They lost their prestige and power when he died."
She nodded. "I agree, it was politically tone-deaf of the Wardens, but this is why I want to put Nathaniel in charge, of the arling at least."
Loghain stared at her. "Nathaniel... not Nathaniel Howe? Dear Maker, tell me you didn't..." Had she? No… it was beyond what even she would do.
"I recruited him. Well, conscripted him actually. He was in a spot of trouble and I didn't want to see him hang. He's working out. He was critical to unraveling the conspiracy."
"Lucy! We don't take lands away from families just to hand them back a few months later."
She huffed indignantly. "He wouldn't have it back any more than I'm a real Arlessa. I'm just managing things for the Wardens, the arling was given to the order, not an individual. Nathaniel is a Warden, so that makes him eligible for the job."
"The Landsmeet would have to be convinced," Loghain said gruffly.
Lucy cocked her head. "What do you mean? I wasn't approved by the Landsmeet."
"You will be, come spring. You'll have to be approved. Just a formality in your case."
She sighed, a look of misery painted her features. "This is a giant quagmire, isn't it? The more I struggle to get free of it, the more it pulls me down."
Loghain sighed. "Now you know how I've felt all these years."
"Nathaniel would be far better at this than I am. Maybe I could appoint him after they approve me. Then they'd have to live with it until the next Landsmeet and by then he'd have proven himself."
Loghain shook his head. "I don't know. Anora might be a better judge of that than I am. Talk to her before you do this."
She nodded. "I will. At the very least, I can unofficially let him run the arling. I will be a figurehead, if I must, or just lead the Grey Wardens." She mused thoughtfully for a moment. "Or I'll just quietly leave the country and let you all sort it out."
Loghain glared at her.
Iveta walked into the sitting room with Daniel in her arms. She handed the boy to Lucy then bowed to Loghain and left.
"Hello, my sweetie," she cooed at him. "Loghain is here! Do you remember Loghain? He was the very cross man who was here the night you were born." She looked at him out of the side of her eye with a smirk on her face.
"Cross?" Loghain laughed. "Me? Never!" He stepped to her side and peered down at the baby. "Don't believe a word your mother says about me, lad." He held out his arms. "May I?"
Lucy nodded and handed Daniel over to him. "What do you think? He's just about perfect isn't he?" She seemed to glow when she talked about him.
Loghain looked into his face. "He's got the Mac Tir brow, and my hair, so yes, he is perfect." He winked at his son. "Don't get vain, boy, I wasn't that popular with the ladies."
"Perhaps if you didn't scare them so much. How're things going with your widow? What is her name, you never did tell me."
He shrugged. "Lorraine. Things are fine. I haven't seen her for months though. She may have decided to move on, I don't know. I wouldn't blame her. I've been in the Bannorn trying to settle a rebellion."
"Everything worked out, I take it?" she asked.
Loghain grimaced and Danny, seeing his expression, squirmed and fussed. "Sorry, Dan, I wasn't angry with you. It's my blasted daughter and her foolish husband."
"Oh, oh. What did they do?" Lucy asked.
"They're accepting grain from Orlais that they're practically giving to us." He forced himself to keep his voice light and pleasant so it wouldn't scare his son. "They're starving in the Bannorn, so we have to accept charity from Orlais."
Lucy looked at him warily. "You think this is some sort of a plot?"
"Of course it is. Orlais doesn't do anything without a purpose, does it, my Dan?" His voice turned from gruff to light mid-sentence when he remembered he was holding his son.
"Perhaps their purpose is to foster better relations with their neighbors, or to show their gratitude that we nipped the Blight in the bud so quickly."
Loghain looked up from his son and sneaked a quick glare at Lucy. "Oh, Dan, your mommy is so funny sometimes, isn't she? She thinks those bad, old Orlesians want to be our friends now!" He laughed and tickled Danny under the chin. "Silly, old mommy! Isn't she the one who told me the story of the Trojan Horse? Has she told you that one yet?"
Lucy looked amused with his speaking to her through their son. "Trust, but verify, Loghain. Take reasonable precautions, but be prepared to take the olive branch if it is a legitimate offer of friendship."
Loghain wiggled his eyebrows comically at his son. "Legitimate offer of friendship! Hee hee! Mommy is sooooo funny."
