Chapter 13

"The difference between the impossible and the possible lies in a man's determination," – Tommy Lasorda

She kept replaying it all in her head.

Maybe she hadn't seen what she thought she saw.

Maybe there was some logical explanation for all this.

Maybe she was overreacting. Or over-thinking.

Over-thinking what exactly? It all looked pretty obvious from where she was standing!

Oh god, maybe she needed to get the hell out of her head! The situation was driving her insane.

She looked around trying to distract herself and almost laughed at where her anxious feet had brought her. Of course thanks to Brooke dragging her here all the time, it almost seemed second nature to find herself right in the middle of the high school gym. She sighed taking in all the different machines dotted around below, with various people pounding through their workouts. Yes, she was at the gym. Yes, she'd shamelessly come here to try and distract herself by checking out the guys by the weights. No she didn't care at this point if they caught her.

She was too busy being trying to stay out of her own head.

And if she were completely honest, she had no idea what it was exactly she was feeling. Something along the lines of - a little bit of fresh anger, mixed with major disappointment, some bitter resentment, topped with a lot of unstable insecurity.

The problem was she couldn't understand the why of it all.

Had she just misread the entire situation with Rachel? Or had she somehow managed to make up this whole thing with Nathan? Maybe he really didn't like her that way? Why would he bother with all the flirting and the looks and one-on-one time if he just wanted to hook up with his ex the whole time? He can't be completely over her for Haley to find them in such a compromising position.

She thought back to all the moments she'd had with him.

She couldn't have made it all up.

Could she?

"Tutorgirl? Tutorgirl...Tutorgirl!"

Haley looked up to see both Brooke and Peyton looking around, the former offering her not so subtle voice for the search. Not feeling bothered to shout back she just waved her hand until it caught their eye and they came rushing over.

"What the hell is this Peyton's telling me about Ginger Nut prancing around at Boytoy's place in his goddamn shirt?"

"Brooke, dammit! Keep it down!"

Haley shot Peyton a grateful look; Brooke and subtlety just never seemed to go hand in hand.

"Wait how did you know?"

Peyton looked almost sheepish. "Well I was kinda spying from the corner and saw what happened..."

Haley kinked an eyebrow, "You spied on me?"

"Well SHE made me do it!"

Brooke looked horrified at being made. "Well YOU didn't have to out me!"

"She would've known anyway! It's not like these crazy nutjob ideas are ever anyone else's"

"Crazy nutjob? Try concerned friend! I had to look out for her – and clearly I was right"

"Woah GIRLS!"

Both blonde and brunette turned to her with similar pink tinges occupying their faces. Haley frowned a little. She was all for friendly banter between friends, but judging by their expressions and tones, she got the sense that the bitterness hadn't yet faded from their friendship.

And any other day she would have taken account and tried to help. But right now she filed it away for future reference.

"It's ok, alright? Clearly I was thinking one thing when it came to Nathan and I, and he wasn't on the same wavelength"

"Bullshit."

"C'mon Brooke, you can't think-"

"I can and I will Haley James. I've seen the way you two have been around each other, right from the start. And I've noticed the way he is with you. He is definitely interested. That is no lie."

"It makes no difference if he's still hung up on his ex"

Brooke snorted.

"No seriously Brooke, I don't want to be with a guy that isn't over his last relationship"

This time the snort came from Peyton.

"You guys, if he's actually still into her than I'm not going to put myself into that equation. Maybe if he likes her so much, she isn't that bad a person." Haley could practically feel those words leaving a bad taste in her mouth.

"Oh please! First of all, nobody in their right mind would ever be hung up on Rachel sodding Gatina! That would mean actually liking her in the first place. Second, what Nathan and Rachel HAD was not a relationship, it was an extended booty call. And third, even if it was more than sex, Nathan is not that stupid that he hasn't figured out Rachel is just some vapid whore who goes around getting off on other people's misery! So no Tutorgirl, don't you dare try and turn this around. You like him. He likes you. That slut knows it as much as the rest of us."

"What are you saying Brooke?"

This time Peyton jumped in. "She's saying that we know enough about how Rachel works to think that maybe there's more to this than meets the eye. I wouldn't be surprised if she somehow orchestrated the whole thing."