Daniel laughed and waved his fists.
"See, my son agrees with me. Mommy is very silly." Loghain sat on another chair next to Lucy. "So, what's going on with Fergus Cousland?
There had only been a few times when Loghain had seen Lucy truly angry, and this was one of them.
"That bastard rode here with a dozen soldiers and threatened me and Nathaniel in our own keep!" She stood up and paced. "He called Daniel a bastard and demanded I name his father." Her fists clenched and her brow furrowed. "The things he said about Daniel! I was about to castrate the asshole if he called him a bastard one more time. He said I was trying to use Daniel to take Highever from him."
"What did you tell him?"
"I told him I had married Riordan. I didn't want to tell him anything. The jerk! I shouldn't have to explain myself to him." She pounded one hand into the palm of the other. "Then... he made me kneel and swear an oath of fealty to him and kiss his stupid sword!" She laughed, bitterly. "I did it, but I shocked him with a spell and he dropped the sword. He swore he'd make me pay for my insolence, and he has! He's raised our taxes twice. We'd be unable to pay our staff and troops if I weren't using my own funds."
"Take Daniel back to his nurse." He was trying to keep his features pleasant and his voice light so he wouldn't scare the boy, but he wasn't sure he could hold the facade much longer.
She took him from Loghain and went back to the nursery. A few moments later she returned.
Loghain paced back and forth and didn't say anything, trying to collect his thoughts. This was worse than Lucy realized. Matters of inheritance often shortened life expectancies dramatically. His son, or even Lucy, might be assassinated to remove them. "Lucy, you and Daniel could be in danger. If he thinks you might be using Daniel to get Highever..."
"No! It's not an issue. I told him to disown me and I've heard he has. Neither of us is in line for succession. I told him I didn't want Highever."
He shook his head. "It won't hold any water with the Landsmeet if he should die without his own heir. He knows that. They'd give Highever to your son, and appoint you as regent. Just as bad, Fergus is your Teyrn, he's supposed to have troops and support for you when you need it. I can't imagine he would provide you much protection or help."
She shook her head. "I'm afraid to ask, to tell the truth. I just assume he'd thumb his nose at me."
Loghain stopped pacing and stared at Lucy. "You have to protect Daniel from him, Lucy. I was going to suggest this anyway, but it becomes imperative now. I must make him my heir."
Lucy's mouth gaped open and she stared at Loghain. "No! We can't condemn him to that sort of life! He deserves to be a normal kid. You hate being a Teyrn, why would you want that for him?" She glared at him.
Loghain grasped her shoulders and gave her a shake. "Lucy, wake up! This is to protect him from Fergus. If he's my heir he can't be Fergus's."
She pulled away and turned her back to him, saying nothing but staring pensively into the fireplace, her arms folded across her chest.
"Oh now… it isn't that bad. Most people would sell their souls to be nobles and rule over a patch of Thedas. With me, it just..." He put his hands on her shoulders and turned her around so she had to look at him. "I never got to choose anything for myself and then suddenly I was a Teyrn when I would have been happy just having a good fertile farm. I wasn't trained for it and the real nobles resented me because I wasn't one of them. It won't be that way for Daniel, I promise."
"Loghain," she moaned. Resting her forehead on his chest she sighed deeply. "I wanted Danny to be able to be whatever he wanted, not assigned to a role that he may end up hating." She looked up at him. "Promise me you won't take him from me to mold into some sort of robo-noble?"
"Robo-noble?" Loghain asked. "Never mind, I don't need to know. I promise I won't take him from you. When he's older you both can spend some time in Gwaren, but not for many years. He'll learn what he needs to know from you and Varel here, and me when I can come. I'll come as often as I can. Should something happen to me, you can be his regent until he's old enough."
"But what if he really hates it?"
"Then he can resign from it and Anora can find someone else." Lucy had to be the only woman in Ferelden who didn't want her son growing up to be a Teyrn. It made him admire her even more than he had before. "Lucy, it will be all right. He may really enjoy it and be talented at it. Or perhaps just an adequate Teyrn with a really good seneschal and lieutenant."
Lucy sighed and sagged against Loghain. "Why doesn't anything ever go the way I plan? Ever since Zevran left, my life has been utter shit."