Haley's heart jumped at that, the idea that the whole thing was some kind of misunderstanding. That Rachel was just some evil hoe who was out to get at her and Nathan had done nothing wrong under the circumstances.

She really really wanted it to be true.

Right on cue, her phone started ringing.

They all went silent, anticipating Nathan calling.

Instead Haley saw Alice's name flashing across the screen. Excusing herself she went to speak to a girl that would know exactly what she should do.

"You know one of us should probably talk to Nathan and find out what the hell he was doing"

"Brooke…I think that-"

"You should do it? Yeah I agree."

"Wait why me?"

"Cos you can be all rational and stuff, I just really feel like ripping his head off right now"

Peyton had no doubt about that, Brooke was practically growling. She studied her best friend and the way the brunette was watching Haley with a frown. Peyton knew that look, Brooke wouldn't admit it but she was worried. She never liked to show it, but Hurricane Brooke had a real soft side, an inner mother hen that she couldn't brush off in her – even if she tried.

She sighed, missing her friend.

Sure they hung out and joked around, and secretly conspired to help 'Naley' as Brooke had termed them. But that was all on the surface. When it came to it, that deep, meaningful aspect of their friendship had never truly been revived following the triangle aftermath. Despite that nobody is with Lucas and in Peyton's case even planning to be, their friendship had never fully restored. And it was in serious moments like this that it was most apparent.

"Brooke I don't think it's a good idea for us to butt in. This is Nathan and Haley's business, and if we meddled, we could make things worse."

Brooke looked at her, and to Peyton's surprise she didn't bother arguing and just shrugged. She then turned to lean on the railings and just sat there glancing around the gym.

Complete silence between them.

There never used to be silence.

Peyton glanced at the space separating them, smiling sadly at the irony of it all.

Barely two feet.

It's funny how they were standing right next to each other…and yet were miles apart.

Nathan rounded another corner.

Ignoring all the weird looks he was getting, he carried on running through the halls looking for any sign of a petite body with wavy blonde locks. He must've looked crazy rushing around like a headless chicken, but at this point he couldn't care less.

He could not believe his luck!

Goddamn Rachel!

If there was ever a moment that he absolutely and completely regretted his time with her, it was now. Thanks to her he was now channeling his inner Speedy Gonzales all over the university trying to fix the mess she made. Not to mention Haley had the complete wrong idea of what just happened, Brooke and Peyton were probably going to kill him, Lucas would give him a friggin lecture on how letting sluts into their dorms always leads to bad things, and on top of everything – his ex that should never have happened had now made off with his favourite jersey!

Where the hell would she be?

Her dorm was the first place he tried but there was no one there. And he tried calling her but couldn't get through.

Looking ahead he realised he'd ended up near the gym entrance. He figured it was worth a look, there weren't many places left she could've gone.

Sighing he almost ran into someone on their way out.

"Nathan?"

His eyes popped.

"Haley!" He grinned forgetting for the situation for a moment, "you're a hard woman to find"

She raised an eyebrow, "guess it depends whose looking."

She moved to brush past him.

"Wait Haley,"

"What?" she turned around, looking at him, completely indifferent. He thought she'd be angry or upset, but she didn't really seem to be expressing any emotion. For some reason, the lack of emotion irked him even more.

"I just…can I talk to you?"

"Sure," arms folded she looked up at him expectantly. Nothing on her face suggesting that this was anything but casual conversation.

"Erm, somewhere a bit more private?"

She nodded, following him to a secluded classroom. Looking at her, she still wasn't giving anything away and though he hated to admit it, it was throwing him off slightly.

"Right, so…"

"So…?"

She really wasn't helping him out here.

Not that she should. But it wasn't like Nathan had ever been in this position before. He'd never had to explain himself to a girl in the past. Not because he'd never done anything stupid or asshole-y, he just never cared to before.

But this was different.

He was beginning to notice that most things were different when it came to Haley James.

"Look, you're probably wondering what happened back there…at my dorm…with Rachel"

She flinched a little at her name, but she controlled it so quickly Nathan couldn't be sure he saw it in the first place. He tried to figure out how to explain the next part, if he wasn't careful it could be misinterpreted really badly.

"I know I was planning on meeting you Haley, but what happened was-"

"It doesn't matter Nathan"

"-that when I got to- huh? What doesn't matter?"