There it was, out in the open. She'd brought up the elf. He opened his mouth and drew breath to speak but caught himself at the last moment. Too soon, still. He would hold his tongue... for now. Someday they would have this discussion, but today wasn't the day. "So, do you agree, Warden-Commander?"
He heard her chuckle against his chest at the title. "If there's absolutely no other way, then yes. I'll raise Danny with proper values before any nobles can influence him with their greed, ambition, and pettiness."
Loghain chuckled and leaned down and kissed the top of her head. "That's my girl."
Lucy sighed and hugged him tightly. "I missed you, Loghain. I have no friends here. The darkspawn suck more than ever."
There was a quiet knock on the door and Lucy pried herself away from him and opened it. A servant brought in their mulled wine, another servant behind that one had a large tray of food and there was a third behind that one. This must be the "Grey Warden snack" she'd asked for. The servants arranged the food on a table and then left them.
They ate heartily, Loghain more so than Lucy, but he had been traveling all day. The wine warmed his belly and the warmth from the fireplace finally thawed his extremities. He finished eating and settled back in a chair with another glass of mulled wine and sighed contentedly.
"So, tell me about the talking darkspawn," he said.
She told how they had been captured by The Architect and had learned he was experimenting on Grey Wardens, or using their blood for something. "You'll never believe this but he seems to want the hostilities between our people and his to stop. At least, that's the impression I got. He's just… he can't communicate with us all that well. He finds us puzzling. He seemed sad…"
Loghain rolled his eyes. "Darkspawn are not people. Please don't tell me you're sympathizing with them now."
"No, but I just wish I understood this one a little better. Anyway, the darkspawn attacks have gotten worse and we're probably going to have to go to the Deep Roads and ferret this out. We were planning to leave tomorrow, but I will postpone it a couple of days."
He nodded. "If you can. I will stay at the keep while you're gone and look over the fortifications and your troops, and spend time with Danny." He smiled grimly. "I think you also should write to Fergus Cousland and ask for troops before you leave."
Lucy looked at him like he'd lost his mind. "Ugh. Why? I can't imagine he'd cooperate."
Loghain chuckled, slightly evilly. "He has to. It's his duty as your overlord to provide forces when his vassals need it. Exactly as you've done for Amaranthine and your lords."
Tipping her head to the side, Lucy chewed her lip. "What if he doesn't? Or what if he sends me a bunch of untrained troops?"
Loghain smiled smugly and swirled a crust through the remains of his stew. "You'd have a valid complaint against him."
"I've got all kinds of valid complaints against him, what would one more mean?"
His chuckle was an evil one. "It doesn't happen often, but one can change lieges in Ferelden if their lord is negligent about their duties. One can switch allegiances for even minor transgressions, but it is only rarely done."
Lucy dropped her fork. "You mean, I could tell him to go fuck himself?" Her excitement shone in her face.
He nodded, appreciating her blunt way of stating it. "There's another Teyrn who would be a much more sympathetic lord."
"You? Interesting." She bit her lip. "But isn't the whole purpose to have the Teyrn to protect his vassals? Gwaren is awfully far to the south."
"I keep a lot of troops in Denerim. They're closer to you than Highever."
"What about my vassals? Wouldn't they take the opportunity to defect?"
He smiled slyly. "If you joined with me, I could extend a very favorable tax status that you could pass onto your vassals. They'd have to be fools to pass that up."
The happy, mischievous look on her face was worth it. "I'll do it! Anything to get out from under Cousland's thumb."
It wasn't a bad arrangement for Loghain either. His port and Amaranthine's would have special trading terms. Amaranthine would buy Gwaren's wood and his people could use Amaranthine's grain.
"All right. Write out a letter asking Fergus for troops and let's see how he responds. If he fails this test, then I think no one would blame you for defecting."
Perhaps she wasn't happy, but at least she seemed a little happier now. He had missed her while he was in the Bannorn trying to quell the rebellion. Seeing his son was certainly well worth the visit, but seeing his mother was incentive too.
She looked a little skinny on this visit. She had lost the roundness that motherhood had given her and was more like she had been during the Blight: tough and lean. He settled back into his chair and drank his ale, sighing contentedly.
"You seem happy, Loghain," she commented, scrutinizing him closely.
He smiled at her over the tankard. "Why shouldn't I be? I'm full, warm and having dinner with a beautiful woman, the mother of my son."
She flushed a little at the compliment. She picked up a bowl of apple cobbler and carried it to his chair. "Perhaps some dessert could make you even happier."
He took it from her and set it down on the table and took her hand, pulling her into his lap. "Perhaps there's something else I want even more than dessert." He pulled aside her braid and kissed the back of her neck.
"Oh." She twisted around to look at him. "Loghain, I can't." She got up from his lap and sat down in her own chair again.
There was that look on her face again. "It's the… your Antivan? You've heard from him?"
"I just… I haven't made the best choices recently. It's best if we don't." There was a delicate furrow between her brows.
"Oh? Do you want to talk about it?" He was curious about her sudden attack of chastity, it seemed very unlike her. Once they'd been close… very close, but their association during the Blight had been fraught with tension, as well as passion. He hadn't asked too many questions about her relationship with Riordan and Zevran, he just tried to ignore it.
She stared at him a moment, as if considering whether to confide in him or not, then she stood up, turned, and lifted the hem of her dress above her knee. At first he wondered if she'd had a change of heart and was undressing for him, then he saw what looked like a new scar.
"A scar?" He reached out with a finger and traced it from just above the back of her knee to half way up her thigh. If she thought this might discourage him from wanting her, it was having the opposite effect.
She dropped her dress and returned to her chair. "My horrible judgment nearly left Danny without a mother. I've decided to start acting like someone who has restraint and good sense. I can't continue to act like I'm going to be eaten by an archdemon next week and that excuses everything I do. There are people who depend on me and I won't let them down again."
There it was. That was what had changed, he realized. She was beginning to feel the weight of responsibility on her shoulders. It was a trait he'd wished Maric and Cailan had possessed, but truthfully, he had enjoyed the benefits of Lucy's carefree attitude. Of course, she was a mother now, the mother of the boy he claimed as his son. She was absolutely right, yet he felt regret too. The thought of her had warmed many a cold night on his recent campaign.
He considered minding his own business, but seeing as how this was the mother of his child, he had a right to know, even a responsibility. "What happened?"
She looked him in the eye as if appraising him and then looked away. "I'd rather not discuss it. It's in the past."
Loghain stared at her, turning on the full force of his most intimidating demeanor, combining it with a highly arched eyebrow. It was a look that used to make Anora burst into tears when she was young and certainly made any of his soldiers perspire heavily and sent them into a stammer. Coupling that look with a heavy silence was often enough to break Orlesian spies during the occupation.
Lucy pulled herself up straighter in her chair and inhaled deeply. "That isn't going to work on me, Loghain." She broke into a broad smile. "It reminds me of when I first met you and you tried to frighten me. It was so cute!" She shook her fist in the air. "You kids get off my lawn!" She burst into a ringing peal of laughter.
Loghain growled at her. "Oh, just tell me, woman."
She sighed. "All right, but you can't scold me with anything I haven't already scolded myself with."
He scowled at her, his curiosity really piqued now.
She took a deep breath and the words rushed out of her, like a balloon losing wind. "I had a brief affair with someone who, when he found out I wouldn't marry him, sold me to my enemies and shot me in the leg with a poisoned crossbow bolt so I couldn't escape."
Loghain rose out of the chair suddenly and loomed over her. "Holy Maker… what?" He rubbed his temple with his fingers and closed his eyes, feeling a headache starting. The moment transported him back years, but it was Maric he saw before him. "Careless, Lucy… that's just so..." He looked at her and saw her sad expression and reminded himself she'd obviously learned a lesson from this. "I hope you killed him, at the very least."
She shook her head. "I suppose he's long gone. And yes, I've learned my lesson."
He began pacing, his anger needed an outlet. "Who is he?"
Lucy shook her head. "He's probably in the Free Marches by now, or Orlais."
"I want a name!" he thundered at her. This time she did look startled at his anger.
"Lorcan Franderel, although he goes by Wolf now."
"Wolf? As in the Dark Wolf?"
She nodded, her eyes sliding away again.
"And you thought it was a good idea to sleep with a known criminal?"
She shifted uncomfortably. "I thought he was on our side. But yes, I know it was stupid. He wasn't Zorro, or even the dread pirate Roberts. He was just an opportunist and I was an idiot. It won't happen again."