"You don't owe me an explanation"

He was seriously confused. "I don't?"

"No," then she smiled.

Why the fuck is she smiling right now? He was pretty sure she was supposed to be having the opposite reaction. Something like slapping his face, or kneeing his groin – neither of which were appealing, but still pretty much expected.

"Look, it's not like we're together or anything right?"

"Well no…" he suddenly didn't like where this was going. Yeah they weren't together, but that was the whole point of meeting with her just now. They were supposed to get together, and make out…a lot. Wasn't that the point? Or did he miss something entirely with the incident back in the tutor centre?

"And neither of us have made any kind of commitment to the other"

Not yet he thought silently. He was pretty sure they would have ten minutes ago if there'd been no damn Rachel in the picture.

"And it was just one little kiss."

WTF? LITTLE?! There was nothing fricking little about that kiss. That was one hell of a kiss. He should know – he bloody well initiated it!

"I see" He gritted his teeth.

Now he knew where this was going.

"So really, what you do in your dorm…with your ex," she refrained from saying 'skanky redheads' "is really none of my business."

"It's not?"

He was asking again, wanting to hear it straight from her.

"No" she said firmly. "Not at all."

She watched his face lose all expression. It was cold.

She didn't like it, especially not aimed at her but she knew she couldn't do anything. This was for the best. She'd been down this route before, and she was not going there again. Last time almost broke her, and she knew that with Nathan, he had the ability to do just that. The difference was this time she wasn't going to let it happen.

She was lying through her teeth right now of course. The whole scenario she just witnessed, it didn't mean nothing. She wanted to know what the hell was going on. What the fuck was Rachel doing in his room? Why was she in his clothes? Did their kiss mean absolutely nothing to him? Or was it all some misunderstanding?

There was every chance that he could answer all those questions and alleviate her doubts; but there was also a chance that his response could make her feel even worse than she already did. That his answers could send her back down a path she had long since left, and wasn't willing to go back down.

No. The situation with Nathan just now, the scene she'd just witnessed...it hit too close to home. It brought back memories she did not want to entertain ever again.

There was a reason she left Oak Lake, that she'd moved out here.

She had her own demons she had to get away from. And Nathan Scott, he had the potential to bring them back out again.

And she refused to let that happen.

Face set, she looked him dead in the eye. "So was there anything else or are we done here?"

She was being abrupt, and she didn't enjoy it.

He clearly didn't like it either if the way he was looking at her meant anything.

"No I guess we're done"

She expected it, but it still stung a little. Forgetting that for now she straightened herself and walked away from him. It felt wrong, and she had a feeling she was losing something that really could have been great.

But it just wasn't a chance she could take.

Nathan watched her round the corner, his entire mood depressing with her every step. Once she disappeared, he cursed.

What the HELL was that?

Something was seriously wrong.

With her.

And for once he didn't mean that in the cocky 'all-girls-that-don't-want-me-are-nutcases' way. There was something really wrong. She'd schooled her expressions and guarded her body language so that she gave nothing away, but he saw it all in her eyes.

She couldn't hide the emotion in her eyes.

And all he saw was...Pain. Hurt. Sadness.

There was a determination in her voice, a finality that proved she felt she was making the right decision. But Nathan could see in her eyes, that she hated that she was making it regardless.

He just didn't know why?

It hit him then that despite all the time they've talked, he didn't know all that much about Haley James. Their relationship had mostly consisted of her knowing him, listening as he confided in her, helping him with his problems. Apart from the generic things – she's funny, feisty, smart, has a big family, likes school and so on, he didn't know a hell of a lot about her.

She was a mystery.

And right now that was working against him. Since he had no idea about much of her life before she came to THA, he couldn't very well understand what the hell had her so scared. Because there was no doubt about it, Haley James was scared and she was using her fears to keep him away. He knew, cos he'd done it more than enough times himself.

But he also knew, that he sure as hell wasn't going to let her play him at his own game.

He needed to get to the bottom of this. He had to find out more about the enigmatic Haley James.

Once he knew what the problem was, he would be able to convince her to take a chance on him.

And she would.

Cos he sure as hell wasn't giving up.

No. He thought firmly.

Not at all.