He turned away from her and stared into the fire. Of course he'd have to hunt him down and kill him. A message needed to be sent. Right now though, he was too angry to make polite conversation. "I'll go see to my men," he said curtly, leaving without waiting for a reply.
Loghain jogged down the stairs, still angry. The Dark Wolf had stolen from the royal treasury and rubbed their noses in it by leaving his signature at the crime scene. He'd been far too busy and his resources stretched too thin to do anything about it, but this was too much. He ran into Nathaniel Howe in the great hall.
"Howe." He recognized the man by his nose; he'd certainly inherited the Howe beak. Granted, it looked better on the son than it had on his father, but the landmark was a telling one. "What do you know of this Wolf character?"
Howe's mouth twisted into a bitter smile. "He's dead. We took care of him after that… episode."
Loghain narrowed his eyes, thinking about this revelation. "You didn't tell Lucy?"
He shook his head. "She has some odd ideas about justice. I thought it was best to handle it quietly."
Loghain nodded curtly, appreciating Howe's sensibility. This young man had, very fortunately, been an apple that had fallen far from the tree. "Good man." He clapped the Warden on the back. His opinion of Lucy's plan to hand the arling over to Howe changed. This was a solid young man.
A bit stiff from two solid days of riding and feeling antsy from his angry outburst, he needed an outlet. "Care to spar, Howe?"
Nathaniel smiled. "I think I could fit in a round or two."
He and Loghain walked companionably to the training area and spent several hours sparring and discussing fortifications. By the time supper was served Loghain was worn out.
~o~o~o~
The following two days were busy for all of them. The Wardens prepared for their excursion and Loghain, at Lucy's request, looked over the operation of the arling and their defenses and made suggestions. He reviewed what Howe had already been supervising and found the man had done good work. He approved of the reinforcements done by the dwarven engineers. He went over the arling's books with Varel and found everything in good order.
"I think you owe me a favor, Lucy," Loghain commented to her after the first busy day.
She looked up at him and smiled. "Do I now? You have been very helpful and I certainly appreciate it. Whatever I can do, name it."
"I once rode a beautiful mare who, coincidentally, shared a name with you. I think I'd like to ride that mare again." The double entendre wasn't lost on Lucy, of course.
She laughed. "As I recollect you had more than one ride."
"I did, that is true, and my earlier proposal for a ride was turned down, so I was hoping to coax that dappled gray mare out of hiding. I'm sure she could use a good run in fresh air before she goes off to the Deep Roads."
Lucy smiled at Loghain. "That does sound rather nice, actually. But, you should know, I'm very out of practice. I've avoided using horse form ever since I spent all those days in your stables with only Mabel to nicker at. I nearly went insane waiting for you to come out and ride me."
"Some might say you did," he deadpanned.
Lucy punched him lightly in the upper arm. "Let's have a picnic while we're at it, even if it is a little cold for one."
She ran off to supervise gathering food and Loghain met her in the stable. She sent the stable boy off on an errand and transformed, letting Loghain saddle her. He didn't use a bit, she complained about having the nasty thing in her mouth that a hundred horses had drooled on. He could definitely see her point.
He mounted and he could almost swear she said "Ooph!" in a horsey way. She did turn around and look at him with a significant stare. "Oh please," he protested, "I'm not even wearing any armor."
She whinnied something he felt certain was a rude reply and he chuckled. "Well, stop complaining and get on with it."
She made another rude response and then carried him out to the road. Lucy was rather rough at first, seemingly unused to her gaits, but they started to come back. She began to feel surer of herself and Loghain could tell she was getting used to it again. He urged her to go faster and she did.
Soon they were galloping across a frost covered field and they were both getting warm, despite the chill of the day. Loghain's smile split his face. He was glad no one else could see him, grinning like an idiot, riding his favorite mare across a meadow.
Almost subconsciously he reached down and stroked Lucy's neck. She snorted and put on an extra burst of speed. He laughed and urged her on. They were coming up on a small fence and he wondered if she was going to try it. He got ready for the jump, but she turned at the last moment, running parallel to it instead. They went on awhile longer, and then she finally slowed; her sides heaving from the effort.
"Tired already?" He couldn't resist goading her.
She turned her head around and snapped at the air. Her meaning was clear.
He laughed. "All right. Let's find a spot and have lunch." He spied a spot with a large flat rock. "Over there should do." He pointed at the rock.
She turned the wrong way. Of course, she couldn't see where he was pointing, so he used his knees to direct her. When they reached the rock he dismounted and began to unload her. She was quite sweaty from the run. If she transformed now, she'd be very damp and quite likely take a chill.
"Do you want me to wipe you down?" He felt a little awkward about it. There were times when this shape-changing magic made him uncomfortable and this was one of them. He pulled out a linen sheet from under her saddle. He had never given this task a second thought before with any other horse.
She snorted and nodded.
"Well then, all right." He started at her neck and rubbed briskly, trying not to think of her as a human. He dried her back, then reached under her belly and finally down her legs. "Good enough?" he asked.
She transformed while he folded up the cloth. There was a little sweat rolling down her forehead but she wiped it away. "That was a bracing run!"
If she was embarrassed by his drying her off, she covered it well. She unpacked their lunch and they sat together on the rock eating.
"Was I terrible?" she asked between hearty bites of her sandwich.
"No, but I know you're capable of much better. That other time you'd been practicing awhile, I take it?"
She nodded. "When I kidnapped you? Yes. I'd been preparing for the role. It's good to hear I'm not completely awful now. Teagan helped me with it. It must be like riding a bike, you never really forget."
"Teagan? That bastard! He knew what you were planning?" Loghain furrowed his brow and glared at Lucy.
"Uh, no, he just helped me figure out my gaits and got me used to having a rider."
Loghain thought she might be lying. "Hmmm… you trusted him with your story and your abilities?"
She nodded. "He has been a faithful friend, whereas his brother was a conniving weasel."
Loghain nodded. "That he was. What was this bike you mentioned?"
"It's a conveyance with two wheels that you balance on and pedal. You can go quite fast and for long distances, but the roads have to be rather smooth." She chewed thoughtfully. "Unless you have a bike with wide tires and a very sturdy frame. They do better on rough roads. I think your metal working would have to improve considerably to make them. Oh, and you need to make rubber for the tires."
"A horse sounds easier," he said.
Lucy laughed. "Except horses can be dangerous, temperamental, and unpredictable. Bicycles are more reliable."
He looked at her out of the side of his eyes, his lips turning into a smirk. "That's for sure."
It took her a moment to realize he'd just insulted her. "Hey!" She punched him in the arm. "Not everyone is lucky to have as smart a horse as you have."
"She's not my horse, unfortunately. She was stolen from me."
She looked at him with something, a hint of sadness, perhaps. "I'm glad you'll be at the keep while we're in the Deep Roads."
Loghain knew she had deliberately changed the subject. "Are you sure you don't want me to come with you? What if you run into a really large infestation?"
She smiled at him. "You know what that feels like from the Blight. We'll sense them, come back home, and get help. Maybe by then Fergus will have sent some troops."
Loghain snorted. "Your brother…"
"Not mine!" she interrupted. "Please!"
"Well, Elissa's brother then. I think he'll be less than helpful. In fact, I'd be willing to bet on it."
She shook her head. "I won't take that bet. I'm sure you're right. I'd rather you stay at the keep with Danny. I need to take the other Wardens with me. Harrison needs some experience with darkspawn and working with mages, instead of against them."
"Was it wise to recruit a templar?" He wondered what Lucy had been thinking.
She shrugged. "I think so. Time will tell. Alistair had some very good skills that worked well against enemy mages. Harrison thinks for himself. He is no Chantry minion. He stood up to his brother templars when they would have killed Anders and me."
Their conversation dwindled and they ate the rest of their lunch companionable silence. Loghain wanted to talk to her about the future. Perhaps he was rushing things, but it was worth a shot.
"Have you spent any time thinking about what you'll do if your… if Zevran doesn't return from Antiva?" He ventured to ask the question that was never far from his mind.
She looked away and stared into the surrounding woods, her face looking sad again. "Of course I've thought about it. I don't have an answer, Loghain. I'm learning that trying to plot the course of my life always seems to backfire. I'll deal with whatever comes up, the best I can."
"Of course, you will." There was so much more he wanted to say, but the time wasn't right. It never seemed to be right.
She picked up a rock fragment and threw it into the forest. "What are you going to do next?" she asked.
"I'll help you out with things here as long as I'm able, if you wish. I imagine sooner or later Anora will need me to do something for her, so at least I'll be close to Denerim."
She smiled broadly. "I'd love that, Loghain. It'll be good to have a friend here."
Her enthusiasm seemed genuine. She had been lonely.
"How do you get by, leaving your Teyrn so much of the time," she asked.
"I have a very capable seneschal I trust. Between Howe and your seneschal you could probably leave running the arling to them."
She nodded. "Yes, although I have some plans for introducing democratic reforms." Her face became animated as she talked about it. "I'm going to have the citizens in the arling elect judges and when people commit crimes they'll be tried by their peers."
Loghain looked at her. What was she babbling on about? "Tried by peers? You're going to leave it up to their friends to determine their guilt or innocence?"
She shook her head. "No. It'll be a selection of people without any association to the plaintiff and defendant. They'll hear the evidence and decide the cases. It is modeled after the justice system in my world."
"Lucy… you might want to take changes like that slowly. They are bound to ruffle feathers. These things are very bound by tradition."
She frowned. "All right, but I'm definitely going to see that there are some changes made. You and Nathaniel can tell me if I'm going too far or too fast, but things need to change. This arling could serve as a template for all Ferelden and someday Ferelden will be the first true democracy." Her eyes sparkled with intensity as she spoke.
He watched her animatedly explaining how democracy worked and his scowl deepened. Fate had delivered them from the archdemon and now Lucy threatened to wreck the very fabric of Ferelden society. Even if this political system she was proposing worked, it could spark unrest in other parts of the country.
"We need to discuss this further. Your ideas could destabilize the country. While I don't disagree with you, I would imagine such things happen in gradual stages."
She frowned. "Well… yes I suppose you're right. I've seen democracy go wrong and become corrupt. Perhaps the first step is educating the population. 'Democracy demands an educated and informed electorate.' Someone said that. Printing presses, definitely. Freedom of the press, Loghain! You mustn't throw people in prison for expressing their opinions, even if you don't like them."
"Lucy…" he shook his head.
She took in his sour expression and her enthusiasm waned. "All right, I get it. Baby steps."
"Check with Anora before doing anything too radical." He smiled at her, glad she saw reason, but there was still a resistant little nugget of glee twinkling in her eyes. He reached over and took her hand. "Please…"
She jumped up and hugged him impulsively. "Yes, my soon-to-be, hopefully, liege." She pecked him on the cheek with a kiss. "Should we return? I still have a lot to do before we leave for the Deep Roads tomorrow."
"As you wish."
They began collecting the remains of their lunch and repacking them while discussing this trip into the Deep Roads. Then she transformed into the big dappled gray mare with the black mane that had kidnapped him over a year ago.
They went home at a more leisurely pace; Loghain wasn't in a hurry to end the ride.
~o~o~o~
The next day the Wardens assembled outside the keep before the sun had even risen, and said their goodbyes. Loghain stood holding Daniel while Iveta hovered nearby. Lucy looked sadly at her son, obviously feeling gloomy at yet another parting. Loghain felt sorry for her; such leave-takings had been hard for him, for a woman it would be doubly so. And in her position… it was a dangerous job. Some day she might not return. He resolved to discuss options with her for leaving the Wardens. Surely the Weisshaupt Wardens couldn't exercise that much control over the Ferelden Wardens. There were always pressures Anora and Alistair could apply, including the threat of expelling the Wardens again…
Well, it was a topic for another day.
He and Daniel watched Lucy and the other Wardens trot off down the road. He waved one last time as she turned in her saddle and blew them a kiss.
"Maker watch over you," he murmured. Then he turned and went back into the keep. He hoped to accomplish a lot while Lucy was gone.
~o~o~o~
Notes: This chapter wanted to skew off into crazy directions and I had to rein things in. As I was getting deeply into Lucy's desire to reform the hell out of Ferelden politics I thought about how that would threaten things. Fortunately Loghain realizes this. I think if anyone would be receptive, he would be, but he also realizes that it would be very destabilizing. We certainly have a lot of examples of that in our modern world.
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